death

Chookie wrote:
In article ,
Anne Rogers wrote:

I suggest focussing on the likelihood of death -- that is, while we all
die,
there is no reason to think that anyone in the family is going to die soon.
Problem is, that death will happen and if it happens soon after him
being reassured that it's not likely to happen soon, it could become a
big trust issue.

Well, you have to explain "likely", then. They way I said it was that it was
*possible* that I or Daddy might die suddenly, it wasn't very *likely* -- most
people die of disease, so you generally know in advance.

I think children, although mummy, daddy, siblings are going to be held
high in there priorities, they have a much wider field of care/affection
than we realise. I think both the deaths I mentioned affected me much
more because they happened at a youngish age than had they happened in
my teens, in part because I really had no concept that anyone else was
affected by the death and in part because no one recognised that I was
affected by it. The original post was taking about fear that a
grandfather would die, a grandfather that is 67, even fit and healthy,
that increased age does increase the chance of something either sudden
or over the course of a couple of years that kills them, I wouldn't be
surprised if the chance of someone of 67 dying in the next couple of
years was 10%.

In my own case I brought in our own religious beliefs, but I think it's a big
mistake to start in on the "some people believe this, and some people believe
that" thing at this point. When a child is already struggling to deal with
the concept of death, it's confusing to throw in comparative religion as well.

We're bringing up our children with our belief system, we've had a small
number of questions from our 4 year old that fall in that category,
particularly as one set of grandparents don't share the same beliefs and
he's a child who really lives his faith (the type some would say was
indoctrinated, but as his faith is an inspiration to both of us and
other adults around him, I acknowledge we've taught him the facts, but
that kind of faith is God given), it comes up regularly when he spends
time with them. I could imagine it would be very confusing to have
information presented as "some people..", but I wouldn't have a clue
what to suggest someone who doesn't have a fixed belief system teach
their children, thankfully it's a bridge I don't have to cross.

Cheers
Anne