death

What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in
mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though
that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are
always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing
that for more than 25 years.)

Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH
asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked
him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he
didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry.

DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven
and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would
soothe him.

On Oct 28, 9:21 pm, toypup wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in
mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though
that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are
always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing
that for more than 25 years.)

Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH
asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked
him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he
didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry.

DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven
and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would
soothe him.

I've had some conversations about death and family members dying with
the Bug, and I think even at six you can take advantage of his
relative sense of time. Ie, "Grandpa will die someday but it won't be
for a very long time". At that age, "a very long time" could be in
months or could be in years. Though it's always possible that any of
us could get run over by a truck tomorrow, I wouldn't point that out
to him.

Also, though it sounds like your parents like to talk about their
impending mortality, perhaps they could try to hold it in when your DS
is around.

I'm not religious but don't want the Bug to think that religious
beliefs are wrong (because of course well into childhood there is only
room in their minds for one reality, and all others are wrong). So
when things like that come up I tell her "some people think A, and
some people think B -- I don't know which is right". It could provide
a way for you to give him a belief about the afterlife, angels,
reincarnation, or whatever if he finds it comforting, without you
actually avowing to beliefs you don't hold.

Kate, ignorant foot soldier of the medical cartel
and the Bug, 4 years old
and something brewing, 4/08

toypup wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in
mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though
that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are
always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing
that for more than 25 years.)

Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH
asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked
him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he
didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry.

DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven
and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would
soothe him.
Explain to DS that everyone's bodies die, because it is the natural order of
things. If your family has catholic faith then you will need to tell him
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.
He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies.
I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some
faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their
faith fine, if not, fine.

In article 7a6def4e11a3e@uwe, arabella says...

toypup wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in
mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though
that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are
always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing
that for more than 25 years.)

Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH
asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked
him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he
didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry.

DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven
and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would
soothe him.
Explain to DS that everyone's bodies die, because it is the natural order of
things. If your family has catholic faith then you will need to tell him
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.

No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these
beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'.

He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies.
I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some
faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their
faith fine, if not, fine.


He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom
he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be
reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time,
and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child
whomoever might die.

Banty

Banty wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.

No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these
beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'.

He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies.
I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some
faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their
faith fine, if not, fine.

He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom
he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be
reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time,
and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child
whomoever might die.

Banty
Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory.


I can see that you are bossy, but on a public forum you do not have the right
to tell people what they definitely need and need not do.
I said he may be upset, not that he is upset. I think children should have
some knowledge of god and faith. That is my opinion that I may, and will
express it as I please. If I ever have need for someone to tell and boss me
about what to do, I will let you know

Until then, retract your claws.

--
Message posted via http://www.familykb.com

On Sun, 28 Oct 2007 21:21:31 -0700, toypup
wrote:

What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die

I actually think your dad and mom should not do this to their
grandchild, but...

There are some very nice children's books that explain death as a part
of the life cycle

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny
Brown and Marc Brown.

It is a direct, frank look at death and grief, designed for children
who are confronting the death of a loved one. Some reviewers are
disturbed by the fact that this book covers death by suicide and
homicide though.

Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen

Sample text:
Each page contains a minimum of words with an illustration on the
facing page - of which there are only about 20. Immediately, by
design, the most common adult well-intentioned error is defeated: that
involving giving into the propensity to talk TOO MUCH; to use TOO MANY
WORDS; to try to explain the idea in a way that the young child is no
where near ready to grasp yet. The initial page and illustration
present an exemplary example. On the right side is a simple,
hand-drawn illustration of a bird's nest containing two eggs. On the
facing (left side) page, the following is the entirety of the text:

There is a beginning

And there is an ending for everything

That is alive.


The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst (death of a cat).
but talks about how some people believe in an afterlife and others
don't as well.

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Busgaglia

"The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" describes the life of a leaf named
Freddie: his friendships with other leaves, his observations, and his
tender feelings. Freddie has conversations of meaning and depth with
his leaf-friend Daniel, whose wisdom of the life-cycle brings comfort
With Freddie's realization that some of the other leaves disapppear
also comes the understanding that his time to pass on will also come,
and although there is sadness, there is also hope and understanding.
The moment of Freddie's passing is dignified, poignant, and the book
is one of affirmation, both for children and adults."

Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley

The message is that a person continues to live on in the memories of
the people whose lives they touched. It has an ambiguous ending and
I think anyone can explain the meaning of the "long tunnel" in terms
that fit with your own beliefs about what happens at death.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Mon, 29 Oct 2007 22:40:35 GMT, arabella via FamilyKB.com wrote:

Banty wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.

No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these
beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'.

He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies.
I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some
faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their
faith fine, if not, fine.

He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom
he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be
reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time,
and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child
whomoever might die.

Banty
Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory.

My mom is a non-practicing Catholic, as is DH. My dad is a non-practicing
Budhist. I am agnostic. I don't feel comfortable talking about the
Father, Son and Holy Spirit as I don't know much about them. I can talk
about angels and afterlife and heaven as other people believe and DS may
choose to believe if he pleases. I am not anti-religious. I am just not
religious.

In article 7a6f6ee7fea3b@uwe, arabella via FamilyKB.com says...

Banty wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.

No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these
beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'.

He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies.
I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some
faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their
faith fine, if not, fine.

He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom
he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be
reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time,
and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child
whomoever might die.

Banty
Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory.

Her father is a *non practicing* Catholic, and yes it's an off the wall theory.



I can see that you are bossy, but on a public forum you do not have the right
to tell people what they definitely need and need not do.

??!?

This exchange *started* with you telling her that she "needs" to teach him these
beliefs, and you handily clipped that out of your quotes! This is what you
said:

_________________
Explain to DS that everyone's bodies die, because it is the natural order of
things. If your family has catholic faith then you will need to tell him
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.
_________________

I said he may be upset, not that he is upset. I think children should have
some knowledge of god and faith. That is my opinion that I may, and will
express it as I please. If I ever have need for someone to tell and boss me
about what to do, I will let you know

That's up to their parents, not you. And she already told you what her
religious attitude was.


Until then, retract your claws.


Irony.

Banty

In article , toto says...

On Sun, 28 Oct 2007 21:21:31 -0700, toypup
wrote:

What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die

I actually think your dad and mom should not do this to their
grandchild, but...

Yeah - tell your dad to quit this around him, Toypup. Tell him he's an
important part of his life and he loves him, and this unecessary talk of death
is more than a six year old can handle.

Banty

"arabella via FamilyKB.com" u38656@uwe wrote:

Banty wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on
forever.

No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these
beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'.

He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies.
I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some
faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their
faith fine, if not, fine.

He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom
he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be
reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time,
and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child
whomoever might die.

Banty
Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory.

She has NOT said that her family is Catholic and since she mentioned
that her dh is a non-practicing Catholic I think she would have said
if her family was also Catholic. I have a SIL who is a former
Catholic, and suspect he's a little bit like toypup's husband in this.
He does not practice any religion at all and is not interested in
doing so.


I can see that you are bossy, but on a public forum you do not have the right
to tell people what they definitely need and need not do.

If you were paying attention you would know that toypup is a
non-religious person and has no interest in practicing any religion -
she said she was an agnostic which is a person who doubts the
existence of a god.

She said that she would talk about heaven and the afterlife if it
would make him feel better, but I don't think it would, ESPECIALLY if
she doesn't believe in it herself. She might have some shot at doing
it if she was passionately sure about angels and heaven, but if it is
just words, the kid isn't going to buy it.

I said he may be upset, not that he is upset.

He WAS upset - that's what the question was in the original post. He's
worried that people are going to die. I don't think that telling a
child who is worried that his dad will die be comforted to be told
that his dad's soul will live on forever.

I think children should have
some knowledge of god and faith. That is my opinion that I may, and will
express it as I please. If I ever have need for someone to tell and boss me
about what to do, I will let you know

It is OK for you to express an opinion, but it is worse than bossy to
try to tell someone else what they should do WRT religious education
of their children, when you should know (if you could read for
content) that they do not subscribe to any religion.

Until then, retract your claws.

Lots of luck. You don't get to tell anyone else what to write either.

Banty was defending toypup's right NOT to teach her child religion.
And I will do the same, although I do believe in God and have taught
my children religion. I'm not of the opinion though that I am of such
authority as to say what other parents should teach their own
children.