Aaargh - the things TTC does to your mind

Well, tomorrow is, if I charted correctly, 14 dpo in our second cycle
ttc #2...

Last month we didn't try very hard - we only decided to start trying
halfway through the month, I hadn't taken any BBT's and sort of flew by
the seat of my pants which obviously wasn't good enough :-). Anyway, we
didn't bd all that often (acually only once in my fertile time, having a
13 month old is not good for your energylevels :-) ).
But soon I just had this gut feeling I was pregnant. I felt different,
nauseous at times, and I just knew it - I had to be pregnant. My cycle
lenght varies between 29 and 31 days, and on cd 29 still no sign of AF.
My previous 2 cycles were 29 days, so I felt confident enough to take a
HPT, expecting it to be positive. I had so many signs; after cleaning my
teeth my gums were bleeding, I was slightly nauseous at times and had
even thrown up once, and I had this strong feeling of being pregnant.
The test was negative. Next day, cd 30, still no AF. Yet another
negative test. CD 31 I decided to take my BBT in the morning to see if
it was my 'pregnancy hight' which was about 37 Celcius in the beginning
of my last two pregnancies. But it was way down at 36.3. And the BBT
never lies - a few hours later AF finally arrived. If I had been
pregnant I would have told everybody that 'I just knew it'. But now it
turned out it had just been wishful thinking...
So I charted like a good girl this month. On the day I expected my
post-O rise (assuming a cycle lenght of 31 days and judging by my CM.
And assuming my temps go up 2 days past O) I had a 38,5 Celcius fever
so no way of knowing exacly when my temps went up. After a few days the
fever was gone and my BBT down to 36.6. I knew it was unlikely I was
pregnant. But once more, the closer I get to the end of the 2ww the more
I start thinking this might be it...I had some funny moodswings crying
over sentimental movies which is not like me. And on 3 dpo I had some
very slight spotting but I thought that would be too early for
implantation bleeding. And the last two days my temps did rise to about
37C. So again I hope. I haven't tested yet because I don't want the
disappointment of seeing a negative again. If my temp is still up
tomorrow, which is (I think) 14 dpo, I'll test. And even though I keep
telling myself not to get my hopes up I just can't help it. This is such
a strange yet precious time, living between hope and fear...I know my
heart will be racing when I take my temps tomorrow, let alone when I pee
on that stick...

Well, just thought I'd share anyway, maybe it sounds familiar to some of
my fellow ttc'ers out there :-)

Cath
Mom to Fenna, 07-05-03

I hear ya, sister!

-- Anita --


Cath wrote:

Well, tomorrow is, if I charted correctly, 14 dpo in our second cycle
ttc #2...

Last month we didn't try very hard - we only decided to start trying
halfway through the month, I hadn't taken any BBT's and sort of flew by
the seat of my pants which obviously wasn't good enough :-). Anyway, we
didn't bd all that often (acually only once in my fertile time, having a
13 month old is not good for your energylevels :-) ).
But soon I just had this gut feeling I was pregnant. I felt different,
nauseous at times, and I just knew it - I had to be pregnant. My cycle
lenght varies between 29 and 31 days, and on cd 29 still no sign of AF.
My previous 2 cycles were 29 days, so I felt confident enough to take a
HPT, expecting it to be positive. I had so many signs; after cleaning my
teeth my gums were bleeding, I was slightly nauseous at times and had
even thrown up once, and I had this strong feeling of being pregnant.
The test was negative. Next day, cd 30, still no AF. Yet another
negative test. CD 31 I decided to take my BBT in the morning to see if
it was my 'pregnancy hight' which was about 37 Celcius in the beginning
of my last two pregnancies. But it was way down at 36.3. And the BBT
never lies - a few hours later AF finally arrived. If I had been
pregnant I would have told everybody that 'I just knew it'. But now it
turned out it had just been wishful thinking...
So I charted like a good girl this month. On the day I expected my
post-O rise (assuming a cycle lenght of 31 days and judging by my CM.
And assuming my temps go up 2 days past O) I had a 38,5 Celcius fever
so no way of knowing exacly when my temps went up. After a few days the
fever was gone and my BBT down to 36.6. I knew it was unlikely I was
pregnant. But once more, the closer I get to the end of the 2ww the more
I start thinking this might be it...I had some funny moodswings crying
over sentimental movies which is not like me. And on 3 dpo I had some
very slight spotting but I thought that would be too early for
implantation bleeding. And the last two days my temps did rise to about
37C. So again I hope. I haven't tested yet because I don't want the
disappointment of seeing a negative again. If my temp is still up
tomorrow, which is (I think) 14 dpo, I'll test. And even though I keep
telling myself not to get my hopes up I just can't help it. This is such
a strange yet precious time, living between hope and fear...I know my
heart will be racing when I take my temps tomorrow, let alone when I pee
on that stick...

Well, just thought I'd share anyway, maybe it sounds familiar to some of
my fellow ttc'ers out there :-)

Cath
Mom to Fenna, 07-05-03