FAQ

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alt.support.single-parents
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) and Resource Guide
------------------------------*---------------------
created by Ron Hogan and Kathleen Bertone
last updated: 12/25/94


Contents
--------


Introduction


Frequently asked questions
1. Are non-custodial parents welcome on this group?
2. How can I make time to care for my family while going to school or
working full time?
3. How can I feed my family nutritious meals on a limited budget?
4. What is a good way of dealing with the everyday stresses of being a
single parent?
5. Is there life with teenagers or toddlers...they're one in the same,
right?
6. Why do I seem to be working to pay the babysitter, or how do I reduce
the high cost of day care?
7. How can I negotiate the public assistance system (food stamps, AFDC
and medical care) without getting lost in the shuffle?
8. How can I get my child to mind without feeling guilty?


Health and Medical References
Groups and Organizations for Single Parents
Recommended Reading
Contributors to this FAQ


Introduction
------------


Welcome to alt.support.single-parents! This group was created to address
the unique problems that single parents face and to provide a forum where
single parents can support each other and help with solutions to parenting
problems. Single parenting can be a difficult job at times, and single
parents are often overworked, underpaid, exhausted and generally very busy
people, to say the least. This FAQ will attempt to address a few issues of
interest to single parents. Hopefully it will grow as people add their ideas
and comments (see "Contributors to this FAQ").


This group is primarily about parenting. People whose main interest is in
starting a relationship with someone might have better luck in one of the
other newsgroups, for example the various singles, personals or romance
newsgroups.


Frequently Asked Questions
--------------------------


1. Are non-custodial parents welcome on this group?


Yes! If you are a parent and you are single, then you are definitely a
single parent and welcome on this group! Any insights you have to offer on
solutions to the problems of single parenting are bound to help someone
somewhere!


2. How can I make time to care for my family while going to school or
working full time?


Many single parents are very busy people, and finding time to fit
everything in can be a challenge. Work, school and family care are the
important things, and often other activities such as housekeeping have to be
assigned a lower priority. You don't need to be "super mom" or "super dad".
If the dirty dishes have to stay in the sink overnight or the vacuuming or
laundry or grocery shopping has to wait until the weekend, don't worry about
it. It helps to work out and stick to a regular schedule. Children, no
matter how young, can be assigned simple tasks to help out. You may need to
lower your standards a little, but be sure you never re-do what your
children have done. In this way small tasks get accomplished, you develop a
sense of accomplishment in your children and increase their self-esteem
(while decreasing the overall burden for yourself). Be sure the tasks you
assign them are age appropriate and that you teach them how to do the task
before making it their permanent job. Keep organized by making lists of
things that need to be done. Post a list of grocery items on the
fridge...have everyone add to it as the week progresses. To avoid making
multiple trips, try to run as many errands as possible each time you go out.


3. How can I feed my family nutritious meals on a limited budget?


Some single parent families have tighter budgets than other families,
but nutrition doesn't have to suffer. In fact, some of the most nutritious
foods like fruits, vegetables, beans and grains (the foods at the bottom of
the "food pyramid") are among the cheapest. Frozen dinners can be nutritious
if you shop carefully, but they tend to be relatively expensive. "Fast
food" should be avoided because of high cost and poor nutritional value.
Investigate
possible alternatives to "regular" grocery shopping such as co-ops,
food share, food banks, public assistance, etc. And don't forget to feed
yourself! Your kids are important, but remember that you need to eat to
maintain your health and energy level so you can be there for them!


4. What is a good way of dealing with the everyday stresses of being a
single parent?


The best things you can do to deal with stress are to eat healthy,
balanced meals (esp. lots of fruits, vegetables and complex carbohydrates),
exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep and avoid alcohol and caffeine as
much as possible. Try exercising with your kids, like playing or running
with them outside, skating, bicycling, going for walks, etc. This way you
can get some exercise and spend time with your family.


5. Is there life with teenagers or toddlers...they're one in the same,
right?


Children of all ages demand a great deal of attention from their
parents. If you're a single parent, you're the one who has to provide for
their needs, and this can be difficult with everyone else demanding
attention also...work, school, ex's, bills, your child's school, etc. You
still need to have a life of your own, however. Plan relaxation time after
the kids go to bed, or rise 30 minutes before they do and enjoy a cup of
coffee by yourself before the rush of the day starts. Don't be afraid to
take some time for yourself now and then!


6. Why do I seem to be working to pay the babysitter, or how do I reduce
the high cost of day care?


If at all possible, try to work with other parents on child care
issues. Many parents, whether single or married, are very busy and may be
willing to help each other with child care. Talk to people and be creative!
Babysitting co-ops are flourishing everywhere these days...they work on a
barter system. We used poker chips as "payment" -- one chip for each hour.
The more you watch someone else's kids the more chips you accumulate. I
watched kids
on the weekends and one evening a week. It gave my kids something to do and
I earned chips to use while I worked or attended class.


7. How can I negotiate the public assistance system (food stamps, AFDC and
medical care) without getting lost in the shuffle?


Look, you're not a "bad parent" if you need help making ends meet. When
you apply for any type of public assistance remember to have *every*
possible document they ask for with you at the time. Call the local office
and ask for a list of documentation they need. Plan to spend most of the
morning at the office. Even if your appointment is for 9 AM, the case
worker probably won't get to you until 10 and the interviews can take as
long as an hour. Once you
jump through their hoops you'll be expected to show up for a case
review every six months. You will probably have a new case worker each time
also. Most of all, be patient...it's only temporary and the help you can
receive will reduce your financial stress levels by half!


8. How can I get my child to mind without feeling guilty?


Single parents sometimes succumb to the urge to be "friends" with their
children or worry that they are being too harsh with them. The important
thing to keep in mind is that *you* are the parent and the authority figure
in their lives. Discipline must be consistent for your child and for your
own well being. Younger children don't need "reasons" behind your rules,
but you may want to sit down with older children (school age) and make a
list of "house
rules" and consequences for the entire family...this means you too.
Don't forget everyone's chores. Also include a "reward" for the member who
follows all the rules each day (for young children...under age 7 or 8) or
week (for older children). Your children will have many friends in their
lives, but you have to be their parent, especially now when they are
adjusting to their lifestyle.


Health and Medical References
-----------------------------


"The AMA Family Medical Guide" (Random House) has information on symptoms
and risks of various illnesses and injuries (and self help if any),
prescription drugs, self diagnosis symptom charts and a wealth of medical
information.


"Gray's Anatomy" (Running Press) has detailed illustrations and
descriptions of the various body systems (skeletal, muscular, nervous,
vascular, digestive, etc.).


"The Physician's Desk Reference" is a comprehensive resource that
describes the purpose and side effects of many prescription drugs.


"The Complete Book of Food Counts" by Corinne T. Netzer is a list of over
12,000 foods, showing calories, carbohydrates, protein, cholesterol, sodium,
fat and fiber for each item.


"Smart Exercise" by Covert Bailey has some very good information on
aerobic and anaerobic exercise, diet, metabolism and related topics.


Groups and Organizations for Single Parents
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Parents Without Partners
(check your phone book for a chapter in your area)


If anyone knows of any other groups or organizations, let us know!


Recommended Reading
-------------------


"How to Make Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours"
by Dr. Kevin Lehman


Magazine: "Going Bonkers?"
(covers stress, weight loss, parenting, sexuality, self esteem, etc.)
$9/year ($15 for two years), published quarterly.
For information, write to: Going Bonkers
P.O. Box 189
Palm Beach, FL 33480
or call 1-800-403-8850 (in Florida 407/659-0975)


Contributors to this FAQ
------------------------

Note: We would like this FAQ to reflect the views and experiences of the
people of alt.support.single-parents. This is our group, and we're here to
help each other. If you have anything you'd like to contribute to this FAQ,
please send email to the FAQ creators (listed at the top). If you don't
want your name included in the "Contributors to this FAQ" list, let us know!