If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#11
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
"Nikki" wrote in message ... Oh in my case it was definitely easier. Here are the reasons. Some are pure luck ;-) b) I didn't have *any* anxiety while nursing the second baby. With #1 I was obsessive about counting minutes, keeping track of sides, counting diapers, etc. This made a surprisingly big difference. That was experience. With #2 my milk came in quicker, baby was alert and nursed better (no jaundice). That was lucky. Oh, good. I was super-obsessive the first time around, too. I don't anticipate that being so much of an issue this time around, if only because I now know that babies aren't as fragile as I thought when Sarah arrived. big one. I had zero routine before I had #1 and getting into a routine was a bit painful. I already had a routine (and some people would laugh at that statement because it still isn't very strict) with #2 so there wasn't that adjustment. e) I never let #1 cry. In the beginning with #2 I had a very hard time adjusting to the fact that sometimes one of them would be crying (including the baby) and they would just have to wait. It wasn't until #2 became a little older (4-5mos) and was obviously such an expressive, happy, and joyful baby that I let go of that anxiety. That was the only negative of the first few months. It was unnecessary Thanks, Nikki. I've saved your post in my "funfile" to reread when the baby arrives. Donna |
#12
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Donna wrote:
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the stuff I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get seriously nervous about going through it again, but this time with the responsibility of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two. Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the night, but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do" feeling, makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to tell me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this time around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not likely. smile) So - what is the real answer? I can take it. Well, I guess I think it is a little of both. For me, the second baby was easier in some ways and harder in others. I guess maybe I'll split it up into ways it was easier and then ways it was harder. It was easier because: 1) I knew more what to expect. I didn't get nearly as sleep-deprived in the early days with my second as I did with my first because I knew it was okay to go back to sleep while she was nursing (and I brought her into bed with us for the first couple of weeks, something I didn't do with the first). I was just generally more relaxed about everything because it wasn't all "brand new" to me. 2) My first, while not colicky, was a baby who needed/wanted a LOT of entertaining/input and just did NOT need the amount of sleep you'd expect of a newborn. Part of the reason I was exhausted with him was because he just didn't sleep enough for me to sleep enough. When I brought my daughter home, I was shocked to discover that she actually SLEPT a LOT. It was a revelation to me. Like you, I'd been terrified of the newborn+toddler stage because my expectations for newborn behavior had been set by my first, and it became clear to me afterwards that he wasn't really very typical. 3) The thing that every mother of a newborn needs is a toddler to entertain the baby. I'm serious. My daughter thought her older brother was fascinating and could be entertained nearly endlessly by watching him almost from birth. Had I known, I swear I would have rented a toddler when her older brother was tiny. 4) I wasn't as LONELY the second time around, largely because I had a 2yo for company. I admit it--I was *really* lonely the first time and it was a hard adjustment for to go from being in a busy office full of stimulating adult conversation and activity to being home with a tiny, eating-crying-pooping machine who wanted entertainment I didn't have the foggiest idea how to provide. I eventually learned, of course (and went back to work, too), but it was *so* much better the second time because Julian, while hardly a scintillating conversationalist, was a lot more of a "talker guy" (to use an expression I invented when *I* was 2yo) than a newborn ever could be. Ways it was harder: 1) Like Sophie mentioned, I think the hardest thing for me in the early stages of parenting two was realizing that I couldn't meet both of their needs simultaneously all the time, that someone was going to have to wait sometimes, and that nobody was going to die of waiting. When you only have one, you get accustomed to anticipating their needs and preventing them from getting upset by that anticipation and, to some extent, you have to give that up when you have the second. 2) Keeping the toddler entertained can be a bit of a problem. I found going out--to the zoo, the park, etc.--almost daily was the one way to be sure the 2yo was happy and the baby didn't care where she was as long as I was there and she could eat when she was hungry. 3) I tandem-nursed, so I got "touched out" and felt a bit overwhelmed fairly often, especially in the first few months. I remember many times, I would nurse them together and they'd both fall asleep and then, there I'd be, alone in the house and stuck under two sleeping babies needing to pee. Mind you, I'm not sorry I tandemmed--I think it helped reduce the sibling rivalry/jealousy immensely (and my toddler didn't feel "left out" when I nursed the baby), and I certainly saw the difference when I had my third and *didn't* tandem--but it did have its downsides. 4) Nikki's right on target when she says you have to make a point to intervene physically with the toddler when you want them to stop doing something, even if it means interruping a feeding. The toddler has to know that you still mean business and *will* stop them if they are doing something that's not permitted. I had a bit of a problem with this in that Julian was smart enough to wait until I'd just sat down to feed the baby or she'd just fallen asleep to do something he knew wasn't allowed. He was trying to figure out whether I really meant what I said or whether it was just words. I wasn't quick enough to intervene much of the time and ended up with more problems with this sort of behavior down the road as a result. I guess the main thing I'll say is that, however hard you think it's going to be, you'll get through it and it probably won't be as bad as *thinking* about it is. -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#13
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Donna wrote: Is it easier the second time around? For me it has been *much* easier (I have a barely 4 year old and a 7 week old) the second time around, by leaps and bounds. I think a lot of it is knowing more what to expect. I had a pretty high needs first baby and that combined with nerves made it tough for me. This second baby has been easier in some ways, still had a few really fussy weeks, but all in all I expected it to be hard, I expected to be totally and completely exhausted, etc...so that when it was I wasn't blindsided and caught off guard. The labor and delivery and recovery was much easier for me too. I found going from none to 1 child was a hard transition, but 1-2 has been a total breeze. Of course my 4 year old is really independent and not the same as having a 2 year old and a newborn, that probably helps for my personality and the overall dynamic. cara |
#14
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Circe wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote: It's when they're nearing that toddler stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-) LOL, I adore (adore, Adore, ADORE) toddlers and particularly 2yo's because they are just cute beyond words, but I have already told my husband that my biggest fear in even considering another child is that another 2yo like Vernon will kill me. I am not kidding. I don't think my heart could take the stress! My husband keeps saying, in response, that both Julian and Aurora were easy 2yo's, at least in this regard and therefore, the odds of another easy one are in our favor. He obviously does not believe in karma! I actually didn't have trouble so much at 2yo. They are little daredevils, but I guess I'm okay with that. The trouble for me is the stage where they're pulling up but not yet walking securely and they've into *everything*. You either have to live in a padded cell for several months or be on top of them constantly ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#15
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Circe wrote:
LOL, I adore (adore, Adore, ADORE) toddlers and particularly 2yo's because they are just cute beyond words, but I have already told my husband that my biggest fear in even considering another child is that another 2yo like Vernon will kill me. I am not kidding. I don't think my heart could take the stress! My husband keeps saying, in response, that both Julian and Aurora were easy 2yo's, at least in this regard and therefore, the odds of another easy one are in our favor. He obviously does not believe in karma! What is Vernon doing that is so stressful for you? My third child is so much more "harder" than my first two were at that age (19 months) I am so surprised by the end of the day that there wasn't an ER trip for her!! She's never had an accident causing more than a bruise and a scraped knee, but I sure don't know how. Marie |
#16
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Circe wrote: Ericka Kammerer wrote: It's when they're nearing that toddler stage and they're perpetual motion machines hell bent on killing themselves that I find things difficult ;-) LOL, I adore (adore, Adore, ADORE) toddlers and particularly 2yo's because they are just cute beyond words, but I have already told my husband that my biggest fear in even considering another child is that another 2yo like Vernon will kill me. I am not kidding. I don't think my heart could take the stress! My husband keeps saying, in response, that both Julian and Aurora were easy 2yo's, at least in this regard and therefore, the odds of another easy one are in our favor. He obviously does not believe in karma! I actually didn't have trouble so much at 2yo. They are little daredevils, but I guess I'm okay with that. The trouble for me is the stage where they're pulling up but not yet walking securely and they've into *everything*. You either have to live in a padded cell for several months or be on top of them constantly ;-) I actually never had much trouble in the early stages of mobility--I guess I was always able to baby-proof and gate to the point where I didn't worry that much. I haven't had a coffee table or end tables since Julian was an infant, so that's one whole level of worry completely eliminated g! Vernon just has us shaking our heads because he is *very* active, *very* physically capable, and *very* determined to do anything and everything that older brother and sister do. When Julian was this age, he was a bit less advanced physically, but you also knew he wouldn't try to do anything he didn't *know* he could do, so you weren't terrified that he was going to crack his head open or throw himself headlong down the steps, because it just wasn't something he would do. And Aurora had only been walking for a few months at this age and really *couldn't* get into all that much trouble. But Vernon--ay yi yi!--he will try anything and everything and is almost undeterable. Let's just say it makes life interesting! Now, overall he's a very good-natured, delightful child and I wouldn't change a hair on his head (well, aside from cutting it short, which I finally did last week), but he *does* run us a bit ragged. But maybe that's just because I'm old g (she says as she considers that her 40th birthday is a mere 4 weeks hence). -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#17
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Marie wrote:
What is Vernon doing that is so stressful for you? My third child is so much more "harder" than my first two were at that age (19 months) I am so surprised by the end of the day that there wasn't an ER trip for her!! She's never had an accident causing more than a bruise and a scraped knee, but I sure don't know how. See my response to Ericka--he's just more balls-out and hell-bent-for-anything than the older two were. Like you, I'm surprised he's never had a trip to the ER. As an example of stuff that happens to him that has not happened to either of my other kids, he has taken at least two head-first tumbles off of beds--I mean, literally, HEAD-first. And both times, he's done it while I was watching him--one second, he was sitting on the bed doing nothing worse than bouncing on his bum and the next he was standing up and diving off the bed! -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#18
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
See my response to Ericka--he's just more balls-out and
hell-bent-for-anything than the older two were. Like you, I'm surprised he's never had a trip to the ER. As an example of stuff that happens to him that has not happened to either of my other kids, he has taken at least two head-first tumbles off of beds--I mean, literally, HEAD-first. And both times, he's done it while I was watching him--one second, he was sitting on the bed doing nothing worse than bouncing on his bum and the next he was standing up and diving off the bed! -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." Vernon and Lewis sound a lot alike. I think it's a 3rd child thing. |
#19
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
"Donna" wrote in message ...
Is it easier the second time around? It mostly has been easier this time. But, my first experience was pretty awful. I had a miserable week in the hospital on Mag Sulfate for perterm labor and then delivered my son at 34 weeks. Then he was in the hospital an hour away for two weeks. I had a very hard time adjusting to motherhood and especially the sleep deprivation. I also had a major case of first time mother nerves too. And Aaron was a very fussy high maintenance baby., and we discovered some developmental problems at age 6 months. It took me a solid year to even beging to THINK about having another; I was a wreck. By the time he was 2 I knew I wanted one though. So this time it has been easier. Madeline is an average baby as far as temperment goes. The birth experience with her was also great, and I spent months just euphoric over that. I think that is what kept me going till she was sleeping through the night. It was still difficult being up all night with a newborn and then getting up with my 3 y.o. But, my delight over the birth of my baby girl is truly what got me by. And, this time there was no new mom nervousness, and I did know that she would eventually sleep through the night. And she did, a full month before her brother did thank goodness. Also, dh was much better about helping me this time. And another thing is that my son goes to preschool 3 mornings per week. The main thing I struggle with now is Maddie's daytime sleep. They never nap at the same time. But as long as I sleep at night I will make it. I still shower every day. I do it before they wake up. If they do wake, my 3 yo won't come out of his room until I get him, and Maddie will just play in her crib. I think the 2nd one is easier because you already know what you are doing, and know that you will survive whatever "stage" is happening at the moment! Amanda, mom to Aaron 10/00 and Madeline 11/3/03 |
#20
|
|||
|
|||
BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?
Sophie wrote:
See my response to Ericka--he's just more balls-out and hell-bent-for-anything than the older two were. Like you, I'm surprised he's never had a trip to the ER. As an example of stuff that happens to him that has not happened to either of my other kids, he has taken at least two head-first tumbles off of beds--I mean, literally, HEAD-first. And both times, he's done it while I was watching him--one second, he was sitting on the bed doing nothing worse than bouncing on his bum and the next he was standing up and diving off the bed! Vernon and Lewis sound a lot alike. I think it's a 3rd child thing. So you mean Ericka is going to get it with Genevieve in about a year? (That'd be my bet g!) -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Article by Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D. - Happily Married with Kids | Jane Smith | General | 0 | July 27th 04 02:17 PM |
Spousal Debate: Time to Oneself | Sonnie B. | General | 259 | May 26th 04 04:03 AM |
| | Kids should work... | Kane | General | 13 | December 10th 03 02:30 AM |
Kids should work. | LaVonne Carlson | General | 22 | December 7th 03 04:27 AM |