am I vindictive or do I deserve a little help?

I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard bull****
visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend etc. Paid $518
every month, never more than one week late, including thru the loss of my
family buisiness and personal bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She moved to
alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or financially take care of
son. He came to my house. mom moved to Washington, California, oklahoma,
texas and back to oklahoma, got knocked up by some pot head that left her,
had the baby, and we ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded
in August 2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and only
check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed airfare for last
summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring break are
all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer so he can go back
to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to ensure I
was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just let the state know
where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I insist
that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just figure her for a
loser and never count on any help. She claims to be learning to be a
paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of support levels when she
becomes one? or just figure her a loser and not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
Jon

"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard bull****
visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend etc. Paid $518
every month, never more than one week late, including thru the loss of my
family buisiness and personal bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She moved to
alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or financially take care of
son. He came to my house. mom moved to Washington, California, oklahoma,
texas and back to oklahoma, got knocked up by some pot head that left her,
had the baby, and we ended up going to court. I won. Full custody
awarded
in August 2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She,
being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and only
check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed airfare for
last
summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring break
are
all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer so he can go
back
to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to ensure
I
was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just let the state
know
where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I insist
that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just figure her for
a
loser and never count on any help. She claims to be learning to be a
paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of support levels when she
becomes one? or just figure her a loser and not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son deal
with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem to a
relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in your son's
lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
Jon

"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard bull****
visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend etc. Paid $518
every month, never more than one week late, including thru the loss of my
family buisiness and personal bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She moved to
alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or financially take care of
son. He came to my house. mom moved to Washington, California, oklahoma,
texas and back to oklahoma, got knocked up by some pot head that left her,
had the baby, and we ended up going to court. I won. Full custody
awarded
in August 2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She,
being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and only
check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed airfare for
last
summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring break
are
all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer so he can go
back
to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to ensure
I
was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just let the state
know
where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I insist
that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just figure her for
a
loser and never count on any help. She claims to be learning to be a
paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of support levels when she
becomes one? or just figure her a loser and not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son deal
with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem to a
relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in your son's
lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
Jon

Gini wrote:
"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard
bull**** visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend
etc. Paid $518 every month, never more than one week late,
including thru the loss of my family buisiness and personal
bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She
moved to alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or
financially take care of son. He came to my house. mom moved to
Washington, California, oklahoma, texas and back to oklahoma, got
knocked up by some pot head that left her, had the baby, and we
ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded in August
2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and
only check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed
airfare for last summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring
break are all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer
so he can go back to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to
ensure I was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just
let the state know where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I
insist that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just
figure her for a loser and never count on any help. She claims to
be learning to be a paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of
support levels when she becomes one? or just figure her a loser and
not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son
deal with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem
to a relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in
your son's lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
What about a year from now? Lets say she does become a paramedic and is
making a buck or two? Ask then or just abandon hope for any help ever? My
son is 13

Gini wrote:
"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard
bull**** visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend
etc. Paid $518 every month, never more than one week late,
including thru the loss of my family buisiness and personal
bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She
moved to alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or
financially take care of son. He came to my house. mom moved to
Washington, California, oklahoma, texas and back to oklahoma, got
knocked up by some pot head that left her, had the baby, and we
ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded in August
2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and
only check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed
airfare for last summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring
break are all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer
so he can go back to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to
ensure I was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just
let the state know where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I
insist that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just
figure her for a loser and never count on any help. She claims to
be learning to be a paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of
support levels when she becomes one? or just figure her a loser and
not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son
deal with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem
to a relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in
your son's lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
What about a year from now? Lets say she does become a paramedic and is
making a buck or two? Ask then or just abandon hope for any help ever? My
son is 13

"Jon" wrote in message
...
Gini wrote:
"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard
bull**** visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend
etc. Paid $518 every month, never more than one week late,
including thru the loss of my family buisiness and personal
bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She
moved to alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or
financially take care of son. He came to my house. mom moved to
Washington, California, oklahoma, texas and back to oklahoma, got
knocked up by some pot head that left her, had the baby, and we
ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded in August
2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and
only check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed
airfare for last summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring
break are all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer
so he can go back to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to
ensure I was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just
let the state know where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I
insist that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just
figure her for a loser and never count on any help. She claims to
be learning to be a paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of
support levels when she becomes one? or just figure her a loser and
not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son
deal with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem
to a relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in
your son's lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
What about a year from now? Lets say she does become a paramedic and is
making a buck or two? Ask then or just abandon hope for any help ever?
My
son is 13

Can't say what you should do. After my divorce in 1993 I paid $1100/mo.
Never late.
Got the same BS every other weekend gig. I had them every weekend, because
I wanted
all the time I could have, and ex wanted free babysitting. 6 months later
one of the three
kids came to live with me. Took a year to get CS reduced. Time passed.
With the two oldest grown, the baby came to live with me in 2000. I never
received
a dime. I didn't need the money, and didn't need the hassle. I just told ex
to do something
nice for her kids every now and then. Do what you have to, but I didn't
think it was worth
the BS.

"Jon" wrote in message
...
Gini wrote:
"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard
bull**** visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend
etc. Paid $518 every month, never more than one week late,
including thru the loss of my family buisiness and personal
bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She
moved to alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or
financially take care of son. He came to my house. mom moved to
Washington, California, oklahoma, texas and back to oklahoma, got
knocked up by some pot head that left her, had the baby, and we
ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded in August
2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and
only check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed
airfare for last summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring
break are all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer
so he can go back to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to
ensure I was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just
let the state know where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I
insist that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just
figure her for a loser and never count on any help. She claims to
be learning to be a paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of
support levels when she becomes one? or just figure her a loser and
not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son
deal with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem
to a relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in
your son's lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
What about a year from now? Lets say she does become a paramedic and is
making a buck or two? Ask then or just abandon hope for any help ever?
My
son is 13

Can't say what you should do. After my divorce in 1993 I paid $1100/mo.
Never late.
Got the same BS every other weekend gig. I had them every weekend, because
I wanted
all the time I could have, and ex wanted free babysitting. 6 months later
one of the three
kids came to live with me. Took a year to get CS reduced. Time passed.
With the two oldest grown, the baby came to live with me in 2000. I never
received
a dime. I didn't need the money, and didn't need the hassle. I just told ex
to do something
nice for her kids every now and then. Do what you have to, but I didn't
think it was worth
the BS.

"Jon" wrote in message
...
Gini wrote:
"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard
bull**** visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend
etc. Paid $518 every month, never more than one week late,
including thru the loss of my family buisiness and personal
bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She
moved to alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or
financially take care of son. He came to my house. mom moved to
Washington, California, oklahoma, texas and back to oklahoma, got
knocked up by some pot head that left her, had the baby, and we
ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded in August
2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and
only check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed
airfare for last summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring
break are all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer
so he can go back to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to
ensure I was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just
let the state know where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I
insist that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just
figure her for a loser and never count on any help. She claims to
be learning to be a paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of
support levels when she becomes one? or just figure her a loser and
not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son
deal with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem
to a relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in
your son's lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
What about a year from now? Lets say she does become a paramedic and is
making a buck or two? Ask then or just abandon hope for any help ever?
My
son is 13

If you haven't done so already, ask the state to start providing IV-D
services on your account. They will review your order, place it in their
system, establish arrearages, and pursue the case. They will also use the
"periodic review" process to re-evaluate your CS order every 2 years. They
will also help you establish a medical care order for your son. And since
you will have an Interstate order based on all of her moving around, let the
state chase her down and coordinate collections with the other states. As
soon as she becomes a paramedic and has some more money, inform the state
you believe a significant change of circumstance has occurred and ask for a
CS review.

"Jon" wrote in message
...
Gini wrote:
"Jon" wrote in message
...
I was divorced in 98, had joint legal custody with the standard
bull**** visitation schedule for in town dads, every other weekend
etc. Paid $518 every month, never more than one week late,
including thru the loss of my family buisiness and personal
bankruptcy.
Mom is a flake, not a druggy, but a flake. I live in Oregon. She
moved to alaska in spring of 2001 but couldn't get work or
financially take care of son. He came to my house. mom moved to
Washington, California, oklahoma, texas and back to oklahoma, got
knocked up by some pot head that left her, had the baby, and we
ended up going to court. I won. Full custody awarded in August
2002. Child support set at a whopping $76.00 a month. She, being
on welfare then, got a waiver for 9 months. I received my first and
only check, $76. for the first month in June 2003. She borrowed
airfare for last summer and had him back there for 6 weeks.
She never has money, ie a job, so thanksgiving, christmas, spring
break are all ignored, but she is hoping to borrow again this summer
so he can go back to oklahoma for 6 weeks again.
She of course was on the phone a week before my CS was ever due to
ensure I was paying her. I have never asked her about it, I just
let the state know where she is when she moves.
Maybe I will get a portion of her tax refund, maybe not. Should I
insist that the state go after her tax refund this year?? or just
figure her for a loser and never count on any help. She claims to
be learning to be a paramedic. Should I ask for a re-evaluation of
support levels when she becomes one? or just figure her a loser and
not count on it?
I don't "need" the money, but it would be nice to have a little help.
Advice ? thanks
===
Of course you deserve a little help. But--Let it go and help your son
deal with his mother the best he can. Adding a CS collection problem
to a relationship that is already difficult would put more stress in
your son's lap. It isn't
worth the piddly amount of money.
===
===
What about a year from now? Lets say she does become a paramedic and is
making a buck or two? Ask then or just abandon hope for any help ever?
My
son is 13

If you haven't done so already, ask the state to start providing IV-D
services on your account. They will review your order, place it in their
system, establish arrearages, and pursue the case. They will also use the
"periodic review" process to re-evaluate your CS order every 2 years. They
will also help you establish a medical care order for your son. And since
you will have an Interstate order based on all of her moving around, let the
state chase her down and coordinate collections with the other states. As
soon as she becomes a paramedic and has some more money, inform the state
you believe a significant change of circumstance has occurred and ask for a
CS review.

Jon, I have to say whether it is a father, or mother, you have to help support your children. She needs to take resposibility for her child. Your son shouldnt know what is ever going on with you and your ex that could be devistating. You should always have nice things to say about her so he knows nothing else but you should take care of business. I went to school and worked a full time job to take care of both my children. It is hard but I love my children and will do what it takes to make sure they are taken care of. If you think she is honestly doing her best then let it go but if she is just getting out of her duties then I would do what needed to be done.