Are you living in the neighborhood hangout?

In article ,
"Ann Porter" wrote:

"chiam margalit" wrote in message
Yup, that's pretty much what I'm going to do. I've got a short list,
but I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch. What would YOUR rules be for a
bunch of 12-13 yo boys, besides the obvious no smoking, drugs, or
alcohol?

No running in the house.

No yelling in the house.

Pick up your mess before you leave.

Dinner time is family only - they need to go home unless I've approved a
dinner invitation beforehand.


My rule on this one is different: if you are in our house at dinner
time, you are expected to sit down and have dinner with us.

Obviously, I expect kids to call home to make sure it's OK with their
parents, but it's been amazing how much better I've been able to get to
know some of my kids' friends as my kids have moved through their teen
years with this particular rule.

Sometimes, kids have told me they aren't hungry, so they'll just wait in
the bedroom while we eat. I let them know that I don't really care if
they eat -- but not sitting down to the dinner table with us is NOT an
option.

Here are the "help yourself" snacks and there is the faucet. Anything else,
ask first.

Say "please" and "thank you."

Best,
Ann



--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
...

(...)


Not all boys are loud---though some certainly are, and the ones that
hang out in big packs seem more likely to be loud.

You obviously have not met my 6-year old neice and her friends. They can be
VERT LOUD.

Jeff

Jeff wrote:
"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
...

(...)


Not all boys are loud---though some certainly are, and the ones that
hang out in big packs seem more likely to be loud.


You obviously have not met my 6-year old neice and her friends. They can be
VERY LOUD.

I was also going to mention this. My 10-yo and her friends
can easily out-decibel any group of boys just on squealing
alone

Scott DD 10 and DS 7

In article , "Jeff"
wrote:


"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
.. .

(...)


Not all boys are loud---though some certainly are, and the ones that
hang out in big packs seem more likely to be loud.

You obviously have not met my 6-year old neice and her friends. They can be
VERT LOUD

I don't think that Kevin was saying "girls aren't loud" or "boys are
louder than girls" -- and I don't think Marjorie was either,
necessarily.

It's funny how easy it is to assume statements about boys are meant
"... in comparison to girls..." instead of "in comparison to adults"
or "in comparison to me" or "in comparison to my kid".

It's like saying "Canadians are X.". A friend demonstrated to me that
if she says "Canadians are X" to a bunch of Canadians, most of them/us
assume she means "Canadians are X in comparison to Americans".


Louise

"Louise" wrote in message
...
In article , "Jeff"
wrote:


"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
.. .

(...)


Not all boys are loud---though some certainly are, and the ones that
hang out in big packs seem more likely to be loud.

You obviously have not met my 6-year old neice and her friends. They can
be
VERT LOUD

I don't think that Kevin was saying "girls aren't loud" or "boys are
louder than girls" -- and I don't think Marjorie was either,
necessarily.

It's funny how easy it is to assume statements about boys are meant
"... in comparison to girls..." instead of "in comparison to adults"
or "in comparison to me" or "in comparison to my kid".

It's like saying "Canadians are X.". A friend demonstrated to me that
if she says "Canadians are X" to a bunch of Canadians, most of them/us
assume she means "Canadians are X in comparison to Americans".

But that is just the nature of being Canadian. Our national identity is
based on comparing ourselves to Americans. Do you really think the boy/girl
thing is as extreme as that?

Jayne

Jayne Kulikauskas wrote:
"Louise" wrote in message
...

In article , "Jeff"
wrote:


"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
.. .

(...)


Not all boys are loud---though some certainly are, and the ones that
hang out in big packs seem more likely to be loud.

You obviously have not met my 6-year old neice and her friends. They can

be

VERT LOUD

I don't think that Kevin was saying "girls aren't loud" or "boys are
louder than girls" -- and I don't think Marjorie was either,
necessarily.

It's funny how easy it is to assume statements about boys are meant
"... in comparison to girls..." instead of "in comparison to adults"
or "in comparison to me" or "in comparison to my kid".

It's like saying "Canadians are X.". A friend demonstrated to me that
if she says "Canadians are X" to a bunch of Canadians, most of them/us
assume she means "Canadians are X in comparison to Americans".


But that is just the nature of being Canadian. Our national identity is
based on comparing ourselves to Americans. Do you really think the boy/girl
thing is as extreme as that?


I've only been glancing through this thread, but somewhere
I also picked up a definite Boys compared to Girls slant
to a post, author unknown.

As the parent of a boy and a girl, I do find sometimes that
parents of children of only one sex have very limited views
There is a WORLD of difference between the two, at least
in my observations.

Scott DD 10 and DS 7

In article ,
David desJardins wrote:

Scott Lindstrom writes:
As the parent of a boy and a girl, I do find sometimes that
parents of children of only one sex have very limited views
There is a WORLD of difference between the two, at least
in my observations.

I think parents of children of the same sex, even twins, often find
there's a "world of difference" between them, too. People are all
different.

I also think it's interesting that several people have remarked on their
boys having other boys over, and their girls having other girls over.
Is there more of this sort of sex segregation than when I was young, or
is it a cultural thing? I don't think I was particularly more likely to
have boys as friends than girls.

David desJardins


The extent to which some parents encourage only same-sex friendships
from a very early age has both surprised and discouraged me. As a
parent of b/g twins, it was extremely obvious: even at the age of 3,
when a neighbor girl -- someone they both played with -- had a birthday
party, only my daughter was invited. I don't think the mother even
realized that she discouraged her daughter from having male friends --
it was just the way she did things. (She was somewhat apologetic, but
"knew" I'd understand, since my son would obviously not be comfortable
in a party with only girls. It was not the first time I had to decide
how to handle something like that!)

Many parents put a "romantic" tilt to opposite sex friendships; even
when my oldest was still a toddler, when she and a little boy were
obviously glad to see each other and hugged the way toddlers do, the
other parents said, "isn't that cute -- his first girl friend!" (I
wanted to throw up.)

I'm not so sure that it has changed that much, though. I know when I
was in elementary school, friendships with boys were discouraged:
sometimes, we weren't even allowed to play in the same area of the
playground, and most kids played only with other kids the same sex they
were. OTOH, I think you are much younger than I am (I'm 51) and there
may have been a brief, shining moment when people were more enlightened!

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

David desJardins wrote:
Scott Lindstrom writes:

As the parent of a boy and a girl, I do find sometimes that
parents of children of only one sex have very limited views
There is a WORLD of difference between the two, at least
in my observations.


I think parents of children of the same sex, even twins, often find
there's a "world of difference" between them, too. People are all
different.

I also think it's interesting that several people have remarked on their
boys having other boys over, and their girls having other girls over.
Is there more of this sort of sex segregation than when I was young, or
is it a cultural thing? I don't think I was particularly more likely to
have boys as friends than girls.

DD had boys over once or twice -- in kindergarten
a boy classmate lived across the street. The
vast majority of friends over was girls. I think
the boy/girl distinction for DD became very clear
in 1st grade. Her bday party after kindergarten
(she's a summer b-day) included boys. That was the
last one.

DS is about split boy/girl for friends coming
over, but the only one girl who comes over
(very frequently) is quite the tom-boy. He
invites a variety of boys over. DS has a winter
b-day, and I expect he'll invite girls to it,
although some of his friends have had girls-only
birthdays.

Scott DD 10 and DS 7

dragonlady wrote:

In article ,
David desJardins wrote:

Scott Lindstrom writes:
As the parent of a boy and a girl, I do find sometimes that
parents of children of only one sex have very limited views
There is a WORLD of difference between the two, at least
in my observations.

I think parents of children of the same sex, even twins, often find
there's a "world of difference" between them, too. People are all
different.

I also think it's interesting that several people have remarked on their
boys having other boys over, and their girls having other girls over.
Is there more of this sort of sex segregation than when I was young, or
is it a cultural thing? I don't think I was particularly more likely to
have boys as friends than girls.

David desJardins


The extent to which some parents encourage only same-sex friendships
from a very early age has both surprised and discouraged me. As a
parent of b/g twins, it was extremely obvious: even at the age of 3,
when a neighbor girl -- someone they both played with -- had a birthday
party, only my daughter was invited. I don't think the mother even
realized that she discouraged her daughter from having male friends --
it was just the way she did things. (She was somewhat apologetic, but
"knew" I'd understand, since my son would obviously not be comfortable
in a party with only girls. It was not the first time I had to decide
how to handle something like that!)

Many parents put a "romantic" tilt to opposite sex friendships; even
when my oldest was still a toddler, when she and a little boy were
obviously glad to see each other and hugged the way toddlers do, the
other parents said, "isn't that cute -- his first girl friend!" (I
wanted to throw up.)

When I was in elementary school, my mom would tell me that the boys
who would hit me with their book bags really liked me. It always
seemed a funny way to show it though. On the playground, we girls did
hopscotch and jump rope and AFAI remember, none of the boys did that.
I did have a boy who declared himself my 'boyfriend' in third grade,
which I thought was a bit silly of him, and I really didn't know how
to react to it.

By the time I was 12, I was being 'stalked' by the boy down the street
who had a complete list of my entire wardrobe (he'd hide and make
notes when I left the house) but he was best friends with my tomboy
friend and would give her notes to give to me. [One of them started
out "Big Brother is Watching You" - this was c 1949.

I'm not so sure that it has changed that much, though. I know when I
was in elementary school, friendships with boys were discouraged:
sometimes, we weren't even allowed to play in the same area of the
playground, and most kids played only with other kids the same sex they
were. OTOH, I think you are much younger than I am (I'm 51) and there
may have been a brief, shining moment when people were more enlightened!

In my day (I'm 65) there were girls that played with the boys - they
were called tomboys. I had a best friend who was really into sports,
and she was a bit of a tomboy. I never was as I was pretty much a
klutz although I thought a lot of girls were pretty silly about things
like spiders etc.

When my kids were pre-school children, they played with whoever lived
close by or with children of friends regardless of sex. It was boys
as often as girls.

When we lived in Key West (dd#1 age 5-7 and dd#2 age 3-5) dd#2 played
with the little boy down the street and dd#1 played with a girl on the
street. Neither of those children went to school with my kids, and
dd#1 did NOT play with the older sister of the playmate of dd#2
because Amber just wasn't her kind of kid - just as I was better
friends with dd#1's playmate than I was of Amber's mom.

DD#3 OTOH had a good friend all the way through school from K on that
was a boy - never romantic - just a friend. It happened though, that
he was one of the children where we kept our horses, and they rode and
competed together all the way through grade school. His older sisters
were also friends of the older girls.


grandma Rosalie

David desJardins wrote in :
[snip]
I also think it's interesting that several people have remarked on their
boys having other boys over, and their girls having other girls over.
Is there more of this sort of sex segregation than when I was young, or
is it a cultural thing? I don't think I was particularly more likely to
have boys as friends than girls.

Really? I think by the time I was 7yo, I definately had more girls as
friends then boys.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three