Teenage daughter missing school bus.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article ,
dragonlady says...

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , bizby40 says...


wrote in message
roups.com...
Taxi fare deducted from daughter's allowance/money when she's taken
to
school?

Cheers,

Ross-c

Don't think she has enough money to pay for it. It happens several
times/week.

Bizby



Then it would work quickly.

Banty


On the contrary -- it wouldn't work at all. You can't get blood out of
a turnup, and if she doesn't have enough money to pay for it and you
start docking her FUTURE allowance to pay for it, she's more likely to
just give up all together.

At least, that was my experience with trying to use allowance money this
way.

Good point if it's just overwhelming.

But it's a bascially good idea. How about her paying for some of the gas
and
some dollar value of her father's time, coming up to some painfully
significant
part of her allowance.

Banty

I asked about the allowance issue and was told that while she is supposed to
get an allowance, it rarely happens due to her behavior problems.

Bizby

"bizby40" wrote:
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article ,
dragonlady says...

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , bizby40 says...

wrote in message
roups.com...
Taxi fare deducted from daughter's allowance/money when she's taken
to school?

Don't think she has enough money to pay for it. It happens several
times/week.

Then it would work quickly.

On the contrary -- it wouldn't work at all. You can't get blood out of
a turnup, and if she doesn't have enough money to pay for it and you
start docking her FUTURE allowance to pay for it, she's more likely to
just give up all together.

At least, that was my experience with trying to use allowance money this
way.

Good point if it's just overwhelming.

But it's a bascially good idea. How about her paying for some of the gas and
some dollar value of her father's time, coming up to some painfully significant
part of her allowance.

I asked about the allowance issue and was told that while she is supposed to
get an allowance, it rarely happens due to her behavior problems.

Bizby

Well here's something that they can do now. Actually give her the
allowance, and have it NOT dependant on her behavior. It sounds like
she has nothing to lose whatever by behaving badly. If she has
nothing to lose, then why behave well? They have to make it so she
has something to gain by doing well.

I'd say give her enough money so that she could actually do something
with it, and then dock her an appropriate amount for having to have a
ride to school. If say, a taxi to school would cost $8.00, then give
her $25 a week, and then if she is too late to get the bus, give her
the option of calling a taxi (and tipping the driver) or giving the
money to her dad. That gives her some control, which she apparently
lacks, with a reward for behaving well.

grandma Rosalie

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"bizby40" wrote:

I asked about the allowance issue and was told that while she is supposed
to
get an allowance, it rarely happens due to her behavior problems.

Bizby

Well here's something that they can do now. Actually give her the
allowance, and have it NOT dependant on her behavior. It sounds like
she has nothing to lose whatever by behaving badly. If she has
nothing to lose, then why behave well? They have to make it so she
has something to gain by doing well.

I'd say give her enough money so that she could actually do something
with it, and then dock her an appropriate amount for having to have a
ride to school. If say, a taxi to school would cost $8.00, then give
her $25 a week, and then if she is too late to get the bus, give her
the option of calling a taxi (and tipping the driver) or giving the
money to her dad. That gives her some control, which she apparently
lacks, with a reward for behaving well.

grandma Rosalie

But by making her pay for missing the bus, you are making the allowance
dependant on the behavior. And the bus isn't the only thing that it's
valid to make her pay for. Apparently she has at some point poked or
punched holes in her walls. She broke her brother's walkman. She's
not careful about things and ends up causing a lot of damage. So, she
still owes more than she gets, and she ends up back where she is now.

I get the feeling from my friend that the problems are so completely
pervasive and deeply entrenched, that most any simplistic solution is
not likely to work.

And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried
about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes
she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and
over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her
child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't
or "couldn't" do anything about it.

Bizby

On Fri, 11 Mar 2005 17:11:06 -0500, "bizby40"
wrote:

And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried
about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes
she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and
over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her
child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't
or "couldn't" do anything about it.

This teen will probably keep going until she finds something her mom
and dad will react to. By then, she may be in much bigger trouble
too.

This friend of yours really needs to stop making excuses for not doing
what she should do as a parent. Her husband isn't making it any
easier and needs to be involved in massive change too.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"bizby40" wrote in message
...
I get the feeling from my friend that the problems are so completely
pervasive and deeply entrenched, that most any simplistic solution is
not likely to work.

And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried
about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes
she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and
over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her
child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't
or "couldn't" do anything about it.

I haven't followed this thread closely, but from the bits and pieces I've
seen, it seems to me that this family could benefit from some
therapy/counseling sessions to help them communicate better, set goals and
rules, etc.

In article ,
"bizby40" wrote:

And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried
about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes
she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and
over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her
child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't
or "couldn't" do anything about it.

LOL, I don't think anyone reading the thread would be surprised to read this!
It's interesting the way the mother is just as big a loser as the daughter (to
be blunt).

How would she respond if you said, "Well, if you don't, who will?"

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.

"Chookie" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"bizby40" wrote:

And to be truthful, I am quite frustrated with my friend. She is worried
about her daughter but unwilling to make the kinds of drastic changes
she would need to make in order to affect any real change. Over and
over again she'll tell me about how frustrated she is about what her
child has done, and then in the next breath she'll tell me why she didn't
or "couldn't" do anything about it.

LOL, I don't think anyone reading the thread would be surprised to read
this!
It's interesting the way the mother is just as big a loser as the daughter
(to
be blunt).

How would she respond if you said, "Well, if you don't, who will?"

Her kids are older than mine, so she falls back on, "Just wait until your
kids are this age. You'll see." a lot. And she could be right too. My
9YO scares me sometimes. She's quite mouthy and rebellious even
at this age. I don't tolerate the behavior. I don't give in. But each
year
she gets a little harder to control.

Bizby

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.