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#11
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
On Tue, 18 May 2004 06:45:18 GMT, P. Tierney
wrote: On Mon, 17 May 2004 20:54:30 -0500, Nan wrote: On 17 May 2004 18:51:38 -0700, (ted) wrote: In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before. This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways, if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't behave in other people's houses. Thanks. I give the other parent an opportunity to say something, and if they don't, I have no problem speaking up to preserve my belongings. Usually a calm "honey, please don't do that" is sufficient. Same here. I'd like to give the parent, if she/he is readily available, a chance to have the first word. If that parent seems to decline, I'd say something like the above. And I'd like to add..... I prefer to give the parent the chance first because, when possible, I'd like the same consideration. Every parent (I hope) has an established or intuitive way to communicate such things with their kids that takes into account their own disciplinary system, and the child's level of understanding such that she/he will be best be able to respond to the comment in a positive way. Or, maybe it's because many parents don't that I'd like to get a chance to solve things quickly in a way that doesn't involving shouting or being negative or degrading. You'd think that a friend of yours wouldn't be like that, but some people can surprise you. P. Tierney |
#12
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
Nan wrote in message
I give the other parent an opportunity to say something, and if they don't, I have no problem speaking up to preserve my belongings. Usually a calm "honey, please don't do that" is sufficient. Nan I'd ask the kid to stop, and explain: "That table isn't very strong" or "that table gets scratched real easily." I would also warn kids away from family pets who don't want to be handled by strangers, and so on. Rupa |
#13
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
In article , eggs says...
I think the answer to your (Ted's) question depends on the age of the "kids". Are they 3 yrs old or 10? Were they made aware of the House Rules when they arrived (or as soon as they transgressed them)? You can't be peeved with them for breaking your rules if you never told them what the rules were in the first place. I am the mother of two 'sofa jumpers' as we specifically bought big sturdy sofas so that the kids could jump on them. We are an enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family. And yes, stuff gets broken at our house a lot. We will replace the sofas in a couple of years when the kids are older (preschoolers now). So, it's possible that your little guests didn't even know that their behaviour was out of line. Some kids have no experience of delicate furniture. So, you're an "enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family". Are all your hosts to have to anticipate that, or that another set of guests may be "enthusiastic, art-on-the-walls type family", or an "if it's in the refrigerator, it's ours to eat" type of family, or even a "laid-back cool people understand people like us a make-a-call-abroad-when-we feel like it" kind of family? And therefore hand each guest a list of all house rules covering all such items? Or would it be more reasonable for them to expect that their guests have some measure of common sense and courtesy enough to identify which of their activities may be damaging r exploitative to others, and refrain from them? I don't think jumping up and down on furniture is something that needs notice that it's inappropriate. Obviously, my kids do need to be reminded about the different rules at the houses of family and friends, but it has really been no big deal teaching them to respect 'different place different rules'. I do, however, tend to curb my kids a lot when we are out of our house. They are well mannered in a very old fashioned way and are respectful of others. So even though I haven't taught my kids to respect furniture, I have taught them to respect *people*. If you asked them to stop jumping on your sofa, they would stop. That's good. Although I wouldn't be happy about having been put in the position of making the request myself. The thing is, my experience is that, although you may be an exception, folks who don't know enough not to do that in the first place, are just the folks who wouldn't be good at having their kids comply with such a request. So, I guess if I were you I would (like Nan) just ask those kids to stop jumping. It usually works. My friends and I correct each other's kids if they are disobeying house rules (or broader social rules like being rude or mean) - but we start each visit with a reminder of *what the rules are*: "Remember, no shoes on in Grandma's house!", "Remember, no drinks in Bobby's living room!", "Remember, Don't knock on the fish tank!", "Don't change the TV channel on Poppy's TV", "No loud voices in the hospital", etc. It's not fair if you keep the rules to yourself but then get upset when people break them. Do you really mean to imply that it's OK for your kids to up and change the channels on someone when staying at their home, unless they've put you on notice when they you through the door "don't change the channels"?? I do appreciate that you teach your kids to follow others' rules in their homes, but I hope you can appreciate that, without teaching them about some extremely common expectations that others have, and some common sense about what may be damaging, you're likely frequently putting others in the uncomfortable position of having to draw lines with you and your children as guests, for themselves. Banty |
#14
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
In article , Ericka Kammerer says...
ted wrote: This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways, if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Do you just bite your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the right thing to do? Bite my lip while others' kids attempt to destroy my home? No way! I'll give the other parent a chance to do something first, but if they don't, I walk over and very nicely, but firmly, explain our house rules. I always phrase it carefully as rules for *our house*, not as general rules. I don't see any reason why I can't set house rules for my own house and expect other kids to abide by them. I wouldn't correct table manners or tell them what to eat or anything like that, but I see safety issues and rules to protect my property as well within my purview, regardless of what their rules are at home. Absolutely. 1. Give the parents a chance to make the correction themselves. 2. Kindly ask that the children stop, stating it as a house rule. 3. There is no obligation however to put kids on notice when they walk through the door about common house rules. (If there's some unusual situation, perhaps.) Banty |
#15
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
Banty wrote: 3. There is no obligation however to put kids on notice when they walk through the door about common house rules. (If there's some unusual situation, perhaps.) Banty Be sure not to feed the piranhas, sweetie. Clisby |
#16
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
Banty wrote, in part:
In article , eggs says... I am the mother of two 'sofa jumpers' as we specifically bought big sturdy sofas so that the kids could jump on them. We are an enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family. [snip] So, you're an "enthusiastic, jumping-up-and-down kind of family". Are all your hosts to have to anticipate that, or that another set of guests may be "enthusiastic, art-on-the-walls type family", or an "if it's in the refrigerator, it's ours to eat" type of family, or even a "laid-back cool people understand people like us a make-a-call-abroad-when-we feel like it" kind of family? And therefore hand each guest a list of all house rules covering all such items? Or would it be more reasonable for them to expect that their guests have some measure of common sense and courtesy enough to identify which of their activities may be damaging r exploitative to others, and refrain from them? I don't think jumping up and down on furniture is something that needs notice that it's inappropriate. But it sounds like it _is_ appropriate at the Eggs'. Whee! -- Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle |
#17
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
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#18
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
We're pretty laid back about jumping on furniture, running wild, things like
that. If it becomes a safety issue though, I do correct them. 9 times out of 10, the other parents are not here with their kids or I'd let them. If the parents ARE here, and don't do anything, I will ask the kids to calm down or take it outside (now that the weather is nice) I've never had a parent not take my lead and step in to get the kids to listen. If the parents are NOT here, and they dont calm down after a warning and will not/cannot go outdoors I tell them it's time to pack it up and head home I think too, we dont have breakables, fancy furnishings, etc. to worry about therefore I may be different if we did. And yes my kids know the rules in others' homes and I've never had a problem with them being too wild while we're at Nana's, etc. Kari mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (5) and Xander (7 mos) |
#19
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
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#20
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Do you "correct" others' kids?
"ted" wrote in message om... In another thread someone mentioned that her kids were jumping on the coffee table when her friend's kids started it. So that made me thinking.. Sorry if this was discussed here before. This happened to us in the past. I didn't have kid(s) then. Anyways, if you have visitors and if their kids decide it would be so cool to jump on the coffee table or sofas what do you do? Calmly, nicely and politely tell that at our house we do not jump on the coffee table. Could you get down, please? Do you just bite your lip and hope that the sofa won't tear off? What would be the right thing to do? Ofcourse I would correct my kids if they don't behave in other people's houses. I think that correcting the child is appropriate. If the parent thinks that's horrid, maybe they will not come over to play any more. But if they *are* going to come over, they need to be able to follow house rules IMO. Incidentally, I explain to DSto follow house rules. We were at a playdate this Saturday. He walked up the slide. I let him do this at home. His buddy did the same and Dad corrected her. So when he started to do it agian, I told him that there was a house rule not to do that. He had no problem with it at all. Thanks. |
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