Do you "correct" others' kids?

In article , dragonlady
says...


Why is this so hard to understand? The rules really aren't so different
between
adults and kids. All that's different is that children are learning. Which
means less judgement and more forgiveness when they do interrupt
inappropriately. But the way to learning is correction.


Precisely. And adults don't always get it right, either.

In my job, for example, there have been times when I need to talk to the
minister briefly on Sunday morning, and see that she's talking to
someone else. Now, what *I* want may not be as important, but it may
have immediacy issues (like, I locked myself out of the office, can I
borrow your key) or be something she really needs to know, say, before
the next service, but even then, I have to get close enough to judge
whether I would be interrupting a casual conversation, a church business
conversation, or something with more emotional baggage; I have to rely
on body language, and, if I'm closer, tone of voice as well as
understanding the specific conversation. It isn't always easy, but I
generally think I get it right (I also get in and out in a hurry to keep
the interruption to a minimum).

If I can recognize all of the factors I'm trying to balance and STILL
not always get it right, how much more patient should we be with
children who are still much earlier in their learning curve?

Oh sure. I agree. I have to do the same gauging, and people vary (and no that
does not mean that all rules go into the bucket). I'm not always right. But
some of that variability is rudeness.

I hope by the above you don't mean that you would interrupt based on
'importance'. Your topic of, say, a personnel matter that must be dealt with by
Friday may be more *important* than the current discussion on, say, what paint
color really would be more restful in one of the meeting rooms, but
color-of-meeting-room discussions do have to happen sometime.

Banty

"eggs" wrote in message
...

"Cathy Kearns" wrote in message
om...

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...

"Donna" wrote in message
...

"Nan" wrote in message
...

I agree. But at what point and what "teachable moment?" If I came to
your
house with my 3yo, who does stand on the couch, and I imediately
told him
that that is not ok in other people's houses, would that be
irritating? I
cannot imagine trying to explain that without the new environment.


I would be ok with it as long as you explained it before he stood
on the couch. Once he stood on the couch there are already
feet prints on the couch. Since you have to explain it before he's


Feet prints on the couch? You allow people to wear *shoes* in you
house? No way! Now THAT is unacceptable at my house. Shoes are gross
and dirty and only fit to touch the street. I think my Mom's house is
the only one I visit that allows street shoes to be worn indoors. We
are currently renovating our house and even the tradesmen who come to
give quotations take their shoes off at the door, without any request
being made. No shoes in the house!!!

Eggs.



Well, what if you are flying with FlyLady? You HAVE to wear shoes.

In all seriousness though, I have to wear shoes or my feet and legs start to
hurt at the end of the day.

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"eggs" wrote:

"Cathy Kearns" wrote in message
om...

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...

"Donna" wrote in message
...

"Nan" wrote in message
...

I agree. But at what point and what "teachable moment?" If I came to
your
house with my 3yo, who does stand on the couch, and I imediately
told him
that that is not ok in other people's houses, would that be
irritating? I
cannot imagine trying to explain that without the new environment.


I would be ok with it as long as you explained it before he stood
on the couch. Once he stood on the couch there are already
feet prints on the couch. Since you have to explain it before he's


Feet prints on the couch? You allow people to wear *shoes* in you
house? No way! Now THAT is unacceptable at my house. Shoes are gross
and dirty and only fit to touch the street. I think my Mom's house is
the only one I visit that allows street shoes to be worn indoors. We
are currently renovating our house and even the tradesmen who come to
give quotations take their shoes off at the door, without any request
being made. No shoes in the house!!!

Eggs.



There was a stretch where that would have been impossible for me. I
felt bad about it when I went into houses where that was the rule, but
due to a physical problem, going barefoot hurt like hell. (Fortunately,
that problem went away, and I can once again run around barefoot, as
long as I don't do it for too long.)

I know very FEW houses where shoes are not allowed, and do NOT
automatically take them off when I enter a house. I can't imagine doing
that, as a matter of fact -- and in THIS house, when my kids were small,
going barefoot was a hazard, since they tended to leave legos out.


If I see shoes next to the door upon entry, I take mine off. I always help
DS take his off.

What do you do for folks like me for whom it would not occur to us to
take our shoes off unless we were asked? Does it annoy you to have to
ask us?



I can only speak for myself. NOTHING is ever annoying. Different people have
different politeness meters. My DH does not even take his cap off at the
table! Gasp! But I have given up trying to change that one.


Or for folks like I used to be, where taking the orthopedic shoes off
was simply not possible?

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , dragonlady
says...


Why is this so hard to understand? The rules really aren't so different
between
adults and kids. All that's different is that children are learning.
Which
means less judgement and more forgiveness when they do interrupt
inappropriately. But the way to learning is correction.


Precisely. And adults don't always get it right, either.

In my job, for example, there have been times when I need to talk to the
minister briefly on Sunday morning, and see that she's talking to
someone else. Now, what *I* want may not be as important, but it may
have immediacy issues (like, I locked myself out of the office, can I
borrow your key) or be something she really needs to know, say, before
the next service, but even then, I have to get close enough to judge
whether I would be interrupting a casual conversation, a church business
conversation, or something with more emotional baggage; I have to rely
on body language, and, if I'm closer, tone of voice as well as
understanding the specific conversation. It isn't always easy, but I
generally think I get it right (I also get in and out in a hurry to keep
the interruption to a minimum).

If I can recognize all of the factors I'm trying to balance and STILL
not always get it right, how much more patient should we be with
children who are still much earlier in their learning curve?

Oh sure. I agree. I have to do the same gauging, and people vary (and no
that
does not mean that all rules go into the bucket). I'm not always right. But
some of that variability is rudeness.

I hope by the above you don't mean that you would interrupt based on
'importance'. Your topic of, say, a personnel matter that must be dealt with
by

That's why I distinguish between importance and immediacy. There are
critically important things she and I need to discuss that I would NEVER
bring up on a Sunday morning (we try to never do church business on
Sundays), much less interrupt someone else's conversation for -- even
though they may be much more important, they are not immediately
important. The ONLY things I would interrupt the minister for on a
Sunday morning (or any other time, for that matter -- but especially on
Sundays) are issues of immediacy, and most of those can be dealt with
quickly.


Friday may be more *important* than the current discussion on, say, what
paint
color really would be more restful in one of the meeting rooms, but
color-of-meeting-room discussions do have to happen sometime.

Banty

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message ...
"dragonlady" wrote in message
...

There was a stretch where that would have been impossible for me. I
felt bad about it when I went into houses where that was the rule, but
due to a physical problem, going barefoot hurt like hell. (Fortunately,
that problem went away, and I can once again run around barefoot, as
long as I don't do it for too long.)

I know very FEW houses where shoes are not allowed, and do NOT
automatically take them off when I enter a house. I can't imagine doing
that, as a matter of fact -- and in THIS house, when my kids were small,
going barefoot was a hazard, since they tended to leave legos out.

If I see shoes next to the door upon entry, I take mine off. I always help
DS take his off.

Because we don't wear shoes in our house, our boys have come to
believe that this is a universal rule and kick off their shoes the
minute they go into anyone's house. I usually ask the host if they
mind because I'm sure some people dislike sweaty boy feet just as much
as I dislike dirty shoes.


What do you do for folks like me for whom it would not occur to us to
take our shoes off unless we were asked? Does it annoy you to have to
ask us?


We do ask people if they would mind removing there shoes when they
come in. We try to make it easy and obvious by having a bench by the
front door and a basket of slippers for people to use. I felt
uncomfortable about it at first, but I can't believe the difference it
has made to our carpets compared to our old house when we did wear
shoes indoors.

The funny thing is that most people think that we do this to protect
our wood floors and will often "jump" from the entry to the carpeted
living room to take off their shoes.


I can only speak for myself. NOTHING is ever annoying. Different people have
different politeness meters. My DH does not even take his cap off at the
table! Gasp! But I have given up trying to change that one.


Or for folks like I used to be, where taking the orthopedic shoes off
was simply not possible?


There are a few people we know (including my MIL) that need to wear
their shoes for physical reasons, and we don't make a fuss over it.
We also don't mind if people leave their shoes on if they are coming
for just a short stop and are only going to be on the hardwood.

~ Sher

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Cheryl S. says...



I don't know. I feel like every time this scenario happens it
reinforces to my kids that "mommy doesn't know what the
rules are in someone else's house". This is true, I don't. And
it seems that many more folks tolerate stuff I wouldn't expect,
like jumping on the furniture. So all it does eventually is make
my kids mommy deaf. I think it is much more effective if the
host says something. Once is enough, I don't expect them to
be constantly on the vigil.

I never contradict a parent by allowing something they've explicitly
told the child not to do right in front of me, for this exact reason,
that it leads to parent-deafness. That includes my own DH - if tells
Julie not to do something, even if it's something I would have said OK
to if he weren't there, I enforce it as well. She's already tried the
game of asking me the same thing right after he's said, "no", and my
response is always, "I agree with Daddy." ;-)

Good :-)

It seems I can't introduce my son to anyone as Mr. or Ms. xxx anymore
without
them saying "hee haa hee oh caaalll mee by (first name)". With the sole
exeption of his scout masters and assistants.

But I'm afraid common practice has far outstripped any hope of that not
happening.

Banty

I have seen many kids in my church and friends have their children call
adults Mr or Mrs (First Name) For instance Sandy and Bill Brown would be
Mrs. Sandy and Mr. Bill. It keeps the respect in it anyway.

Tori