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#1
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure
out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 |
#2
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
When you figure it all out, please let me know! A clinical psychologist has
just diagnosed my six year old with ADHD, and I've felt so many times all the things you are feeling. We've lost a lifelong friend of my husband's because the guy constantly judged us about our son's behavior and made insensitive remarks about our son. When I am in a public place and I see another parent dealing with a difficult child, I never judge them or try to make them feel bad. I usually try offer a kind word or smile. Or I say, "Don't worry, I know exactly what you are dealing with" -- or something like that. Hang in there. "Anonymama" wrote in message ... One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 |
#3
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
In article ,
"Linda Diane" wrote: When I am in a public place and I see another parent dealing with a difficult child, I never judge them or try to make them feel bad. I usually try offer a kind word or smile. Or I say, "Don't worry, I know exactly what you are dealing with" -- or something like that. Hang in there. A woman said something like that to me in a store last week, as I was trying to pay the cashier while fending off the mean women telling me what to do with the screaming child under my foot. All she said "my son was just like that," but I could've kissed her. You hang in there, too. Congratulations on getting an official diagnosis! -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 |
#4
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
I don't have any real answers Sara, but I have experienced it too. I will
never forget the icy glare this new mom gave to me as my very exuberent dd3 had a tantrum in Meijers. DD3 is in the process of being tested for ADD also and she is definitely your "spirited" child. It is heartbreaking that other parents are not supportive of one another. All I can say is hang in there. -- Sue (mom to three girls) "Anonymama" wrote in message ... One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 |
#5
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
"Anonymama" wrote in message ... One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore. And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod. |
#6
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
In article , Stephanie says...
"Anonymama" wrote in message ... One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore. And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod. Because, put simply, returning rudeness with rudeness goes in the direction of making the world suck a little more. Not that I'm perfect about it either.. Saying "thank you" really does work. Woudln't you think the irony of it has an effect? You could say something like "is there any way I can help you?", emphasizing the inappropriateness of the comment. But that may lead to further interaction. It's like bad drivers on the road. What you want, in the end, is not to 'teach them a lesson', it's to create as much space between you and them as one can as soon as one can. Which means minimal interaction. I thought you had a good idea with just saying "thank you". Then you can go home and write a letter to the editor Banty |
#7
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
Stephanie wrote: "Anonymama" wrote in message ... One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not nice to us. Amen! I often wonder the same thing. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore. And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod. A friend was sitting at a light one day and when it turned green, her car stalled. She was doing all she could to be patient and start the car and get going but the car simply would not start. In the meantime, the driver behind her kept honking, raising his arms up in the air and was yelling (she could see him mouth moving nonstop). Suddenly, she got so ****ed off at the jerk behind her that she got out of her car, slammed the door and went up to his car (mind you, this was many years ago so I don't highly recommend it today!) and looked at him and said, "I'll tell you what....I'll trade places with you, you sit in my car and get it started and I'll sit in your car and honk the horn and yell at you." That shut him the hell up. Perhaps the OP can say something similar (in a very calm tone and manner)...perhaps if you hold the baby while I stand by and judge you: let's see how that feels. Personally I have found that it often kills a mean person when you're really, really nice to them :-) My not so nice mother taught me that. Kill em with kindness. I have a YOUNG neighbor (she's like late 20's, my son's age). She hates that our honeysuckle touches her fence and once a year or so, she has her little rant session about how she has to cut them and blah blah blah. Anytime I see her (which is rare) I give her a big smile and a bit overly cheerful HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
#8
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
In article , Banty says...
In article , Stephanie says... "Anonymama" wrote in message ... One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore. And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod. Because, put simply, returning rudeness with rudeness goes in the direction of making the world suck a little more. What - ME putting anything simply?? Hah. How about: Because returning rudeness with rudeness makes the world suck a little more. Not that I'm perfect about it either.. Saying "thank you" really does work. Woudln't you think the irony of it has an effect? You could say something like "is there any way I can help you?", emphasizing the inappropriateness of the comment. But that may lead to further interaction. It's like bad drivers on the road. What you want, in the end, is not to 'teach them a lesson', it's to create as much space between you and them as one can as soon as one can. Which means minimal interaction. I thought you had a good idea with just saying "thank you". Then you can go home and write a letter to the editor That was the O.P. not you, sorry. Still a good idea.. Banty |
#9
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
"Anonymama" wrote One of the many issues I'm dealing with right now, as we try to figure out why my three-year-old has ADHD-type behavior, is other parents. I'm really, really, really tired of disapproving glares and unsolicited advice from strangers. I try to let it roll off my back, but sometimes -- especially if they're people I see often, e.g. at the playground -- I feel the need to say something. Sorry you are going through that. As for a comeback, how about something along the lines of: "He's only 3 now, and we're raising him the best we can. We're hoping by the time he's your age he'll have learned how to avoid rude behavior such as staring at people and butting in to give unwanted advice." -kim What I want to say is "**** off, we're doing the best we can," but that isn't really modeling calm behavior, is it? Instead I find myself saying "thank you" and walking away (screaming child in my arms). Is there a polite way to say "please don't judge my child by the way your placid lump of a child behaves"? Or "not all disabilities are visible, as you should know, you idiot"? Or "I spend every waking moment dealing with this, please don't act like I'm the worst parent you've ever seen"? On second thought, I think I'll just start slapping people when my son isn't looking. It would make _me_ feel lots better... -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 |
#10
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snappy comeback needed (venting, too)
In article ,
"Stephanie" wrote: Honestly, I am not sure why we work so hard to be nice to people who are not nice to us. I might say something like, well thank you for judging what you don't understand. That was very helpful. Of course, glares I would ignore. And someone who was genuinely trying to be helpful I would smile and nod. For me, I try to keep it civil because I'm desperately controlling my temper. -- Sara accompanied by TK, number two, due in April of 2006 |
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