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#1
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My son hates to lose... need help!
I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems
that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept. He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he started crying because of some event he has at school today where everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he didn't want to hear any of it. Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see something that I do not. Thanks for any advice... Brian |
#2
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My son hates to lose... need help!
On Jun 13, 5:43 am, bchamberlin wrote:
I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept. He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he started crying because of some event he has at school today where everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he didn't want to hear any of it. Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see something that I do not. Thanks for any advice... Brian Brian, I know where you are coming from. My 11yo is extremely competitive and doesn't like to loose. He isn't doing the crying or hitting himself thing, probably because of his age, but he will argue his point until we are all blue in the face. My husband and I have been married for 13 years, no divorces for us, and we still see this problem, so I can't comment if this is a reaction to that. I will say I think some kids just naturally have the disposition for this. My best advice, and sorry maybe some one else can do better, is to keep repeating to him what you have been saying, over and over. If he is having that bad of a reaction to losing a game, the game goes away. "Sorry, dude, but I think you need a break from this for awhile." I always try to key him in on the fact that playing just for fun is better than not playing at all. It is his choice. Right now my son is in the habit of questioning everything and making remarks where he has no idea what he is talking about. So, the conversation is over when he starts to mouth off. So, that might be what you have to look forward to handling in the future with this type of child. Of course, they can be terrific kids too. Luck, Vickie |
#3
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My son hates to lose... need help!
On Jun 13, 4:43 am, bchamberlin wrote:
I know this is a common problem and a part of growing up, but it seems that my 7 year old is having a rather hard time with this concept. He's overly competitive and terribly hard on himself. I'm not sure what to do but his behavior is not acceptable. It doesn't matter if he's playing Playstation, soccer, or goofing around with me in the yard. He quits, whines, and has a fit if he doesn't win. I've had to ban him from Tiger Woods golf (a healthy non violent game) that we often play together because he's actually gotten to the point where he hits himself in the head with the controller when he loses. Today he started crying because of some event he has at school today where everyone plays a car in a line of trains and he's the caboose. He simply didn't want to be last. My ex-wife and I both tried explaining that in some cases, being last was the most important position but he didn't want to hear any of it. Now, on a side note, my ex-wife and I are recently divorced. It was a clean divorce and we're still very close. We eat dinner together a few times a week, take our kids to the movies still, and talk several times a day. I haven't seen either of our children act out because of this but I figured I'd just throw that in ... in case any of you see something that I do not. Thanks for any advice... Brian Hi Brian, I also have a 7 yr old and I would describe his ability to handle winning and losing games as a "work in progress". I think kids handle these things as they can and the best we can do is keep on providing them with postive feedback. I tell my 7 yr old that the only way you learn to win is by losing over and over again. And I tell him that if he's not losing, then he's not learning to get better (esp with games like chess or physical activity). Also, learning to regulate emotions is something that takes time. Some kids---like mine--are very emotional. I find that toning down the volume, rather than discussing emotionally charged issues, often helps. Joking, communicating that everyone loses, and getting a child to understand how they are growing vs. winning/losing seems to help. If your kid is up to it, try to work on understanding probabilities and chances of winning by using doing heads/tails with a coin, games with dice, etc. Playing with probability games and gaining confidence with them is often a good stepping stone for dealing with winning/losing in games of skill. Best wishes to you, SMC |
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