toddler questions

"Monique" ) writes:
I think a lot of good points have been made to the fact that young kids
do not understand the difference between "smoking is gross" and "that
person is gross because they smoke".

Then it's a good time to teach them. You can say things like,
"That person made a big mistake by starting to smoke.
I've made some mistakes, like the time
when I ..."

If you don't teach them the difference, they might not
learn it. Some kids learn to be racist etc.

-L. wrote:
Monique wrote:
I think a lot of good points have been made to the fact that young kids
do not understand the difference between "smoking is gross" and "that
person is gross because they smoke".

I don't see any difference. If you smoke, you are gross.

-L.

I knew a man for 3 years before I ever found out that he smoked. In
that time I grew to like and respect him for being a genuinely decent
person. When I did finally learn that he smoked, it didn't change my
opinion of him. I never thought he was a "gross person". This is the
difference between "smoking is gross" and "that person is gross because
they smoke".

My Dad smokes, my husband smokes, two of my sisters smoke, and I am a
smoker. Yes, it is a filthy habit, and I am trying to quit. It is very
hard to do. I do not think any of us are "gross people" just because we
happen to have a bad habit. (BTW, I started smoking when I was 22.
Definitely old enough to know better, and all the bad things associated
with smoking. I began with just one or two cigarettes a day, because my
cousins smoked and when we were "hanging out" and doing all the things
that young people do, it just seemed like "oh well, one cigarette won't
hurt". Then that one cigarette turned into more and more, and finally
into a habit! I am now 29, and hope to be smoke free before I turn 30.)

But, I agree that to a small child, it would be hard to discern the
difference between the two statements.

I had a similar experience with a child saying something about smoking
that was misinformed and made me angry. This was before I ever started
the habit, and still believed I would never smoke. A few children saw
my dad and one of my sisters standing outside smoking. They started
yelling that they were "doing drugs". This sort of statement is true in
a vague generalized sort of way, but not true in that most people don't
think of smoking cigarettes when they hear someone is "doing drugs".

So be careful what you teach your children about smoking, but by all
means, let them know it is a filthy, dirty habit that will hurt their
lungs, and teeth/throat, etc. Just don't condemn the smoker. We are
still "good people". Smoking doesn't change that.

"sscreen" wrote in message
ups.com...
I had a similar experience with a child saying something about smoking
that was misinformed and made me angry. This was before I ever started
the habit, and still believed I would never smoke. A few children saw
my dad and one of my sisters standing outside smoking. They started
yelling that they were "doing drugs". This sort of statement is true in
a vague generalized sort of way, but not true in that most people don't
think of smoking cigarettes when they hear someone is "doing drugs".

I do consider smoking and drinking to be "doing drugs," though I understand
most people don't. They just happen to be legal drugs. I suppose if they
made marijuana legal, people may not consider that a drug, either.

-L. wrote:
Monique wrote:

I think a lot of good points have been made to the fact that young kids
do not understand the difference between "smoking is gross" and "that
person is gross because they smoke".


I don't see any difference. If you smoke, you are gross.

Is being incredibly judgemental more gross or less gross then smoking?

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

toypup wrote:
"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
om...

wrote in message
ups.com...
Besides which, there is a certain element at certain ages that will
compel them to rebel against all things 'bad', so perhaps it's best not
to make it totally evil. Just a thought?

At my HS, they were discussing having a smoking section set aside at
school. My history teacher said she thought kids who wanted to smoke will
do so anyway, but she was against the smoking section, because kids need
something to rebel against. It was better to make smoking the thing to
rebel against than something worse, like drugs. It made sense to me. In
junior high, it was against the rules to chew gum, so guess what? It was
the thing to do. Kept a lot of kids busy breaking that rule. Of course,
there will always be kids doing drugs and such, but my teacher had the
right idea.

Wait a second -- maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it looks like you're
suggesting that we....offer token resistance to smoking in the hopes that
they will take up smoking in rebellion instead of something worse? I
don't think that makes any sense at all. There may be worse things than
smoking, but smoking is *really* bad. I would be devastated if one of my
kids took it up.

No, it's not token resistence. It is something I think is horrible and
disgusting. Yuck. I can't understand why people ever want to do it. Thank
goodness no one I know well or am related to smokes. I am saying that I
wouldn't go with Jeni's suggestion of making it less evil just so kids don't
have that to rebel against. I just don't think the mild approach works with
the rebellious crowd. They'll just find something worse to rebel against,
and those who might not otherwise try it may feel they have permission. Of
course, the truly rebellious will go all out regardless. I'm not sure what
to do about those.

Well it didn't work with me. I spent 5 years with a boke who went on
and on about smoking even though I didn't. Stupid, but as a mark of
freedom against his constant harping I took up smoking and didn't give
up for a few years. I am not a particularly rebellious person but if
prodded hard enough I fight back. That is what I am saying. I was well
aware of the health risks etc. Nagging and being militant is not a good
way of doing things in my book - people, and kids, deserve more
respect.

On a bizarre note, shortly after I posted my dp, who has been smoking
for 24 years, told me, *totally* out of the blue, he is giving up! No
nagging from me required. Hurrah.

Jeni

wrote in message
ps.com...

toypup wrote:
No, it's not token resistence. It is something I think is horrible
and
disgusting. Yuck. I can't understand why people ever want to do
it. Thank
goodness no one I know well or am related to smokes. I am saying
that I
wouldn't go with Jeni's suggestion of making it less evil just so
kids don't
have that to rebel against. I just don't think the mild approach
works with
the rebellious crowd. They'll just find something worse to rebel
against,
and those who might not otherwise try it may feel they have
permission. Of
course, the truly rebellious will go all out regardless. I'm not
sure what
to do about those.

Well it didn't work with me. I spent 5 years with a boke who went on

What's a boke?

and on about smoking even though I didn't. Stupid, but as a mark of
freedom against his constant harping I took up smoking and didn't
give
up for a few years. I am not a particularly rebellious person but if
prodded hard enough I fight back. That is what I am saying. I was
well
aware of the health risks etc. Nagging and being militant is not a
good
way of doing things in my book - people, and kids, deserve more
respect.

I don't know enough about your situation to comment on it. It's been
shown though, that environment plays a big role in our choices as we
grow up. Families that take a stronger stance against things like
smoking, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, etc. tend to raise children who
are less likely to get involved in those things.

Or conversely, families that take a lax stand on these things are more
likely to have kids that get involved in them.

I agree that nagging and being militant are not good ways of doing
things. We don't teach that cigarettes are evil in this house -- only
that they are expensive, smelly, unhealthy, addictive and stupid.

On a bizarre note, shortly after I posted my dp, who has been
smoking
for 24 years, told me, *totally* out of the blue, he is giving up!
No
nagging from me required. Hurrah.

What's a dp?

Bizby

"toypup" wrote in message
t...

"sscreen" wrote in message
ups.com...
I had a similar experience with a child saying something about
smoking
that was misinformed and made me angry. This was before I ever
started
the habit, and still believed I would never smoke. A few children
saw
my dad and one of my sisters standing outside smoking. They started
yelling that they were "doing drugs". This sort of statement is
true in
a vague generalized sort of way, but not true in that most people
don't
think of smoking cigarettes when they hear someone is "doing
drugs".

I do consider smoking and drinking to be "doing drugs," though I
understand most people don't. They just happen to be legal drugs.
I suppose if they made marijuana legal, people may not consider that
a drug, either.

Alcohol is definitely a drug, because of the way it alters your mood
and impairs your ability to reason and react. If you want to consider
nicotine a drug, then I think you would have to include caffeine too.
So I guess that makes everyone that drinks coffee or sodas a druggie
too?

Bizby

bizby40 wrote:
wrote in message
[snip]
Well it didn't work with me. I spent 5 years with a boke who went on


What's a boke?

Probably a typo of "bloke" - UK slang for man.

[snip]

What's a dp?

Dear Parent?

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

"bizby40" wrote in message
...

I agree that nagging and being militant are not good ways of doing things.
We don't teach that cigarettes are evil in this house -- only that they
are expensive, smelly, unhealthy, addictive and stupid.

Yes, that is how we do it. We don't nag and we aren't militant, but we do
say how we feel about it without trying to make it nicer. If I think it's
digusting and I can't understand why anyone would want to do it, then that's
what I say. Of course, all the reasons I think so are also part of the
conversation.

"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
I do consider smoking and drinking to be "doing drugs," though I
understand most people don't. They just happen to be legal drugs. I
suppose if they made marijuana legal, people may not consider that a
drug, either.

Alcohol is definitely a drug, because of the way it alters your mood and
impairs your ability to reason and react. If you want to consider
nicotine a drug, then I think you would have to include caffeine too. So I
guess that makes everyone that drinks coffee or sodas a druggie too?

I did not say everyone who smokes or drinks alcohol is a "druggie." They
are "doing drugs." But not everyone who does drugs is a "druggie."

Oh, I don't take caffeine, either. But yes, caffeine is a drug. If you
look on some medications under "active ingredients," you will see "caffeine"
as the drug. OTOH, it has mild enough effects on people, that I don't think
it's usually a problem being addicted to that drug. Alcohol can ruin lives
and it can be deadly. Cigarettes kill through long and torturous disease.