How to Handle Difficult Parents: A Teacher's Survival Guide - review

I read the book and thought it was pretty good. She focuses on not
letting the parents push you into rudeness, which is important if
you're going to win the battle, but admits that there WILL be times
when nothing works with a parent.

Only thing that bugged me is when she hinted that "Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood" ("I like you just the way you are") could be partly to
blame for kids' laziness and reluctance to improve their behavior.
Somehow, I think even young kids wouldn't infer that message from the
show - unless maybe the PARENT makes NO effort to correct the kid in
anything.

Lenona.

P.S. A prize if you can guess who wrote this review - without
Googling.




04/02/07


"I wish you'd write a book for teachers, John," a teacher recently
said.

"What sort of book?" I asked


"A book on how to deal with parents who expect too much of teachers
and too little of their children, parents who hover, parents who can't
accept that their children aren't perfect, parents who blame you for
their children's discipline problems, parents who...."

"I get the picture," I interrupted. "Lots of teachers have made that
same request, but really, I'm not the person to write that book."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I've never been a classroom teacher, except of adults," I
replied, "and I resolved many years ago that I would not attempt to
tackle issues I've never experienced personally. A teacher should
write that book."

And now one has. Just last week, I said I did not often review books
and then gave a recommendation for David Elkind's newest, The Power of
Play (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2006). And then another book arrived
that is so unique and needed, obviously, that I feel compelled to
break with personal policy once again.

Suzanne Capek Tingley's How to Handle Difficult Parents: A Teacher's
Survival Guide (Cottonwood Press, 2006) is an eminently readable,
funny, practical book on how to deal with parents who expect too
little of teachers and too little of their children, parents who
hover, parents who can't accept that their children aren't perfect,
parents who blame teachers for their children's discipline
problems.... I'm sure you get the picture.

Tingley's bona fides include that she has been a teacher and a
principal and is now a school superintendent. She also teaches
education administration at the State University of New York and has
been a New York Outstanding School Administrator. On the flip side of
the coin, she and her husband have two daughters. Need I say more?

Fifty years ago, when a teacher called home to report a problem with a
child's behavior or performance, the parent (usually a mother)
accepted the report without reluctance and the child (usually a boy)
was punished when he arrived home. In most cases, he was not even
allowed to come forth with his side of the story (usually a cleverly
crafted lie). All too often, when today's parents receive similar
phone calls, they become their children's advocates and attorneys.
They deny, defend, and frequently toss the hot potato of blame back at
the teacher, who then risks finding herself being raked over the coals
by an administrator who wants nothing more than peace in the valley.
The problem is driving good people out of the profession, in fact, as
attested to by many ex-teachers with whom I have spoken.

Take heart, teachers! Tingley's table of contents makes one want to
read on. How can one resist wanting to find out who "Pinochio's Mom"
is? Or "The Stealth Zapper"? Or "Ms. 'Quit Picking on My Kid'"? Each
of Tingley's characters will be intimately familiar to all but a
teacher who's in September of her first year, but the truly wonderful
thing about this book is that Tingley provides teachers with the words
to say to meddling, overprotective, defensive, blaming parents-words
that will not only disarm but hopefully turn potential enemies into
allies.

In fact, I think Tingley's book should be required reading for
parents. It would give even those who do not meddle, overprotect,
defend, and so on appreciation for what their children's teachers
have to deal with at times. But what a great thing it would be if
Pinochio's Mom and the Stealth Zapper could for once see themselves in
action. Come to think of it, they'd probably read Tingley's
descriptions and think she was talking about someone else. That's the
problem, after all.

On Apr 7, 11:27 am, wrote:
I read the book and thought it was pretty good. She focuses on not
letting the parents push you into rudeness, which is important if
you're going to win the battle, but admits that there WILL be times
when nothing works with a parent.

Only thing that bugged me is when she hinted that "Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood" ("I like you just the way you are") could be partly to
blame for kids' laziness and reluctance to improve their behavior.
Somehow, I think even young kids wouldn't infer that message from the
show - unless maybe the PARENT makes NO effort to correct the kid in
anything.

Lenona.

P.S. A prize if you can guess who wrote this review - without
Googling.

04/02/07

"I wish you'd write a book for teachers, John," a teacher recently
said.

"What sort of book?" I asked

"A book on how to deal with parents who expect too much of teachers
and too little of their children, parents who hover, parents who can't
accept that their children aren't perfect, parents who blame you for
their children's discipline problems, parents who...."

"I get the picture," I interrupted. "Lots of teachers have made that
same request, but really, I'm not the person to write that book."

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I've never been a classroom teacher, except of adults," I
replied, "and I resolved many years ago that I would not attempt to
tackle issues I've never experienced personally. A teacher should
write that book."

And now one has. Just last week, I said I did not often review books
and then gave a recommendation for David Elkind's newest, The Power of
Play (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2006). And then another book arrived
that is so unique and needed, obviously, that I feel compelled to
break with personal policy once again.

Suzanne Capek Tingley's How to Handle Difficult Parents: A Teacher's
Survival Guide (Cottonwood Press, 2006) is an eminently readable,
funny, practical book on how to deal with parents who expect too
little of teachers and too little of their children, parents who
hover, parents who can't accept that their children aren't perfect,
parents who blame teachers for their children's discipline
problems.... I'm sure you get the picture.

Tingley's bona fides include that she has been a teacher and a
principal and is now a school superintendent. She also teaches
education administration at the State University of New York and has
been a New York Outstanding School Administrator. On the flip side of
the coin, she and her husband have two daughters. Need I say more?

Fifty years ago, when a teacher called home to report a problem with a
child's behavior or performance, the parent (usually a mother)
accepted the report without reluctance and the child (usually a boy)
was punished when he arrived home. In most cases, he was not even
allowed to come forth with his side of the story (usually a cleverly
crafted lie). All too often, when today's parents receive similar
phone calls, they become their children's advocates and attorneys.
They deny, defend, and frequently toss the hot potato of blame back at
the teacher, who then risks finding herself being raked over the coals
by an administrator who wants nothing more than peace in the valley.
The problem is driving good people out of the profession, in fact, as
attested to by many ex-teachers with whom I have spoken.

Take heart, teachers! Tingley's table of contents makes one want to
read on. How can one resist wanting to find out who "Pinochio's Mom"
is? Or "The Stealth Zapper"? Or "Ms. 'Quit Picking on My Kid'"? Each
of Tingley's characters will be intimately familiar to all but a
teacher who's in September of her first year, but the truly wonderful
thing about this book is that Tingley provides teachers with the words
to say to meddling, overprotective, defensive, blaming parents-words
that will not only disarm but hopefully turn potential enemies into
allies.

In fact, I think Tingley's book should be required reading for
parents. It would give even those who do not meddle, overprotect,
defend, and so on appreciation for what their children's teachers
have to deal with at times. But what a great thing it would be if
Pinochio's Mom and the Stealth Zapper could for once see themselves in
action. Come to think of it, they'd probably read Tingley's
descriptions and think she was talking about someone else. That's the
problem, after all.

it happens, parents should not be too hard on either teachers and
children.
In some senses, our children behaviors reflect how they are brought up
at home, some parents over-protect or defend their children and shift
the blame on others just to defend themselves.