grandparents and parents

In article , toypup says...

Sue wrote:
grandmother and I wish that she was still alive to be able to continue in
their lives. I think it is really sad that new parents today don't let their
parents have more time with the grandkids, afterall it's not like they don't
have any experience.

Sometimes, the reason is that the grown children know what type of
parents their parents were. Not all parents are good parents. The
grandchildren might need to be spared their brand of parenting.


That would be for some specific cases, yes.

I see no particular trend for new parents not to let their parents have more
time with the grandkids.

But once in a while you have a grandparent who wont' take percautions that are
now common.

More often you have a grandparents who have moved to some state far away that
doesn't have income taxes! I'm in New York, and if I had a nickel for every
parent I know whose parents (the grandparents) have moved to Florida or the
Carolinas, I could buy a small dinner.

Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , toypup says...

Sue wrote:
grandmother and I wish that she was still alive to be able to continue
in
their lives. I think it is really sad that new parents today don't let
their
parents have more time with the grandkids, afterall it's not like they
don't
have any experience.

Sometimes, the reason is that the grown children know what type of
parents their parents were. Not all parents are good parents. The
grandchildren might need to be spared their brand of parenting.


That would be for some specific cases, yes.

I see no particular trend for new parents not to let their parents have
more
time with the grandkids.

But once in a while you have a grandparent who wont' take percautions that
are
now common.

More often you have a grandparents who have moved to some state far away
that
doesn't have income taxes! I'm in New York, and if I had a nickel for
every
parent I know whose parents (the grandparents) have moved to Florida or
the
Carolinas, I could buy a small dinner.

Or, the kids have jobs which have taken them outside of the area their
parents live in. There simply aren't jobs in DH's field in the small college
town in VA my parents live in, and with three colleges and universities in
the area, including one which is one of the top music ed schools in the
country, it's unlikely I could get a job quickly either (it took three years
for a high school friend of mine to get hired by the schools-and his father
is school board president!)


I know a LOT of people who wouldn't mind living nearer their parents once
they have children, but the jobs simply aren't there. We have family in four
states, and in three of the four cases, the places our family lives are
wonderful, small university towns with few job openings.

Banty wrote:

I see no particular trend for new parents not to let their parents have more
time with the grandkids.

I do feel like there's a trend toward controlling
access by grandparents more strictly, though a trend doesn't
mean that it's true of all cases by any means.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Stephanie schrieb:

Since I'm a single mom I only have the issues with my parents, but car
seats is definitely a big one.
Sam is 7 now and they do not see the point of the booster seat. They
took him to their home in Austria last summer before Sara was due and I
had to threaten to keep Sam home if they refused to take the (5 euro)
booster seat. My dad was all "But I'm bringing him back by plane where
am I going to put the seat?" and I finally said "So toss it if it
bothers you so much! It was 5 bucks, it's not going to kill me to buy a
new one!" So they finally took it. They don't see the point of new car
seats either. I was using used car seats for Sam. Used as in he was at
least the 3rd child using it. They had no labels. I was scared every
time we rode a car. Now with Sara I've pretty much put my foot down and
bought new car seats (she's in the second seat already.) I'm thinking
about buying a booster with a back for Sam, but those still cost 150
euro and since we don't own a car I'm kind of reluctant about shelling
out the money. He does have a booster seat. Also, since the seats are
installed in my brothers car every time he wants to go out with his
friends he has to take both seats out and I don't want him to have to
deal with two large unwieldy seats every few days.

Another thing is sweets. I said no sweets when he was little and they
still gave them to him "A little won't hurt,..." yeah. Then our
neighbours had their grandchild and my mother started telling me how
excellent the parents were about not giving their son sweets. He wasn't
even allowed cocoa or juice. And I had to bite my tongue because when
she asks Sam what he wants to drink and he says Juice with water she
tells him straight juice is much better and refuses to add water! And
milk isn't good if it's not mixed with cocoa (which he won't drink, he
likes his milk straight and cold! but of course it needs to be hot...)

I think what stresses me most with Sara is how my mom (when they're
here, visiting) offers to take her so I can clean (Sara hates the vacuum
cleaner, she totally freaks out when it's on and takes ages to calm down
afterwards.) and I tell her "If she starts screaming, just bring her
over (we live on the same property, there's maybe 20 meters between our
houses). And she doesn't. She lets her scream until I come and pick her
up. And then she tells me how spoiled my baby is because she only stops
screaming once she's picked up. Yeah well.

What also bothers me, with Sam, is that they let him run loose. He
doesn't have to follow any rules when he's at their house and when
they're here and I tell him to do something he'll frequently say "But
Oma said I don't have to,..." and she'll back him up! And then she'll
tell me how he's such a horrible kid because he doesn't do what he's
told. Well, I wonder why. So this summer they offered to take him "for a
week or two, depending on when we're coming back to germany" and I said
no. I'm just not ready to deal with a 10 month old and an out of control
7 year old, especially if they won't/can't tell me when they're
returning with him. So he was really ****ed off because he can't go see
Oma and I'm really ****ed off because of course they told him they'd be
taking him to Austria before asking me if it was ok.

Yeah, this got kind of long. Sorry ;-)

cu
nicole

Banty wrote:

More often you have a grandparents who have moved to some state far away that
doesn't have income taxes! I'm in New York, and if I had a nickel for every
parent I know whose parents (the grandparents) have moved to Florida or the
Carolinas, I could buy a small dinner.


Hope they didn't move to the Carolinas under the impression they
wouldn't have an income tax. They'll be due for a surprise.
Clisby

Banty

In article , Clisby says...

Banty wrote:

More often you have a grandparents who have moved to some state far away that
doesn't have income taxes! I'm in New York, and if I had a nickel for every
parent I know whose parents (the grandparents) have moved to Florida or the
Carolinas, I could buy a small dinner.


Hope they didn't move to the Carolinas under the impression they
wouldn't have an income tax. They'll be due for a surprise.

Thought the Carolinas (one or the other) didn't. But since I'm totally
uninterested in retiring near some coast, I'm not doing any research ;-)

Banty