4 year old bad behavior?? HELP!!

Well, I'm wondering if anyone else has had anything similar to deal with...

B, lately, just seems to be horrible in his actions. Normally, he's your
typical 4 year old, but lately, I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm
about the size of a house, and I just do not have the energy, ability or
patience to deal with it all.
I haven't been working since Jan (due to my job being so physical) and I've
been staying at home. I try and fill the day with a variety of activities
to keep us all busy and occupied.

We went out shopping yesterday. Went to some consignment stores because I
was looking for one of those maternity support belts. I didn't find one,
but picked up a pair of sandals, couple shorts and outfits, as well as some
books for him. As soon as we were about to leave the store, he started
kicking and screaming and refused to leave. At 32ish weeks, I really can't
carry him at all, and especially kicking and screaming, that just can't
happen. I ended up, literally, DRAGGING him out of the store, kicking and
screaming. I was tempted to go back in the store, return the sandals he
wanted, even though he didn't need them, and the clothes and books as well,
but I didn't want to have to stand in line all over again while he screams
like he was.

He constantly says, "I hate you!" to me, and all I always say is, "That's
nice. I still love you." and that makes him scream even more.

Later that day, after we came home and he spent the good part of the
afternoon in his room kicking the walls and door, we had to leave to pick up
Norm from work. We also needed to stop at the grocery store for a single
item for supper, and he refused to sit down in the shopping cart, so I told
him if he stood up one more time, he'd have to sit in the top part for
smaller children, rather than the basket part. As it went, he ended up in
the child's seat part, and again started kicking and crying and shouting.
After about a minute of threats of going home, I picked him up, carried him
out to the car, and we sat in the car while Norm picked up what I had
needed. Again in the car, even in the heat that we had yesterday, I had to
sit with the windows up and doors closed because I didn't think others going
shopping cared to hear him scream like he was. He then carried this on all
the way home, and at home as well, where he was sent up to his room until
supper was ready. I just could NOT handle all the yelling and crying and
tantrum he had ALL DAY.

He refuses to have a nap or any type of quiet time during the day. I do not
get any kind of nap or resting time myself, which makes me feel totally beat
by mid day. Right now, now that I am not working and we are basically on
one income, I cannot afford the cost of daycare for him. He'll be 4.5 when
this baby comes, and he's able to start school, and the only reason I'm
starting him as an early starter in kindergarden is because I don't know if
I could handle a full day with him, and a newborn. (Kindergarden is in the
morning only) I would have rather started him in Sept. of 2006, but I don't
know if that will be possible for me.

When Norm comes home from work, he seems to act up even more. When asked to
do something, or not do something, he is always yelling NO! which is
something he never really has done before. He is constantly losing things
he enjoys and I constantly take priviledges away from him. I have put
almost all his toys in the bedroom, locked away from him, because of the way
he acts. He had slowly earned a few back, but now again, I am wondering if
he needs to have them taken away and worked towards again. He also lost the
priviledges of a TV show after supper before it's time to get ready for bed.
When all the kids outside are playing, he, last night and today as well so
far, he was not allowed to go outside and play. My mom had suggested the
loss of priviledges (the TV shows, outside play time, etc.) and my aunt
suggested taking the toys away, since he really does have way too many toys.
Lately, that doesn't seem to help at all, and I'm wondering if I'm going
abouts the wrong way with it all.

Could he all of a sudden be acting like this because of the baby? We've,
from the start, always told him he's going to have a baby brother or sister,
and he said he wanted a sister. We found out it's a girl, and told him, and
he was excited. Could this be a problem with a new sibling coming and him
not liking the idea or something? Does anyone have any suggestions as to
what I could try or what I should not try? I'll take anything because,
really, I can't handle this, and the last little while, it just seems to be
getting worse and worse...

Anything would be appreciated and I'm willing to try almost anything!

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:EUKle.1495018$8l.623112@pd7tw1no...
Well, I'm wondering if anyone else has had anything similar to deal
with...

B, lately, just seems to be horrible in his actions. Normally, he's your
typical 4 year old, but lately, I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm
about the size of a house, and I just do not have the energy, ability or
patience to deal with it all.
I haven't been working since Jan (due to my job being so physical) and
I've been staying at home. I try and fill the day with a variety of
activities to keep us all busy and occupied.

We went out shopping yesterday. Went to some consignment stores because I
was looking for one of those maternity support belts. I didn't find one,
but picked up a pair of sandals, couple shorts and outfits, as well as
some books for him. As soon as we were about to leave the store, he
started kicking and screaming and refused to leave. At 32ish weeks, I
really can't carry him at all, and especially kicking and screaming, that
just can't happen. I ended up, literally, DRAGGING him out of the store,
kicking and screaming. I was tempted to go back in the store, return the
sandals he wanted, even though he didn't need them, and the clothes and
books as well, but I didn't want to have to stand in line all over again
while he screams like he was.

He constantly says, "I hate you!" to me, and all I always say is, "That's
nice. I still love you." and that makes him scream even more.

Later that day, after we came home and he spent the good part of the
afternoon in his room kicking the walls and door, we had to leave to pick
up Norm from work. We also needed to stop at the grocery store for a
single item for supper, and he refused to sit down in the shopping cart,
so I told him if he stood up one more time, he'd have to sit in the top
part for smaller children, rather than the basket part. As it went, he
ended up in the child's seat part, and again started kicking and crying
and shouting. After about a minute of threats of going home, I picked him
up, carried him out to the car, and we sat in the car while Norm picked up
what I had needed. Again in the car, even in the heat that we had
yesterday, I had to sit with the windows up and doors closed because I
didn't think others going shopping cared to hear him scream like he was.
He then carried this on all the way home, and at home as well, where he
was sent up to his room until supper was ready. I just could NOT handle
all the yelling and crying and tantrum he had ALL DAY.

He refuses to have a nap or any type of quiet time during the day. I do
not get any kind of nap or resting time myself, which makes me feel
totally beat by mid day. Right now, now that I am not working and we are
basically on one income, I cannot afford the cost of daycare for him.
He'll be 4.5 when this baby comes, and he's able to start school, and the
only reason I'm starting him as an early starter in kindergarden is
because I don't know if I could handle a full day with him, and a newborn.
(Kindergarden is in the morning only) I would have rather started him in
Sept. of 2006, but I don't know if that will be possible for me.

When Norm comes home from work, he seems to act up even more. When asked
to do something, or not do something, he is always yelling NO! which is
something he never really has done before. He is constantly losing things
he enjoys and I constantly take priviledges away from him. I have put
almost all his toys in the bedroom, locked away from him, because of the
way he acts. He had slowly earned a few back, but now again, I am
wondering if he needs to have them taken away and worked towards again.
He also lost the priviledges of a TV show after supper before it's time to
get ready for bed. When all the kids outside are playing, he, last night
and today as well so far, he was not allowed to go outside and play. My
mom had suggested the loss of priviledges (the TV shows, outside play
time, etc.) and my aunt suggested taking the toys away, since he really
does have way too many toys. Lately, that doesn't seem to help at all, and
I'm wondering if I'm going abouts the wrong way with it all.

Could he all of a sudden be acting like this because of the baby? We've,
from the start, always told him he's going to have a baby brother or
sister, and he said he wanted a sister. We found out it's a girl, and
told him, and he was excited. Could this be a problem with a new sibling
coming and him not liking the idea or something? Does anyone have any
suggestions as to what I could try or what I should not try? I'll take
anything because, really, I can't handle this, and the last little while,
it just seems to be getting worse and worse...

Anything would be appreciated and I'm willing to try almost anything!

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?


When my dear son went through that stage, I took EVERYTHING out of his room
until his good and proactive behavior allowed them back in. It worked for
us. He had a bed and a dresser. Of course he earned them back. Just be
persistent. I think it is pretty typical for them to know what is going on
that is different. "Who is the new thing coming to my house and it is not a
puppy?"
Imagine how you would feel, but still don't let him show his ass and if he
does, natural consequences work.
This is all my opinion and what has worked for me.
Good luck and what was the rash?
No one ever posted.
::itch itch::
V

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:EUKle.1495018$8l.623112@pd7tw1no...

snip

When Norm comes home from work, he seems to act up even more.

I'm sorry but I think you should look into this more.

Christine

On Sat, 28 May 2005 04:22:48 GMT, 'Kate-
wrote:

On Fri, 27 May 2005 19:53:08 GMT, "xkatx"
the following was posted in blue crayon:

Well, I'm wondering if anyone else has had anything similar to deal with...

B, lately, just seems to be horrible in his actions. Normally, he's your
typical 4 year old, but lately, I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm
about the size of a house, and I just do not have the energy, ability or
patience to deal with it all.

[snip outstanding response]

Well, I had some thoughts, but I put your post aside to spend time
answering properly later, and while I did, Kate said everything so
well I have very, very little to add.

I remember four, and it was one of the roughest ages. Blew the much
touted 'terrible twos' right out of the water. Everything Kate
suggests is exactly what I'd've recommended. Your head's on straight,
xkatx. Carry on, and remember the mother's mantra: This too shall
pass...this too shall pass...this too shall
pass....thisss....tooo....shall.....pass.....ooooo oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhmmmm!

Cele

On Sat, 28 May 2005 13:42:52 GMT, 'Kate-
wrote:

On Sat, 28 May 2005 05:34:07 GMT, Cele the
following was posted in blue crayon:

On Sat, 28 May 2005 04:22:48 GMT, 'Kate-
wrote:

On Fri, 27 May 2005 19:53:08 GMT, "xkatx"
the following was posted in blue crayon:

Well, I'm wondering if anyone else has had anything similar to deal with...

B, lately, just seems to be horrible in his actions. Normally, he's your
typical 4 year old, but lately, I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm
about the size of a house, and I just do not have the energy, ability or
patience to deal with it all.

[snip outstanding response]

Well, I had some thoughts, but I put your post aside to spend time
answering properly later, and while I did, Kate said everything so
well I have very, very little to add.

I remember four, and it was one of the roughest ages. Blew the much
touted 'terrible twos' right out of the water. Everything Kate
suggests is exactly what I'd've recommended. Your head's on straight,
xkatx. Carry on, and remember the mother's mantra: This too shall
pass...this too shall pass...this too shall
pass....thisss....tooo....shall.....pass.....ooo oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhmmmm!

Cele

Reminds me of a "joke" about a mother patiently shopping with a
misbehaving pre-schooler. As she walked around the store, the
storyteller could hear her say, "It's ok, Anna.. just a few more
things and we'll be on our way" and "Almost done, Anna... good girl".
He followed her out of the store to commend her, "Your daughter, Anna,
is very lucky to have such a patient mother." The mother replied, "My
daughter's name is Julie. I'm Anna."

It's like that sometimes.

'Kate

Oh well. This monitor was on its last legs anyway.

[still chuckling]

Cele

"CME" wrote in message
news:t_Rle.22275$wr.3629@clgrps12...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:EUKle.1495018$8l.623112@pd7tw1no...

snip

When Norm comes home from work, he seems to act up even more.

I'm sorry but I think you should look into this more.

Christine

Actually, this was a major concern for me at first, and still is every now
and then. Right from the start, Norm was the one who seemed to have kept
him in check. I was the one, I know and admit, who kind of let any and all
discipline slide from the beginning. I found growing up that my dad was
always the authority figure, and he was the one to fear the most when in
trouble. I think this is something similar. I found he's worse for me,
anyways, and I just can't seem to get discipline down, since I didn't from
almost day 1. THAT, I know, is definitely my fault and no one elses. Even
to this day, he listens better to Norm than he does to me. I guess he knows
that he can get away with more with me.
Right from the start, he has always, I guess for lack of a better word,
shown more respect to Norm as far as behaviour. It's just lately that he
won't listen to anyone, really. He had even told my mom off, kind of, when
he was asked to pick up his toys when we were there, and normally he always
does with no problem, but he told my mom no, and then I ended up picking up
the toys while he screamed and put the toys away so next time, the toys I
picked up, would not be there for him. He then started kicking and
screaming when it was time to leave, which is something he's never done at
my parents' place.

"V" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:EUKle.1495018$8l.623112@pd7tw1no...
Well, I'm wondering if anyone else has had anything similar to deal
with...

B, lately, just seems to be horrible in his actions. Normally, he's your
typical 4 year old, but lately, I just can't handle it. I feel like I'm
about the size of a house, and I just do not have the energy, ability or
patience to deal with it all.
I haven't been working since Jan (due to my job being so physical) and
I've been staying at home. I try and fill the day with a variety of
activities to keep us all busy and occupied.

We went out shopping yesterday. Went to some consignment stores because
I was looking for one of those maternity support belts. I didn't find
one, but picked up a pair of sandals, couple shorts and outfits, as well
as some books for him. As soon as we were about to leave the store, he
started kicking and screaming and refused to leave. At 32ish weeks, I
really can't carry him at all, and especially kicking and screaming, that
just can't happen. I ended up, literally, DRAGGING him out of the store,
kicking and screaming. I was tempted to go back in the store, return the
sandals he wanted, even though he didn't need them, and the clothes and
books as well, but I didn't want to have to stand in line all over again
while he screams like he was.

He constantly says, "I hate you!" to me, and all I always say is, "That's
nice. I still love you." and that makes him scream even more.

Later that day, after we came home and he spent the good part of the
afternoon in his room kicking the walls and door, we had to leave to pick
up Norm from work. We also needed to stop at the grocery store for a
single item for supper, and he refused to sit down in the shopping cart,
so I told him if he stood up one more time, he'd have to sit in the top
part for smaller children, rather than the basket part. As it went, he
ended up in the child's seat part, and again started kicking and crying
and shouting. After about a minute of threats of going home, I picked him
up, carried him out to the car, and we sat in the car while Norm picked
up what I had needed. Again in the car, even in the heat that we had
yesterday, I had to sit with the windows up and doors closed because I
didn't think others going shopping cared to hear him scream like he was.
He then carried this on all the way home, and at home as well, where he
was sent up to his room until supper was ready. I just could NOT handle
all the yelling and crying and tantrum he had ALL DAY.

He refuses to have a nap or any type of quiet time during the day. I do
not get any kind of nap or resting time myself, which makes me feel
totally beat by mid day. Right now, now that I am not working and we are
basically on one income, I cannot afford the cost of daycare for him.
He'll be 4.5 when this baby comes, and he's able to start school, and the
only reason I'm starting him as an early starter in kindergarden is
because I don't know if I could handle a full day with him, and a
newborn. (Kindergarden is in the morning only) I would have rather
started him in Sept. of 2006, but I don't know if that will be possible
for me.

When Norm comes home from work, he seems to act up even more. When asked
to do something, or not do something, he is always yelling NO! which is
something he never really has done before. He is constantly losing
things he enjoys and I constantly take priviledges away from him. I have
put almost all his toys in the bedroom, locked away from him, because of
the way he acts. He had slowly earned a few back, but now again, I am
wondering if he needs to have them taken away and worked towards again.
He also lost the priviledges of a TV show after supper before it's time
to get ready for bed. When all the kids outside are playing, he, last
night and today as well so far, he was not allowed to go outside and
play. My mom had suggested the loss of priviledges (the TV shows,
outside play time, etc.) and my aunt suggested taking the toys away,
since he really does have way too many toys. Lately, that doesn't seem to
help at all, and I'm wondering if I'm going abouts the wrong way with it
all.

Could he all of a sudden be acting like this because of the baby? We've,
from the start, always told him he's going to have a baby brother or
sister, and he said he wanted a sister. We found out it's a girl, and
told him, and he was excited. Could this be a problem with a new sibling
coming and him not liking the idea or something? Does anyone have any
suggestions as to what I could try or what I should not try? I'll take
anything because, really, I can't handle this, and the last little while,
it just seems to be getting worse and worse...

Anything would be appreciated and I'm willing to try almost anything!

--
A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet?


When my dear son went through that stage, I took EVERYTHING out of his
room until his good and proactive behavior allowed them back in. It worked
for us. He had a bed and a dresser. Of course he earned them back. Just be
persistent. I think it is pretty typical for them to know what is going on
that is different. "Who is the new thing coming to my house and it is not
a puppy?"

I did that too not long ago. There were a few items that I couldn't take
out of his room, such as his giant train table, but the parts for it were
all gone (the trains, tracks, little guys, trees and all that) and he was
left with his bed, dresser, train table, book case. I packed everything in
boxes, and as he earned them back, he was allowed to go through a box and
pick out a couple toys he wanted. I'm now thinking (after I had suggested
from someone) that I keep all the boxes, let him earn one box back at a time
(they're small boxes) and once he earns, let's say, 4 boxes back, allow him
to then rotate boxes and pick a new box and stash the other one away for
rotation. He just really does have too many toys, and I don't think I've
bought 1/5th of what he has. I've also made it clear that I would like
gifts of toys to be limited. Books, clothing and other things he can use
are perfect, and the odd new toy, but really, if in boxes for a little while
and rotated, wouldn't some of the older toys be almost like new toys if he
hasn't seen them for a few months?

Imagine how you would feel, but still don't let him show his ass and if he
does, natural consequences work.
This is all my opinion and what has worked for me.

Yes, thank you. I'll definitely give it a try. The last little while,
nothing seems to be working, which is why I'll take everything into
consideration. I try and keep the yelling to as little as possible, since I
know for a fact (from when I was growing up even) that yelling doesn't work,
so I've always tried to stay away from yelling. I've tried giving him a
little slap on the hands for some things, like, for example, when he's been
told not to play with the plug ins and still does. But for something like
when he hits me, or tries to, all I do is grab his hands and hold them tight
enough for him to not get out, but not tight enough to actually hurt.
Again, I find, from growing up myself, that spankings hadn't worked for me,
so I really find no real point in that. Plus, I think if I hit, it will
just reinforce his idea that hitting is alright to do, which really, I don't
believe it is.

Good luck and what was the rash?
No one ever posted.
::itch itch::
V

That's because I still don't know... It doesn't bother me, and my doc has no
real concerns about it, so I have let it be for now. It actually seems to
be less spread out over me, so I dunno.

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:Vt1me.1503127$6l.1201465@pd7tw2no...
snippage

I try and keep the yelling to as little as possible, since I know for a
fact (from when I was growing up even) that yelling doesn't work, so I've
always tried to stay away from yelling.

I truly see moms yelling and it makes them look out of control; plus when
you do raise the voice, they know it is all about to go down in tiny town.

snip Plus, I think if I hit, it will
just reinforce his idea that hitting is alright to do, which really, I
don't believe it is.

I used to disagree but I agree after parenting and seeing other's parenting
choices. Hitting, spanking, etc. does not work.


That's because I still don't know... It doesn't bother me, and my doc has
no
real concerns about it, so I have let it be for now. It actually seems to
be less spread out over me, so I dunno.


Bless your heart. Well, as long it is not bothersome who cares. Maybe it
will go away soon. Good luck with the four year old attitude!! I feel your
pain honey!
V