If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
Judging from my children's behavior today, I feel like I must be in dire need
of some serious parenting help. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that someone here can give me some advice. I took Jordan & Madison with me to a Kelly's Kids show at a friend's house so I could make sure I ordered the right size dresses for them. My friend took them up to her daughter's playroom so they could play while I looked around. When it was time to go I told them to clean up because we had to go visit their cousin. They both threw tantrums. They were screaming and crying and wouldn't clean up. We finally got the playroom cleaned up and went downstairs. I told them to say "thank you" to my friend for letting them play in the playroom. They refused to say it. I thanked her, and since I didn't want to cause another scene or get into a power struggle I didn't push the issue. When we were walking out I saw another friend of mine, whom Jordan & Madison also know. She said hello to them and I told them to reply by telling her hi. They pouted and refused to say it and Madison even told me "NO!" By this time I was completely mortified. Of course there were about 5 other people there that I also know, who were witnessing my kids' belligerence. When we got to the car I told the girls that I was disappointed in their behavior and that they should have thanked Miss Jamie for letting them play and told Miss Cindy hello when she spoke to them. In the past I have told them over and over that they need to say "hi" when someone says hello to them. etc., etc. Afterwards we were having lunch with a friend of mine at Applebees. When we got inside the girls saw they had balloons and they started yelling to the hostess "I want a red balloon!" "I want a blue balloon!" I told them they were being rude and that they needed to say "please" and ask nicely. Once again I was completely mortified. I realize they're still young, but I don't speak to people this way and they know they're not supposed to speak to people like that either! I was completely shocked. I thought about telling them they weren't going to get a balloon, but after I corrected them they did ask the hostess again politely. So we're sitting down in the restaurant and the girls are being sooooo loud. My friend and I keep telling them to use their inside voices, but they continued to be loud. Then they started fighting over the crayons and trying to kick each other under the table! Jordan started grabbing all the crayons so that Madison couldn't have any and at that point I took her to the restroom and had a chat with her. She started screaming and crying as soon as I picked her up from the table and we had to stay in the restroom for about 15 minutes until she settled down and was ready to listen. I would have taken them & left the restauraunt if my friend had not been with us. After that their behavior improved somewhat. Then tonight after I had bathed them and washed their hair Madison went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth by herself, got water and toothpaste everywhere, and ate I don't know how much toothpaste (according to her it was "a lot"). There was blue toothpaste all in her hair, on her pajamas, the mirror, sink, and counters. We've told her over and over that she needs a grown-up to help her brush her teeth and that she's not supposed to eat the toothpaste. I thought it was out of her reach, but apparently I was wrong. So anyway, Dh reads the tube and says that it states we should call Poison Control if it's been ingested. So I called them (Madison's name's already on file with them) and they said to make her drink 6-8 oz. of milk and to check on her every 15-30 minutes for the next 6 hours. The woman said Madison would probably end up with a stomach ache and to call her back if she started throwing up excessively. So far she's been fine (knock wood). Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with rude behavior in public? If we had been at home I would have told them to do to time-out in their rooms until they were ready to be nice, but I am obviously having trouble dealing with this type of behavior in public. We go out to eat for lunch once or twice per week, so eating in a restaurant is not a new experience for them and I think it's important that they learn to behave in that setting. I don't expect them to sit there silently and use impeccable table manners, but I do think they should be able to act somewhat civilized. I always bring crayons or something for them to do quietly while we are waiting for our food, but this isn't helping. Any suggestions? I feel like a parental failure today. Thank You, Andrea twin girls-Madison & Jordan 3/22/00 |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
You are ok. The kids are ok. My DH and I almost never went out with the
twins at that age. They start getting antsy and their attention span as well as the overwhelming stimulation sometimes gets to them and you don't have a very good time. As far as the hi to people that say hi, I'm totally against it. First off, the kids have to learn the stranger bit, even if you know the people, they don't and saying hi IMO is confusing, "don't say hi or talk to strangers but mom says this one is ok". Only when the kids were about 5 did they get the distinction. I always tell people after they started to speak to Chris or Kathleen (both were very shy - not now at all but then something awful), that they were not much talkers. Adults that care not to scare the kids understand and don't push it. I never pushed the issue of talking to adults until just recently (they are now 8.5). They do look rude at this age not speaking back to known "again I said known adults." If someone in the store talks to them, even now they generally don't talk to them unless they get an approving glance from me. There are waaaaay toooo many kooks out there that "befriend" kids to get them and the parents comfortable with the surrounding situation. Reading "The Gift of Fear" is great and gives me - especially coming from Chicago metro area, a good idea on how to handle strangers. Anyhow, the rest of how you handled the day sounds ok. The toothpaste stuff is just something that is bound to happen. At the same age, Kathleen drank peroxide, again, like you a call to the poison control. She was ok but I too thought the stuff was out of touch. It happens, and bad days happen, even at 8.5 - and I can't find any reason other than they loose their minds and I loose my patience - even in public. Shirley Chris and Kathleen 1/95 "Rhiann1048" wrote in message ... Subject: Feeling like a parental failure today (long) From: (Andrea) Date: Wed, Aug 13, 2003 10:57 PM Message-id: Judging from my children's behavior today, I feel like I must be in dire need of some serious parenting help. They are *3*. You could be the perfect parent and still have 3 year olds that act up from time to time. It sounds like this day is an exception to the rule. IMO you are doing just fine. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that someone here can give me some advice. I took Jordan & Madison with me to a Kelly's Kids show at a friend's house so I could make sure I ordered the right size dresses for them. My friend took them up to her daughter's playroom so they could play while I looked around. When it was time to go I told them to clean up because we had to go visit their cousin. They both threw tantrums. They were screaming and crying and wouldn't clean up. We finally got the playroom cleaned up and went downstairs. I told them to say "thank you" to my friend for letting them play in the playroom. They refused to say it. I thanked her, and since I didn't want to cause another scene or get into a power struggle I didn't push the issue. When we were walking out I saw another friend of mine, whom Jordan & Madison also know. She said hello to them and I told them to reply by telling her hi. They pouted and refused to say it and Madison even told me "NO!" By this time I was completely mortified. Of course there were about 5 other people there that I also know, who were witnessing my kids' belligerence. If these people also have kids (or spend any time around them), they *know* that this is how kids of this age act sometimes. I know it is awful when your kids do this -- but others probably are more understanding than you think. Just curious -- but do you tell them to say thank you and hello or are you asking them to? Perhaps if it is phrased as a question they'd be more receptive? Or would asking invite the 'no' more readily? When we got to the car I told the girls that I was disappointed in their behavior and that they should have thanked Miss Jamie for letting them play and told Miss Cindy hello when she spoke to them. In the past I have told them over and over that they need to say "hi" when someone says hello to them. etc., etc. Since you stress this point often, maybe they are using this as a power struggle. I think you made a good call by not making an issue out of it the first time. This is one of those pick your battles things. I have almost the opposite problem where my girls say 'hi' to people they have no need/reason to speak to (we pass someone in Target, for example). I want them to be polite but I don't want them to be bugging people who are trying to shop. Afterwards we were having lunch with a friend of mine at Applebees. If I were you, I would have canceled lunch. Given their mood, IMO you were pushing it. If they enjoy going out to eat, then tell them you will leave if they continue to be loud/fight etc. And then do it. If they *want* to leave and that is why they are acting up -- then you have no real leverage and a problem. Maybe someone else will have suggestions for that. Hope tomorrow is a better day! Lori |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
"Rhiann1048" wrote in message
... Subject: Feeling like a parental failure today (long) From: (Andrea) Date: Wed, Aug 13, 2003 10:57 PM Message-id: Judging from my children's behavior today, I feel like I must be in dire need of some serious parenting help. They are *3*. You could be the perfect parent and still have 3 year olds that act up from time to time. It sounds like this day is an exception to the rule. IMO you are doing just fine. Tell me about it! Try going out with five-year-old twin boys who are developmentally closer to late two or early three. People look at our boys five-year-old size and wonder why they are acting more like two-year-olds. It's because they are developmentally closer to that age. How frustrating it is to even go to the doctor and they talk to our boys (ask them questions and give them directions) like they were developmentally five years old. Dylan threw an absolute tantrum a week ago today when I had to take him in for an ear infection. He had been SO GOOD the last three times (four infections in three months, and he already has ear tubes) but this time he had a meltdown. And it was because he had his gameboy with him (waiting in the room for the doctor can take a LONG time), and the doctor wanted to listen to his chest. I asked Dylan to turn off the gameboy, and while he usually complies, today he didn't want to. The doctor is talking to him, however, like he understands completely and is being defiant. It took me and two nurses to hold him still after that for an ear culture. I then had to haul him out to the van kicking, screaming, and clawing afterwards, but only after the nurse-practitioner (doc was out) told Dylan that normally he'd get a lollipop, but she wasn't going to reward his bad behavior. Just a week earlier, the other boy, Dustin, had a complete meltdown in a Target because of a toy he wanted that my wife didn't want to purchase. Likewise kicking, screaming, and clawing all the way to the parking lot, along with looks from parents who cannot believe that a child that size would act that way. -- Fris "Still looking for that Twins Owner's Manual" bee® MCNGP #13 http://www.mcngp.tk The MCNGP Team - We're here to help |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
You are not a parental failure!!
But it does sound like a nice bubble bath or massage is in order - for you! These are the times that try moms' souls. Or something like that... Hope your days get better! Stephanie Jake and Ryan 9/3/99 |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
"Andrea" wrote in message ... Judging from my children's behavior today, I feel like I must be in dire need of some serious parenting help. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that someone here can give me some advice. I took Jordan & Madison with me to a Kelly's Kids show at a friend's house so I could make sure I ordered the right size dresses for them. My friend took them up to her daughter's playroom so they could play while I looked around. When it was time to go I told them to clean up because we had to go visit their cousin. They both threw tantrums. They were screaming and crying and wouldn't clean up. We finally got the playroom cleaned up and went downstairs. I told them to say "thank you" to my friend for letting them play in the playroom. They refused to say it. I thanked her, and since I didn't want to cause another scene or get into a power struggle I didn't push the issue. When we were walking out I saw another friend of mine, whom Jordan & Madison also know. She said hello to them and I told them to reply by telling her hi. They pouted and refused to say it and Madison even told me "NO!" By this time I was completely mortified. Of course there were about 5 other people there that I also know, who were witnessing my kids' belligerence. Oh Andrea, you are absolutely *not* a parental failure! Your kids are three. They're going to act like this sometimes. I'm sure they were only thinking that what they saw was normal 3-year-old behavior. It's hard to not get embarrassed though. I took my kids to WalMart yesterday and after they threw everything out of the cart and I didn't give anything back to them, they started throwing tantrums. I was in the shortest line I could find but ended up getting out of line and taking the boys to the restroom to have a talk. They mellowed just enough so that I didn't walk out right then and forget the things in the cart. It's embarrassing, but I've decided that most people understand. If they don't, there's nothing I can do about it, so don't worry about it. I try to insist on good behavior in public, but sometimes it's just not going to happen. Most of the time if they act too badly, I take them home immediately. They also don't go shopping with me again for a few days. Every time I leave them with Grandma, I explain that they will be able to go to the store with me when they remember to behave in public. It seems to work for a while, but the tantrums will creep back in. When we got to the car I told the girls that I was disappointed in their behavior and that they should have thanked Miss Jamie for letting them play and told Miss Cindy hello when she spoke to them. In the past I have told them over and over that they need to say "hi" when someone says hello to them. etc., etc. Afterwards we were having lunch with a friend of mine at Applebees. I agree with whoever said they would have cancelled lunch. With the girls in that mood, it was bound to get worse by expecting them to be on their best public behavior. It seems like once my boys are in a funky mood, the only thing I can do is give them a better outlet for it. There are times when I get in a "mood" too and don't feel like being social. Sometimes it's good to just be home around family who still loves them even when they act badly. Of course, that's just MO. When we got inside the girls saw they had balloons and they started yelling to the hostess "I want a red balloon!" "I want a blue balloon!" I told them they were being rude and that they needed to say "please" and ask nicely. Once again I was completely mortified. I realize they're still young, but I don't speak to people this way and they know they're not supposed to speak to people like that either! I was completely shocked. I thought about telling them they weren't going to get a balloon, but after I corrected them they did ask the hostess again politely. So we're sitting down in the restaurant and the girls are being sooooo loud. My friend and I keep telling them to use their inside voices, but they continued to be loud. Then they started fighting over the crayons and trying to kick each other under the table! Jordan started grabbing all the crayons so that Madison couldn't have any and at that point I took her to the restroom and had a chat with her. She started screaming and crying as soon as I picked her up from the table and we had to stay in the restroom for about 15 minutes until she settled down and was ready to listen. I would have taken them & left the restauraunt if my friend had not been with us. After that their behavior improved somewhat. Then tonight after I had bathed them and washed their hair Madison went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth by herself, got water and toothpaste everywhere, and ate I don't know how much toothpaste (according to her it was "a lot"). There was blue toothpaste all in her hair, on her pajamas, the mirror, sink, and counters. We've told her over and over that she needs a grown-up to help her brush her teeth and that she's not supposed to eat the toothpaste. I thought it was out of her reach, but apparently I was wrong. So anyway, Dh reads the tube and says that it states we should call Poison Control if it's been ingested. So I called them (Madison's name's already on file with them) My kids' names are on file too. :-/ It seems like no matter how safe you think you have everything, they'll find a way to get stuff. I hope today is a much better day for you! :-) -- Leslie Alex and Jordan, 06 May 2000 and they said to make her drink 6-8 oz. of milk and to check on her every 15-30 minutes for the next 6 hours. The woman said Madison would probably end up with a stomach ache and to call her back if she started throwing up excessively. So far she's been fine (knock wood). Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with rude behavior in public? If we had been at home I would have told them to do to time-out in their rooms until they were ready to be nice, but I am obviously having trouble dealing with this type of behavior in public. We go out to eat for lunch once or twice per week, so eating in a restaurant is not a new experience for them and I think it's important that they learn to behave in that setting. I don't expect them to sit there silently and use impeccable table manners, but I do think they should be able to act somewhat civilized. I always bring crayons or something for them to do quietly while we are waiting for our food, but this isn't helping. Any suggestions? I feel like a parental failure today. Thank You, Andrea twin girls-Madison & Jordan 3/22/00 |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
|
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
They are *3*. You could be the perfect parent and still have 3 year olds
that act up from time to time. It sounds like this day is an exception to the rule. IMO you are doing just fine. Thanks Lori. That makes me feel much better. Just curious -- but do you tell them to say thank you and hello or are you asking them to? Perhaps if it is phrased as a question they'd be more receptive? Or would asking invite the 'no' more readily? I tell them. I also give them little talks in the car sometimes when we are going somewhere where I know there will be a lot of people we know, such as a birthday party. I'll try to prepare them by telling them there will be a lot of people there and that they should say "hello" to people and respond when they are spoken to. They seem to do better when I do that, but I just didn't think about doing it yesterday. I have almost the opposite problem where my girls say 'hi' to people they have no need/reason to speak to (we pass someone in Target, for example). I want them to be polite but I don't want them to be bugging people who are trying to shop. I have the same prob. too sometimes, go figure. Sometimes Jordan will be yelling hello to strangers at the grocery store, but if I tell her to say hello to someone she knows she clams up......shaking head. Hope tomorrow is a better day! Thank you! We did, thank goodness. They had a playdate with a friend at McDonnalds today and I warned them that we would leave immediately if they were rude or didn't listen. They had great manners and listened so well that I had to check to make sure they were really my children. But when it was time to leave the play area they each had a small meltdown (which I expected). I told them to pull it together because I had to pick up some things at Wal Mart (35 minutes from my house so I wasn't going to make another trip). They pulled it together, and after I stated my expectations of them they were great the whole time we were in there. That was a big relief. I told them I wasn't going to tolerate having a repeat of yesterday, and I think they could see that I meant business. Thanks Again Lori. Andrea twin girls-Madison & Jordan 3 yrs. old |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
Fris "Still looking for that Twins Owner's Manual" bee®
When you find it will you please email a copy of it to me. I'm missing mine too. Andrea twin girls-Madison & Jordan 3 yrs. old |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
The best suggestion I have heard about a situation similar to this is
that in this case, you look at your friend and say "I want to apologize for Jordan and Madison. We are working on this behavior." Of course, you say it in front of your kids. As pointed out in another post, this is a power struggle they interested in, and when you issue the above response, you neither ignore their behavior nor engage in a p***ing contest with the kids. You retain your role as the authority figure. What an excellent suggestion! I need to write that down. I will *definately* use that in the future. Afterwards we were having lunch with a friend of mine at Applebees. When we got inside the girls saw they had balloons and they started yelling to the hostess "I want a red balloon!" "I want a blue balloon!" I told them they were being rude and that they needed to say "please" and ask nicely. I don't know when you began emphasizing the need to say please, but we started way before they could talk. We have *always* emphasized please, thank you, etc. We did it before they could talk also. That's why I was so completely shocked and appalled, because they know they're supposed to say please when they ask for something. They also don't normally yell at people like that, unless they're yelling at each other. When they do that at home I tell them to either stop, or go to their room for time-out. Beyond that, I'd like to reiterate what the other posters have said: They are only 3 years old, and they are going to have bad days. Sounds like they had a bad day. You are not a bad parent. Thanks for all the suggestions and for the pep talk. Andrea twin girls-Madison & Jordan 3 yrs. old |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)
Andrea ) wrote:
We have *always* emphasized please, thank you, etc. We did it before they could talk also. That's why I was so completely shocked and appalled, because they know they're supposed to say please when they ask for something. They were doing it automatically before. Now they've found out they have a choice, and they're exercising it to see what happens. It really is part of a growth cycle, even though it *looks* like going backwards, because they'll come back and do the manners thing more consciously now. --Helen |
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
anyone got any good jokes? Feeling a bit bitter today... | Vicky Bilaniuk | Pregnancy | 24 | March 18th 04 12:26 PM |
| | Kids should work... | Kane | General | 13 | December 10th 03 02:30 AM |
Kids should work. | LaVonne Carlson | General | 22 | December 7th 03 04:27 AM |
Need Advice--a little long | GoofeeGyrl | Pregnancy | 4 | September 9th 03 02:31 PM |
Lydia's Birthstory (long) | Andrea | Pregnancy | 29 | September 7th 03 07:23 AM |