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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 19th 04, 08:01 PM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04

  #2  
Old May 19th 04, 08:06 PM
Nan
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:01:45 GMT, zolw wrote:

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?


Ultrasounds done in late pregnancy aren't good indicators of the size
of your baby, and unless there is concern about something, are a waste
of time and money.
While your doctor might not be doing enough *for you*, he's actually
doing what is pretty typical of most doctors.
If you want more, my suggestion is to come up with questions or
concerns before your visit, and address them when he gives you the
opportunity.

Nan
  #3  
Old May 19th 04, 08:13 PM
Jess
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)


My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy.

quick urine test
blood pressure
fundal height
heart beat
position of baby (she'd been breech so they check every visit)

Then any questions or concerns I may have. I'm 34 weeks, it's pretty basic.

I haven't had an ultrasound since 25 weeks or so and unless something
happens I won't have anymore.
--
Jess
Mommy of two and a half

"zolw" wrote in message
news:[email protected]_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04



  #4  
Old May 19th 04, 08:13 PM
Nan
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Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:19:09 GMT, zolw wrote:

ok, so I do get the urine test, the blood pressure, last time he
apparently checked for my fundal height (but didn't tell me anything),
heartbeat.

Now how about the position of the baby? How do they check for that? &
how did they find out that your baby was breech?

Sorry for my paranoia


They can tell by feeling you externally. My doctors didn't make a
habit of checking unless I asked. I started asking around 34 weeks,
as my last baby was breech.
Position at that stage still isn't guaranteed, though. Lots of babies
flip over in the last weeks.

Nan
  #5  
Old May 19th 04, 08:19 PM
zolw
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Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

ok, so I do get the urine test, the blood pressure, last time he
apparently checked for my fundal height (but didn't tell me anything),
heartbeat.

Now how about the position of the baby? How do they check for that? &
how did they find out that your baby was breech?

Sorry for my paranoia

Jess wrote:

My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy.

quick urine test
blood pressure
fundal height
heart beat
position of baby (she'd been breech so they check every visit)

Then any questions or concerns I may have. I'm 34 weeks, it's pretty basic.

I haven't had an ultrasound since 25 weeks or so and unless something
happens I won't have anymore.


  #6  
Old May 19th 04, 08:23 PM
zolw
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he
just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my
hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on
things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is
going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me.

I wanted to share with him how I feel about the attention I am not
getting & I wanted him to understand that I do trust him medically (not
100% anymore, but he doesn't need to know that), but every time I am
about to open my mouth, I get emotional & feel that if I talk I will cry
or something of the sort. My hsuband is not much help, cause he won't
talk. He just sits there & lets me do all the talking.

Just tell me that I am paranoid (if you think I am) Maybe that will
set me straight.

Nan wrote:

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:01:45 GMT, zolw wrote:


Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?



Ultrasounds done in late pregnancy aren't good indicators of the size
of your baby, and unless there is concern about something, are a waste
of time and money.
While your doctor might not be doing enough *for you*, he's actually
doing what is pretty typical of most doctors.
If you want more, my suggestion is to come up with questions or
concerns before your visit, and address them when he gives you the
opportunity.

Nan


  #7  
Old May 19th 04, 08:30 PM
Circe
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

zolw wrote:
A month later
was our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had
the ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the
baby (I was annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the
only atient he has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all
it would have taken is to write it down on a piece of paper in my
file)

I wouldn't expect a doctor who probably has tens of pregnant patients at any
given time to remember the gender of my baby, especially if I'd only told
him/her myself (i.e., he had not reported the information to me). Nor would
I consider that a medically important fact that should be noted in my file.

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my
belly & we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he
asks me if I have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is
not enough for me, I want more interaction and more attention
(especially that this is my first child. Everything freaks me out
and I am clueless most of the time).

Okay, sorry to tell you but, aside from the urine sample testing (which some
doctors may not start until later in the second trimester) and taking your
BP (both of which would normally be done by the nurse), that's about all
there is *to* do during a regular obstetrical appointment. A normal
obstetrical appointment is expected to take about 15 minutes, at the most.
If *you* are freaked out and feel clueless, your opening to get more
interaction and attention is to ask questions when he asks if you have any.
If you don't and he lets you go, you can't blame *him*: he probably thinks
he's meeting your needs if you don't let him know otherwise.

Now, that said, people generally find that midwives provide a more
supportive, attentive environment and schedule more time for their patients
so there is less a sense on the part of the patient of being rushed through.
I found my midwives also brought up issues and concerns with me in a way
that my previous OB never did. So you might be happier, from this POV, in a
midwifery practice than an obstetrical practice.

But honestly, I don't see anything patently wrong with the care you're
receiving. It sounds very normal and typical to me.

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I
realize that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my
sister wasn't a high risk patient, until she lost a child in her
9th month, so that is already freaking me out).

This is something that I would bring up with my care provider. He needs to
know that you are concerned and understand why. Your fear really isn't
rational to the extent that late term fetal loss is both rare and usually
due to circumstances that rarely repeat, but it's perfectly understandable
that you'd be worried.

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2
weeks. I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought
one should have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said
that therewasn't gonna be another one.


The "standard of care" is to perform one ultrasound at around mid-pregnancy.
If you've already had that are there are no indications of trouble, there is
no reason to have any more. Even routine midpregnancy ultrasound is
ineffective in terms of providing better outcomes--the truth is, it doesn't
make any statistical difference. Given this, ultrasounds are really little
more than expensive baby pictures and doctors generally have to justify any
ultrasound beyond the standard mid-pregnancy one to insurers to have them
paid for.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's
heartbeat is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe
baby is too small or too large?


Absolutely, positively NO. Third trimester ultrasound is woefully inaccurate
at predicting fetal size (it can be off by as much as a pound in either
direction) and your fundal height measurement is a strong predictor if there
are growth problems or amniotic fluid issues.

Am I just being sensitive about all that?


Yes, although it's perfectly understandable.

What kind of tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

First pregnancy, I had an ultrasound around 33 weeks because my fundal
height had gone down between appointments. It was just because the baby had
dropped. Otherwise, nothing except the GTT around 28 weeks and the GBS test
around 33-34 weeks (both of these are pretty standard, one-time things). Oh,
and I had a non-stress test the day before my labor was induced.

Second pregnancy, no problems, no tests other than GTT/GBS.

Third pregnancy, I didn't gain fundal height for four weeks, so was referred
for an u/s to rule out intrauterine growth restriction. Baby was perfectly
normal. I also developed high BP around 35 weeks, and then had to go in
twice a week for BP measurement and both a non-stress test and an u/s to
measure my amniotic fluid index. Big pain in the butt that I could have done
without.

All in all, the best pregnancy was the one with the fewest tests!

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy
my frustration.

I'm sorry you're frustrated, Mona. Honestly, though, it sounds to me like
your expectations aren't being met primarily because your expectations
aren't realistic, at least as far as tests go. OTOH, I think you'd be
overall happier if you were seeing a midwife for routine prenatal care
because you'd get more of the attention and support that is what I think
you're *really* missing.

Good luck and hope this helps in some way!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #8  
Old May 19th 04, 08:32 PM
Larry McMahan
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

zolw writes:

Lisa,

Seriously, you don't need an MD, you need a midwife!

Larry
  #9  
Old May 19th 04, 08:32 PM
zolw
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Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a nervous
break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the most
paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my baby & I
am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason. Maybe that's why
I am having all these problems with my doctor.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself & now I
am always out of my control. I just want my little girl out there. I
want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You know, she's in
there & I have no idea if she is alright.

I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here But it will
make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break. At this point, I feel that
this is our one & only child. I do not think I want to go through
another pregnancy. It is taking too much of me.

Nan wrote:

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:19:09 GMT, zolw wrote:


ok, so I do get the urine test, the blood pressure, last time he
apparently checked for my fundal height (but didn't tell me anything),
heartbeat.

Now how about the position of the baby? How do they check for that? &
how did they find out that your baby was breech?

Sorry for my paranoia



They can tell by feeling you externally. My doctors didn't make a
habit of checking unless I asked. I started asking around 34 weeks,
as my last baby was breech.
Position at that stage still isn't guaranteed, though. Lots of babies
flip over in the last weeks.

Nan


  #10  
Old May 19th 04, 08:36 PM
Elizabeth H Bonesteel
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Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

Like a lot of people have said, in my experience what your doctor is doing
is pretty normal. At my midwife appointments I do the urine strip for
protein and sugar and weigh myself. They take my blood pressure and measure
the fundal height, then listen to the heartbeat. They don't tell me my BP
or my fundal measurement unless I ask (which I always do!). Lately they've
been feeling the baby to see how she's positioned.

Frankly, I think your biggest problem is this:

In article [email protected]_s02,
zolw wrote:
So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.


The guy's bedside manner isn't doing it for you. Folks may differ - but I
think that's non-trivial, and if it's really bugging you this much it's worth
a change. There is a world of difference between someone smiling patiently
and telling you everything is normal, and someone appearing annoyed/impatient
with your questions as they tell you everything is normal. If you don't like
dealing with the guy, you don't really need another excuse to find another
caregiver.

If you really want that follow-up ultrasound, you can likely get it;
although your insurance might not cover it if it's optional. Your doctor
is right in that the head tends to dominate after a while; and people here are
right in that it's a pretty bad predictor of the baby's size (it actually
becomes less accurate the further along you are).

I don't think there's anything at all unreasonable about wanting more hands-on
care, and if that's what you're looking for I think you ought to switch. But
truly, your current doctor seems (from what you've said) to be giving you
good medical care - it's the emotional care he's not providing.

Liz, who changed caregivers at 16/17 weeks
EDD 5/22/04
--

"No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings. Man's reason and
spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable - and we believe they
can do it again." -- John F. Kennedy, 6/10/1963
 




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