A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » Pregnancy
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old May 19th 04, 08:39 PM
zolw
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

maybe I do. I just compare my Dr with my friend's dr (in GA, so it's
across the country) & hers was so much more supportive. He explained
everything, she had all these little pics of her baby's development, she
was pretty happy with her Dr.

I think what really makes it so bad is the fact that my DR has never
smiled at me. & he treats me like I can not understand beyond the word
"this is normal".

My general practitioner has long learned to explain to me what is going
on. If I know what is happening I do not feel frustrated or helpless. I
had explained that to my Dr at the beginning fo my pregnancy (I just
wanted him to understand how I am), but he probably didn't take me
seriously.

Larry McMahan wrote:

zolw writes:

Lisa,

Seriously, you don't need an MD, you need a midwife!

Larry


  #12  
Old May 19th 04, 08:40 PM
Sophie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)


No offense but I woudn't expect my Dr to remember the gender of my baby.
How many other pregnant patients does he have? Remember it's *your* first
baby, not *his*.

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does.


What else do you want him to do?

Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).


What do you want him to do? Attention to what? He asks if you have
questions, do you ask them, does he answer?
You're pregnant, not sick, needing medical treatment.

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).


Ahhh, gotcha now. But she's not you. I have not had the same pregnancies
as my mom or sister.

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.


There isn't a need for another ultrasound.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large?


Haven't you read the "baby's weight" threads here? It's all guesstimation.

Am I just being sensitive about all that?


I think so, but you're jsut excited.

What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?


Only things like non stress tests cos i was having problems. Not things you
want or need to do with a totally helathy pregnancy. Why do you *want* more
tests????

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04


No offense, but I think what you're expecting is extremely unrealistic.
JMO.

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004


  #13  
Old May 19th 04, 08:41 PM
Circe
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

Resending as it doesn't seem to have gone through the first time. My
apologies if it posts twice.)
zolw wrote:
A month later
was our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had
the ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the
baby (I was annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the
only atient he has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all
it would have taken is to write it down on a piece of paper in my
file)

I wouldn't expect a doctor who probably has tens of pregnant patients at any
given time to remember the gender of my baby, especially if I'd only told
him/her myself (i.e., he had not reported the information to me). Nor would
I consider that a medically important fact that should be noted in my file.

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my
belly & we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he
asks me if I have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is
not enough for me, I want more interaction and more attention
(especially that this is my first child. Everything freaks me out
and I am clueless most of the time).

Okay, sorry to tell you but, aside from the urine sample testing (which some
doctors may not start until later in the second trimester) and taking your
BP (both of which would normally be done by the nurse), that's about all
there is to do during a regular obstetrical appointment. A normal
obstetrical appointment is expected to take about 15 minutes, at the most.
If you are freaked out and feel clueless, your opening to get more
interaction and attention is to ask questions when he asks if you have any.
If you don't and he lets you go, you can't blame him: he probably thinks
he's meeting your needs if you don't let him know otherwise.

Now, that said, people generally find that midwives provide a more
supportive, attentive environment and schedule more time for their patients
so there is less a sense on the part of the patient of being rushed through.
I found my midwives also brought up issues and concerns with me in a way
that my previous OB never did. So you might be happier, from this POV, in a
midwifery practice than an obstetrical practice.

But honestly, I don't see anything patently wrong with the care you're
receiving. It sounds very normal and typical to me.

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I
realize that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my
sister wasn't a high risk patient, until she lost a child in her
9th month, so that is already freaking me out).

This is something that I would bring up with my care provider. He needs to
know that you are concerned and understand why. Your fear really isn't
rational to the extent that late term fetal loss is both rare and usually
due to circumstances that rarely repeat, but it's perfectly understandable
that you'd be worried.

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2
weeks. I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought
one should have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said
that therewasn't gonna be another one.


The "standard of care" is to perform one ultrasound at around mid-pregnancy.
If you've already had that are there are no indications of trouble, there is
no reason to have any more. Even routine midpregnancy ultrasound is
ineffective in terms of providing better outcomes--the truth is, it doesn't
make any statistical difference. Given this, ultrasounds are really little
more than expensive baby pictures and doctors generally have to justify any
ultrasound beyond the standard mid-pregnancy one to insurers to have them
paid for.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's
heartbeat is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe
baby is too small or too large?


Absolutely, positively NO. Third trimester ultrasound is woefully inaccurate
at predicting fetal size (it can be off by as much as a pound in either
direction) and your fundal height measurement is a strong predictor if there
are growth problems or amniotic fluid issues.

Am I just being sensitive about all that?


Yes, although it's perfectly understandable.

What kind of tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

First pregnancy, I had an ultrasound around 33 weeks because my fundal
height had gone down between appointments. It was just because the baby had
dropped. Otherwise, nothing except the GTT around 28 weeks and the GBS test
around 33-34 weeks (both of these are pretty standard, one-time things). Oh,
and I had a non-stress test the day before my labor was induced.

Second pregnancy, no problems, no tests other than GTT/GBS.

Third pregnancy, I didn't gain fundal height for four weeks, so was referred
for an u/s to rule out intrauterine growth restriction. Baby was perfectly
normal. I also developed high BP around 35 weeks, and then had to go in
twice a week for BP measurement and both a non-stress test and an u/s to
measure my amniotic fluid index. Big pain in the butt that I could have done
without.

All in all, the best pregnancy was the one with the fewest tests!

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy
my frustration.

I'm sorry you're frustrated, Mona. Honestly, though, it sounds to me like
your expectations aren't being met primarily because your expectations
aren't realistic, at least as far as tests go. OTOH, your feelings are
incredibly important, and if your doctor is "irritating the hell out of
you", then I think a change of providers may well be warranted. On the
whole, I think you'd be happier if you were seeing a midwife for routine
prenatal care because you'd get more of the attention and support that is
what I think you're really missing (although it's unlikely that you'd get
any more testing from midwives).

Good luck and hope this helps in some way!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #14  
Old May 19th 04, 08:59 PM
Welches
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)


zolw wrote in message
news:[email protected]_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Wouldn't expect him to remember. He may not want to write it down as he may
have patients that know but don't want others to know. I know one couple
whose huband knew and she didn't want to.

All the tests I had for #1 was u/s at 20 weeks. blood tests for rubella
immunity and blood group and heamoglobin (spelling?) at 12 weeks,
heamoglobin at 34 weeks. Then urine/blood pressure at the midwife
checks-which were less frequent than yours.

You're just reminding me of a conversation I had with my mum when I was
about 12. She asked if I'd partnered a particular person in games. I replied
"don't you remember, I partner *** in gym on Wednesdays". I couldn't
understand that she could be so stupid as to forget that I'd told her that
at least twice. Now I hear my daughter say the same things in the same tone,
as I repeat questions about pre-school.:-)
If it doesn't directly effect you, then you're less likely to remember. If
it was your best friend or dh forgetting then you could complain. You'd have
probably felt worse if he'd got it wrong, so he might have remembered but
hedged his bets in case he was wrong.
Be thankful you don't need closer doctoring, you're one of the boring
(thankfully) "normal" patients without much to distinguish you from the
other "normal" pregnant ones. It's a good position to be in. (speaking as
having not been a normal one last time :-( )
Debbie



  #15  
Old May 19th 04, 09:05 PM
zolw
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)

Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my
expectations are way too high. I just can't get over my sister's loss. I
know I am not the same person & most probably will not be like her, but
it frightens me.

Maybe I should have more faith in my Dr (especially that I used to have
100% faith in him before).

I am thankful that I am one of the broingly normal patients. I guess I
just needed other people to tell me that it's all in my head & that my
dr is doing all there is to do for my condition (which is no condition )

Thanks everybody for your advises

Welches wrote:

zolw wrote in message
news:[email protected]_s02...

Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)


Wouldn't expect him to remember. He may not want to write it down as he may
have patients that know but don't want others to know. I know one couple
whose huband knew and she didn't want to.

All the tests I had for #1 was u/s at 20 weeks. blood tests for rubella
immunity and blood group and heamoglobin (spelling?) at 12 weeks,
heamoglobin at 34 weeks. Then urine/blood pressure at the midwife
checks-which were less frequent than yours.

You're just reminding me of a conversation I had with my mum when I was
about 12. She asked if I'd partnered a particular person in games. I replied
"don't you remember, I partner *** in gym on Wednesdays". I couldn't
understand that she could be so stupid as to forget that I'd told her that
at least twice. Now I hear my daughter say the same things in the same tone,
as I repeat questions about pre-school.:-)
If it doesn't directly effect you, then you're less likely to remember. If
it was your best friend or dh forgetting then you could complain. You'd have
probably felt worse if he'd got it wrong, so he might have remembered but
hedged his bets in case he was wrong.
Be thankful you don't need closer doctoring, you're one of the boring
(thankfully) "normal" patients without much to distinguish you from the
other "normal" pregnant ones. It's a good position to be in. (speaking as
having not been a normal one last time :-( )
Debbie




  #16  
Old May 19th 04, 09:16 PM
Circe
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)

zolw wrote:
Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a
nervous break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the
most paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my
baby & I am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason.
Maybe that's why I am having all these problems with my doctor.

If it's any consolation to you, most pregnant women feel this way at least
some of the time. Part of it, at least, is the hormones talking.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself &
now I am always out of my control.


I suspect that pregnancy is particularly hard for people who are control
freaks (like me g!). But one of the greatest things about my second (and
then third) pregnancy was that by that time, I'd started to understand there
were a lot of things I couldn't really control (like the little person I'd
given birth to the first time vbg) and that I could let go of that need to
some extent and stop trying to control *everything*.

I just want my little girl out
there. I want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You
know, she's in there & I have no idea if she is alright.

Well, you *do* have an "idea" that she is all right. You had a reassuring
ultrasound at 20 weeks; her heartbeat is audible at each appointment; she is
moving all the time. No, that's not a *guarantee* that all as absolutely,
100% well, but the odds are *so* much better that they are than that they
are not. The more you can remind yourself of this, the better off I think
you will be.

I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here


I always say babies are much easier to take care of on the inside that
outside--infinitely portable, automatically fed, no diapers to change, no
crying to soothe. But I never regretted having them once they were here,
although there were a few times when I wished I could stuff them back in for
a couple of hours g!

But it
will make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break.


Maybe yes, maybe no. Immediately postpartum, you're even more likely to be a
hormonal mess and you'll probably have a good deal of uninterrupted sleep to
get through. Plus, if you've got a good imagination for all the things that
could go wrong when she's with you 24/7 and you always feel her, I expect
your imagination will work just as well for all the things that could happen
when she's *not* with you all the time. This phase *does* pass, but the
first few weeks (up to 6) can definitely be "baby boot camp" and you may not
feel a strong sense of regaining control and proportion for a little while
after the birth. The reason I tell you this isn't to scare you or dissuade
you from wanted to have your baby, but merely to give you some perspective
so you don't feel like there's something wrong with you if you *don't* feel
much calmer right away.

At this point, I
feel that this is our one & only child. I do not think I want to go
through another pregnancy. It is taking too much of me.

As I said, you generally gain more sense of proportion after you've been
through one pregnancy and done some child-rearing. So you may find the idea
of another pregnancy less daunting in a few years. But if you only have the
emotional and physical stamina for one pregnancy, that's understandable.
Nothing wrong at all with having an only child!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #17  
Old May 19th 04, 09:17 PM
Nikki
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

zolw wrote:
Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my
expectations are way too high.


Your not a fruit cake :-) Since it is hard to talk to him during your
appointments write down all your questions on a piece of paper and hand it
to his nurse so he can read it before he comes in. He might just say "It is
all normal" if you just make a list of concerns so keep it simple and to the
point but write down "Please explain to me about the babies position" etc.
Another thought is to call his nurse and explain that you are becoming
increasingly anxious and your special circumstance with your sister's baby.
Ask if it is possible to schedule extra time at your next appointment to
discuss things more thoroughly etc. I would think she'd give the doctor a
heads up. With your doc's personality the key to that will be that you'll
have to lead the conversation with your concerns. Don't worry about crying.
I can't imagine that an OB doctor doesn't see a woman cry nearly every day,
lol.

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)


  #18  
Old May 19th 04, 09:21 PM
Welches
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)


zolw wrote in message
news:[email protected]_s03...
Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my
expectations are way too high. I just can't get over my sister's loss. I
know I am not the same person & most probably will not be like her, but
it frightens me.

Not a fruit cake :-). It's going to cause you some worries after your
sister, but to be fair the chance of that happening to you is low. (It's
probably pretty low of it happening to her again) Have you mentioned that to
him? Maybe if you want to reassure yourself then getting your own doppler to
hear the heart beat? I'm sure you can find a medical supplier to sell one.
If you're anything like me (a worrier) then you'd have another ultrasound
then a week later be wishing for another to check all was still okay, and
then a week later... If you can feel them moving then they're okay. Do you
know why your sister had the loss? If you think she can cope talking about
it, maybe she will be able to tell you, if you don't know.
Debbie



  #19  
Old May 19th 04, 09:24 PM
libbymom04
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but nee

In my 3rd Trimester, I did pretty much what your doctor is doing. But, I
felt the same way as you. Well, 2 weeks before my due date she check my
cervix and noticed that the baby seemed to large to fit through my birth
canal. Well, we did an ultrasound and she said the baby would weigh about
8 lbs. We scheduled a C-Section(which she did wonderful on) and my baby
girl was 8 lbs 12 ozs. So, ultrasounds can be accurate sometimes. In the
ultrasound you can't see alot, but she did tell me Libby had hair and she
came out with a head full of dark hair.

  #20  
Old May 19th 04, 09:27 PM
Welches
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)


I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here


I always say babies are much easier to take care of on the inside that
outside--infinitely portable, automatically fed, no diapers to change, no
crying to soothe. But I never regretted having them once they were here,
although there were a few times when I wished I could stuff them back in

for
a couple of hours g!

And I say "better out than in" grin

But it
will make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break.


Maybe yes, maybe no. Immediately postpartum, you're even more likely to be

a
hormonal mess and you'll probably have a good deal of uninterrupted sleep

to
get through. Plus, if you've got a good imagination for all the things

that
could go wrong when she's with you 24/7 and you always feel her, I expect
your imagination will work just as well for all the things that could

happen
when she's *not* with you all the time. This phase *does* pass, but the
first few weeks (up to 6) can definitely be "baby boot camp" and you may

not
feel a strong sense of regaining control and proportion for a little while
after the birth. The reason I tell you this isn't to scare you or dissuade
you from wanted to have your baby, but merely to give you some perspective
so you don't feel like there's something wrong with you if you *don't*

feel
much calmer right away.

But you can check baby's breathing-even wake them up (I've done it) once
they're out. I never did learn a trick of persuading them to move when I
wanted to check they were okay inside me. I didn't find out how to stop them
moving when I wanted to sleep either!
I'd recommend a breathing monitor (I've got Johnson&johnson's) which gives
me loads of relief when they're sleeping. It stopped me waking them up many
times.
Debbie



 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Scheherazade's birthstory (stillbirth, long) Emily Pregnancy 59 March 8th 04 11:30 PM
frustrated with nurse advice VENT & question (long) toypup Pregnancy 20 February 18th 04 05:30 AM
Birth story: very late and *extremely* long Sidheag McCormack Pregnancy 14 December 13th 03 09:37 PM
Anna's birth story (long) Welches Pregnancy 7 October 29th 03 01:52 AM
Lydia's Birthstory (long) Andrea Pregnancy 29 September 7th 03 07:23 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 03:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2004-2018 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.