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this is just my luck...



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 27th 04, 08:26 PM
Christine
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Default this is just my luck...

Has anyone else been through this one?

To put it plain and simple, my DH was WONDERFULL through this whole
thing,
ie. he never left my side the whole time. well actually he did once
...but thats another post....because its was'nt just to get a
coffee..lol...( he left the hospital for 5 hours, 15 mins after birth )
I was so sick, and my dad had to stay till he got back to hold the basin
because i was throwing up!!!! =91=91another story=92=92

But the thing is NOW that we are home and settled in, he doesnt even
look at her or hold, feed, change her,,,,,,he acts like shes not even
here......he doesnt even look at her....

and he KNOWS how to be a WONDERFULL dad,

whats up with all this....

anyone else?
I doubt it...

http://www.growingfamily.com/webnurs...ID=3D9T8S0V9F=
5G

  #2  
Old May 28th 04, 07:01 AM
Carol Ann
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Posts: n/a
Default this is just my luck...

Has anyone else been through this one?

To put it plain and simple, my DH was WONDERFULL through this whole
thing,
ie. he never left my side the whole time. well actually he did once
..but thats another post....because its was'nt just to get a
coffee..lol...( he left the hospital for 5 hours, 15 mins after birth )
I was so sick, and my dad had to stay till he got back to hold the basin
because i was throwing up!!!! ''another story''

But the thing is NOW that we are home and settled in, he doesnt even
look at her or hold, feed, change her,,,,,,he acts like shes not even
here......he doesnt even look at her....

and he KNOWS how to be a WONDERFULL dad,

whats up with all this....

anyone else?
I doubt it...

http://www.growingfamily.com/webnurs...LID=9T8S0V9F5G


Hmmmmmmm, I feel Kevin is like that too. But, the only reason I can think
of is b/c he cannot relate to her being so small AND everytime (not just
random) he picks her up, she begins to scream.

I asked him if it hurts his feelings and he said, "yes". But, I don't know
what to do.

As far as your hubby is concerned, it may be that he feels sorta helpless.
Perhaps if you asked him to do specific things he wouldn't feel so lost. We
give men too much credit. They are probably scared to do anything.

~Carol Ann
Mom to Morgan born 3.24.04
http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeBNnDdizZNneg ---Pictures!




  #3  
Old May 28th 04, 07:26 AM
toypup
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Default this is just my luck...


"Christine" wrote in message
...
and he KNOWS how to be a WONDERFULL dad,


How do you know this? Does he have other children? Maybe he's just feeling
left out or jealous/resentful. Or, maybe he doesn't think she looks enough
like him. I read somewhere that babies tend to look more like their dads
when they are born. Sort of nature's way of making sure the dad knows he's
the dad. After all, a mother knows the baby is hers, but a dad can't
always. Not that he's thinking anything along those lines, but having a
baby look only like the mom and nothing like the dad may make it hard; he
may not even know why.

Can you get him to care for her for short periods on a regular basis, even
if he doesn't offer? Maybe the act of caring for her will get him to bond
with her better. That is how most people bond with their kids, I think.
Even moms don't always feel instant love for their kids until they've had
them and cared for them for a couple weeks. Maybe that wasn't the case for
you, but it's not uncommon. Don't let it go on too long. How he treats and
cares for her now can set a precedent for their relationship later on. If
all else fails, maybe some counseling will help.


  #4  
Old May 28th 04, 01:08 PM
Jill
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Default this is just my luck...


"Carol Ann" wrote

Hmmmmmmm, I feel Kevin is like that too. But, the only reason I can think
of is b/c he cannot relate to her being so small AND everytime (not just
random) he picks her up, she begins to scream.


My husband has sort of been like this. He stayed out of work for over a week
(I was in bad pain from the tears through my muscles and couldn't even sit
hardly), and during that week, he really did a lot- he changed more diapers
than *I* did. He held her a lot. etc. I felt kind of bad.....because I was
in so much discomfort (toward the end of the week you don't even want to
know! I thought stitches were tearing out)...I felt bad for not being able
to do everything for the baby myself. Anyway my husband was like Mr. Mom.
But since he went back to work, he has been sleeping in the guest room and
when he gets home, he has missed her and he still holds her some but he
stopped changing diapers etc and seems to want me to do it.

I think he feels frustrated that she is hungry all the time and he can't be
a part of that until I pump, so the baby needs me and he can't
help.......also, I think he is just tired from work, it's different when you
are at home all day than when you don't have a free minute all day and then
you come home and want some time to yourself...he only has like 3 hours
between when he gets through traffic to home, and bedtime.

Jill


  #5  
Old May 28th 04, 03:42 PM
Welches
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Default this is just my luck...


toypup wrote in message
news[email protected]_s01...

"Christine" wrote in message
...
and he KNOWS how to be a WONDERFULL dad,


How do you know this? Does he have other children? Maybe he's just

feeling
left out or jealous/resentful. Or, maybe he doesn't think she looks

enough
like him. I read somewhere that babies tend to look more like their dads
when they are born. Sort of nature's way of making sure the dad knows

he's
the dad.

That's interesting. Never heard that before. #1 was so much like dh's side
when she was tiny. Now I think she looks much more like my sides. (not that
my il will admit it)
Debbie

After all, a mother knows the baby is hers, but a dad can't
always. Not that he's thinking anything along those lines, but having a
baby look only like the mom and nothing like the dad may make it hard; he
may not even know why.

Can you get him to care for her for short periods on a regular basis, even
if he doesn't offer? Maybe the act of caring for her will get him to bond
with her better. That is how most people bond with their kids, I think.
Even moms don't always feel instant love for their kids until they've had
them and cared for them for a couple weeks. Maybe that wasn't the case

for
you, but it's not uncommon. Don't let it go on too long. How he treats

and
cares for her now can set a precedent for their relationship later on. If
all else fails, maybe some counseling will help.




  #6  
Old May 28th 04, 05:50 PM
Jill
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Default this is just my luck...


"I read somewhere that babies tend to look more like their dads
when they are born. Sort of nature's way of making sure the dad knows

he's
the dad.



This is interesting. Rachel does look like her daddy right now! Except
prettier

Jill


  #7  
Old May 28th 04, 06:54 PM
Alissa
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Posts: n/a
Default this is just my luck...


"Christine" wrote in message
...
Has anyone else been through this one?

To put it plain and simple, my DH was WONDERFULL through this whole
thing,
ie. he never left my side the whole time. well actually he did once
...but thats another post....because its was'nt just to get a
coffee..lol...( he left the hospital for 5 hours, 15 mins after birth )
I was so sick, and my dad had to stay till he got back to hold the basin
because i was throwing up!!!! ''another story''

But the thing is NOW that we are home and settled in, he doesnt even
look at her or hold, feed, change her,,,,,,he acts like shes not even
here......he doesnt even look at her....

and he KNOWS how to be a WONDERFULL dad,

whats up with all this....

anyone else?
I doubt it...

http://www.growingfamily.com/webnurs...LID=9T8S0V9F5G


I wouldn't say my DH wasn't interested in DD when she was born but what he
did was limited to a short cuddle and he helped with bathing her ( I made
this to be a two person job and still do at age 2, I wash he drys etc) there
wasn't alot else he could do and he felt helpless so he busied himself with
work and lots of OT and outside of work with woodworking which drove me
nuts. (he was just going into his cave as a way of coping with this new
lifestyle and he felt alot of pressure to provide from his new family) Once
she turned 1 things changed and he says he likes it alot more once she
become mobile and more responsive ( not that he didn't love her before) Now
he works less and has no chance of doing woodworking ( she won't let him...)
I think some men just cope with things in different ways. My advise is to
try and involve him as much as possible without forcing it.
Alissa


  #8  
Old May 28th 04, 08:38 PM
Welches
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Posts: n/a
Default this is just my luck...


Jill wrote in message
m...

"I read somewhere that babies tend to look more like their dads
when they are born. Sort of nature's way of making sure the dad knows

he's
the dad.



This is interesting. Rachel does look like her daddy right now! Except
prettier

Jill


Yes-all Rachels are pretty :-)
Debbie


  #9  
Old May 28th 04, 08:58 PM
Cheryl S.
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Default this is just my luck...

"Alissa" wrote in message
...
Once she turned 1 things changed and he says he
likes it alot more once she become mobile and more
responsive ( not that he didn't love her before)


This is how my DH was as well. Once #1 started walking and especially,
talking, it was like she became a "person" all of a sudden and he
started to play with her a lot more (not that he didn't before). It
just seemed like he had an easier time thinking of "what do I do with
her" once she could actually do things.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 8 months


  #10  
Old May 29th 04, 01:19 PM
Sophie
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Posts: n/a
Default this is just my luck...


"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
"Alissa" wrote in message
...
Once she turned 1 things changed and he says he
likes it alot more once she become mobile and more
responsive ( not that he didn't love her before)


This is how my DH was as well. Once #1 started walking and especially,
talking, it was like she became a "person" all of a sudden and he
started to play with her a lot more (not that he didn't before). It
just seemed like he had an easier time thinking of "what do I do with
her" once she could actually do things.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 8 months



Sure. Most men I know (my husband included) much prefer toddlers to
infants.
As for *knowing* he'd be a good father - I don't see how honestly till it
happens. A good husband while you're pregnant doesn't = a good father
necessarily, IMO.


 




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