brutal honesty please

Here I am at the community wading pool. It is shallow enough for
toddlers to walk in. We brought a few toys for the kids, like a ring
and a raft. A rather large family comes to share the pool. They didn't
bring toys for their kids. Their kids played with our kids' toys and
other's toys, which we didn't mind. When it was time to leave, I
approached a 2-3 yo who had our ring. As I approached, her older
sister, around 10 yo, told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
When I got to her, I told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
Since it's a rather large tube and I don't think she could take it off
herself, I helped take it off. She did not fight or anything but she
did not understand, so when I left, she started crying. I shouted an
apology to her from where I was when I saw her crying. Her mom came
over and told us that when I want to take something away from her child,
I need to come to *her (mom)*, because her DD was small. Seeing as she
was upset about her DD, I just told her okay, since anything else would
just escalate the situation. She can't argue if I agree, which she
didn't and she just left. Anyway, did I do anything in bad form? I'd
like the etiquette in this situation, since I hate being rude and not
knowing it.

toypup wrote:
Here I am at the community wading pool. It is shallow enough for
toddlers to walk in. We brought a few toys for the kids, like a ring
and a raft. A rather large family comes to share the pool. They didn't
bring toys for their kids. Their kids played with our kids' toys and
other's toys, which we didn't mind. When it was time to leave, I
approached a 2-3 yo who had our ring. As I approached, her older
sister, around 10 yo, told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
When I got to her, I told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
Since it's a rather large tube and I don't think she could take it off
herself, I helped take it off. She did not fight or anything but she
did not understand, so when I left, she started crying. I shouted an
apology to her from where I was when I saw her crying. Her mom came
over and told us that when I want to take something away from her child,
I need to come to *her (mom)*, because her DD was small. Seeing as she
was upset about her DD, I just told her okay, since anything else would
just escalate the situation. She can't argue if I agree, which she
didn't and she just left. Anyway, did I do anything in bad form? I'd
like the etiquette in this situation, since I hate being rude and not
knowing it.

I don't think there's particular etiquette on the
matter, but I think when you're dealing with really little
kids that you don't know, it usually is a good idea to work
through the parent/sitter/sibling/etc. if it comes to something
that involves actual contact. I think you could have safely
asked her to give you your tube back, or asked the big sister
to help her, but if neither of those produced the tube it's
probably safer to ask rather than do it yourself.
I don't think you did anything wrong or rude, per se.
I just think that the woman's response wasn't unusual (more
than a little rash and precipitate, if you ask me, but not
unusual). If my kids are playing with someone else's toys
at the pool, I'm generally watching carefully to make sure
my kids cough up the toys before the other family leaves.
You know that the moment the other family tries to collect
their toys and leave, there are decent odds that there will
be some tears if you have little kids.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article , toypup says...

Here I am at the community wading pool. It is shallow enough for
toddlers to walk in. We brought a few toys for the kids, like a ring
and a raft. A rather large family comes to share the pool. They didn't
bring toys for their kids. Their kids played with our kids' toys and
other's toys, which we didn't mind. When it was time to leave, I
approached a 2-3 yo who had our ring. As I approached, her older
sister, around 10 yo, told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
When I got to her, I told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
Since it's a rather large tube and I don't think she could take it off
herself, I helped take it off. She did not fight or anything but she
did not understand, so when I left, she started crying. I shouted an
apology to her from where I was when I saw her crying. Her mom came
over and told us that when I want to take something away from her child,
I need to come to *her (mom)*, because her DD was small. Seeing as she
was upset about her DD, I just told her okay, since anything else would
just escalate the situation. She can't argue if I agree, which she
didn't and she just left. Anyway, did I do anything in bad form? I'd
like the etiquette in this situation, since I hate being rude and not
knowing it.

To get your *own* thing back? From *ten* year old??

Good grief, you dont' have to be running to get permission to get your own
things back.

Unless you're OJ Simpson

Banty

"Banthy" wrote in message
...
To get your *own* thing back? From *ten* year old??

Good grief, you dont' have to be running to get permission to get your own
things back.

The kid was maybe 2 or 3 yo. The sister was next to her, maybe 10. The
sister told her I needed it back because were were leaving, but the little
girl just sort of sat there. I then told her I needed it back because we
were leaving. I took it off her, because she wasn't moving and because I
don't think she could do it herself, because it is a big ring.

The friend I was with was offended, saying they should have brought their
own toys, if they don't want people taking back their toys from their kids.
I'm not sure which way I should look at this. I know some people are
particularly sensitive about their kids, but I don't think I'd be upset if
someone took their toys home that my child was borrowing. After all, we'd
just have been happy they let us borrow it. I would probably get to my
child first to return the toy before the owner had to come get it, but if I
didn't know they owned the toy, I wouldn't be upset the owner came to take
it herself. After all, if she was watching, I at first shouted to DS to go
get the toy, but as I saw a toddler in it who was not budging, I went to get
it. I think the parent should have known we wanted it back.

Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever been in a situation where
another parent came to me to get back a toy. They've always gone to my
child to just ask for it back.

In article , toypup says...

Here I am at the community wading pool. It is shallow enough for
toddlers to walk in. We brought a few toys for the kids, like a ring
and a raft. A rather large family comes to share the pool. They didn't
bring toys for their kids. Their kids played with our kids' toys and
other's toys, which we didn't mind. When it was time to leave, I
approached a 2-3 yo who had our ring. As I approached, her older
sister, around 10 yo, told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
When I got to her, I told her we were leaving and we needed it back.
Since it's a rather large tube and I don't think she could take it off
herself, I helped take it off. She did not fight or anything but she
did not understand, so when I left, she started crying. I shouted an
apology to her from where I was when I saw her crying. Her mom came
over and told us that when I want to take something away from her child,
I need to come to *her (mom)*, because her DD was small. Seeing as she
was upset about her DD, I just told her okay, since anything else would
just escalate the situation. She can't argue if I agree, which she
didn't and she just left. Anyway, did I do anything in bad form? I'd
like the etiquette in this situation, since I hate being rude and not
knowing it.

On reading this again and thinking about other responses, maybe the picture is -
the 10 year old was apparently watching her and did you give the 10 year old a
chance to actually remove the ring instead of you?

Still, the mom was a little too up in arms (agree with Rosalie), she didn't say
you should have asked the 10 year old, and I don't think it's reasonable for you
to have to find the parents of any kid that may have one of your family toys.

I think this is just one of those things, if you find a mom in the next instance
that mom would be irritated that you bothered her and didn't just take the ring
LOL.

Batny

"Banty" wrote in message
...
On reading this again and thinking about other responses, maybe the
picture is -
the 10 year old was apparently watching her and did you give the 10 year
old a
chance to actually remove the ring instead of you?

As I was shouting for DS to get the ring (not really noticing who was in the
ring) then going to get the ring, the 10 yo did know we needed the ring was
telling the child we needed it back. She did not move to get the ring off
her. She did have time for that, but no, I did not stand there to wait. I
told the child nicely that I needed it back and took it off because she was
not budging, like I would have done for my kids and would have expected of
others (but then I would have removed it before the situation had to occur
anyway).