Dr. Sears -- am I the only one with doubts?

We recently (~ 3 weeks) had a son and, like most new parents, have a huge
stack of books on our coffee table. I bought the Dr. Sears "Baby Book"
based on a conversation I had with a new parent.

At first glance, it appeared to be full of useful information, but as I read
through it struck me as so convinced of its agenda that it not only
discounts any positive alternatives, but the solutions they posit are in
many cases not practical or desirable in a two-parent world. Furthermore,
you almost feel guilty for not considering them, as you feel that your child
will turn out to be a serial killer or some other kind of anti-social
miscreant.

Dr. Sears is also actively contradictory. One passage that sticks out is in
the section involving co-sleeping. There's a bit where someone say "My
pediatrician said not to co-sleep". They make a point of saying that
pediatricians shouldn't be asked about this, as they're trained to diagnose
illness, not provide parenting advice, and that pediatricians parenting
advice is strictly based on their own experience.

If that's the case, then on what basis does Dr. Sears' authority have any
validity? He's discounted both pediatric training and parental experience.

Furthermore, his claims of support based on "traditional" societies don't
hold that much water with me. Traditional socities often perform things a
certain way because they are no other choices (eg, wearing baby because you
have to tend a field or starve) not because the parents would necessarily
choose those techniques, and I'm not aware of a lack of violence or other
anti-social behavior in traditional societies.

No, you're not the only one. I've read plenty of posts on this Ng and
even on misc.kids.breastfeeding in which people point out exactly what
you do. I think most people, at least here in the US, still practice
non-attachment parenting simply because that's the way it's been done
in their famliies for a few generations and it is now standard. So,
e.g., they don't breastfeed past one or two years and they don't
co-sleep and they don't "wear their babies". They use STROLLERS! They
never even *considered* child-led weaning or co-sleeping or buying a
sling.

But then there are plenty of us who know about Sears and the methods
he has become famous for advocating and simply choose not to follow
them because, well, they don't fit our lifestyle or our family's needs
and we're not convinced we need to.

I especially dislike the idea that just because traditional societies
do/did something, that it must be the "natural" and right way.
Traditional societies are very various in their parenting practices,
and none that I can even imagine ever had a group of wealthy women who
could spend every waking moment attending to the every need of their
1.5 children. : )

"Shawn Barnhart" wrote in message m...
We recently (~ 3 weeks) had a son and, like most new parents, have a huge
stack of books on our coffee table. I bought the Dr. Sears "Baby Book"
based on a conversation I had with a new parent.

At first glance, it appeared to be full of useful information, but as I read
through it struck me as so convinced of its agenda that it not only
discounts any positive alternatives, but the solutions they posit are in
many cases not practical or desirable in a two-parent world. Furthermore,
you almost feel guilty for not considering them, as you feel that your child
will turn out to be a serial killer or some other kind of anti-social
miscreant.

Dr. Sears is also actively contradictory. One passage that sticks out is in
the section involving co-sleeping. There's a bit where someone say "My
pediatrician said not to co-sleep". They make a point of saying that
pediatricians shouldn't be asked about this, as they're trained to diagnose
illness, not provide parenting advice, and that pediatricians parenting
advice is strictly based on their own experience.

If that's the case, then on what basis does Dr. Sears' authority have any
validity? He's discounted both pediatric training and parental experience.

Furthermore, his claims of support based on "traditional" societies don't
hold that much water with me. Traditional socities often perform things a
certain way because they are no other choices (eg, wearing baby because you
have to tend a field or starve) not because the parents would necessarily
choose those techniques, and I'm not aware of a lack of violence or other
anti-social behavior in traditional societies.

No, you're not the only one with doubts. He's very dogmatic about his
approach, but then says "listen to your baby and your instincts". All
the while he implies that your baby and your instincts will always
tell you to do what he says.

Not to mention a lot of The Baby Book is shills for his products. For
example he acts as if the Nojo is the only decent sling out there,
whereas most sling enthusiasts seem to consider it a piece of junk.

Kate
and the Bug, 15 months

You're definately not the only one. Plenty of parents find Sears to be
disturbing and irrelevant to their lives, especially if both parents work
for a living. Me, I've never had a shred of respect for the guy, but many of
his viewpoints I share. I don't have issues with slings or babywearing *if
it works for your baby*, but I also believe that strollers are good things,
too. One of my babies couldn't abide being held and touched, so the sling
was just OUT for her. Plus, with my back, I'd be in the hospital in days if
I used a sling. No way would my back allow that kind of weight on one side
of my body.

I coslept with one child for several months, but another child hated it and
slept in a car seat because of reflux. Sears doesn't even bother considering
these kinds of anomalies. It's like he believes that all babies will conform
to his methodologies, and those of us with fussy babies can attest that the
methodologies often are useless.

I think he has no respect for women who work. His assumption is that all
moms should be just like his wife, centered around home and hearth. Fine if
you're married to a doctor and have lots of loose cash, but the reality
these days is, many many moms need to work in order to survive.

I've always argued that you can't compare traditional 3rd world child
rearing methods to those of ours in the very first world US/Canada/Western
Europe. Apples and oranges. People wear their babies because life on the
ground can be deadly dangerous in tropical countries. People wear their
babies because, as you said, they have to work in order to feed their
families, especially in patriarchial societies where men hunt and women
provide all the other services to the household. It just can't compare to
our lives here.

I just can't stand the guy myself!

Marjorie

I guess I am not like most parents:-) I do not read parenting books.
I do like some of the things that doctor sears promotes like
co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding, but I hate wearing slings. I
do have doubts about all parenting books. I prefer to just follow my
instincts about what is best for my family.


KC


"Shawn Barnhart" wrote in message m...
We recently (~ 3 weeks) had a son and, like most new parents, have a huge
stack of books on our coffee table. I bought the Dr. Sears "Baby Book"
based on a conversation I had with a new parent.

At first glance, it appeared to be full of useful information, but as I read
through it struck me as so convinced of its agenda that it not only
discounts any positive alternatives, but the solutions they posit are in
many cases not practical or desirable in a two-parent world. Furthermore,
you almost feel guilty for not considering them, as you feel that your child
will turn out to be a serial killer or some other kind of anti-social
miscreant.

Dr. Sears is also actively contradictory. One passage that sticks out is in
the section involving co-sleeping. There's a bit where someone say "My
pediatrician said not to co-sleep". They make a point of saying that
pediatricians shouldn't be asked about this, as they're trained to diagnose
illness, not provide parenting advice, and that pediatricians parenting
advice is strictly based on their own experience.

If that's the case, then on what basis does Dr. Sears' authority have any
validity? He's discounted both pediatric training and parental experience.

Furthermore, his claims of support based on "traditional" societies don't
hold that much water with me. Traditional socities often perform things a
certain way because they are no other choices (eg, wearing baby because you
have to tend a field or starve) not because the parents would necessarily
choose those techniques, and I'm not aware of a lack of violence or other
anti-social behavior in traditional societies.

animzmirot wrote:

I think he has no respect for women who work. His assumption is that
all moms should be just like his wife, centered around home and
hearth.

His wife is a nurse...

tristyn
www.tristyn.net

"Shawn Barnhart" wrote in
:

We recently (~ 3 weeks) had a son and, like most new
parents, have a huge stack of books on our coffee table. I
bought the Dr. Sears "Baby Book" based on a conversation I
had with a new parent.

ah! here's some useful advice then: read the parenting books
if you want (or don't. i didn't bother), & then do whatever
*feels right* to you as a parent. feel free to ignore anything
that doesn't make sense to *you*.
every baby is unique. some things will work like a charm with
one baby & fail miserably with another.
my baby needed constant holding & motion. i used a sling &
co-slept. my neice's baby was happy laying in a bassinette or
crib for hours at a time. they're both pretty normal
preschoolers now.
one of the things about havinga kid is that everyone & thier
mother is going to be giving you advice on everything. just
smile, nod & do what *you* think works for your baby.
have fun
lee

I'm sure there are lots of parents out here who don't subscribe to Dr.
Sears' perspectives on child-raising. However, since he is one of the
very few voices who isn't championing the
raise-babies-the-way-we've-always-done-it party line, I'm *very* glad
he's out there.

It felt natural to co-sleep, sling, and breastfeed on demand, among
other things. Sears' book was the only book I had that didn't say
these things were misguided, wrong or outright bad for your child.

I found The Baby Book immensely helpful and supportive, considering
that the majority of people think you are crazy (or worse) to raise
your child in ways outside of our culture's norms.

So I say, thank god for Dr. Sears! It takes all kinds, I guess.

dragon

"Dragon" wrote in message
m...
I'm sure there are lots of parents out here who don't subscribe to Dr.
Sears' perspectives on child-raising. However, since he is one of the
very few voices who isn't championing the
raise-babies-the-way-we've-always-done-it party line, I'm *very* glad
he's out there.

It felt natural to co-sleep, sling, and breastfeed on demand, among
other things. Sears' book was the only book I had that didn't say
these things were misguided, wrong or outright bad for your child.

I found The Baby Book immensely helpful and supportive, considering
that the majority of people think you are crazy (or worse) to raise
your child in ways outside of our culture's norms.

So I say, thank god for Dr. Sears! It takes all kinds, I guess.

Yes, I agree with you. From Dr. Sears, I got, don't subscribe to any
method, listen to your baby, do what works. He likes certain methods, but I
don't see him saying I'm a bad mommy for not doing it his way. I work, I
usually use a stroller, but sometimes a sling, my kids both sleep/slept in
cribs. I don't feel a bit of guilt from reading his book. I feel he
advocates I do what works best for me, that I listen to my kids. That was
the main thing I got out of it. The rest of it was just recommendations on
what might work, what I might try out.

"tristyn" wrote in message
...
animzmirot wrote:

I think he has no respect for women who work. His assumption is that
all moms should be just like his wife, centered around home and
hearth.

His wife is a nurse...

But she's had *8* kids, including one with Down's Syndrome. Is she a nurse
working in a regular practice, or does she have an RN certification from the
late 60s and a convenience job at Dr. Sears practice where she can draw a
salary, show up when its convenient (and when would it EVER be convenient
with 8 kids, including a Down's kid?) and make lots of claims about how
she's a practicing RN? She can wear one or two kids on the job, but not 8,
and if she's a real RN in a real practice, probably none for all the obvious
clinical reasons.

Which makes me kind of wonder about their motivation for having eight
children. Are they adherents to a particular religion that prohibits birth
control? Maybe this made sense in the 19th century when mortality,
fieldwork, lack of birth control and patriarchal control were dominant, but
in a modern society, particularly one with evidence of overpopulation and
dwindiling resources it seems irresponsible and self-indulgent.