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#1
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
My next-door neighbor railed into me this
morning. My 5-year-old Pillbug is autistic and screeches a lot. I honestly had no idea it was this bad, though - I've learned to block out the sounds of his tantrums... So, that's my fault. Anyway, apparently, neighbor's wife is now getting migraines, which she had not gotten in decades. Pillbug's noises wake up the neighbors across the street, including their baby, something about Pillbug setting off the baby monitor. Across the street, they sleep with the windows open because they have no AC and the bedrooms face the street, which is the same for us. It's been nice at night, so we sleep with our windows open, too. Pillbug's screeches wake up their four kids. One time, Pillbug crossed the street on his own. DH was there and scared to death, but that was the only time in Pillbug's 5 years on this planet. My neighbor wants us to keep the windows closed and try to keep the kids out of the front yard. He is threatening to go to CPS - he has a friend at CPS who told him calling was the right thing to do. Neighbor also hates our choice of Chinese nannies. He has a child psychologist friend who thinks I'm insane for trying to maintain a bilingual environment when my autistic child cannot even speak. So, now I have to find the other neighbors, make nice, hope we can come to a reasonable accommodation (I most certainly will not keep my kids indoors 24 hours a day!), and hope no one calls CPS... -- Anita -- |
#2
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
In article , Irrational Number
says... My next-door neighbor railed into me this morning. My 5-year-old Pillbug is autistic and screeches a lot. I honestly had no idea it was this bad, though - I've learned to block out the sounds of his tantrums... So, that's my fault. Anyway, apparently, neighbor's wife is now getting migraines, which she had not gotten in decades. Pillbug's noises wake up the neighbors across the street, including their baby, something about Pillbug setting off the baby monitor. Across the street, they sleep with the windows open because they have no AC and the bedrooms face the street, which is the same for us. It's been nice at night, so we sleep with our windows open, too. Pillbug's screeches wake up their four kids. One time, Pillbug crossed the street on his own. DH was there and scared to death, but that was the only time in Pillbug's 5 years on this planet. My neighbor wants us to keep the windows closed and try to keep the kids out of the front yard. He is threatening to go to CPS - he has a friend at CPS who told him calling was the right thing to do. Neighbor also hates our choice of Chinese nannies. He has a child psychologist friend who thinks I'm insane for trying to maintain a bilingual environment when my autistic child cannot even speak. So totally not his business and so totally wrong. So, now I have to find the other neighbors, make nice, hope we can come to a reasonable accommodation (I most certainly will not keep my kids indoors 24 hours a day!), and hope no one calls CPS... No you don't. You have a problem that you do need to address, BUT you don't have to address it the way that neighbor would have it, and you certainly have the latitude that anyone with kids (or anyone, for that matter) to have noises emanate from your family to some degree so that you can live your lives. So, I'd be thinking of things like, maybe having Pillbug towards the back of your house in the morning (switch bedrooms?), and having Pillbug play in the backyard until a later hour of the morning (seems so unreasonable to have your own front yard off limits to your own kids), or stuff like that which is within your control but doesn't trash your family life and doesn't leave you stifled within your own home at night. See if you can think of, say, three steps along that line that you can do that, if approached again by neighbor, you can state, then tell them that's really as far as you can go without merely shifting the burden on a different set of neighbors or making your own family life impossible. If they continue to object, call their bluff on the CPS thing. You can document the autism. Migranes? - maybe they haven't. Good grief every neighborhood hassle I've heard of someone claims they have some friend at some agency that can trash the other neighbor and it's hardly ever the case. And keep a diary of all. And, I suppose, not having experience with autism, you've taken whatever steps you can concerning these behaviors as far as they can be helped? Banty |
#3
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
"Irrational Number" wrote in message m... My next-door neighbor railed into me this morning. My 5-year-old Pillbug is autistic and screeches a lot. I honestly had no idea it was this bad, though - I've learned to block out the sounds of his tantrums... So, that's my fault. No, blocking out is not your "fault". We once lived a couple doors down from a woman that had an autistic boy. He was about 13 or so. I'll just say at times, it was very interesting living near this family! It was quite often he would screech or run around or seem, basically, out of control to the new eye viewing. There was a time he jumped out of the second storey bedroom window, and many times there'd be something. My heart went out to this woman, that had to live with and deal with this. I never once thought to tell her to shut her kid up or control him. I did believe she was doing the very best she could with what she was given. That was her son, and although very different from maybe my son, I doubt she went off and signed a contract to have a child that was a little harder to manage than the average. I also knew that HE wasn't doing what he did to **** the neighbours off or anything like that. Anyway, apparently, neighbor's wife is now getting migraines, which she had not gotten in decades. Pillbug's noises wake up the neighbors across the street, including their baby, something about Pillbug setting off the baby monitor. Across the street, they sleep with the windows open because they have no AC and the bedrooms face the street, which is the same for us. It's been nice at night, so we sleep with our windows open, too. Pillbug's screeches wake up their four kids. Does he constantly scream or screech or make very loud noises 24 solid hours in a day?? I doubt that, and really, if the neighbour has issues with that, I would try and find a common ground for a solution of some sort. I have no real suggestions for this of my own, but I did read and see some others had some ideas. One time, Pillbug crossed the street on his own. DH was there and scared to death, but that was the only time in Pillbug's 5 years on this planet. My neighbor wants us to keep the windows closed and try to keep the kids out of the front yard. He is threatening to go to CPS - he has a friend at CPS who told him calling was the right thing to do. Front yard, back yard, what's the difference? I would NOT be keeping myself inside every hour of every day, nevermind a child. That's rediculous to even suggest. Children, and people in general, need to be outside. The fresh air, running around... I'd be tempted to tell the neighbours to hole themselves up in their basement and maybe suggest they completely soundproof it just to be on the safe side. Tell them to call CPS. I believe that's the same thing as our Child Welfare. There's nothing they'd do. Take your child away from a good family that provides, loves, nurtures, feeds, offers comfort and stability... to put him elsewhere? Like a change of scenery is going to "fix" everything?? Do you pinch him to cause him to screech? I highly doubt that! Neighbor also hates our choice of Chinese nannies. He has a child psychologist friend who thinks I'm insane for trying to maintain a bilingual environment when my autistic child cannot even speak. Being bilingual is a fantastic option if you have it. We're bilingual - DS and I are both fluent in English and Ukrainian. And I know French, although it's just enough to get by if I had to. Oh, and DDs will also follow through with the Ukrainian bilingual schooling. When I was little, my parents had a caregiver that was Portuguese. She'd speak to me in Portuguese when I was little, and I was fully fluent in English and Portuguese by the time I was talking. With my brothers, they had daily care from Italian families, and it was the same thing. If you want a Chinese nanny for your family, that's not a concern of anyone else. It seems your neighbour has all kinds of friends that tell him all kinds of bogus info. If someone wants to speak to my child in another language, I have no problem with that (assuming it's appropriate and in a way that the child can understand... ie, ____ in this language means ____ in English) Just because a child can't speak doesn't mean he should live life in silence. You still talk to them, there are things that I am sure he might understand, even if he can't or doesn't communicate in the same way others do. I assume you have Chinese in your family, so even someone else helping to keep the heritage there is a good thing for a child, or anyone, really. So, now I have to find the other neighbors, make nice, hope we can come to a reasonable accommodation (I most certainly will not keep my kids indoors 24 hours a day!), and hope no one calls CPS... No, you really can't and shouldn't keep the kids inside all day, every day! THAT is unhealthy! The way he is is the way he is. There's nothing that's going to really change that or make it different. Maybe you could give some tips to the neighbour on how you've kind of blocked the screeching out! LOL I do hope it works out, though. No matter what, that sure sounds like a really difficult situation. -- Anita -- |
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
In article lQ1gk.115492$gc5.92522@pd7urf2no, Kat says...
Tell them to call CPS. I believe that's the same thing as our Child Welfare. There's nothing they'd do. Take your child away from a good family that provides, loves, nurtures, feeds, offers comfort and stability... to put him elsewhere? Like a change of scenery is going to "fix" everything?? Do you pinch him to cause him to screech? I highly doubt that! Yeah - I wouldn't *tell them* to call CPS (unless it came right down to it and they were in my face about it threatening that), but basically, don't be afraid of it. It's *very* likely a bluff, but even if they call, and EVEN IF they have a "friend" there, that friend would have to be mighty unprofessional to do anything about a documented austistic child screaming because they know him or her. And CPS is pretty tired of getting what's basically neighborhood noise calls, just like the ASPCA is. If there's an underlying real problem, fine, but once they find there isn't abuse, they walk away. Banty (it's like how everbody's gotta cousin who's a lawyer...) |
#5
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article lQ1gk.115492$gc5.92522@pd7urf2no, Kat says... Tell them to call CPS. I believe that's the same thing as our Child Welfare. There's nothing they'd do. Take your child away from a good family that provides, loves, nurtures, feeds, offers comfort and stability... to put him elsewhere? Like a change of scenery is going to "fix" everything?? Do you pinch him to cause him to screech? I highly doubt that! Yeah - I wouldn't *tell them* to call CPS (unless it came right down to it and they were in my face about it threatening that), but basically, don't be afraid of it. It's *very* likely a bluff, but even if they call, and EVEN IF they have a "friend" there, that friend would have to be mighty unprofessional to do anything about a documented austistic child screaming because they know him or her. I haven't really had many people just casually say, "I'm going to call..." I had one person that I felt was in my face about it and I told them to call if that's what would make them happy and get them off my case and out of my face! I have nothing to hide or reason to be scared! And CPS is pretty tired of getting what's basically neighborhood noise calls, just like the ASPCA is. If there's an underlying real problem, fine, but once they find there isn't abuse, they walk away. Here, I know, anything reported must be followed up. If they get a call, they have to go and check it out, and it does seem like a lot of the times it's just a bogus call from someone with a beef with someone else or similar. When checked out, they do walk away and leave it at that. Banty (it's like how everbody's gotta cousin who's a lawyer...) LOL No cousin, but my best childhood friend (and DS's godmother) is currently in law school. I have emailed her up once or maybe twice to ask a "wwyd?" question, and I have another friend that is just finishing law school But yea, when it comes down to it, it seems a lot of people have a best friend, close relative or something that is everything and anything that might come in handy! |
#6
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
In article 1I2gk.11621$nD.2945@pd7urf1no, Kat says...
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article lQ1gk.115492$gc5.92522@pd7urf2no, Kat says... Tell them to call CPS. I believe that's the same thing as our Child Welfare. There's nothing they'd do. Take your child away from a good family that provides, loves, nurtures, feeds, offers comfort and stability... to put him elsewhere? Like a change of scenery is going to "fix" everything?? Do you pinch him to cause him to screech? I highly doubt that! Yeah - I wouldn't *tell them* to call CPS (unless it came right down to it and they were in my face about it threatening that), but basically, don't be afraid of it. It's *very* likely a bluff, but even if they call, and EVEN IF they have a "friend" there, that friend would have to be mighty unprofessional to do anything about a documented austistic child screaming because they know him or her. I haven't really had many people just casually say, "I'm going to call..." I had one person that I felt was in my face about it and I told them to call if that's what would make them happy and get them off my case and out of my face! I have nothing to hide or reason to be scared! The last time I had that personally had to do with where I was putting snow when I was digging out for my landlord when I was living in the Bronx and we had a 22" snowfall. There truly was nowhere else to put the snow (the other neighbor in our postwar rowhouses had put their snow on *our* little postage-stamp lawn because *their* neighbors had put snow on *theirs*. I was continuing the chain). They threatened to call the cops on me. Yeah right lady that's what the NYPD will be doing while dealing with a record-breaking snowfall :-/ But many neighborhood stories from this neighborhood and friends' and colleagues' neighborhood so many seem to feature some threat from someone with a 'contact' at just the right applicable enforcement agency. And CPS is pretty tired of getting what's basically neighborhood noise calls, just like the ASPCA is. If there's an underlying real problem, fine, but once they find there isn't abuse, they walk away. Here, I know, anything reported must be followed up. If they get a call, they have to go and check it out, and it does seem like a lot of the times it's just a bogus call from someone with a beef with someone else or similar. When checked out, they do walk away and leave it at that. Sure, CPS would follow up if they actually did call. But I still would no never mind about it, even with the thought of migrane-neighbor smugly peeking through their curtains when they show up. Dollars to donuts, they won't call. Banty (it's like how everbody's gotta cousin who's a lawyer...) LOL No cousin, but my best childhood friend (and DS's godmother) is currently in law school. I have emailed her up once or maybe twice to ask a "wwyd?" question, and I have another friend that is just finishing law school But yea, when it comes down to it, it seems a lot of people have a best friend, close relative or something that is everything and anything that might come in handy! 'Xactly. Doesn't mean it might not help a lot to do some identifiable things that indicate goodwill, even if it's not feasible to do exactly what they would have. Cheers, Banty |
#7
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neighbor complaint about my autistic child
In article ,
Irrational Number wrote: My neighbor wants us to keep the windows closed and try to keep the kids out of the front yard. He is threatening to go to CPS - he has a friend at CPS who told him calling was the right thing to do. Nod, smile and ignore. He's a bully. Neighbor also hates our choice of Chinese nannies. He has a child psychologist friend who thinks I'm insane for trying to maintain a bilingual environment when my autistic child cannot even speak. Did you ask your neighbour why he thought it was any of his business? I assume this gratuitous advice on his part. So, now I have to find the other neighbors, make nice, hope we can come to a reasonable accommodation (I most certainly will not keep my kids indoors 24 hours a day!), and hope no one calls CPS... Can't see why CPS would think there was a problem. -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/ |
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