Is step-teen a mama's boy?

wrote in message
oups.com...
wrote:

At what age do you beleive a mom should no longer lay in bed with her
son?

You make it sound as if mom is doing something horrifying. In truth she
isn't. She is showing him unconditional love.

At what age should a mom no longer sit on the couch with her sons
head in her lap as she tickles his back?

Easy answer - until she is unable to tickle his back.

If you saw a 16 yr old sitting
on his moms lap, you would not find it odd?

No I wouldn't. I would find it wonderful to see a 16 yr old boy having no
problems showing his mother loving affection in front of me.

If a 16 yr old boy followed
his mom around the house like a little lost puppy, that would seem
normal?

No, because like most puppies - children at that age need their parents.
Dogs love unconditionally, and so do most children.

Why do you seem to find that this is all on my shoulders?

I can't answer for the poster who responded to you, but I can say this...
you are obviously having issues with this situation. I'm not sure, but
question yourself for a second on how close you are to your parents. Were
you brought up in a household that didn't have problems showing physical
affection based on unconditional love? Could you talk to your parents about
anything and everything? Is it your wife you are questioning or your
step-son's desires to feel loved by his mother? You should never question a
child's desire to feel loved by any parent - regardless of their age.

Would
you still snuggle on your sons bed, tickling his back when he comes
home for a visit from college???????

If one of my sons, who two are in the military, came to visit and wanted
their backs tickled while snuggling - you bet your last dollar I would! Why
shouldn't any parent do the same for their child? Wouldn't you do it for
your children, or would you push them away and tell them to "grow up"? If
it makes her happy, then so be it. If it is not making you happy, then
really question 'why' and figure out what would make you happy.


Thanks,
Tracy
~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/

Tracy wrote:

wrote in message
oups.com...
wrote:

At what age do you beleive a mom should no longer lay in bed with her
son?

You make it sound as if mom is doing something horrifying. In truth she
isn't. She is showing him unconditional love.

Is intimancy with your children illegal in the US?

--
-- "Edmond Dantes - CMC"
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Intimacy is not the same as being affectionate with your child. Jeepers
if you don't know the difference, god bless any victim, er child, you
may have.

WOW! Thanks people for the input.
The title of this thread was not an off-the-cuff choice. I assumed it
would bring more attention to my post, than something a lil less eye
catching.
My original post was a long drawn out description of only a small part
of life with my stepson. However, it could have been 100 times as
long. And yes I did only touch on the negative. I would rather not bore
you all with the happy and positive things that I, and we as a family,
share with my stepson.

The rest is for Suzann:
Thank you Suzann for your input! Seems we disagree a bit. The mention
of a restraining order was simply to add a little insight about my
stepsons dad. It was a completely aproppiate action! He had a
restraining order stopping him from being around his ex wife and on the
property well before I came around. That one expired and we decided to
leave it go and see how the situation progressed. It was a whole lot
more than spinning wheels and the such. If you need me to explain all
the details of that action please ask me to.
Oh.....and speeding in the driveway? To me, entering a driveway at
speeds such that your truck slides sideways on the gravel IS speeding.
You sound like him now! I think his exact words were "you think that's
fast? I'll show you how F****** fast I can come down this driveway!". I
feel this is silly having to defend our actions to you, mostly because
this is not the main subject of the original post, but I will anyway.
This man has no idea when our younger children are outdoors playing. So
him coming down my driveway at any speed that appears to be without
caution IS speeding. I'm assuming, by your comments, that it would be
impossible to speed down a driveway because there are no speed limit
signs? Or because you could not possibly break any speed limit laws on
private property?????
Before you flip off about me getting the restarining order, I will
inform you that it was a joint decision. Actually my wife was more
concerned with it than I was. And rightfuly so, after all she was the
one who had to cope with this mans physical and verbal abuse for far
many years!
I am not sure why the order is such a hot topic with you??????
Maybe it's the title of the thread? Seems it may have led you to many
preconcieved notions about who I am and what my life with my family is
like. Take a step back, take a deep breath and try to understand why
YOU seem so worked up about this!

wrote
.................................................. .........
The rest is for Suzann:
Thank you Suzann for your input! Seems we disagree a bit. The mention
of a restraining order was simply to add a little insight about my
stepsons dad. It was a completely aproppiate action!
==
Well, I'm not Suzann, but--How do we know it was "aproppiate?"
Around here, we are aware of how often restraining orders are used to keep
children
from their fathers or to keep the fathers away from their exes simply out of
spite, jealousy, control and manipulation. Too, we sometimes see second
husbands
obsess on a stepchild's relationship with his/her parents, the wife's
relationship
with the ex, the ex's lack of financial support, etc. Your comment that "the
mention
of a restraining order was simply to add a little insight about my
stepsons dad," added no insight about his dad at all. The insight comes from
specific details
not generalized statements and accusations. We tend to hold folks to a
higher level of
disclosure knowing that there are at least two sides to every story and the
one side presented
is typically quite embellished.
==

"Tracy" wrote in message news
wrote in message
oups.com...
wrote:

Thanks, Tracy - nice to see someone else voicing what I was thinking.

I'll hold my son's hand for exactly as long as he'll still let me.

Ditto for the snuggling, hugging, and any other affection my kids'll let me enjoy.

Tracy wrote:

wrote in message
oups.com...

wrote:


At what age do you beleive a mom should no longer lay in bed with her
son?


You make it sound as if mom is doing something horrifying. In truth she
isn't. She is showing him unconditional love.

Yeah, and you can make some decent money selling access to mpeg videos
of that "unconditional love" online. Just don't get caught or you'll go
to jail.


At what age should a mom no longer sit on the couch with her sons
head in her lap as she tickles his back?


Easy answer - until she is unable to tickle his back.


If you saw a 16 yr old sitting
on his moms lap, you would not find it odd?


No I wouldn't. I would find it wonderful to see a 16 yr old boy having no
problems showing his mother loving affection in front of me.

I think, in all honesty, it would depend on the way he were sitting in
her lap. What is his facial expression, other bodily motions, etc.

Is sitting in an adult's lap an entirely innocent thing for a teenager?
I teach high school. I can imagine the (justified) outrage if I ever
had the gall to take one of my female students and sit her on my lap. I
can also imagine how it would look if the sexes were reversed in this
situation, with a wife being concerned that her husband is having his
16-year-old daughter sitting on his lap.


If a 16 yr old boy followed
his mom around the house like a little lost puppy, that would seem
normal?


No, because like most puppies - children at that age need their parents.
Dogs love unconditionally, and so do most children.

Not at 15-16 years of age they don't.


Why do you seem to find that this is all on my shoulders?


I can't answer for the poster who responded to you, but I can say this...
you are obviously having issues with this situation. I'm not sure, but
question yourself for a second on how close you are to your parents. Were
you brought up in a household that didn't have problems showing physical
affection based on unconditional love? Could you talk to your parents about
anything and everything? Is it your wife you are questioning or your
step-son's desires to feel loved by his mother? You should never question a
child's desire to feel loved by any parent - regardless of their age.



Would
you still snuggle on your sons bed, tickling his back when he comes
home for a visit from college???????


If one of my sons, who two are in the military, came to visit and wanted
their backs tickled while snuggling - you bet your last dollar I would! Why
shouldn't any parent do the same for their child? Wouldn't you do it for
your children, or would you push them away and tell them to "grow up"? If
it makes her happy, then so be it. If it is not making you happy, then
really question 'why' and figure out what would make you happy.

I can't completely disagree with you here, but as I said, a lot depends
on the "way" in which this activity is done. I'm not in the OPs house
so I can't tell what the "vibes" are about the situation -- they
obviously make him uncomfortable, possibly because he is just jealous,
possibly because there is something unhealthy going on, possibly both.

- Ron ^*^

Moon Shyne wrote:

"Tracy" wrote in message news
wrote in message
groups.com...

wrote:

Thanks, Tracy - nice to see someone else voicing what I was thinking.

I'll hold my son's hand for exactly as long as he'll still let me.

Ditto for the snuggling, hugging, and any other affection my kids'll let me enjoy.

And how old is he?

My son is almost 6, and I still kiss, hug, play-bite, and hold him
constantly (but not when he's not in the mood). I'm sure that some out
there might find this objectionable, as well as the fact that he slept
in bed with me until he was about 3-4 years old, or that my younger son
(9 months now) sleeps in bed with his mother and I. I don't care. I
know that there is nothing "weird" or sexual going on.

And I sympathize with 12-16 year old boys -- in the absence of a
girlfriend, very few people ever touch older boys in a pleasurable way
(not talking sexual here). It can be devastating to certain personality
types, as they suffer in silence yearning to be held, touched, stroked
in a positive way but never getting what they need because it isn't
"socially acceptable". This may be exactly what is happening with the
OP's stepson, perhaps mixed with some jealousy on both sides. But it
might also be something else.

- Ron ^*^

"Werebat" wrote in message news:kHFOf.135159$0G.6820@dukeread10...


Moon Shyne wrote:

"Tracy" wrote in message news
wrote in message
egroups.com...

wrote:

Thanks, Tracy - nice to see someone else voicing what I was thinking.

I'll hold my son's hand for exactly as long as he'll still let me.

Ditto for the snuggling, hugging, and any other affection my kids'll let me enjoy.

And how old is he?

Nearly 12 - and my other child will be 15 - and they both share hugs, snuggling against me on the couch, back scratches,
the whole thing.

And yes, I'll continue just as long as they'll let me.

For the most part, people are tactile creatures - we all need to be touched.


My son is almost 6, and I still kiss, hug, play-bite, and hold him constantly (but not when he's not in the mood).
I'm sure that some out there might find this objectionable, as well as the fact that he slept in bed with me until he
was about 3-4 years old, or that my younger son (9 months now) sleeps in bed with his mother and I. I don't care. I
know that there is nothing "weird" or sexual going on.

And I sympathize with 12-16 year old boys -- in the absence of a girlfriend, very few people ever touch older boys in
a pleasurable way (not talking sexual here). It can be devastating to certain personality types, as they suffer in
silence yearning to be held, touched, stroked in a positive way but never getting what they need because it isn't
"socially acceptable". This may be exactly what is happening with the OP's stepson, perhaps mixed with some jealousy
on both sides. But it might also be something else.

- Ron ^*^