Advice re. college for my son

"Gini" wrote in message
news:kfLNf.869$ZL1.841@trndny09...

wrote
Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under 23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college) and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).
==
Well, how about a custody switch--Then, she can pay you and you can give
the
money to him.
==
==

Oops! I forgot some states don't let the child attending school CS be paid
directly to the child like my state. A change of custody in those states
would shift the CS from going to the CP as Gini suggested.

Bob Whiteside wrote:
"Gini" wrote in message
news:kfLNf.869$ZL1.841@trndny09...

wrote
Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under 23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college) and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).
==
Well, how about a custody switch--Then, she can pay you and you can give
the
money to him.
==
==

Oops! I forgot some states don't let the child attending school CS be paid
directly to the child like my state. A change of custody in those states
would shift the CS from going to the CP as Gini suggested.

Hey, a custody switch sounds like a splendid idea. Son could tell mom,
"well if you are going to be that way, I will move in with Dad and you
can pay CS." That should change her mind.

wrote in message
ups.com...

Bob Whiteside wrote:
"Gini" wrote in message
news:kfLNf.869$ZL1.841@trndny09...

wrote
Thanks for the replies, Bob and others.

As some are not aware, in Massachusetts as long as my son is under
23
(and enrolled in a full-time educational program such as college)
and
just lives with the custodial parent during the summer I am required
to
pay the child support to the mother (custodial parent).
==
Well, how about a custody switch--Then, she can pay you and you can
give
the
money to him.
==
==

Oops! I forgot some states don't let the child attending school CS be
paid
directly to the child like my state. A change of custody in those
states
would shift the CS from going to the CP as Gini suggested.

Hey, a custody switch sounds like a splendid idea. Son could tell mom,
"well if you are going to be that way, I will move in with Dad and you
can pay CS." That should change her mind.

It would depend on what case law says about this issue in MA. I'll use my
state as an example. Custody is a legal concept for the care and
maintenance of minor children. There is no custody for a post 18 young
adult. CS for an adult child attending school is an extension of an
existing custody order. Under case law a new custody order cannot be
created for a post-18 child attending school. The legal questions are - Can
you really change custody when custody no longer exists? And would the
change of CS payments be considered a modification of an existing CS order
or would it be denied because it would create a new CS order?

Bob Whiteside wrote:

It would depend on what case law says about this issue in MA. I'll use my
state as an example. Custody is a legal concept for the care and
maintenance of minor children.

True. In MA, they don't refer to custody after age 18. If my son chose
to not live with his mother (during summer, assuming living on campus
the rest of the year) or if he chose to live with me even just during
summers or if he took an apartment then the "child support" would be
payable to him. I wish he were receiving the money directly. But I have
explained these options to him. It is his choice even though the choice
he has made to let his mother steal from him gnaws at me.

Don

wrote

Bob Whiteside wrote:

It would depend on what case law says about this issue in MA. I'll use
my
state as an example. Custody is a legal concept for the care and
maintenance of minor children.

True. In MA, they don't refer to custody after age 18. If my son chose
to not live with his mother (during summer, assuming living on campus
the rest of the year) or if he chose to live with me even just during
summers or if he took an apartment then the "child support" would be
payable to him. I wish he were receiving the money directly. But I have
explained these options to him. It is his choice even though the choice
he has made to let his mother steal from him gnaws at me.
===
That is unfortunate. Perhaps he'll change his mind after he's been away from
her for a while.
It's amazing how kids change their perceptions of family dynamics after
they've been on their own
and develop independent thinking. From experience, I can tell you that all
the nuances the CP engaged
in, pretending not to criticise/blame the absent parent (but subtly
alienating the child from him), can become
very transparent in time.
===

wrote in message
oups.com...

Bob Whiteside wrote:

It would depend on what case law says about this issue in MA. I'll use
my
state as an example. Custody is a legal concept for the care and
maintenance of minor children.

True. In MA, they don't refer to custody after age 18. If my son chose
to not live with his mother (during summer, assuming living on campus
the rest of the year) or if he chose to live with me even just during
summers or if he took an apartment then the "child support" would be
payable to him. I wish he were receiving the money directly. But I have
explained these options to him. It is his choice even though the choice
he has made to let his mother steal from him gnaws at me.

My suggestion continues to be to focus on the college funding process rather
than the behavior by your son's mother. By consulting the resources I
suggested you will find:

1.) His mother's income and CS received must be declared on the FAFSA form.
Including CS drives up the Expected Family contribution (EFC) increasing the
overall education expenses that must be paid out of pocket.

2.) Using CS for a purpose other than paying education expenses causes the
student to make up the parent's portion of the EFC.

3.) An EFC higher than his actual available income reduces his ability to
qualify for loans and grants.

4.) His mom's refusal to take out a parent loan increases the amount the
student must borrow through student loans.

5.) There are caps on how much can be borrowed and the student will be
forced to work, or work more, to make up the difference.

6.) You have paid once through CS and you are not paying twice.

7.) His mother is accruing education tax credits based on how much the
student is paying and not sharing those tax credits with the student hurts
him further by taking away another education funding resource.

I still recommend you get up to speed on these financial issues, make sure
your son understands everything above, and work together to get his mom to
understand these issues.

Sorry,
I don't have any real advise. However, I think it is ridiculous that you are
by law forced to pay for college. Are intact households forced to pay for
college for their children in your state? Also, I see that someone posted
that if the child stayed in college......what child...he is 23....oh child
support sounds better than adult support...anyway someone posted if he stays
in college you must pay. Perhaps you should introduce him to drugs and
alcohol so that he flunks out. (as bad as that sounds it is no worse than
stealing his college money) Do you still have to support your ex. if he is
failing college? Did they take that right away from you too, to stop paying
for college if your son is John 'Bluto' Blutarsky?

My ex is living in a very nice house thanks to the laws of Pa. I hope my
children will understand that I have paid her over $200,000 in "child
support". This is their college education as far as I am concerned. Once
she kicks $150,000 into college, I will then share equally in the expense.
I believe that $50,000 would pay for clothing for 3 children(at least the
clothing that they wear to my house). Other than that I feed them half the
time. So what is the other $150,000 for? COLLEGE!



wrote in message
ups.com...
Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Thanks,

Don

Just an FYI. Federal Direct Student Loans cap out at $10,000/year for
the freshman and sophomore year.

On 1 Mar 2006 07:48:28 -0800, wrote:

Hi,

I am a noncustodial parent who has managed to survive 12 years in
Massachusetts and have unfortunately become rather knowledgable about
the system. I pay $13,000 per year in child support for my son. His
mother, college-educated, certified to teach high school uses the child
support to supplement her living expenses while she "works" from home
and claims she earns $0.89 per hour (89 cents).

My son will be going to a private college next year. After scholarship
money, he will be short $20,000 (out of $43,000/year). The college is
recommending (planning) a loan for him of $5,000 per year. Which after
my $13,000 plus another $2,000 I've manage to save, covers him.

However his mother is telling him she needs that $13,000 to live on and
so she is having him apply for loans in his name of $18,000 per year
(the recommended $5K plus the $13K).

OTOH I'm glad she's not dragging me back to court to pay the whole
thing. OTOH, it makes me crazy that my son should be graduating after
four years with $20K in loans but instead will be graduating with over
$70K in loans.

I have pointed this out to him and he kind of shrugs. Should I just let
this go? He is 18 but it seems so unfair to me.

Thanks,

Don

Beverly

Beverly wrote:
Just an FYI. Federal Direct Student Loans cap out at $10,000/year for
the freshman and sophomore year.

Thanks Beverly. I didn't know that and of course that could definitely
be a factor. It's also I think part of accepting the next stage of his
growth. It's just the other areas such as matters of drinking or drugs
and such didn't get all entangled with dead-beat CS issues. So it is
harder for me to give him advice and then watch him accept a financial
burden which I feel is morally wrong. But as Bob and others suggested,
my son my revisit this decision after a semester or two. Thanks again
all, for the comments and suggestions.

Don

wrote:

Beverly wrote:

Just an FYI. Federal Direct Student Loans cap out at $10,000/year for
the freshman and sophomore year.


Thanks Beverly. I didn't know that and of course that could definitely
be a factor. It's also I think part of accepting the next stage of his
growth. It's just the other areas such as matters of drinking or drugs
and such didn't get all entangled with dead-beat CS issues. So it is
harder for me to give him advice and then watch him accept a financial
burden which I feel is morally wrong. But as Bob and others suggested,
my son my revisit this decision after a semester or two. Thanks again
all, for the comments and suggestions.

Just make it clear to him when he wants money for ski trips, spring
break, etc. that he could have quite a bit of it by signing some
documents and making some assertions in court.

- Ron ^*^