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can someone give me some advice?



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 8th 04, 02:09 PM
Krystle N
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Default can someone give me some advice?

hi...my name is krystle i'm 15..and i think i might be pregnant. I don't
want to be, but i have to be resposible for my actions..my period is
late and i don't know what i should do..i can't go to the doctor cuz i
have no way of getting up there..and i don't want to tell my mom cuz
she'll prolly call the cops on the dude that probably got me pregnant.
she knows we've done it already cuz she went through my backpack without
my consaultence and looked at my journal, and read everything.. it makes
me mad because she doesn't respect the fact that i'm a teenager and i
need privacy too..but she's my mom and understand why she did that, but
if she finds out that me and this dude did it again lol...then she's
goin to get very upset...and i don't want that to happen..if i am
pregnant ...i don't know what i'm going to do..i feel so out of place
right now..i feel like dropping in a whole and living there for the rest
of my life...but can someone just help me through this ..i really need
someone to talk to about this..
Krystle

  #2  
Old January 8th 04, 02:56 PM
Dagny
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Default can someone give me some advice?


"Krystle N" wrote in message
...
hi...my name is krystle i'm 15..and i think i might be pregnant. I don't
want to be, but i have to be resposible for my actions..my period is
late and i don't know what i should do..i can't go to the doctor cuz i
have no way of getting up there..and i don't want to tell my mom cuz
she'll prolly call the cops on the dude that probably got me pregnant.
she knows we've done it already cuz she went through my backpack without
my consaultence and looked at my journal, and read everything.. it makes
me mad because she doesn't respect the fact that i'm a teenager and i
need privacy too..but she's my mom and understand why she did that, but
if she finds out that me and this dude did it again lol...then she's
goin to get very upset...and i don't want that to happen..if i am
pregnant ...i don't know what i'm going to do..i feel so out of place
right now..i feel like dropping in a whole and living there for the rest
of my life...but can someone just help me through this ..i really need
someone to talk to about this..
Krystle


Hey Krystle. Well if your period is late the drug store pregnancy tests
(you pee on a stick, usually) will be accurate. My advice is to live a
healthy lifestyle so you have no regrets, and take the test. If it's
negative (and sometimes stress or fear of pregnancy can delay a period) --
insist on using condoms all the time if you are going to continue having
sex. I think you also need to give your mom some credit, that it was
appropriate in this instance to invade your privacy. She is trying to
protect you from the very thing you currently fear (being pregnant so
young).

If you are pregnant, find a midwife and call her. She'll spend time with
you on the phone so you can decide what kind of prenatal care you want
before the baby is born and maybe advise you on anything you're doing right
now that might not be good for the baby. An obstetrician might call you
back too, but a midwife is more likely to have more time. If you don't know
how to do this, and you don't want to involve your mom or an older friend or
relative or family doctor, post your location on this board and we'll find
you a number.

You should really tell your mom. She loves you in a very essential way.

-- Dagny




  #3  
Old January 8th 04, 05:36 PM
Donna
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Default can someone give me some advice?


"Krystle N" wrote in message
...
hi...my name is krystle i'm 15..and i think i might be pregnant.


Oh dear.

I don't
want to be, but i have to be resposible for my actions


This is a wonderful attitude, Krystle. Taking responsibility for what you
do is very adult.

..my period is
late and i don't know what i should do..i can't go to the doctor cuz i
have no way of getting up there


Ok, first things first. How late are you? if you are more than a couple of
days late, go to the drug store/chemist (I don't know what country you live
in) and get a pregnancy test. That's the first thing to do. Etiher way,
though, pregnant or not, if your periods have stopped, you are going to have
to see a doctor about it.

...and i don't want to tell my mom cuz
she'll prolly call the cops on the dude that probably got me pregnant.


Not to be unsympathetic, here, but in the states, in a lot of areas, sex
with a fifteen year old *is* a crime.


she knows we've done it already cuz she went through my backpack without
my consaultence and looked at my journal, and read everything.. it makes
me mad because she doesn't respect the fact that i'm a teenager and i
need privacy too..


As my mom told me growing up, "If you want privacy, get a job and get your
own apartment. While you're under our roof, you don't get privacy" I
didn't like that much, either, but, like you, I kind of understood where she
was coming from. You sound very adult.

but she's my mom and understand why she did that, but
if she finds out that me and this dude did it again lol...then she's
goin to get very upset...and i don't want that to happen.


Well, here's a reality check for you. If you're indeed pregnant, you're in
a bind, and you are going to have to make some very adult, very serious
decisions about where your life is going to go. Yes, your decisions are
going to upset people, but that is what it is. Evidently you decided to
have sex. And you decided to have sex without using adequate protection.
Now you have to decide whether to have a baby and raise it, have a baby and
give it up for adoption, or abort the pregnancy. These are really serious
outcomes that arose from your original decisions about sex and protection.
Worrying about your mom being mad at you is understandable, but not really
the most important thing you're handling right now, you know? (BTW I'm
assuming that you are not in any physical danger from your mom, just that
she will be furious and disappointed in you. If I'm making a mistaken
assumption and you feel that you ARE in some kind of physical danger, then
obviously disregard what I'm about to advise.) Your mother loves you. If
you are pregnant, you need to tell her, and ask for help. If you aren't
pregnant, you still need to tell her that your periods have stopped. Yes,
she may be disappointed in you. Yes, she may be angry. Yes, she may have
your boyfriend arrested, if indeed he committed the crime of statutory rape.
But she's your mother, and ultimately, she is going to help you. She loves
you.

If you can't do that, there must be a public health office that can help
you, confidentially. Where are you located (country)?

.if i am
pregnant ...i don't know what i'm going to do..i feel so out of place
right now..i feel like dropping in a whole and living there for the rest
of my life...but can someone just help me through this ..i really need
someone to talk to about this..


It's ok to feel what you are feeling. Fear, anger, fright.... but you need
to take action, too. You made some adult decisions awhile ago. Now you
have to be adult enough deal with the consequences, and figure out what
*you* want to do, and how best to manage this. One of your options,
termination, has a time limit. So you need to make sure that you have
taken some steps to decide what you want to do before your options start
disappearing. The first step is to find out if, indeed, you are pregnant.

Hang in there. And keep in mind that this doesn't make you a bad person.
An unlucky one, maybe. A careless one, definitely. But not a bad person.
This is scary, but this isn't the end of the world. You can get through
this.

Donna


  #4  
Old January 8th 04, 11:33 PM
Krystle N
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Default can someone give me some advice?

look donna i know ur trying to help me but calling me careless and that
other word you used..thats not helping me..i know i made the mistake of
having sex..and we did use protection...i told him to take it off
because it was burning...i come to find out i'm alergic to it..it may
sound stupid but i am..and i'm only human...yall may say tell ur mom
that u might be pregnant..but if yall were here..yall'd
understand...every day she comes home from work she yells at me..i don't
ever do anything wrong..as soon as she walks through the door she yells
at me for no reason..my mom has an anger disorder...she gets mad at the
littlest things..i have a pregnancy test already i'm just affraid to
take it because i'm affraid that i might be pregnant..i know what i need
to do...thanks for yalls help it's been really nice for yall to help
me..it's just that i don't know why yall are putting me down..the guy i
had sex with is 17 ...he's my ex-boyfriend..and i don't really want to
be with him..and yall are probably goin to ask me why did i have sex
with him...the reason is..if i didn't...he wouldn't have left me
alone..i tell him to quit doing things...for an example..we were
standing in the lunchline yesturday at school...he kept pokin me and i
told him to quit ...and he wouldn't stop ..i kept telling to quit and
kept telling him to quit...and he just wouldn't quit... i know i should
go to the police station and have a restraining order put on him...but
if i'm pregnant..who would be the father of my child?...see yall need to
ask me these questions b4 you know what to say to me...i'm not saying
that yall shouldn't have said anything..it's just that when i talk to
people..all they do is put me down..no matter what situation it is..they
always put me down..and i'm tired of it so i'm sorry for what i just
said but i can't see how people can put other people down for mistakes
they did..we're all human and we're all from the house of God, and we
all make mistakes..so if i seem like a bad person to yall...let me just
say this..i'm not a bad person i would die for anybody..i would help
people through things no matter what the circumstances are..i would walk
through fire so no one can feel the pain...i would do a lot for my
friends and family...just so they wouldn't feel any sadness..or
pain...like i'm goin through now..so if you don't appreciate that i'm
comming out and telling people that i might be pregnant and if u have
some rude comment to say to me..then just don't tell me anything ..don't
say anything to me cuz all i want is help..i just need a woman or
whoever to talk to...i can't talk to my mom cuz like i said i can't even
breathe and she's jumpin down my throat...sorry this is so long but i'm
tired of the way people treat me..it's awful i've been goin through it
my whole life..one of my brothers used to abuse me..and i hated the fact
that my dad didn't do anything about it..so thats why i moved in with my
mom..just so i could get away from the pain that they caused me..i'm
sorry that some of yall disapprove of this but all i wanted was some
advice on how to get through this...not about what i did to get this
way... i'm sorry if u feel that way...
Krystle

  #5  
Old January 9th 04, 01:04 AM
Jamie Clark
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Default can someone give me some advice?

Krystal,
No one said anything rude or anything that you be construed as putting you
down. Every post I read spoke to you in an adult manner -- straight forward
and to the point. No one called you any names, or said you were immature.
No one called into question your sexual behavior or maturity, except to
compliment you on your post on your mature attitude about this possible
pregnancy.

That all being said, I think you are obviously immature if you can't handle
an open and honest discussion. You can't come to a newsgroup and give
little or no information, and then get mad that people don't know your whole
story. How would we know that your mother has an anger issue, or that your
ex-boyfriend is 17 and apparently an ass? If he is harassing you, then
sleeping with him is a great way to let him know that it isn't acceptable
behavior (please note the utter sarcasm). We only know what you tell us.
And the one posted who suggested you tell your mom, did say that advice did
not hold true if you feared for your safety.

In a way, all of your other life issues are irrelevant -- first of all, you
either are pregnant or your not. So first you need to test and find out.
Secondly, if pregnant, you have three choices -- abort, raise this child, or
place this child for adoption. Now your life issues may well help you
decide which of these choices would be the best one for you and your child.
Your mother will be angry with you if you are pregnant, but that's
understandable, isn't it? But this is a major issue that you'll need adult
help with, so you really should come clean with your mother, if you are
pregnant, and let her help you figure out what the best plan of action is.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


  #6  
Old January 9th 04, 03:00 AM
Anne Marie
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Posts: n/a
Default can someone give me some advice?

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you'll know, I was pretty surprised
with all the positive remarks can also remember when i was 15, i would
take great offense to someone saying that i was careless. I just want us
to remember that even though she seems mature she still is a 15 year old
girl....She's not going to take everything the same way we would...

Just putting my 2 cents in.....don't mean to offended *anyone*

AnneMarie

Krystle N wrote:

hi...my name is krystle i'm 15..and i think i might be pregnant. I don't
want to be, but i have to be resposible for my actions..my period is
late and i don't know what i should do..i can't go to the doctor cuz i
have no way of getting up there..and i don't want to tell my mom cuz
she'll prolly call the cops on the dude that probably got me pregnant.
she knows we've done it already cuz she went through my backpack without
my consaultence and looked at my journal, and read everything.. it makes
me mad because she doesn't respect the fact that i'm a teenager and i
need privacy too..but she's my mom and understand why she did that, but
if she finds out that me and this dude did it again lol...then she's
goin to get very upset...and i don't want that to happen..if i am
pregnant ...i don't know what i'm going to do..i feel so out of place
right now..i feel like dropping in a whole and living there for the rest
of my life...but can someone just help me through this ..i really need
someone to talk to about this..
Krystle


  #7  
Old January 9th 04, 02:22 PM
Krystle N
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default can someone give me some advice?

thank you ann...i just wanted to let donna know that i'm not careless
and what everyone else said about me was pretty rude...i wasn't trying
to be rude when i wrote that post thing...i'm just letting donna know
that i'm just a teenager and all i wanted was some help..she didn't have
to call me the things she did..and i'm sorry that yall thought
different..so if it's all gravy with yall ...i'll leave..i just don't
like being called names ...it's been that way my whole life...but who
cares about my life right?...so whatever yall think about me ..thats
fine..i just wanted someone to be nice to me and at least give me some
support ...

  #8  
Old January 9th 04, 03:36 PM
Ilse Witch
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Default can someone give me some advice?

Krystle N wrote:
thank you ann...i just wanted to let donna know that i'm not careless
and what everyone else said about me was pretty rude...i wasn't trying
to be rude when i wrote that post thing...i'm just letting donna know
that i'm just a teenager and all i wanted was some help..she didn't have
to call me the things she did..and i'm sorry that yall thought
different..so if it's all gravy with yall ...i'll leave..i just don't
like being called names ...it's been that way my whole life...but who
cares about my life right?...so whatever yall think about me ..thats
fine..i just wanted someone to be nice to me and at least give me some
support ...


Well, you were careless, right? So was your BF, but you will have to
live with the consequences at this point, and if you cannot acknowledge
that you're partially to blame, that is not going to be a big help. I am
sure you'll encounter much harsher comments from the outside world than
you have heard here, and you'd better prepare.

You did receive some wonderful support here, but turned it right back
down again, just because one person used a word you didn't like. People
even offered to help you find proper prenatal care. Either you should
have been more clear in stating what you want, or accept that other
people do not always see things your way. From your post and replies I
get the impression that if I'm not your friend, I'm automatically your
enemy.

Noone here has judged you as a person, just your behaviour. I've made
mistakes in my life, I know that's sometimes hard to admit, but using
that as an excuse to turn down help is just outright stupid. By coming
here you have shown you are not stupid and want to take responsibility,
so you'd better start doing that soon.

--
--I.

  #9  
Old January 9th 04, 04:21 PM
Donna
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Posts: n/a
Default can someone give me some advice?


"Krystle N" wrote in message
...
look donna i know ur trying to help me but calling me careless and that
other word you used.


What other word did I use that is upsetting you so much? I have re-read my
post a bunch of times trying to figure out why you think I am insulting you.
I still don't see it. I know that tone is hard to judge in written context,
but no where, that I can see, did I insult you. How have I hurt your
feelings so badly?

..thats not helping me..i know i made the mistake of
having sex..and we did use protection...i told him to take it off
because it was burning...i come to find out i'm alergic to it..it may
sound stupid but i am..and i'm only human..


Right, but then why did you not try another method of contraception? I
haven't totally forgotten what it is like to be a teenager, but I do recall
that having sex without protection is kind of a careless attitude. That's
not insulting, Krystle, that's a description. We're all careless at
times - everyone who has been ticketed for accidentally driving over the
speed limit is guilty of being careless. It's not a character flaw for
heaven's sake.

.yall may say tell ur mom
that u might be pregnant..but if yall were here..yall'd
understand...every day she comes home from work she yells at me..i don't
ever do anything wrong..as soon as she walks through the door she yells
at me for no reason..my mom has an anger disorder...she gets mad at the
littlest things.


I believe that I, and others, mentioned that the advice to speak to your
mother would not be useful to you if you fear for your safety. Krystle,
people, myself included, have put a lot of effort into responding to your
post thoughtfully, non-judgementally, and with an adult-to adult tone,
because you are in a difficult, adult situation. If all you wanted to hear
was "Poor poor kid, How awful for you" the code is to ask for support, not
advice. It's kind of like when someone posts that something is a rant -
that kind of means that they're reacting emotionally to a situation, rather
than looking for discourse and information.

.i have a pregnancy test already i'm just affraid to
take it because i'm affraid that i might be pregnant..i know what i need
to do...thanks for yalls help it's been really nice for yall to help
me..it's just that i don't know why yall are putting me down.


Who has put you down? Every post that has propagated on my system has been
very neutral in tone. And every post has given you excellent advice. I
really don't understand your perspective here.

.the guy i
had sex with is 17 ...he's my ex-boyfriend..and i don't really want to
be with him..and yall are probably goin to ask me why did i have sex
with him...the reason is..if i didn't...he wouldn't have left me
alone..i tell him to quit doing things...for an example..we were
standing in the lunchline yesturday at school...he kept pokin me and i
told him to quit ...and he wouldn't stop ..i kept telling to quit and
kept telling him to quit...and he just wouldn't quit... i know i should
go to the police station and have a restraining order put on him.


.... so the alternative is to have sex with him? I totally don't understand
your thought processes here. What I am picking up loud and clear is that
you are having a little trouble acknowledging that you have any
responsibility for the mess you find yourself in.

..but
if i'm pregnant..who would be the father of my child?...see yall need to
ask me these questions b4 you know what to say to me.


Wrong. You need to provide the information you wish to have evaluated when
you post. This is an newsgroup, not an encounter session. Had you
mentioned these things in your post, you may have gotten different
responses.

Donna



  #10  
Old January 9th 04, 04:24 PM
Vicky Bilaniuk
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Default can someone give me some advice?

Jamie Clark wrote:
Krystal,
No one said anything rude or anything that you be construed as putting you
down. Every post I read spoke to you in an adult manner -- straight forward



Krystal is being very sensitive, and I can completely understand why. I
know where she's coming from, not because of the pregnancy thing, but
because of the dysfunctional family thing. The way to talk to someone
who is sensitive like this is to *not* try to tell them anything about
their behaviour. They already know, and don't need to be told. They
would not be asking for help if they didn't already know that they had
made a mistake somewhere.

My 2 cents.

 




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