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#21
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
Yes, the more I think about it, the more I want to make an excuse out of the shower, and just have a come-meet-baby party. Knowing people like I do, though, people will still feel obligated to bring a gift. I looked up etiquette and apparently it is poor etiquette to include something on an invitation such as "Your presence is our gift" or something to let people know not to feel obligated. So, how do you let them know NOT to worry about it? You don't. Of course, the very fact that you're deliberately having something other than a shower will help, and you can hope that your friend spreads the word. But *you* can't go round raising the subject of gifts with people, even to say that you don't want them. And you know - if people really want to give you gifts, why not let them? They'll decide for themselves whether they want to and how much they can afford. The important thing is that you're not pressuring them, dropping hints, etc. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#22
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
Yes, the more I think about it, the more I want to make an excuse out of the shower, and just have a come-meet-baby party. Knowing people like I do, though, people will still feel obligated to bring a gift. I looked up etiquette and apparently it is poor etiquette to include something on an invitation such as "Your presence is our gift" or something to let people know not to feel obligated. So, how do you let them know NOT to worry about it? Those who want to give a gift will anyway but I want to let people know it should not feel like an obligation or a breach of etiquette not to. People still sort of think like they do with birthday parties- they feel they are going to come and participate in activities or food, so they should show up with a gift. Honestly, there's not a lot you can do. At some point, people have to take responsibility for their own misconceptions. The reason you don't say "no gifts" is that it's not your business to tell other people what they can or cannot do. If they want to get you a gift, that's their business, and your job is to receive it gratefully in the spirit in which it was intended. If they don't really want to get a gift but think they're obligated to do so, well, it's not your job to teach them manners. The harder you try, the more it looks like you really expected something in the first place (if you didn't, why are you so insistent that they don't have to?). One way that's fairly effective is a surprise party. If they don't know they're coming to a baby party, they won't think to bring a gift ;-) That's sometimes hard to pull off, though. You can reinforce the idea that a gift is not required by not opening gifts that are brought at the party. If you open gifts there, it makes people feel awkward about not bringing a gift (and the fact that others have done so in the past is part of what makes people feel squeamish about not bringing a gift even when they know it's not technically necessary). You can't fix other people's problems. All you can do is keep your own nose clean and be gracious whatever happens. Best wishes, Ericka |
#23
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No Wrap Shower
"Boliath" wrote in message ... Welches wrote: I tried that with #2. We received so much for #1-she was the first of the next generation on both sides, and we moved area just before she was born and we got presents from the old area and the new area. I tried dropping the hint with #2, but instead we received two presents from everyone-something for #1 and something for #2. That's sweet. I hope people remember my son when this baby arrives. I do try to get a gift for the other children if I'm buying for a new baby I always do this- when I take a baby gift over to a new baby, I always get the older siblings something to. I'm the youngest so I wouldn't know, but it's probably hard for a kid to adjust when suddenly there's a new little one around getting all the attention and gifts. |
#24
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No Wrap Shower
"Welches" wrote Another interesting point that dh pointed out was that for #1 most of the presents were clothes. And of those most were size 3-6 months (we got so much in that size I ended up exchanging a lot for bigger sizes and still had too much in that size. #2 we got more toys than clothes, and the clothes were a fair mixture of sizes. With #3 we've got nearly all 0-3 months, with a few newborn, and two teddies for the toy department! Debbie With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses, christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes. Not being ungrateful, but it's just not appropriate. I've noticed that people do it obliviously, like they don't understand why someone of a different religion would not use the item. Feh. One of my mom's friends gave us religious items and this was most offensive because she knows very well what religion we are in this house- actually DH is a different religion from me, but *neither* of us christen. Another thing that happened with #1 was that I received about 5 of those handkerchief keepsakes- they are a little baby bonnet and you can rip the seam and turn it into a handkerchief, so your daughter wears it on her head and then carries it on her wedding day. Feh again..I don't know why people think this is such a grand gift idea, and none of them left a receipt and they were all different so there was no way I could return them. I noticed that now, they are making the box read as if they are for boy babies too- give the bonnet to the boy and when he marries, let his bride carry it. I suppose the same people will think it's grand to give more of those to us, too. I know this does sound horrible of me. I can't sell them, I don't do Ebay, I can't find anyone else who wants them, so I stashed them in a closet and honestly am not even sure where they are. The religious toned gifts are truly unnecessary though. I have seen people give Baptist themed (or something similar) to Muslim parents-to-be, oy. I guess it's because I live in the Bible belt but it's really....ugh.. |
#25
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses, christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes. Not being ungrateful, but it's just not appropriate. I've noticed that people do it obliviously, like they don't understand why someone of a different religion would not use the item. What I'm a little mystified by is the notion that anyone would give a Christening gown without coordinating first. Obviously, you don't need multiple Christening gowns for a single child. Besides that, it's not uncommon for someone to have a special gown in the family already, or to have very specific ideas about what they want in a Christening gown. It would sort of be like choosing a wedding dress for someone and giving it as a wedding gift without discussing it beforehand. And the more religious someone is, the more likely they are to see all of the Christening/Baptism accoutrement as something special (not that they'll necessarily value form over function--a special gown isn't required--but you know what I mean). Best wishes, Ericka |
#26
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No Wrap Shower
"beyond the pale" wrote in message ... "Welches" wrote Another interesting point that dh pointed out was that for #1 most of the presents were clothes. And of those most were size 3-6 months (we got so much in that size I ended up exchanging a lot for bigger sizes and still had too much in that size. #2 we got more toys than clothes, and the clothes were a fair mixture of sizes. With #3 we've got nearly all 0-3 months, with a few newborn, and two teddies for the toy department! Debbie With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses, christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes. Not being ungrateful, but it's just not appropriate. I've noticed that people do it obliviously, like they don't understand why someone of a different religion would not use the item. Feh. One of my mom's friends gave us religious items and this was most offensive because she knows very well what religion we are in this house- actually DH is a different religion from me, but *neither* of us christen. I would find that strange to give Christening gowns. I mean that, for me, if you choose to have them baptised, then you'll probably want to choose the gown yourself. A lot of people here have heirloom ones and wouldn't want one. And some people want the long flowing ones, and others wouldn't touch them. For me, I wanted to make one and really wouldn't have appreciated being given one. And also it's a one present ie getting 2 means one won't be used. I always try to get something that either can be easily changed without a receipt, or would be useful even if it's not the receiver's taste. Another thing that happened with #1 was that I received about 5 of those handkerchief keepsakes- they are a little baby bonnet and you can rip the seam and turn it into a handkerchief, so your daughter wears it on her head and then carries it on her wedding day. Feh again..I don't know why people think this is such a grand gift idea, and none of them left a receipt and they were all different so there was no way I could return them. I noticed that now, they are making the box read as if they are for boy babies too- give the bonnet to the boy and when he marries, let his bride carry it. I suppose the same people will think it's grand to give more of those to us, too. I know this does sound horrible of me. I can't sell them, I don't do Ebay, I can't find anyone else who wants them, so I stashed them in a closet and honestly am not even sure where they are. What a strange idea. Never seen that. It would almost be worth getting one for #3 to see dh's disgusted face. He wouldn't like that! The religious toned gifts are truly unnecessary though. I have seen people give Baptist themed (or something similar) to Muslim parents-to-be, oy. I guess it's because I live in the Bible belt but it's really....ugh.. I'd only give "religious toned gifts" for a baptism gift. Even then my prefered present is a lift the flap bible when #1 and #2 both enjoyed-it has about 10 flaps a page and kept them happy for hours. Debbie |
#27
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
With #1 I got quite a bit of religious oriented things- Christening dresses, christening bibs, etc. I didn't really appreciate that because we are not of a religion that christens babies and I think it's very presumptuous for people to gift gifts with *their own* religion's themes. Big time, I would have been quite put out if I had received those kinds of gifts. Luckily I didn't. |
#28
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No Wrap Shower
beyond the pale wrote:
"Boliath" wrote Welches wrote: I tried that with #2. We received so much for #1-she was the first of the next generation on both sides, and we moved area just before she was born and we got presents from the old area and the new area. I tried dropping the hint with #2, but instead we received two presents from everyone-something for #1 and something for #2. That's sweet. I hope people remember my son when this baby arrives. I do try to get a gift for the other children if I'm buying for a new baby I always do this- when I take a baby gift over to a new baby, I always get the older siblings something to. I'm the youngest so I wouldn't know, but it's probably hard for a kid to adjust when suddenly there's a new little one around getting all the attention and gifts. I'm the 6th of 9 kids, I remember being angry about my little brother who is 3 years young than me, but the 2 that came after him didn't bother me until they were older and everyone kept going on about how cute they were and I felt like a big lug in the corner, maybe it was because they were girls close together and they were very cute. My Mum brought home gifts from the baby to all the older kids but everyone's Mum had babies frequently back there and back then so a new baby in the house was the norm rather than a big deal. |
#29
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No Wrap Shower
"HELP!!" wrote in message ups.com... We are expecting 100+ guests at our baby shower. Is their a polite, acceptable way to ask that gifts not be wrapped? Holy Moly!! I think you are stuck opening gifts. I like Ericka's idea of doing the opening in groups. What on earth are you going to do with so much stuff??!! I hope there is someone that is sort of organizing the gifts behind the scenes. -- Nikki, mama to Hunter 4/99 Luke 4/01 Brock 4/06 Ben 4/06 |
#30
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No Wrap Shower
On Jun 19, 7:48 am, HELP!! wrote:
Thanks for the reply Ericka. I know it sounds funny, but this monstrosity is intimate. We are both from large families and have 20 aunts & uncles and 60+ first cousins. Include a very trimmed down list of close friends and you get a 100+ guest shower, all of which expect to be invited. I hear you loud and clear. We live far away from our families so didn't have to deal with this, but my family is large, and showers (or parties of any sort) quickly get out of hand. People who are not from big families often just don't *get* it (I have 60 first cousins on my dad's side alone, and as many of them are already grandparents, multiple layers of other cousins as well). But no, there is no way to ask for anything in particular about the gifts. Just open them thoughtfully, but quickly. You won't have 100 gifts, and likely family groups will offer one joint gift, which should make it shorter. Also, half the party will be uninterested and doing something else anyway, at least that has been my experience at large showers (which in my family, are always co-ed). Just relax and have fun, and be excited that your little one has so many people excited to meet him/her. |
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