Questions about baby shower

Hi,
I moved to another country when I got married, nearly 2 yrs ago, but for
different reasons I haven't learnt fluently the language (German) yet. So, I
have only 3-4 proper friends, that's including my mother in law, who speak
English (or Spanish, that's my mother tongue).

One of these friends used to live in the USA for quite a while, and she had
the idea of throwing me a baby shower (it is NOT a common thing here, for
what I know, but is slowly becoming fashionable, same in my home country).
Both my sisters in law had one, and I think my friend did too for the
youngest son, born here.
It's very thoughful and I'm thrilled by her kindness, but I'm completely
scared, because she's inviting her friends from her church (the same my
mother in law attends), so leaving aside them and my SILs, I won't know any
of the ladies in there!!!

It's completely overwhelming to me to receive gifts from people I've never
seen before!
On top of that, my friend asked me to write a list of things I need.
I don't think there are registries in the shops here, and certainly there
are very few baby shops -unlike my home country, where they are everywhere-.

Should I accept gracefully all the attentions, write the list and let it up
to people if they want to get me stuff, or just go by my current impulse,
which is declining politely and say "it's not necessary to get me anything,
just nappies if you really feel compelled to bring something"...?
Honestly, we don't need a lot of things, we are getting most from my SILs,
and what's left to buy is the crib (too expensive), a high chair (we don't
even need it yet!) and a sling (and that I want to choose it myself).

I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in
the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol.
I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I
accept!!
Any advice on what to do?
V.

PS: I'm due in the beginning of October, BTW.........
I should have introduced myself, but I'll leave it for a next post, still
have time!!

"Should I accept gracefully all the attentions..."

I think I meant "graciously". Ooops! *blush*

Hi V

I'm new here and haven't introduced myself yet but will reply to your
post anyway.

I do understand your dilemma. I've just moved to Spain and although
none of my friends (woe is me!) :-) have offered to give me a birthday
shower, I'll most likely be in a state of conundrum just as you are
now if someone did.

Where I'm from, baby showers are not the in-thing either and frankly,
I'm not even sure what goes on during such an occassion (do you just
sit there on your big a** with your bulging tummy and receive gifts
from people??? ).

I don't mind gifts especially if they come from people I know but I'd
feel very awkward (sp?) receiving gifts from those I don't.
Personally, I would Politely decline the offer ( although in your case
this also depends on your relationship with your friend and how touchy
she is about the whole idea ).

I get shy around people I don't know as well and I don't think there's
any worse torture than feeling left out on an occasion that's supposed
to be for you. Also, on a more "stronger" statement, I believe that no
one should be given a bridal shower when she's not going to enjoy it!
Pregnancy has enough worries (and pains) in itself that there's no
need to add more.

But of course, this is just my opinion. :-)

I'm not sure I've helped. But here's hoping that whatever you decide
to do, it will turn out for the best!

=========
Aimee
Expecting first child in 8 weeks!!!
Visit me at my blog, http://www.cleanbibs.com/blog for my pregnancy
stories, worries and an advice or two.

V. wrote:

Should I accept gracefully all the attentions, write the list and let it up
to people if they want to get me stuff, or just go by my current impulse,
which is declining politely and say "it's not necessary to get me anything,
just nappies if you really feel compelled to bring something"...?
Honestly, we don't need a lot of things, we are getting most from my SILs,
and what's left to buy is the crib (too expensive), a high chair (we don't
even need it yet!) and a sling (and that I want to choose it myself).

I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in
the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol.
I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I
accept!!
Any advice on what to do?

I think you're between a rock and a hard place. I would
be very twitchy about a shower in a country that doesn't do them
attended by people I didn't know. That just seems inappropriate.
I might talk to the host and express how uncomfortable you are
about a shower and that you don't really need anything appropriate
to a shower gift, and while you really appreciate the thought,
you'd feel much more comfortable with a lower key gathering
without mandatory gifts, or no party at all.
Now, it's possible that all these folks are gung ho
to do something they're thinking you'll otherwise be sad at
missing out on, and maybe they're thinking it's a lot of fun
to do this novel thing that isn't a part of their usual
experience. If you can't rein her in a bit, I wouldn't
worry *too* much. Just think of an idea for a theme that
might be fun and inexpensive for people--advice? children's
books?

Best wishes,
Ericka

"V." wrote in message
...
Hi,
I moved to another country when I got married, nearly 2 yrs ago, but for
different reasons I haven't learnt fluently the language (German) yet. So,
I have only 3-4 proper friends, that's including my mother in law, who
speak English (or Spanish, that's my mother tongue).

One of these friends used to live in the USA for quite a while, and she
had the idea of throwing me a baby shower (it is NOT a common thing here,
for what I know, but is slowly becoming fashionable, same in my home
country). Both my sisters in law had one, and I think my friend did too
for the youngest son, born here.
It's very thoughful and I'm thrilled by her kindness, but I'm completely
scared, because she's inviting her friends from her church (the same my
mother in law attends), so leaving aside them and my SILs, I won't know
any of the ladies in there!!!

It's completely overwhelming to me to receive gifts from people I've never
seen before!
On top of that, my friend asked me to write a list of things I need.
I don't think there are registries in the shops here, and certainly there
are very few baby shops -unlike my home country, where they are
everywhere-.

Should I accept gracefully all the attentions, write the list and let it
up to people if they want to get me stuff, or just go by my current
impulse, which is declining politely and say "it's not necessary to get me
anything, just nappies if you really feel compelled to bring
something"...?
Honestly, we don't need a lot of things, we are getting most from my SILs,
and what's left to buy is the crib (too expensive), a high chair (we don't
even need it yet!) and a sling (and that I want to choose it myself).

I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in
the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol.
I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if
I accept!!
Any advice on what to do?
V.

PS: I'm due in the beginning of October, BTW.........
I should have introduced myself, but I'll leave it for a next post, still
have time!!

Congrats!

Here is what I would do -- I would tell your friend that you are not
comfortable having a shower with people you don't know at it. If she really
wants to throw you a shower, please only include this list of people -- my
3-4 friends, my MIL, and 2 SIL's. If you have a neighbor that you get along
with, or a coworker you could add them, but there is nothing wrong with an
intimate shower -- 7 people including yourself. It could be a nice tea, or
whatever. It could also include spouses, which would almost double the size
of the party, but not the amount of gifts.

You could also ask that instead of that (or in addition to that), perhaps
she'd be willing to have some sort of a morning or afternoon coffee
gathering, and invite a few of her friends (from her neighborhood or church)
that you don't know, that she thinks you would like and vise versa.
Especially handy would be ladies who are pregnant or have small children,
and speak a little English, or are very forgiving of your sparing German).
That way it's not a shower, just a social gathering to meet some new people.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

people that come, will be wanting to meet you, wanting to have friendly
things to say, they would not come if they didn't, personally, if a
friend invited me to a shower for someone I didn't know, who was from a
foreign country, I would gladly go and take a small gift for them, I've
lived away from home, both where the language is and isn't different
from my native tongue (English). I also wouldn't expect anything more
than a formal note as a thank you, I wouldn't expect you to write some
kind of detailed personal note, just "Dear Anne, thank you so much for
coming to the shower, it was lovely to meet you, thank you also for your
gift, it was very helpful", or something like that. You should ask your
friend (the hostess) to help you with the names and addresses.

Cheers

Anne

V. wrote:

I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in
the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol.
I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I
accept!!
Any advice on what to do?

Two separate issues here - how to meet people, and whether or not to put
people you don't know in a position where they are *expected* to bring
you a present.

I would not do the latter. No matter what is or is not becoming
fashionable, that strikes me as a little out of line, especially in a
country where such things are not commonplace. But the former is an
issue for you.

How do you find you best meet people? I'm not great with socialising
myself, but my ideal way of meeting people would be at some kind of big
get-together with some sort of specific getting-to-know-you activity
planned, so that it doesn't all revolve around awkward social
conversation. However, you might prefer smaller meetings whereby, say,
she organises some sort of get-together with just one or two new people
for you to meet. Whatever it is you would find easiest, maybe that's
what you should ask for.

So, I would say something like "That is so kind of you, and I would love
to have a way to celebrate this pregnancy, but I don't think a shower is
a good idea - I don't think it's fair to people to expect them to buy
gifts for me when they've never met me. But you know what I would
really love?" And then ask for whichever it is you think would be easier
on you, whether it's a big party without the 'shower' theme that
obligates people to give gifts and with some kind of
'getting-to-know-you' theme instead, or whether it's a small
get-together where you just get to meet one or two other people in such
a way that you can get to chat.

As far as the list goes - yes, if there's stuff you genuinely need, I
would have a list so that if people actually ask what you want and you
think they really want to know and are not just being polite you could
tell them. Just don't send it around to everyone you know. ;-)


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell