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Help! Married with Children
Help! Married with Children
Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. |
#2
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Help! Married with Children
"John" wrote in message om... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. Sounds to me like you have identified the source of the problem: your addiction, and your willingness to not only allow it to become a source of discord, but a point of resentment. I think you know the answer to your own (unasked) question. --angela |
#3
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Help! Married with Children
(John) wrote in message . com...
Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. This sounds like a troll, but in case it's not: A fact of life of having two young kids is that your time to do other things is going to be limited. With creative problem- solving you can probably still get some time on the river, but if your solution is, wife should suck it up and allow you to pursue your hobby single-mindedly while she cares for your children alone, you're headed for rocky waters, my friend. Have you considered adopting something like a 1/3 - 1/3 - 1/3 plan? 1/3 of weekends are 'yours', to do river trips or whatever. 1/3 of weekends are 'hers', where you take primary responsibility for the kids (less any breastfeeding) and she gets to do some things she wants to do. 1/3 of weekends are 'family', where you all spend time together as a group. This is just one possibility, but it's an example of the kind of problem-solving I was talking about. Beth |
#4
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Help! Married with Children
Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is
nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was the whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can get in a little rafting too. "Sue" wrote in message ... John wrote in message om... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my husband learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of his free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their husband with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips or golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see how she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her and she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck. -- Sue mom to three girls |
#5
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Help! Married with Children
John wrote in message
om... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my husband learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of his free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their husband with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips or golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see how she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her and she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck. -- Sue mom to three girls |
#6
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Help! Married with Children
In article , Brandy
Kurtz wrote: (John) wrote in message . com... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. Maybe if you helped out more around the house with the kids and chores, and paid your wife some attention, she wouldn't resent you going on your whitewater trips. Does your wife also have a hobby, or are you so wrapped up in yours that she doesn't get a chance? Brandy (who BTW resents men who think women are there for babysitting and housework!) Hey, you left out that John is a contemptible heel who probably has issues with his mother :-) Seriously, the problem to be worked out is how evenly the parenting responsibilities are actually shared, compared with how evenly the couple assumes they should be shared. E.g., my sister just assumes that her husband is too busy heroically working to support his family to pick up many womanly responsibilities. She'd frankly resent his intrusion on her domain. Personally, I'm doing about half minus the BF thing, and we were pretty much in agreement about division of housework to begin with. I guess I'm girly like that. There's still some tension, because I want to go off on my own for a climbing day trip now and then while she doesn't like to be off on her own more than a couple yoga classes and some shopping every week. My strategy is to remind her of aggregated "her" time, bank it up until it amounts to a cragging trip that's shorter than I'd like but satisfying enough, and float it by her after an especially fussy night or a yoga class trip that went long--anything that sparks her sympathy. But you need to have this routine worked out before the shoe drops. In any case, internet time cuts into my time allowance, and it was probably a troll to begin with :-) APS |
#7
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Help! Married with Children
We love camping. We used to have the tent, but this year we were able to buy
a pop-up camper. It has been so much fun to go camping at various places. -- Sue mom to three girls dejablues wrote in message ... Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was the whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can get in a little rafting too. "Sue" wrote in message ... John wrote in message om... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my husband learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of his free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their husband with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips or golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see how she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her and she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck. -- Sue mom to three girls |
#8
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Help! Married with Children
We did the tent thing for a couple years, then a 16-ft camper, then finally
a couple years ago we got a used 30-ft motorhome, which DH refurbished. I agree, it is so much fun to go to different places, and camping is ideal for small kids, you can pack up and take all their favorite stuff, and they get so tired out during the day that they sleep like logs at night! Even with babies it was not too much trouble. We even take the dog LOL. Kids love adventures, and the planning and packing and getting there is half the fun! "Sue" wrote in message ... We love camping. We used to have the tent, but this year we were able to buy a pop-up camper. It has been so much fun to go camping at various places. -- Sue mom to three girls dejablues wrote in message ... Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was the whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can get in a little rafting too. "Sue" wrote in message ... John wrote in message om... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my husband learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of his free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their husband with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips or golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see how she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her and she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck. -- Sue mom to three girls |
#9
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Help! Married with Children
aps wrote in message ...
In article , Brandy Kurtz wrote: (John) wrote in message . com... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. Maybe if you helped out more around the house with the kids and chores, and paid your wife some attention, she wouldn't resent you going on your whitewater trips. Does your wife also have a hobby, or are you so wrapped up in yours that she doesn't get a chance? Brandy (who BTW resents men who think women are there for babysitting and housework!) Hey, you left out that John is a contemptible heel who probably has issues with his mother :-) Oops! Sorry about that! Had a *very* bad day yesterday! Brandy (who thinks she shouldn't answer posts when she's had a bad day... |
#10
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Help! Married with Children
In a few years, I would love to graduate to a motorhome, but hubby is
reluctant to drive one, lol. Yep, if you have any sleep problems with kids, then take them camping ;o) -- Sue mom to three girls dejablues wrote in message ... We did the tent thing for a couple years, then a 16-ft camper, then finally a couple years ago we got a used 30-ft motorhome, which DH refurbished. I agree, it is so much fun to go to different places, and camping is ideal for small kids, you can pack up and take all their favorite stuff, and they get so tired out during the day that they sleep like logs at night! Even with babies it was not too much trouble. We even take the dog LOL. Kids love adventures, and the planning and packing and getting there is half the fun! "Sue" wrote in message ... We love camping. We used to have the tent, but this year we were able to buy a pop-up camper. It has been so much fun to go camping at various places. -- Sue mom to three girls dejablues wrote in message ... Camping with small kids is great fun (tent is ok but a camper or RV is nicer!), and could be combined with whitewater rafting trips. That was the whole family could be together, go for a hike or whatever,and dad can get in a little rafting too. "Sue" wrote in message ... John wrote in message om... Help! Married with Children Shortly after becoming a whitewater addict, I got married and now have two very young kids. My time on the water has been limited. My wife is a non-boater and the majority of our marital discord has revolved around river trips. She resents being left alone to care for the kids, drive shuttles, etc. It's okay to have a hobby. My husband's passion is golf. However, my husband learned a long time ago that he is not going to be able to devote all of his free time for his hobby. We have three kids and they are very close togethter in age. I am not one of those wives who has to have their husband with them all the time and rather enjoy when my husband does go on trips or golf outings. I enjoy being on my own. However, I suspect that your wife isn't being allowed to have any free time on her own. Do you keep the kids on a weekend day so she can go and do what she likes? Can you somehow get your kids involved in your hobby. Most kids love the water and if you can somehow incorporate them (and your wife if she is interested) then perhaps she can have some time to pursue her hobby. Talk with your wife and see how she is feeling. If she needs some time on her own, then give that to her and she might like your hobby better. If she is just being unreasonable and wants all of your time, then she needs to compromise. Good luck. -- Sue mom to three girls |
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