Share vehicle, insurance expenses?

I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state, so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question whether it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

Scott Ross wrote:
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives
10 miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that
state, so her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle
for her to drive. Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or
impossible for her to participate in extra-curricular school
activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

Did they ask your opinion on purchasing the vehicle to begin with?

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her
when it is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I
question whether it is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for
her school car and insurance. (I am not at all excited about a
14-year-old driving in the first place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

My opinion, based on what was presented. Part of the job of raising
kids is to prepare them for adulthood. In that perspective, I believe
that kids should support their own driving with a job, or some other
legal means. That includes, insurance, gas, upkeep, etc. I did when I
was a teenager and I knew that if I did something stupid (always a
possibility when a teenager is involved), I knew it would adversely
affect my mobility. Hence, I valued my car and maintained it, and
learned to plan and budget for gas money, tires, repair, etc. Those
are lessons that are still with me today. You should give kids
everything they truly *need*, and some of what they want, but some
things they need to learn right from the beginning to be
self-sufficient. I think that helping a teenager buy their first car
is fine, but day-to-day operation should be on the kid's shoulders.

Will this car be used to help her visit you? If not, I would not
contribute. If she spent a reasonable amount of time with me, I'd help
her while she was with me.

While most certainly convenient, driving and having a car at that age
is not a necessity. It sounds like they want it solely so they don't
have to get up or be bothered when she wants to do something. The
inconvenience of living so far from town was a choice made by her
mother and step-father. You should not be expected to subsidize their
(poor?) choice. If that's the case, they should pay for all of it.

"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state, so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to
drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when
it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question whether
it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the
first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

I think it might be reasonable for her to drive in the country setting. I
think it is reasonable for her mom to think you should contribute to the
vehicle expenses. I think that you Should contribute to those expenses.
Tell her to use the monthly CS payment that you send to her to cover your
share of those expenses.

"~August" wrote in message
...
"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state,
so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to
drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when
it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question
whether
it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the
first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

I think it might be reasonable for her to drive in the country setting. I
think it is reasonable for her mom to think you should contribute to the
vehicle expenses. I think that you Should contribute to those expenses.
Tell her to use the monthly CS payment that you send to her to cover your
share of those expenses.


My thoughts exactly.



Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***

"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state, so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question whether it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

Why not reverse it - if child is living with you, and has car - do you think Mom
should help shoulder the cost?

"~August" wrote in message
...
"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state,
so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to
drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when
it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question
whether
it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the
first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

I think it might be reasonable for her to drive in the country setting. I
think it is reasonable for her mom to think you should contribute to the
vehicle expenses. I think that you Should contribute to those expenses.
Tell her to use the monthly CS payment that you send to her to cover your
share of those expenses.

Ditto. One of the components of CS is transportation for the child. that
includes car payments, insurance, gas, maintenance, etc. You are already
paying for your share.

BTW - CS also covers the cost of the school extracurricular activities she
attends by driving the car.

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state,
so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to
drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when
it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question
whether it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the
first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

Why not reverse it - if child is living with you, and has car - do you
think Mom
should help shoulder the cost?

But the child is not living with him, Moon. And it sounds as if he does not
approve of her driving at 14 (if it is even legal in his state) so perhaps
her car would be parked the whole time she was with him. If mom made a
unilateral decision that the child should have a car, mom should pay for it.
Or have the child get a job and pay her own car expenses.

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state,
so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to
drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when
it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question
whether it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the
first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

Why not reverse it - if child is living with you, and has car - do you
think Mom
should help shoulder the cost?

But the child is not living with him, Moon. And it sounds as if he does not
approve of her driving at 14 (if it is even legal in his state) so perhaps
her car would be parked the whole time she was with him. If mom made a
unilateral decision that the child should have a car, mom should pay for it.
Or have the child get a job and pay her own car expenses.

I'm curious to see how he feels about the situation if it were reversed - I
think that will be a whole lot more telling than trying to determine rights or
wrongs for an area that permits 14 year old children to drive.

in article , Moon Shyne at
wrote on 8/15/03 3:43 AM:


"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...
I am looking for opinions.

My daughter, 14, lives during the school year with her mom who lives 10
miles or so out in the country.

It is legal for 14-year-olds to drive to and from school in that state,
so
her mom and step-dad have purchased and repaired a vehicle for her to
drive.
Otherwise, they say it would be difficult or impossible for her to
participate in extra-curricular school activities.

They are asking me to share half the cost of the vehicle, repairs and
ongoing expenses for necessary insurance.

My opinion is that I should provide a vehicle and insurance for her when
it
is necessary for her to drive when she is with me, but I question
whether it
is reasonable to expect me to be responsible for her school car and
insurance. (I am not at all excited about a 14-year-old driving in the
first
place).

Anybody out there have opinions/experiences to share?

Why not reverse it - if child is living with you, and has car - do you
think Mom
should help shoulder the cost?

But the child is not living with him, Moon. And it sounds as if he does not
approve of her driving at 14 (if it is even legal in his state) so perhaps
her car would be parked the whole time she was with him. If mom made a
unilateral decision that the child should have a car, mom should pay for it.
Or have the child get a job and pay her own car expenses.

I'm curious to see how he feels about the situation if it were reversed - I
think that will be a whole lot more telling than trying to determine rights or
wrongs for an area that permits 14 year old children to drive.





Considering a situation from the reverse angle is always an interesting
exercise, and I agree that it is often quite useful. And from a simple
standpoint, I would agree that "reasonable costs" associated with necessary
driving (or maybe I should just say "necessary transportation" to broaden
that topic a bit) are expenses which can be equitably shared.

I'm having difficulty with this one because of my fundamental opposition to
a 14-year-old driving without supervision. It's difficult to work that into
the "reverse angle". I cannot yet conclude that this driving is "necessary",
and I would certainly not consider the new risk of harm to my daughter part
of a "reasonable cost", and that is the angle from which I've got to
consider this.

I really appreciate all of the feedback I've gotten on this.

"Scott Ross" wrote in message
...

I'm having difficulty with this one because of my fundamental opposition
to
a 14-year-old driving without supervision. It's difficult to work that
into
the "reverse angle". I cannot yet conclude that this driving is
"necessary",
and I would certainly not consider the new risk of harm to my daughter
part
of a "reasonable cost", and that is the angle from which I've got to
consider this.


I strongly believe you would feel different if you were living out in the
country with your children. It isn't uncommon to find 14 year olds driving.
I have a cousin who was driving small motorcycles since he was 12. I was
taught how to drive a car at the age of 12. Did my parents purchase me a
car, etc? No. Did I grow up in the country? No. Of those who I know that
did - they were out there helping on the farm, which included driving, at a
young age.

Some of the opinions formed on this subject reminds me of the opinions on
housing within the large cities from those living in the country. They view
it as a huge risk to the safety of their child to live in a large city, and
can't believe what people live like.



Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***