What do I do???

Oh my goodness...Aidan and Alexis will be 10 mos. old next week and we
are already having problems with them playing together. Alexis is
crawling, getting into everything and is very hyper and aggresive.
Wheras, Aidan is very laid-back, quite the "baby" still and not
crawling. Anyway, my problem is that Alexis does not play "nice". She
constantly grabs things from Aidan, pulls his hair, pokes his eyes, etc.
Of course, this makes Aidan cry. I say "No Alexis", but she just looks
at me and smiles. How do I get her to learn that this is not "nice"? I
am aggravated at this, b/c it is such a production when they are playing
together. Even when I put Aidan in his excersaucer, trying to keep him
out of her reach, she goes up and pulls herself up in the standing
position, just so she can get to him! Argh! Any suggestions???

Megan
Mommy to miracle twins...
Aidan & Alexis
Born 9-28-02

Subject: What do I do???
From: (Megan Byrne)
Date: Mon, Jul 21, 2003 9:29 AM
Message-id:

Oh my goodness...Aidan and Alexis will be 10 mos. old next week and we
are already having problems with them playing together. Alexis is
crawling, getting into everything and is very hyper and aggresive.
Wheras, Aidan is very laid-back, quite the "baby" still and not
crawling. Anyway, my problem is that Alexis does not play "nice". She
constantly grabs things from Aidan, pulls his hair, pokes his eyes, etc.
Of course, this makes Aidan cry. I say "No Alexis", but she just looks
at me and smiles. How do I get her to learn that this is not "nice"?


She is far too young to grasp that. That is not to say that you don't continue
trying to teach it. But to expect her to 'get it' now just isn't realistic. It
is one of those things you just have to wait out.

In the meantime, keeping an eye on them and separating them at times is all you
can do. Can you put Alexis in the saucer instead? We had two saucers which
kept them busy and out of each others way for a time.

Does she get mad when she is contained? Is putting her in a play yard or one
of those plastic fence things an option? Not that you want them separated
often. But if she is really in his face and you need to get laundry done or
dinner made it might give you some time without worrying what she is doing to
Aidan.

Lori

I
am aggravated at this, b/c it is such a production when they are playing
together. Even when I put Aidan in his excersaucer, trying to keep him
out of her reach, she goes up and pulls herself up in the standing
position, just so she can get to him! Argh! Any suggestions???

Lori,
That is exactly my problem. She hates to be contained! She will tolerate
the saucer for a few minutes, enough for me to take a shower, but I have
to give her a wagon wheel or Cheerios to keep her happy. (and then we
have the dog issue, she dosen't understand "No" either and eats all the
babies Cheerios!!)

So, anyway, all Alexis wants to do is crawl and explore and just be
free. It is hard to make dinner or do laundry, etc. But, that can all be
put on hold and my major concern is just the beating up of her brother.
I just hope it dosen't escalate as they get older!

Megan
Mommy to miracle twins...
Aidan & Alexis
Born 9-28-02

Megan Byrne writes:
Anyway, my problem is that Alexis does not play "nice". She constantly
grabs things from Aidan, pulls his hair, pokes his eyes, etc. Of
course, this makes Aidan cry. I say "No Alexis", but she just looks at
me and smiles. How do I get her to learn that this is not "nice"?

She can't learn that at 10 months. You just have to supervise them all
the time, and keep her from bothering him (or at least from hurting him;
some amount of "bothering" you'll probably just have to put up with).

I am aggravated at this, b/c it is such a production when they are
playing together. Even when I put Aidan in his excersaucer, trying to
keep him out of her reach, she goes up and pulls herself up in the
standing position, just so she can get to him! Argh! Any
suggestions???

My suggestion is just that you should try to be happy that she's
developing these skills, rather than upset that she doesn't yet have the
maturity to understand social rules about how to use them.

David desJardins

Ellen,
Thank you for your suggestion. Yes, I have considered that. Do they come
in different sizes? We have a very small house and sometimes I will just
put Aidan in their room (which is right next to the living room) and
Alexis in the living room.

I don't want to sound ungreatful or unhappy, but I am a first time Mom
and it hurts me when Aidan cries b/c his sister is tormenting him. KWIM?


Sooner or later, they understand "No", right? They know what "bounce"
and "dance" mean, LOL!

Megan
Mommy to miracle twins...
Aidan & Alexis
Born 9-28-02

David,
I don't know if you mean to be offensive, but every reply I have ever
read from you, on anyone's post, always comes off sounding somewhat
nasty. This is just my opinion, of course. Although, you have more
experience than me, in the twin department, you are not an expert on
everything. What I am getting at is that I am sure, if you tried really
hard, that you could come off as friendly and nice. Until then, maybe
stay away from my posts, unless you have more positive things to say.
Thanks and have a great day!

Megan
Mommy to miracle twins...
Aidan & Alexis
Born 9-28-02

If I may jump in and if I'm remembering right you're asking about the
superyards??? If so, you can get them new at toys r us (or babies r us) for
$60....it comes as is with 6 panels...you can also (for $20/ea) buy 2 panel
extensions...But check garage sales and your local penny saver and/or online
auctions.....oh yeah, depending on where you live you can also check pet
stores! yes, I said a pet store! LOL....they are also known as pet "cages",
and sometimes you can get a better price there!! As I've posted before, I
HIGHLY recommend this set up!!!!

--
Gwen, Designer Wraps
SAHM to James (9-98) Austin and Amber (5-02)


tired of eBay? Try these great alternatives!
www.tobuytwo.com ....auction house for families of multiples (but singletons
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www.familyauction.com
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www.wahmauctions.com

"Megan Byrne" wrote in message
...
Ellen,
Thank you for your suggestion. Yes, I have considered that. Do they come
in different sizes? We have a very small house and sometimes I will just
put Aidan in their room (which is right next to the living room) and
Alexis in the living room.

I don't want to sound ungreatful or unhappy, but I am a first time Mom
and it hurts me when Aidan cries b/c his sister is tormenting him. KWIM?


Sooner or later, they understand "No", right? They know what "bounce"
and "dance" mean, LOL!

Megan
Mommy to miracle twins...
Aidan & Alexis
Born 9-28-02

Megan:

First off I have a niece (9 year old) with your name. I get a kick when I
see it posted. Anyway, the crying does indeed bother a new mom. One way I
certainly think helps fix the "no - hurt" issue to be learned is what a lot
of moms have said in the past - pay attention to the baby that has been hurt
and give hugs and kisses. You are not denying love to the busy one but
letting the hurt one know you are on their side. Again, remove, remove,
remove. At that age I even remember starting to give a whole cabinet to
them. I cleaned out a cabinet in the kitchen (I didn't have a big house
either), put toys in there and they made it their hiding place until well
past 2. There wasn't any locks on the doors and nothing that could hurt
them. They kept busy and enjoyed themselves. The issue of hurting another
really doesn't hit home until 4 or so. I know they look like they feel bad
before then but they have a hard time conceptualizing pain to others. This
is also a big age of being very emotional over everything, kind of like my
puberty daughter, good and bad. Just try to distract them from each other.
Chris too was very laid back and Kathleen the aggressor. Eventually, size
gives way and when they can walk away they at least will have a chance to
remove themselves.

Good luck.

Shirley
Chris and Kathleen 1/95

"Megan Byrne" wrote in message
...
Ellen,
Thank you for your suggestion. Yes, I have considered that. Do they come
in different sizes? We have a very small house and sometimes I will just
put Aidan in their room (which is right next to the living room) and
Alexis in the living room.

I don't want to sound ungreatful or unhappy, but I am a first time Mom
and it hurts me when Aidan cries b/c his sister is tormenting him. KWIM?


Sooner or later, they understand "No", right? They know what "bounce"
and "dance" mean, LOL!

Megan
Mommy to miracle twins...
Aidan & Alexis
Born 9-28-02

Megan,
I just want you to know that you are not alone. Emma and Aislyn both have a
head full of hair that is constantly being puled on by the other. In my case
this is where experience comes in to play. I know that eventually they will be
able to understand what they are doing hurts the other and will respond to NO.
Right now they are just to little although they may be beginning to understand
that NO has a meaning they have no concept of empathy, they do not understand
that they are hurting the other one. That is why now all you can do is
redirect and keep them apart unless you are right them to protect Aiden. Just
know that this doesn't mean that they don't get along or that they won't be the
best of friends in even a few short months. She loves her brother to pieces..
she just can't get enough of him. =)
~Kimberly
Mommy to Alexis Iliana 07/17/99 and
Emma Elidia & Aislyn Gabriela 10/01/02
come see us...
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aislynemma/

I don't want to sound ungreatful or unhappy, but I am a first time Mom
and it hurts me when Aidan cries b/c his sister is tormenting him. KWIM?


Let's just say that at my boys' 18-mo. checkup, the Dr. asked if rats had
gotten ahold of Bradley due to his back being covered in bite marks! So yes, I
do remember the torture...and all you can do is keep telling her "no, we don't
do that", etc. She certainly won't understand it yet, but eventually she will.
If it's any consolation, the playing field in our house has evened out and
they pretty much hold their own against each other Right now they are just
displaying a few of their very different personality traits and all you can do
is separate and distract them.


Ellen
--------
Erin 6/26/95
Bradley & Alex 10/5/00