|
| If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|||||||
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
#1
December 12th 03, 11:23 AM
|
|||
|
|||
12 month old pinches and pulls hair! help!
My DD, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks, is a big pincher (hard)
and puller of hair (hard). It's getting so bad that I dread situations where we'll encounter other children, especially younger ones. I have tried using her hands to pat gently, praising her and saying things like "nice! gentle hands!' and saying "no!" and removing her hands when she is rough, but I don't seem to be getting through, I hope she is just a bit young to understand and isn't going to be a mean person :-(. I do my best to shadow her when we're around kids and prevent 'attacks' but I always miss at least one and someone ends up crying. People have suggested I pull *her* hair or pinch *her* when she does it, which of course I have not done. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share that could help or at least reassure me that I am not raising a demon child? Hope -- Riley c/s 1993 Tara hbac 2002 
|
|
#2
December 12th 03, 01:27 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
12 month old pinches and pulls hair! help!
On Fri, 12 Dec 2003 11:23:12 GMT, Hope wrote:
My DD, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks, is a big pincher (hard) and puller of hair (hard). It's getting so bad that I dread situations where we'll encounter other children, especially younger ones. ((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))) It's always difficult when it's your child who hits, pinches, bites or pulls hair. But remember that really she is just experimenting at this age. She is trying to see what happens when she uses her fingers, teeth or hands this way. I have tried using her hands to pat gently, praising her and saying things like "nice! gentle hands!' and saying "no!" and removing her hands when she is rough, but I don't seem to be getting through, I hope she is just a bit young to understand and isn't going to be a mean person :-(. I do my best to shadow her when we're around kids and prevent 'attacks' but I always miss at least one and someone ends up crying. Keep doing what you have been doing. She will grow out of this phase anyway, but it's good to prevent as much as possible. When she does try to pinch, hold her hands for a little while, say *we use gentle hands. pinching hurts,* then take her hand and show her how to touch you (or the other child) gently. People have suggested I pull *her* hair or pinch *her* when she does it, which of course I have not done. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share that could help or at least reassure me that I am not raising a demon child? You may want to give her something pinchable and give her a doll with hair she can pull. She is experimenting with the world. When you do take her away from a situation where she is pinching, you can say *we can't pinch people, but you can pinch this toy* and let her experiment with the pinching motion. Note that when she is pinching, she is using the motion she needs to pick up small pieces of food or small toys. With the hair pulling you may want to try giving her yarn she can pull apart. And, no you are not raising a demon child, she's exploring and doesn't yet know that she is hurting people and she also doesn't yet really understand that people have feelings, they are still objects to her at this point. Hope -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits
|
|
#3
December 12th 03, 04:05 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
12 month old pinches and pulls hair! help!
Hope wrote in message . ..
My DD, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks, is a big pincher (hard) and puller of hair (hard). It's getting so bad that I dread situations where we'll encounter other children, especially younger ones. I have tried using her hands to pat gently, praising her and saying things like "nice! gentle hands!' and saying "no!" and removing her hands when she is rough, but I don't seem to be getting through, This is really about all you can do. The way I see it, you are almost certainly "getting through" to her, but she is at an age where she basically has no self-control (not to mention no sense whatsoever of right and wrong!). I hope she is just a bit young to understand and isn't going to be a mean person :-(. The former, most definitely! My baby, my third, is also 11.5 months and she loves to hit--hard. I do like you, saying and showing "No, gently. Touch mommy gently." Then she gets a big smile and pats me. The she gets a big smile and hits me hard 5 times on the head. Then she lays her head gently on my shoulder, which is her "hug". She is the sweetest baby in the world, as far as I'm concerned, and also rough as all hell. She acts the same "naughty" way in other situations. As I said in another thread, she likes climbing out of her highchair. Due to our "NOs" and other actions, she knows this is not to be done. So, instead of not doing it, she does it and then leans over at us and makes the absolute cutest face you can image -- exaggerated smile, squinty eyes. Do always shadow her carefully around little kids and animals and just whisk her away when she tries to smack/pinch/pull them. I always hold my baby's hands and pat the baby or animal with her; I *never* let her touch a helpless creature on her own, because I know she may well be rough. Keep showing her what she *should* be doing and also saying no about what she *is* doing, and some day, she will be safe to release into society. 
|
|
#4
December 13th 03, 03:24 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
12 month old pinches and pulls hair! help!
"Hope" wrote in message ... My DD, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks, is a big pincher (hard) and puller of hair (hard). It's getting so bad that I dread situations where we'll encounter other children, especially younger ones. At that age DS went thru the same phase. He also would scratch us (his parents). I would say "Ouch that hurts" and pull back removing contact. Eventually he realised that if he hurt people they would go away and he would be left on his own, which he did not like. People have suggested I pull *her* hair or pinch *her* when she does it, which of course I have not done. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share that could help or at least reassure me that I am not raising a demon child? No don't do that, she will start to think it is the right way to punish people who do something naughty. However if another child has hurt her, next time she does it you can remind her of what it felt like. Also important is to praise her when she is good... "You've been very good today at Sammy's, so I'm letting you have this special treat." I don't believe there is such a thing as a demon child. They are very much a product of what we put into them. I don't believe the old "tabula rasa" (blank slate) theory either, kids definitely have different natures.
|
|
#5
December 13th 03, 07:23 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
12 month old pinches and pulls hair! help!
On Fri, 12 Dec 2003 07:27:32 -0600, toto
wrote: On Fri, 12 Dec 2003 11:23:12 GMT, Hope wrote: My DD, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks, is a big pincher (hard) and puller of hair (hard). It's getting so bad that I dread situations where we'll encounter other children, especially younger ones. ((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))) It's always difficult when it's your child who hits, pinches, bites or pulls hair. But remember that really she is just experimenting at this age. She is trying to see what happens when she uses her fingers, teeth or hands this way. It's horrible! My older child is always gentle, and never really hurt anyone, even as a baby. I guess I was spoilt... at least I have never claimed credit for his nice nature, I tell people that he was 'like that when he got here' ;-). You may want to give her something pinchable and give her a doll with hair she can pull. She is experimenting with the world. When you do take her away from a situation where she is pinching, you can say *we can't pinch people, but you can pinch this toy* and let her experiment with the pinching motion. Note that when she is pinching, she is using the motion she needs to pick up small pieces of food or small toys. With the hair pulling you may want to try giving her yarn she can pull apart. Those are great suggestions, thank you. That's what I needed! Thanks for the reassurances. Hope -- Riley c/s 1993 Tara hbac 2002 -- Riley c/s 1993 Tara hbac 2002 http://www.babyslings-australia.com
|
|
#7
December 17th 03, 04:53 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
12 month old pinches and pulls hair! help!
In article ,
Hope wrote: My DD, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks, is a big pincher (hard) and puller of hair (hard). It's getting so bad that I dread situations where we'll encounter other children, especially younger ones. I have tried using her hands to pat gently, praising her and saying things like "nice! gentle hands!' and saying "no!" and removing her hands when she is rough, but I don't seem to be getting through, I hope she is just a bit young to understand and isn't going to be a mean person :-(. I do my best to shadow her when we're around kids and prevent 'attacks' but I always miss at least one and someone ends up crying. People have suggested I pull *her* hair or pinch *her* when she does it, which of course I have not done. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share that could help or at least reassure me that I am not raising a demon child? Hope -- Riley c/s 1993 Tara hbac 2002 preempt the behavior i.e. watch her like a hawk and intercept her when she succeeds in pinching or pulling then isolate her -- this takes lots of follow through -- but if the behavior results in being ignored repeatedly she will get the message 'No' if repeated tends to reinforce through attention -- she 'knows' she isn't supposed to do this -- the consequence needs to be isolation and ignoring her [use a playpen if you have it] or remove her from the playgroup it is a hassle to follow through e.g. perhaps YOU don't want to leave -- but it really pays off when kids learn that there are certain things that are simply outside the boundaries of what you will tolerate
|
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
