Opinions on holiday travel when not feeling well?

My husband has Dec 25 through January 4 off. In the past we never used this
week for travel or anything because at my job I could NEVER ever get a
holiday week off so it wasn't an issue. Now of course I'm not working. He
plans to go to his family's 3 hours away on Christmas Eve night and stay
through the 4th. Even his family (to my great shock! since they seem to want
him to revolve around them) expressed the opinion that he ought not really
use up all his vacation time, won't he want/need some to help me out later
in the pregnancy or to be with the baby? I'm due in mid-May. But, then, he
can only carry over 5 unused days and he has to use them in the 1st quarter
before end of March or he will lose them- SO, he can't take them when the
baby comes any way (he will have 18 more days to take starting in Jan.)

We went to his family for Thanksgiving. Based on that and the fact that I am
starting to show and experience uncomfortable "growing" pains etc, I do not
want to go down there for that long- 4 days felt like eternity and frankly,
I wasn't physically comfortable there. The inlaws always had the house way
too hot (79-80 degrees according to the thermometer!), the bed is smaller
than mine and the mattress is hard, they keep the hot water turned off etc
etc etc, I will leave it at just that. My husband wants me there because the
whole big family gathers at his grandfather's on Christmas Eve. I am still
vomiting/nauseous and it's worse after a car ride, I do not think I will be
able to drive there Christmas Eve afternoon/evening and go sit in a crowd
around suspect foods etc. When I don't take it easy as far as what makes me
sick, I feel nauseous and am unable to eat for several days, it takes that
long to get back to being a little better.

Is it wrong of me to tell my husband that I am just choosing not to attempt
to go through that or should I compromise by going down there for 3-4 days
again? Not to mention, the flu is going around, and people get ****ed off
when you don't want to be around them even though all their kids
classmates/church members are getting the flu.

I thought I'd be feeling much better by now but the nausea is very
persistent.The most I have felt ok is 4-5 days at a time and that still
includes feeling nauseous for 2-3 hours a day.

I told my husband this and told him I do not mind (I don't) if he just goes
down there. He acts like he won't go without me because he doesn't want
anyone saying anything to him for leaving me home alone pregnant. I
*honestly* feel ok being alone and will be fine. I WANT for him to go and it
would be a relief to me to not have to go but I WANT him to take the one
chance he has to see his family on Christmas Eve- next year when we have a
baby I am FIRM that we will NOT be worrying about travelling out of town,
the #1 priority is the baby's holiday tradition starting here with our own
family in our own home.I really want my husband to go but I can't talk him
into it! I know he wants to go.

Is it rude of me to not even try to go? I have about decided I don't care at
all what anyone thinks and from here on out am going to do what feels better
to me- I do try to be considerate though. At Thanksgiving he made such a big
deal about going down there and they didn't DO much of anything, the meal
wasn't even good etc...I don't see why we couldn't have gone down when I
felt better/...

Jill wrote:

etc etc, I will leave it at just that. My husband wants me there because the
whole big family gathers at his grandfather's on Christmas Eve.

Well my family is 4 hours away, and we don't spend the night when we
visit. If we do, we rent a hotel room nearby. It makes for a long day to
drive down, visit, and then drive back at night, getting home at
midnight, but it's worth it to visit family. The hotel room is a good
option for extended visits, especially to recuperate for a little bit
after driving if you don't want to go directly to the inlaw's.

able to drive there Christmas Eve afternoon/evening and go sit in a crowd

Could you arrange a hotel stay... go down the day before? that way
you'll be rested before the actual visit..

to go through that or should I compromise by going down there for 3-4 days
again? Not to mention, the flu is going around, and people get ****ed off

Why does the stay have to be 3-4 days? Why can't it be 1-2 days? They
aren't THAT far away.

"Shena Delian O'Brien" wrote

Well my family is 4 hours away, and we don't spend the night when we
visit. If we do, we rent a hotel room nearby.

The reason we can't get a hotel room is because my MIL insist that we stay
there and my husband always wants to stay there. I have decided to put my
foot down though, I do not plan to stay there anymore because it is so
unenjoyable. Also, my husbands wants to spend as much time with his parents
as possile when we go so he won't just go down there for a day at
holidays...he stretches it out as long as possible.

My parents have a beach house that is 20 minutes from his parents, and they
complain when we stay there , which we used to do....his parents say he
spends too much time on the road when we stay there and they don't see him
as much! 20 minutes away. I guess that is their excuse for always wanting to
pile in my house too.

This is the worst thing about my marriage, dealing with how my husband and
his family want the same things for each other, and I want something
completely different and want my husband to put OUR family (me, him, baby)
first and stop catering to them. It causes me undue stress and I am already
not caring what they think at all anymore- the problem is m yhusband
disagrees with me and takes it out on me, It is really turning our marriage
into a wreck because he refuses to spend his vacation time anywhere else
anymore, the #1 desire of his is always to go back to his parents. He won't
"waste" a day off with me here- he WILL take as many days as are needed to
go with me to doctor's appintments and such...but, wants to spend every
other day off at his parents

: Is it wrong of me to tell my husband that I am just choosing not to
attempt
: to go through that or should I compromise by going down there for 3-4 days
: again? Not to mention, the flu is going around, and people get ****ed off
: when you don't want to be around them even though all their kids
: classmates/church members are getting the flu.

Jill,

I say get the flu shot and then go to your In Laws house for a couple of
days to celebrate the Holiday. I don't recommend staying very long. This
IS after all the last Holiday that you and your DH will be able to spend
alone. Perhaps you can plan a nice day or two of Holiday festivities for
just the two of you to share when you get home. Take lots of pictures, too.
It will be one which you will look back upon AND show to your children.

By the way, the FMLA allows for your husband to have time off when the baby
arrives should you have an emergency. So, I wouldn't worry about using his
vacation.

: Is it rude of me to not even try to go? I have about decided I don't care
at
: all what anyone thinks and from here on out am going to do what feels
better
: to me- I do try to be considerate though. At Thanksgiving he made such a
big
: deal about going down there and they didn't DO much of anything, the meal
: wasn't even good etc...I don't see why we couldn't have gone down when I
: felt better/...

IMHO, even though you are uncomfortable and your family seems to give you a
hard time, I recommend trying to "take the high road" and do everything you
can to ensure that they are aware of how important they are in your life
without sacrificing too much of your own comfort. It IS possible. Find the
balance.

~Carol Ann

"Carol Ann" wrote
IMHO, even though you are uncomfortable and your family seems to give you
a
hard time, I recommend trying to "take the high road" and do everything
you
can to ensure that they are aware of how important they are in your life
without sacrificing too much of your own comfort. It IS possible. Find
the
balance.

That's very very true. WHy am I having such a hard time with this in
pregnancy?? I wasn't this attitudinal about things before. Thanks for the
advice. I need to lighten up, and ohhh it is so NOT happening! I'm actually
getting worse. I think it's trying on my nerves to be sick all of the time.
I feel so much better hearing someone say this, than "Yes Jill you are
right- you should continue to freak out at everything that isn't going as
you prefer."
Thanks Carol Ann. Your posts make me feel better. I don't know what's
wrong with me. I especially enjoy hearing how delighted you are in your
pregnancy You are very sweet!

Jill

On Fri, 05 Dec 2003 22:37:46 GMT, "Jill" wrote:

Is it rude of me to not even try to go? I have about decided I don't care at
all what anyone thinks and from here on out am going to do what feels better
to me- I do try to be considerate though.

Well, I will be 37 weeks pregnant during Xmas week. It is summer
here, and Xmas is always hot and muggy. (I really, really miss winter
Xmases...)

Plans are being made for the big family Xmas gathering. Most of which
are completely unsuitable to me. I don't think they even thought that
they would have a hugely pregnant woman in attendance. No matter. I
have already told them that they can make whatever plans they want.
If they don't suit me, I will not be attending.

I am already going to be miserable enough. I am not adding to it
because they want to have the gathering in a garage (yep, that is one
of the plans at the moment).

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan
"Boy" EDD 11 Jan 2004
See Jayan: http://jayan.topcities.com/

After your "wonderful" Thanksgiving experience I wouldn't even think about
going to your in-laws. Especially for such a long time. I think you should
do what you really want to do and avoid any stress.
I hope your ms is improving.

Love

--
Nicky

EDD March 26, '04. It's a girl!