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  #11  
Old February 17th 04, 01:58 AM
Hillary Israeli
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In ,
Beeswing wrote:

*What actually happened, by the way, was that I got a phone call the
*other night from the other mom, whom I don't personally know. She told
*me that her daughter had a present for my daughter and would like to
*bring it by. (Mind you, these girls are classmates, not best buddies.)
*It was Valentine's Day; still, I was surprised but tried to act graceful
*about it. I told her that she and her daughter were welcome to come
*over. (They'd never even been to our house before.) THEN the women said,
*"Don't you want to know what it is?"
*
*You guessed it. A training bra.

OMG OMG OMG!

Excuse me for freaking out here but you know, it usually takes a lot to
get me to flip out like I'm flipping out right now, and I just can't
believe this. I think that is not only completely inappropriate, but
downright bizarre and unacceptable. I mean, going out and buying UNDERWEAR
for essentially a stranger's daughter?? Even if the kids are classmates,
that's just weird. I would have definitely told her no, I really preferred
to buy my daughters intimates myself, thanks, but that she was welcome to
come by for tea and cookies if she felt like it (even though she is a
weirdo I would try to be nice ).

*Oh yeah...and I'm not at all happy about this well-meaning parent.

That's where the tea and cookies may have come in handy. Strike a rapport
and then sneak in something to the effect of "so, do bras have some kind
of special cultural meaning to you, or do you just work for a bra
company?"

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

  #12  
Old February 17th 04, 02:29 AM
beeswing
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Followup...Kid hated the "crop bras." Hated the whole idea. Which is fine with
me, and I told her as much. Told her she didn't really need them and wouldn't
for at least a few years.

They weren't expensive. I told her I'd put them upstairs in her underwear
drawer and if she ever did want them they'd be there. She was fine with that
and went back to watching Lilo and Stitch.

I think this could have been really ugly had they been given to her by a
classmate's mom in front of her classmate.

Still would like it if people could weigh in on this issue. Were the choices I
made OK? I was really clueless how to handle this, especially given the
unwanted pressure.

beeswing

  #13  
Old February 17th 04, 02:31 AM
beeswing
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Rosalie wrote:

Has your daughter said anything to HER?


No, I really doubt it.

Has her daughter said
anything to you?


I don't personally know the woman *or* her daughter.

Have you asked your daughter about her daughter (if
they know each other


Yeah, we did that. They are friends but not close ones.

The whole thing was real strange.

beeswing


  #14  
Old February 17th 04, 02:42 AM
beeswing
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hillary israeli wrote:

OMG OMG OMG!

Excuse me for freaking out here but you know, it usually takes a lot to
get me to flip out like I'm flipping out right now, and I just can't
believe this. I think that is not only completely inappropriate, but
downright bizarre and unacceptable. I mean, going out and buying UNDERWEAR
for essentially a stranger's daughter?? Even if the kids are classmates,
that's just weird. I would have definitely told her no, I really preferred
to buy my daughters intimates myself, thanks, but that she was welcome to
come by for tea and cookies if she felt like it (even though she is a
weirdo I would try to be nice ).


Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! This was EXACTLY my reaction, but I didn't
have anyone to run a reality check against so I thought I was way overracting.
My husband, when he talked to her, told her just what you said (minus the offer
of tea and cookies), "No, thanks, her mother would rather do it herself when
it's time. But you and your daughter are welcome to come by sometime anyway."


That's where the tea and cookies may have come in handy. Strike a rapport
and then sneak in something to the effect of "so, do bras have some kind
of special cultural meaning to you, or do you just work for a bra
company?"


LOL.

But seriously, I don't want a rapport with this woman *or* her daughter. All of
a sudden, I hear the loud voice of a Teletubby in my head: "RUN AWAY! RUN
AWAY!"

beeswing




  #15  
Old February 17th 04, 02:43 AM
beeswing
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Scott wrote:

Sheesh.

To the classmate's mother, say this: "Thank you, but I will buy
it when either daughter or I think it's necessary"

Repeat as necessary.

Scott DD 10.5 and DS 8, rolling my eyes.


I loved your response. It was spot-on.

beeswing

  #16  
Old February 17th 04, 02:52 AM
beeswing
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When she asks?

Seriously, most girls are self conscious enough that they'll somehow get you
to know that they want one. Or, failing that, there may be a time when you
decide that the subject needs to be brought up. But, if she's comfortable
and you don't see any need for it, time to tell the other mom, thanks for
your concern but we'll do it on our own timeline, thank you.


I had "noticed" myself that morning that the subject could stand to be
broached. But no, if she doesn't want them, she doesn't need them, by any
means. It's entirely up to her.

beeswing

  #17  
Old February 17th 04, 02:55 AM
beeswing
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Cheryl wrote:

Well, my mum knew when I asked for one. She very carefully explained
to me that it wasn't necessary for me to have one when I first asked
for one since I had no breasts at all and asked me if I would be happy
with a camisole top with bra style adjustable straps. Since I
actually wanted it for the way it looked under clothes rather than
needing one this was a good solution for me at the time. Eventually I
started bouncing a little when I would do sport so I bought a bra then
for comfort. I think when a girl needs it for comfort during activity
is the best time to start.


How old were you when you actually wanted one? I actually can't remember *ever*
wanting a bra.

The comfort issue makes sense. Thanks.

beeswing


  #18  
Old February 17th 04, 03:34 AM
beeswing
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I've never quite understood the "training bra" concept. Exactly who or
what is in training?

Oh well.


Training wasn't really was was being called for here. It's just the only
term I know.

I saw "real" training bras for little kids while I was out today. Little
triangles with lace on them, a hook-and-eye back, totally flat things -- in my
opinion, the only purpose to them was to push little kids to grow up way too
fast. I found something downright distasteful about them.


I didn't get bras for my daughters until they asked, or until they were
into at least an A cup and clearly would benefit from one. On the other
hand, both tended to prefer baggy clothes when they were at an age where
they were first likely to need them (not uncommon, by the way). In
third grade I don't think teasing about bras is becoming common yet; by
5th grade, it may be different, and certainly in middle school comments
about underwear and bust sizes are common.


Teasing about bras? Having them? Or not having them and "needing" them (loosely
speaking)?

When I was in elementary school, I remember being bullied because my mom made
my clothes and had put *darts* in the top.

If your daughter isn't interested, and her body doesn't need them, I see
no particular point to getting one. And why on EARTH would her
classmate's mother think it's any of her damned business whether or not
your daughter wears a training bra? I think that is the part of your
post that most got my attention!


Oh, it was worse than that. I outlined the story in a later post.

Thanks for your input!

beeswing


  #19  
Old February 17th 04, 03:34 AM
Kathy Cole
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On Mon, 16 Feb 2004 14:25:22 EST, (beeswing) wrote:

A classmate's mother is pushing me to buy training bras for my
daughter, which apparently her daughter already wears.


What earthly business is it of hers?

  #20  
Old February 17th 04, 03:34 AM
beeswing
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x-no-archive: yes

Cheryl wrote:

Honestly, given my experience with white shirts and school uniforms
I'd say yes people care. Not all the girls in the year will care but
it was extremely obvious who was developing just by the appearance of
bra strap adjusters under the shirt.


Yes, but if the girl doesn't wear a bra and is developing...won't it be obvious
(and potentially even more embarrassing) for her *not* to wear something of
some sort under a white shirt?

It was almost a competition
among one group of girls to be the first to wear a "proper" bra rather
than a training bra or a size smaller than an A cup. In my other post
I mentioned camisole tops that my mum bought be, the crop bras would
serve the same purpose - to look kind of like a bra but not be a bra
when it's not necessary. Singlets wouldn't do the trick for me, they
had to have that adjuster to look like a bra.


Funny. The only thing I remember about having to wear a bra when I was young
was that I was mortified...especially once I hit 8th grade and got into...let
us say...bigger sizes.

Man I'm not looking forward to my kids hitting puberty!


I almost cried today. My kid is only 9. I'm not old enough for this.

beeswing


 




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