Going back to the bottle again

Shunaari wrote:

My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and
snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay
there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took
him waithout letting him finnish.

And you let her do this? Are you aware that her behavior is completely
inappropriate and unacceptable?

Sounds like you need to have a talk with Mom and explain that when it comes
to your baby YOU are the mom, and she has to respect YOUR decisions about
his care, or she will not have access to him.


--
iphigenia
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

This morning I was so upset. My son was hungry and I was doing exactly
what you have all told me about lying down next to him and feeding him
as often as I can until he gets used to the breast again. He was
crying for a little while but was calming down as I was feeding him.
My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and
snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay
there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took
him waithout letting him finnish. I cannot wait until I go back home,
which is another 4 more days, but anything can happen in the next four
days. She doesnt allow me to spend much time with him, telling me that
I am wasting my time. She is a complete control freak...


I know this is your mother- but why don't you leave sooner?

Only beacause my father and brother have gone abroad and are back
tomorrow. Mum is alone, came to look after her and keep her company.

"iphigenia" wrote in message ...
Shunaari wrote:

My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and
snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay
there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took
him waithout letting him finnish.

And you let her do this? Are you aware that her behavior is completely
inappropriate and unacceptable?

Sounds like you need to have a talk with Mom and explain that when it comes
to your baby YOU are the mom, and she has to respect YOUR decisions about
his care, or she will not have access to him.


I have 1 more night of my controlling mother and I am out of this
place as my Father and brother are back tomorrow morning.

So far, I have been offering him the breast and only gave him 2 oz of
formula last night. For the last 2 days he has been giving the breast,
he has been on it for such a short time - like when he was a newborn.
I think its because I don't have much milk on me - my right breast is
getting very full, but my left breast is not so full. Do I just pump
the left breast after feeding him or do I just let him feed on my left
breast?

I think he is coming back to the breast.... Alot of the times he will
not feed while sitting on my lap, he'll cry endlessly and turn his
head away the opposite direction. So, what I do is lay him on the bed
and I lie down next to him and then feed him. Other times he doesnt
want to do that either so I lay him on the bed on his back and I kneel
over him and feed him with my breast hanging over him like a cow!
Lol!! Is this ok what I am doing? will he eventually want to feed
while he is in my arms again?

I cant wait until I go back home, because all I will do is just spend
time with him day and night and I wont have my mother or anyone else
nagging at me.

"Shunaari" skrev i en meddelelse
I cant wait until I go back home, because all I will do is just spend
time with him day and night and I wont have my mother or anyone else
nagging at me.

We'll be counting the hours with you.

Good luck.

Tine, Denmark

Shunaari wrote:

Only beacause my father and brother have gone abroad and are back
tomorrow. Mum is alone, came to look after her and keep her company.

She's a grownup - she can take care of herself. And if she can't behave
appropriately toward you, then she shouldn't get the reward of your company.

--
iphigenia
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

Shunaari wrote:
How old are you may I ask? Does she always treat you like a child?


I am 24 and I am the youngest out of the four of us. I have been
married for 3 years and I am still treated like a little child by my
mother. Maybe its because I am the youngest, maybe she cannot accept
that I am growing up and I know things more than she does. I dont
know...


Maybe it's because you LET her.

honestly. :-) She CAN'T do the things she's doing if you don't put
yourself "in harm's way".

you went there, supposedly to help HER, but you STAYED long after it was
evident she was harming YOU and your DS and your nursing relationship.

It's time to stand up, look yourself square in the eye (maybe use a
mirror, it's easier) and say "My mother is not the boss of me" over and
over until it sticks.

Otherwise, how long are you doing to cave in to her demands and
agression and belittling?? You're a mother now. Your DS will be
looking to you to see how to treat others, and will be watching how you
deal with people who treat you badly. Yes, he's very small, but they
are just sponges for the world around them right now. He won't be too
small to notice for very long. (and you DON'T want DS and gma in
cahoots when DS is a teenager.... =:-O )

Your family of priority is you, DH and DS. Your "original" family is
Mum, Dad, sibs and extended family. But your priority family has to be
just that.

It's a tough thing to get one's head around, I know for sure. But it
has to be done if you're to stand as an independant and self-determining
woman and be an effective mom to your DS.

I'd say "good luck" but it's SO much not about luck, and pretty much
entirely what YOU decide to do. You teach people how to treat you, so
maybe it's time to decide who you are, and how you expect to be treated,
and start teaching your mother the "new truth" ;-)

Dawn

Dawn Lawson wrote:

Maybe it's because you LET her.


That is, verbatim, what I was going to write : )

honestly. :-) She CAN'T do the things she's doing if you don't put
yourself "in harm's way".


Word. Anyone who tried to take my child from me would VERY quickly learn why
you never come between a mama bear and her baby!

--
iphigenia
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

iphigenia wrote:
Dawn Lawson wrote:

Maybe it's because you LET her.



That is, verbatim, what I was going to write : )


honestly. :-) She CAN'T do the things she's doing if you don't put
yourself "in harm's way".



Word. Anyone who tried to take my child from me would VERY quickly learn why
you never come between a mama bear and her baby!


Well, I come by the realisation slowly and painfully from my own
experiences as a mum.

To the OP: Let me tell you too, it will NOT be nice the first time (or
the second time...)you don't "follow the script" and play along with the
role you've been playing for YEARS (aka your whole life).

Do NOT cave in. It may take several episodes before you can "keep it
together" for long enough to ride thru all the attempts to sabotague
your progress to independance.

The most helpful thing I was told in my struggle to sort out the mess
"Your mother (and DS's father in my case) is NOT a good source of
feedback for you"

in other words.....if SHE makes you feel bad, She is NOT right, you are
NOT wrong (or stupid, or a bad mom, or too inexperienced to know what
you're doing, or unable to nurse, or mean to your DS), she is forcing
you back into the old script where she knows what to do with you. Stay
your course, hold your ground, and any other cliche that works for you.

Dawn

I am a 33 year old mother of 3. I was 21 and single when I had my
first child and still lived in my mother's house. I told my mother
when I found out that I was pregnant that while I would welcome her
input and advice, I would not always follow it. That I am the mother
now and I will raise the child the way I felt was right for me. I also
told her that if she wanted to help me to be the best mom that I could
be, it was imperative that she let me be a mom, make my own mistakes,
and learn from those mistakes. She listened, and today I think we are
both better mothers because of it. First thing, GET OUT OF THAT
HOUSE!!! Second, have a heart to heart with your mom, but make sure
you keep control of the conversation. You tell her what kind of
grandparent she is allowed to be instead of her telling you what type
of mother to be.
Joy
---
(Shunaari) wrote in message . com...
OK, so I used the wrong term "tell off", but I dont take what you tell
me in a nasty way. I am well aware that what you tell me is for my own
good, but it is due to my carelessness that things are going the wrong
way for me.

This morning I was so upset. My son was hungry and I was doing exactly
what you have all told me about lying down next to him and feeding him
as often as I can until he gets used to the breast again. He was
crying for a little while but was calming down as I was feeding him.
My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and
snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay
there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took
him waithout letting him finnish. I cannot wait until I go back home,
which is another 4 more days, but anything can happen in the next four
days. She doesnt allow me to spend much time with him, telling me that
I am wasting my time. She is a complete control freak...

It seems like my milk supply is getting less and less. I have got the
Medela mini electric pump. How often should I pump with it to bring
back the supply? Is there anything that I can eat or drink that my
help?

Shunaari writes:

: This morning I was so upset. My son was hungry and I was doing exactly
: what you have all told me about lying down next to him and feeding him
: as often as I can until he gets used to the breast again. He was
: crying for a little while but was calming down as I was feeding him.
: My mother came into the bedroom and told me off for making him cry and
: snatched him away from me and took him down stairs.... I just lay
: there in tears.... I was in the middle of feeding my son and she took
: him waithout letting him finnish.

This is inexcusable. First, you are the mother. You cannot let your
mother do this, feelings be damned. You mother has behaved irresponsibly.
It is time for you to reverse the parenting roles and treat her like a
mischievous child. The next time she tries to do something like this,
you need to STOP her, tell her that she is behaving badly, and that you
forbid her to do it again. She will initially be angry, like any
misbehaving child, but she will learn to accept the rules if you make
them abundantly clear.

Larry