Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!

My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say
'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like
as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him
to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do
with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really
close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months
or so of his life so he was around just as much as me!

Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?!

"Julia" wrote in message
ps.com...
My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say
'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like
as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him
to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do
with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really
close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months
or so of his life so he was around just as much as me!

Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?!

I've had this situation, and it has not resolved. At 18 months,
DD would run out of the room crying when her daddy came
home from work. Now at age 10, their relationship is still
problematic. You can see that she loves him, and I'm sure
he loves her too, but he (DH) always seems to assume the
best of our son, and the worst of our daughter. He went
through a period of time that whenever our son started
misbehaving he'd tell him "You don't want to be like [DD]."
So I don't think DH has ever really gotten over the
rejection.

BUT it was a different situation. DH was never able to
calm or comfort DD even as a newborn. So they never
really developed a close bond in the first place. I'm
sure in your case that it's just a phase and will pass.

Bizby

"Julia" wrote:

My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say
'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like
as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him
to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do
with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really
close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months
or so of his life so he was around just as much as me!

Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?!

I think this is probably an expression of jealousy that your dh isn't
around as much as he was. - that dh goes 'out on a job' now and
isn't there, and your ds is resentful. When I went away on a long
trip, my dd#2 refused to have anything to do with me when I came home
- she was only about a year old so she didn't have the words to
express this, but she really gave me the cold shoulder.



grandma Rosalie

In article om,
"Julia" wrote:

My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say
'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like
as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him
to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do
with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really
close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months
or so of his life so he was around just as much as me!

Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?!


It isn't uncommon for toddlers to go through phases where they announce
that they don't like one parent or the other. Depending upon how long
it lasts, I wouldn't worry about it too much -- and I'd encourage Dad to
respond with lots of love. Make sure DS knows that, no matter what he
says or does, his Daddy loves HIM.

Whenever DH was away from the kids for a couple of days or more (his
business travel, or our trips to visit my parents when he couldn't come
with us) one of our kids would refuse to have anything to do with him
for a while when we were reunited. His Dad was just patient about it,
and made himself available to DS without being pushy about it, and DS
would come around in his own time.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"bizby40" wrote in message
...
I've had this situation, and it has not resolved. At 18 months,
DD would run out of the room crying when her daddy came
home from work. Now at age 10, their relationship is still
problematic. You can see that she loves him, and I'm sure
he loves her too, but he (DH) always seems to assume the
best of our son, and the worst of our daughter. He went
through a period of time that whenever our son started
misbehaving he'd tell him "You don't want to be like [DD]."
So I don't think DH has ever really gotten over the
rejection.

Could it be that he took it personally when it started and began rejecting
your DD or not treating her as well as he otherwise might?

"toypup" wrote in message
om...

"bizby40" wrote in message
...
I've had this situation, and it has not resolved. At 18 months,
DD would run out of the room crying when her daddy came
home from work. Now at age 10, their relationship is still
problematic. You can see that she loves him, and I'm sure
he loves her too, but he (DH) always seems to assume the
best of our son, and the worst of our daughter. He went
through a period of time that whenever our son started
misbehaving he'd tell him "You don't want to be like [DD]."
So I don't think DH has ever really gotten over the
rejection.

Could it be that he took it personally when it started and began rejecting
your DD or not treating her as well as he otherwise might?

It's too hard now to tease apart where it all went wrong.
As I said, he was unable to comfort her even as an infant.
I used to try to give gentle suggestions as to how he
could hold her etc., but they never worked for him. And
I also tried backing off and letting him find his own way
and that didn't work either.

So I know that dealing with her has been a frustration
for him from day 1. And as she has grown into an
extremely emotional child, he is even less prepared to
deal with the waves of raw emotion that she puts out.

It's sad for me to see that their relationship isn't all
that it could be, but I don't know what to do about
it.

Bizby

I think there is a good reason why your
toddler doesn't like Dad.

Toddlers normally seek to increase their
autonomy at this age. They want to
decide and do things for themselves
without help or hinderance from other
people. And anyone who is too helpful,
too protective, or too affectionate is
likely to upset the todler.

Even hugging and holding the toddler
on one's knee may seem to the toddler
as a restriction of his freedom.

Perhaps in your case, Dad has not
adjusted his behavior to the new
developmental stage of your toddler.
He continues to treat him the way
he used to treat him before. And
that's why your toddler doesn't like
Dad anymore.

Toddlers are very expressive in
their body language. And if you pay
attention, then you can tell whether
the toddler likes something or not
even before he starts shouting
'No!' and physically resisting the
adult.

I suggest that Dad try to pay more
attention to you son's non-verbal
language and yield to his wishes
to decide and do things for himself
before he expresses them verbally.
Perhaps then your son will begin
to like Dad again.

Of course, there are limits to the
kind of freedom toddlers should have.
And the trick is to find a good balance,
where the toddler is able to achieve
his developmental stage of autonomy
without endangering himself or making
life very inconvenient for others.