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OT - spousal privacy survey



 
 
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  #1  
Old July 3rd 03, 07:45 PM
Tracy
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Default OT - spousal privacy survey

"The DaveŠ" wrote in message
s.com...
I saw something mentioned in another post that brought up a question for

me.
Should a spouse have an expectation of privacy in their e-mail, telephone
conversations, etc.? Should the other spouse have the expectation to view
e-mails or listen in on conversations?

I know there are times when one honestly suspects the other is cheating,

or
hiding something, but I'm asking in a general sense, when there's no

reason
to be suspicious. I'm wondering what others think. Thanks.



I don't know if I like the word "expectation". Personally I wouldn't keep
my spouse from anything. It would cause issues. I don't keep anything from
my bf, and we're not even married. Do *I* expect to have access to my bf's
emails, etc? No... but it helps that he allows me to view if I wish. On
the other hand - I strongly believe we're closer because we have that level
of trust and openness with each other. Keeping things from each other is
like putting up a wall... we're trying to break down those walls, not build
them.

its a catch-22.

Tracy
~~~~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/
"You can't solve problems with the same
type of thinking that created them."
Albert Einstein

*** spamguard in place! to email me: tracy at hornschuch dot net ***



  #2  
Old July 3rd 03, 08:35 PM
dC
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Posts: n/a
Default OT - spousal privacy survey


"The DaveŠ" wrote in message
s.com...
I saw something mentioned in another post that brought up a question for

me.
Should a spouse have an expectation of privacy in their e-mail,

telephone
conversations, etc.?


Yes definitely ... I felt violated when my parents opened my mail and my
ex-spouse not only read my journal but shared portions of it with his
colleagues at the local coffee shop!

Should the other spouse have the expectation to view
e-mails or listen in on conversations?


No --- why would the other spouse want access to this information unless
he/she was suspicious that something was up. No trust - problems with the
relationship that need to be addressed head on by confronting (not
aggessively) the other party. Once the party has their questions answered -
then he/she can gauge whether or not their spouse is being evasive or lying
and take appropriate action then.

dC


  #3  
Old July 3rd 03, 09:03 PM
Bob Whiteside
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Posts: n/a
Default OT - spousal privacy survey


"The DaveŠ" wrote in message
s.com...
I saw something mentioned in another post that brought up a question for

me.
Should a spouse have an expectation of privacy in their e-mail, telephone
conversations, etc.? Should the other spouse have the expectation to view
e-mails or listen in on conversations?

I know there are times when one honestly suspects the other is cheating,

or
hiding something, but I'm asking in a general sense, when there's no

reason
to be suspicious. I'm wondering what others think. Thanks.


For me there should be two levels of privacy in relationships. Each partner
needs to have privacy within the relationship and decide for themselves what
they want to share with the other partner. So if they choose to keep emails
and phone conversations private, they should be able to have that level of
personal privacy. Likewise, partners need to have an expectation of privacy
between themselves and the other partner that things they share with each
other will remain within the relationship.

Men tend to not share as much within a relationship because they don't have
the need to establish intimacy through communication and they know what they
tell their partners will be relayed to their partner's friends. Women tend
to share details of their relationships with friends outside of the
relationship. Women sharing intimate details of their partner's
communications and actions within a relationship is the ultimate form of
infidelity.

There is an old joke about this phenomenon. Sympathy is what women give to
each other in exchange for all the details. The other side of this is men
tend to not communicate and share within relationships because they know
what they tell a women is going into a direct pipeline to the women's
friends.

So to respond to your survey - spouses should have the right to personal
privacy within their relationships and should have the same right to privacy
that details of their relationships will remain within the relationship.


  #4  
Old July 5th 03, 10:03 PM
Father Drew
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Posts: n/a
Default OT - spousal privacy survey

I used to think privacy was expected. I called it trust, but it was really
called being naive. I've never been the jealous type, because I don't like
being checked up on myself, so I never did it to the girls I was with.

In my marriage, she was constantly going through my email, asking who was on
the phone, who I went to lunch with at work, etc. I hated it, and then it
hit me that she checks up on me because she knows that she can't be trusted.
She put a password on her chat program, and I had to wonder why. I had
suspicians, so I installed a key-logger to record all the keystrokes while I
was at work. I felt very guilty for doing this, but my suspicians were
confirmed. After only 1 day, I came home and found out she jacked off a guy
in our living room in the evening while the kids and I were in bed. It was
only the begining of unraveling tons of lies and cheating.

Since this happened, I don't trust the girls I date today so freely. I
wouldn't check up on them because I don't think it's fair to lose trust in
all women because I got burned by one of them. I do tend to look for the
signs though. Look for the worst, hope for the best. If given a reason, no
matter how little, I would follow up and hope I was wrong, and still feel a
little guilty about it. Of course this goes for relationships which I'm not
having for awhile. Instead I date until things get serious, then I end it
and avoid the whole thing.

-Drew


"The DaveŠ" wrote in message
s.com...
I saw something mentioned in another post that brought up a question for

me.
Should a spouse have an expectation of privacy in their e-mail, telephone
conversations, etc.? Should the other spouse have the expectation to view
e-mails or listen in on conversations?

I know there are times when one honestly suspects the other is cheating,

or
hiding something, but I'm asking in a general sense, when there's no

reason
to be suspicious. I'm wondering what others think. Thanks.




 




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