A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » General
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Toddler biting



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old September 4th 04, 12:35 AM
Cathy Weeks
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Toddler biting

Sigh... There's an epidemic of biting at Kivi's daycare. Calvin has
been biting lately, next thing we know, we get a report that Kivi was
bitten by Mia. Mia and Kivi were sitting together, and Mia just leans
down and bites Kivi on the arm, apparently for no reason.

Then today, Kivi bit two kids at daycare, one on the arm, the other on
the chin. Unlike Mia, Kivi's bites were due to frustration - she's
got a personal space issue, and gets touchy if the other kids get too
close when she's in a bad mood. Besides Kivi's incidents,there were
two other biting incidents not involving Kivi.

One kid learns from another, and now we have a bunch of shark-babies.
The kids are all 18-monthts to 3 years of age, with Kivi being one of
the older ones at 32 months. None of the bites broke skin - evidently
when Kivi was bitten it left bite marks, and when Kivi bit, it left a
slightly red mark.

Sigh...

Now, how do we handle this? Kivi hasn't ever bitten us. We told her
that biting is not acceptable, that she should say sorry, and that she
shouldn't hurt people. And being bitten herself first didn't cause
her to not do it (so much for "teaching what it feels like"- rather it
taught her TO do it.

How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How
do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to
cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told
her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset
and started crying.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01
  #2  
Old September 4th 04, 01:20 AM
toypup
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
om...
How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How
do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to
cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told
her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset
and started crying.


Since you aren't there and the teachers are, I'd let the teachers do the
teaching. I'm sure they have plenty of experience dealing with biting
toddlers. Toddlers don't have much of a long term memory at that age. To
be lecturing them on what happened earlier in the day would probably do no
good.


  #3  
Old September 4th 04, 04:45 AM
Shannon G
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
om...
Sigh... There's an epidemic of biting at Kivi's daycare. Calvin has
been biting lately, next thing we know, we get a report that Kivi was
bitten by Mia. Mia and Kivi were sitting together, and Mia just leans
down and bites Kivi on the arm, apparently for no reason.

Then today, Kivi bit two kids at daycare, one on the arm, the other on
the chin. Unlike Mia, Kivi's bites were due to frustration - she's
got a personal space issue, and gets touchy if the other kids get too
close when she's in a bad mood. Besides Kivi's incidents,there were
two other biting incidents not involving Kivi.

One kid learns from another, and now we have a bunch of shark-babies.
The kids are all 18-monthts to 3 years of age, with Kivi being one of
the older ones at 32 months. None of the bites broke skin - evidently
when Kivi was bitten it left bite marks, and when Kivi bit, it left a
slightly red mark.

Sigh...

Now, how do we handle this? Kivi hasn't ever bitten us. We told her
that biting is not acceptable, that she should say sorry, and that she
shouldn't hurt people. And being bitten herself first didn't cause
her to not do it (so much for "teaching what it feels like"- rather it
taught her TO do it.

How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How
do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to
cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told
her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset
and started crying.


Our little Olivia aka Hannibal Lector (21 months) has/is been going through
an on again/off again biting phase for the past 7 months. She's been sent
home from daycare a handful of times. Biting three times in a day is
usually a phone call from the daycare providers to come pick up DD unless
they felt one or more times was provoked somehow. Remember, at this age,
with limited verbal skills they react by acting out whether it's hiting,
biting, screaming or the like. Someone is in my space, took a toy away,
pushed me, etc. is provocation for a bite in my DD eyes. There is limited,
if any, thought given before biting. The Director of the daycare facility
where we bring our kiddies actually took a *Biting Class*. LOL. Biting on
the arms and legs is possesssion related, the neck and face area is
affection related and biting on the back or torso is aggression.

DS went through a biting phase too, although IIRC it was only a 2-5 month
phase. Ahhh. What to do? They all outgrown it. I've found that a gentle
daily reminder to *not bite our friends* and *only hugs & kisses* has worked
a bit, in addition to rewarding the goods days when no biting has occurred.
Kivi will outgrow it. I wouldn't fret much. They all are on the giving or
receiving end as biting is such a common thing in toddlerhood.

Shannon


  #4  
Old September 4th 04, 09:47 AM
Jenrose
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


Now, how do we handle this? Kivi hasn't ever bitten us. We told her
that biting is not acceptable, that she should say sorry, and that she
shouldn't hurt people. And being bitten herself first didn't cause
her to not do it (so much for "teaching what it feels like"- rather it
taught her TO do it.

How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home? How
do we handle it without making it into a huge deal? (I don't want to
cause her to bite MORE because of the attention). The teachers told
her that it hurts and to use her words - and she was evidently upset
and started crying.


Drives me crazy when kids pick up a behavior at school, it becomes a problem
at school (but never at home) and suddenly the teachers are putting it back
on the parent.

For example, one little girl who was potty trained at age 2-ish suddenly
started wetting her pants in 1st grade, and only first grade. Teacher blames
the mom, who says, "Well, she never, ever has done that at home, why don't
you find out what's going on?"

Turns out the little girl was asking to go, and was not allowed to go the
first time she asked, so she stopped asking. The teacher was instructed by
the parents to allow the child to use the bathroom whenever she asked, and
poof, the problem went away.

The first time I picked my daughter up (then 3) at a "regular" day care
center, they "gushed" about what beautiful manners she had, saying please
and thank you all the time. I should have taken it as a warning that it
surprised them, because her manners deteriorated rapidly in the time she was
there. I ended up pulling her out for other reasons, but it took months to
get her back on track with good manners she'd used instinctively and without
coercion from the time she started talking... one of our first talking games
was the "please and thank-you" game, where I'd say "please may I have the
toy" and she'd put it my hand, and I'd say, delighted, "Oh, thank you!"
Then she'd hold out her hand and say "Peese" and I'd put the toy in her hand
and she'd say "Gack Goo". I think Thank You was her first two-word sentence,
and she was probably between 15 and 18 months old when we played that game.
It was a fun way to teach manners, and made her much nicer to be around...
but re-teaching it at age 3 as something I had to "insist" on was MUCH less
pleasant.

Kind of like the parent who came over to my house raging about how my
daughter lashed out at her little boy--turned out that although her little
boy was only 4, he had a 5 year old brother and a 10 year old uncle, and
they mobbed her and threatened to hit her in the head with a rock. This is a
girl who *adores* playing with younger children, is sweet, gentle and
careful with them even when I'm not around (by report from other parents
who've seen it), who I've almost never seen lash out physically at anyone.
She'd waved her notebook at him and hit him lightly with it to get away,
after repeatedly telling them to get off of her.

I told her, "Honey, I don't approve of violence, but if you're feeling
threatened like that and someone is trying to hurt you, it's okay with me if
you do what you need to do. I'd rather you didn't hit anyone, but if you
have to hit, hit. Then come tell me, immediately."

When kids behave in uncharacteristic ways, I try to find out *why*. The
answer is usually pretty interesting.

Jenrose


  #5  
Old September 4th 04, 12:46 PM
Sophie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

How do we teach her not to bite when she's never done it at home?

You don't, the teachers should. At the daycare they used to tell the kids
"we bite food, not our friends". Or "use your words not your teeth"

How
do we handle it without making it into a huge deal?


I don't see what you can do cos she's not doing it with you. I would just
remind her as I dropped her off at the daycare, "remember, use your words
today" or something to that affect.

The only time I remember biting is when Charlotte was in daycare, and boy,
were they strict on it. Kids got kicked out.

--
Sophie
mom of 4


 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 August 29th 04 05:28 AM
toddler biting Sara Breastfeeding 0 March 31st 04 05:27 PM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 February 16th 04 10:58 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 January 16th 04 10:15 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 December 15th 03 10:42 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:00 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.