when pretend play goes too far...

Kids are interesting in the ways that they try to figure out the parameters
of
their world: who's in charge? How much control do they actually have? And
what is 'real' anyway? (TV must be so confusing!). I think we help them
most
when we define and hold limits for them -- we can help them keep track of
reality -- of boundaries and to maintain a sense of stability in the world.
I
don't think it hurts, in the long run, to let a child have a hissy fit
because
you really truly cannot drive to see an imaginary horse. The way to 'get out
of taking her' is to tell her the truth: "I can't take you someplace that
only
exists in your imagination. I can play with you and we can pretend there is
a
horse...just like we sip pretend tea at a tea party or 'talk' for our
dollies,
but I cannot go to a place that doesn't exist."
And when she tells you, "you took me yesterday," I'd say that I was
pretending
with her, but I'm not going to drive places that don't really exist any
more."
If she cries, stamps her feet and lashes out at you -- it means she's heard
you
and is trying her best to manipulate you into doing something that she wants
you to do. Good practice for adolescence.
Gwen



This is one of the best responses I have ever seen. When I read the original
post -

it's when she insists i TAKE her to her
pretend family or pretend horse barn. how do i get out of actually
taking her somewhere time after time?


I was thinking - Just say NO, and let her have a big fit. Gwen - you said it
so much more eloquently and explained what I was thinking. Sometimes we just
have to remember we are the parents, they are the children. Anyways, I agree
with Gwen, and good luck!!

Diana
(with Jared, Vanessa, & Grace - all of whom have trouble hearing the word no on
occassion - but then again, the apples don't fall far from the tree!)

Diana wrote:

This is one of the best responses I have ever seen. ...

I was thinking - Just say NO, and let her have a big fit. Gwen - you said it
so much more eloquently and explained what I was thinking. Sometimes we just
have to remember we are the parents, they are the children.

Thanks Diana...and what YOU wrote is the bottom line -- kids need parents to be
the adults. (BTW, I'd better be able to articulate this, as a therapist I deal
with a lot of kid/adult boundary issues g)
Gwen

Diana wrote:

This is one of the best responses I have ever seen. ...

I was thinking - Just say NO, and let her have a big fit. Gwen - you said it
so much more eloquently and explained what I was thinking. Sometimes we just
have to remember we are the parents, they are the children.

Thanks Diana...and what YOU wrote is the bottom line -- kids need parents to be
the adults. (BTW, I'd better be able to articulate this, as a therapist I deal
with a lot of kid/adult boundary issues g)
Gwen