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#21
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playdates for 4yo
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Tai wrote: Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are visiting children in the home? Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their home typically have larger crates than the usual travel carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se. And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is around or when people are tromping in and out of the house and creating a chance the dog might escape and get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs in some situations. Thanks, Ericka, I hadn't come across this custom before. I think show dogs probably spend a fair amount of time in travelling boxes or the larger crate you describe but I've never seen a dog put in one for the purposes you describe here. A boisterous dog will usually be put outside in an enclosed yard or in the laundry-room out of harms way. If he is the kind that likes to tear up the garden he might be leashed to a long line so he can run about in a contained manner. I can't see crating being at all suitable for active or working dogs like border collies, kelpies or retrievers. (Now that I've learned about this I expect to come across references to dog crating every day for the next week!) Tai |
#22
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playdates for 4yo
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Tai wrote: Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are visiting children in the home? Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their home typically have larger crates than the usual travel carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se. And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is around or when people are tromping in and out of the house and creating a chance the dog might escape and get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs in some situations. My dd#3 was on the phone today and she always crates her dog (a boxer) if she is out. That's because he gets very anxious if she is not there, and they want to keep his drooling all in one place. If her dh lets the dog out in the back yard (fenced with an 8 foot board fence) when she's not home, he's over the fence in a flash. Her ds said to her - mom why does the dog like you so much? All you do is yell at him. I suggested she use him for dog agility or something but she said she would not trust him off a leash especially where there were other dogs or people because it would completely blow his mind. She walks to school with the dog and the 2 kids (about half a mile one way), but she doesn't take him to school with her when she picks up her ds because she's afraid the he'd scare the kids because he would go berserk and want to greet them all (instead of waiting for them to come to him) and he is a fairly big dog grandma Rosalie |
#23
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playdates for 4yo
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message ... P. Tierney wrote: the sound of my head exploding Hang in there, P. ;-) I'm keeping my chin up. ;-) P. Tierney |
#24
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playdates for 4yo
"bizby40" wrote in message ... "P. Tierney" wrote in message news:x%D2f.474014$xm3.313769@attbi_s21... "Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message ... "bizby40" ) writes: I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no. That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted attention. the sound of my head exploding P. Tierney lol -- yeah, every once in a while I get amazed at how some of the women on this group are so afraid of men. This is a married dad of a pre-schooler -- the chances of him trying to make time with some mom on their kids' first playdate has got be incredibly slim. Ya, and it also isn't the "worst thing" that can happen, by a male or female parent. Not by a longshot. It doesn't take some imagination to think of a few worse, and also slim things, that can happen. By either gender, no less! Perspective. FWIW, I've never felt that way. I've had plenty of dad's drop off and pick up. I've left my girl child at a SAH dad's place, and though I've never spent the entire playdate at his house, we do usually chat at the beginning or end of the playdate, and the chat can go a half-hour sometimes. I didn't address the OP since, at age 3.5, my oldest has not done a complete drop-off playdate at all, and certainly none with a parent who is a stranger, or vice versa. I think it'll be awhile, but who knows. Either way, were my child the invited or the invitee, I'd take some small steps to get the know the other side at least a little bit, so that all are likely to be more comfortable. P. Tierney |
#25
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playdates for 4yo
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message . .. toypup wrote: Yeah, I doubt this dad would make any moves. He seems like an incredibly good dad from a distance. I'm just uncomfortable having a man I don't know over who I have to make smalltalk with for however long the playdate is. That's not a situation I've ever been in. However, given that it's not a situation you're experienced with, is it possible that it might be no more difficult to make small talk with him than it would be with his wife? I've just never found it to be a problem, except for a few communication-challenged individuals (though those happen in either sex ;-) Consider me communication-challenged. I can do it if we had met at a park and were just making small-talk, but it's just uncomfortable for me in the situation I describe. I don't know why, maybe just appearances, but I don't tend to put myself in situations where I'm uncomfortable unless there's a good enough reason. |
#26
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playdates for 4yo
"toypup" wrote in message
. .. Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol. I was thinking about this last night trying to remember what we did when the girls were that age. DD1 didn't have any real playdates when she was in preschool. She rode the bus and I didn't know any parents at all. When DD2 was in preschool, I dropped her off and had more of a chance to know some of the other moms. DD2 did end up befriending a girl that they did go to each other's house without us parents. I knew the mom vaguely from just talking with her before and after school. I deemed the mom a nice person and let DD2 go to her house. When DD3 went to preschool, it was at the school the older girls attended, so I already knew a bunch of the moms. DD3 went on playdates without me also. So, I guess I started playdates at 4 yrs without me, but I feel like I knew the parents semi-well enough to let them go. I think there were a few times the girls were invited and didn't let them go because I didn't know the parents or I had heard they had some problems. I think you should use your best judgement and go from there. And personally, if I didn't know the parents well enough, I would not feel comfortable with having them over with the kids. I don't recall ever having parents stay for a playdate. However, I think that in the circles that I have and the girls have, I ended up knowing everyone. Now, with DD1 in middle school, she often goes to homes of friends that I have never met their parents. We have to let go at some point. -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
#27
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playdates for 4yo
"Tai" wrote in
: enigma wrote: "Caledonia" wrote in ups.com: toypup wrote: I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't really know the other family? When DD1 was 4 yo, the answer was no -- pretty much all parents (or a parent) accompanied the child. (Some even had a quiz sheet -- any firearms? dogs crated? etc.) When I look at it from a 4 yo's perspective, it seems reasonable to expect that the playdate child might feel weirded out visiting another house alone also. i know Boo wouldn't be comfortable visiting a friend unaccompanied (he's 5). i'd have to say i'd seriously reconsider inviting any kid whose parents asked me if i had firearms (yes, i do. the gun is in one place, the magazine is in another & the ammo is in a third, all out of kid reach) & kept the dog crated (no!). that's just too weird for me. lee Unless it was a farming community most people wouldn't even think about whether there were firearms in the house - not many people would have them here in Australia. i am in a formerly rural, rapidly heading for suburbia, area. i do farm. that's *why* we have guns. i like my chooks much more than the fox... Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are visiting children in the home? a lot of dog owners in the US seem to keep thier dogs locked up in crates when they aren't home, or at night, or whenever having a dog inconviences them... rather than actually bothering to train the dog. i do have a crate (several in fact, since i keep looking for one that seems comfy to *me* g). i only put the dog in it at night (ok, at night he goes there on his own actually) or, very rarely, if everyone is going to out of the house for most of the day & it's really cold weather out. he can get into a shed from his run, but it's unheated & too big for his body heat to warm. apparently he gets tired amusing himself inside after 4-5 hours & gets into things. also, in case of fire, the volunteer fire department knows where his crate is in the house, so should something happen while i'm out, they know where he is if he's not outside (they also know where my tortoise cages are & that they are to be put into a *warm* vehicle). but there's no way i'm going to lock up my dog just because there's some little friend visiting. lee -- war is peace freedom is slavery ignorance is strength 1984-George Orwell |
#28
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playdates for 4yo
Rosalie B. wrote in
: Ericka Kammerer wrote: Tai wrote: Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are visiting children in the home? Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their home typically have larger crates than the usual travel carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se. And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is around or when people are tromping in and out of the house and creating a chance the dog might escape and get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs in some situations. My dd#3 was on the phone today and she always crates her dog (a boxer) if she is out. That's because he gets very anxious if she is not there, and they want to keep his drooling all in one place. If her dh lets the dog out in the back yard (fenced with an 8 foot board fence) when she's not home, he's over the fence in a flash. red flag #1 Her ds said to her - mom why does the dog like you so much? All you do is yell at him. red flag #2 I suggested she use him for dog agility or something but she said she would not trust him off a leash especially where there were other dogs or people because it would completely blow his mind. She walks to school with the dog and the 2 kids (about half a mile one way), but she doesn't take him to school with her when she picks up her ds because she's afraid the he'd scare the kids because he would go berserk and want to greet them all (instead of waiting for them to come to him) and he is a fairly big dog all that sounds to me like the dog *needs* obedience training. i agree with you that the dog would probably love agility work. the reason he's so "nervous" is likely too much energy & too little exercise. boxers are very active dogs. well-trained boxers are a joy. untrained ones can be destructive & accidentally hurt kids/older people by jumping & playing. lee -- war is peace freedom is slavery ignorance is strength 1984-George Orwell |
#29
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playdates for 4yo
Tai wrote:
Thanks, Ericka, I hadn't come across this custom before. I think show dogs probably spend a fair amount of time in travelling boxes or the larger crate you describe but I've never seen a dog put in one for the purposes you describe here. A boisterous dog will usually be put outside in an enclosed yard or in the laundry-room out of harms way. If he is the kind that likes to tear up the garden he might be leashed to a long line so he can run about in a contained manner. Some people don't have good places to put a dog (most of those would have smaller dogs). Also, for a crate trained dog, the crate is kind of like a bed--a safe, nice spot for a rest-- so it's not like the dog is being punished, nor would it typically be for a terribly long time. Best wishes, Ericka |
#30
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playdates for 4yo
"Tai" ) writes: As for the phone calls, I think that would be sweet but you might want to start off with a few rules first so they don't become phone addicts! Having the kids phone each other could also be used as a tactful way to get the phone number so you can talk to the mother. Consider also the possibility that the parents are busy and would prefer to drop their kid off rather than come over. Just a possibility. Or that they're even too busy for that and would appreciate it if you bring their kid home. -- Cathy Woodgold http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html We are all Iraqis now. |
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