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#71
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Maybe true in the first days when you need to get the hang of it, but I'd venture to say that most moms don't, even though I see a few posters here who did. Remember, many moms BF second, third and subsequent kids. It's just downright impractical to strip down every two hours and then get yourself dressed again when you're running around after toddlers! Some teenage boys would be turned on by any skin revealed, some would be grossed out -- either way, it doesn't seem a nice thing to do and it's just not necessary. It isn't about pushing the idea that breastfeeding isn't sexual -- the reality is that breasts are associated with sex in this culture. It should be about normalizing breastfeeding, and that isn't done by making teenage boys feel uncomfortable in their own home. What if they're totally squicked out by the very *idea* of breastfeeding, and thus uncomfortable in their own home? I think if you always nurse behind closed doors, you're not normalizing breastfeeding, you're reinforcing the idea that this is something sexual. It may even fuel some odd fantasies in their imaginations about how it all takes place. Worse, IMO, is that BF then functions as a dividing factor. Stepson is confiding in you about bad results of a geometry test when baby cries to be fed? "Oops -- gotta run -- we'll talk in 45 minutes -- or you can call to me through the bedroom door." You've watching a rented movie as a family when baby cries? "Can you guys put this on pause for an hour, since we have to return it tomorrow and I really wanted to see it?" When nursing's done in a matter-of-fact way -- and yes, with attempts to be discreet, even if baby disengages occasionally -- then, as several people have said, it gets to be old news (i.e., normalized) real fast. Lori G. Milwaukee, WI |
#72
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? |
#73
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
It only takes my daughter about 10 minutes to breastfeed and I feel
that a teenage boy is old enough to understand and wait 10 minutes. I think he will appreciate that more than seeing his step-mom breastfeed. It is a little different than if is was your own mother. I know because one day the door was open while I was feeding my daughter and my step-son came to talk to me and he looked SO uncomfortable. If the baby had a poopy diaper I would also interupt a conversation, movie, dinner, etc. and change it. What I don't think some women understand is that these are step-sons we're talking about and they have a biological mother. And being a step-mother, you're constantly under watch by the biological mother, even if you get along with one another. And I just don't need a son complaining to his mother that he is uncomfortable seeing me breastfeed. She might not appreciate that. And when I told my step-son "you don't want to know", he replied "no, I don't". It was just one of those things he asked, but then realized it made him uncomfortable and I could see that. I don't hide anything from them, they've seen me wash parts of the pump. I just don't feel it is my place as a step-mom to explain it to them. I also never talked to them about sex because that's their parent's job. I just don't want to step on anyone's toes. So I guess maybe you should ask your sons how they will feel about it. But as a step-mom, I understand how you might feel a little uncomfortable. |
#74
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com... hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? Not my post, but I write as I speak, and I say nekkid. : ) -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#75
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote in message
ps.com... It only takes my daughter about 10 minutes to breastfeed and I feel that a teenage boy is old enough to understand and wait 10 minutes. I think he will appreciate that more than seeing his step-mom breastfeed. It is a little different than if is was your own mother. I know because one day the door was open while I was feeding my daughter and my step-son came to talk to me and he looked SO uncomfortable. If the baby had a poopy diaper I would also interupt a conversation, movie, dinner, etc. and change it. So if it only takes 10 minutes, the kid can't look away, go find something to do in the other room for a few minutes, use the restroom, get himself a snack, concentrate on what is on television instead, etc? Plus, after having seen someone breastfeed more than once, it quickly looses it's "ooh, gee, this is ackward" feeling, and does become pretty normal. Just like having a normal conversation while changing a poopy diaper. What I don't think some women understand is that these are step-sons we're talking about and they have a biological mother. And being a step-mother, you're constantly under watch by the biological mother, even if you get along with one another. And I just don't need a son complaining to his mother that he is uncomfortable seeing me breastfeed. She might not appreciate that. I think most everyone is pretty clear that it's a stepping issue. But again, discomfort changes, and usually mellows out and becomes a non-event. Kids adjust. And when I told my step-son "you don't want to know", he replied "no, I don't". It was just one of those things he asked, but then realized it made him uncomfortable and I could see that. I don't hide anything from them, they've seen me wash parts of the pump. I just don't feel it is my place as a step-mom to explain it to them. I also never talked to them about sex because that's their parent's job. I just don't want to step on anyone's toes. I understand not wanting to step on the mother's toes, but to me, it's your place to explain it to them if they are living with you, see breastfeeding occuring, and ask you questions about it. You can always answer their questions and then tell them they should make sure to talk to their mom and dad about it as well. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#76
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
cjra wrote: hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? "Naked" means you aren't wearing clothes. "Nekkid" implies you aren't wearing clothes and you're up to something. Clisby |
#77
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
"Clisby" wrote in message
link.net... cjra wrote: hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? "Naked" means you aren't wearing clothes. "Nekkid" implies you aren't wearing clothes and you're up to something. Clisby Oh, okay... maybe in your world. In my world, nekkid is just a silly way to say naked. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 Addison Grace, 9/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#78
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Jamie Clark wrote: "Clisby" wrote in message link.net... cjra wrote: hedgehog42 wrote: Bryna wrote: Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home. Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate or kind to do so. It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses nekkid or semi-nekkid! Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*? "Naked" means you aren't wearing clothes. "Nekkid" implies you aren't wearing clothes and you're up to something. Clisby Oh, okay... maybe in your world. In my world, nekkid is just a silly way to say naked. Yeah, in my world, it isn't exactly a silly way to say naked. It's more a sly way to say naked. Clisby |
#79
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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#80
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
hedgehog42 wrote: I think if you always nurse behind closed doors, you're not normalizing breastfeeding, you're reinforcing the idea that this is something sexual. It may even fuel some odd fantasies in their imaginations about how it all takes place. Having zero experience with teen boys, I almost always nursed behind semi-closed doors in my bedroom -- I fell into 'nursing while reclined' and found that by doing so, I could also read a Really Big Book. Worse, IMO, is that BF then functions as a dividing factor. Stepson is confiding in you about bad results of a geometry test when baby cries to be fed? "Oops -- gotta run -- we'll talk in 45 minutes -- or you can call to me through the bedroom door." You've watching a rented movie as a family when baby cries? "Can you guys put this on pause for an hour, since we have to return it tomorrow and I really wanted to see it?" Hmm...after the first few weeks, I never had nursing sessions last 45 minutes -- and during the first few weeks, I really *wanted* a 45 minute break from everything. When nursing's done in a matter-of-fact way -- and yes, with attempts to be discreet, even if baby disengages occasionally -- then, as several people have said, it gets to be old news (i.e., normalized) real fast. Ergh; perhaps for you, perhaps for the teenage boys, but perhaps not for the OP herself. Caledonia |
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