How many hours in daycare?

FWIW - my mom stayed home with all 8 of us until the youngest was in
grade school. She was about 45 by then and though she worked in her
early 20s, had never really had a career (and didn't want to). She
went to work for the school district which, while a secretary so maybe
not the career path you'd like, she had hours similar to ours and same
vacation. That said, she could no longer do the afterschool stuff (she
worked til 4pm) and even then I missed that.


I have a little experience in that kind of area, but I only did it to bring
the money in, not something I'd like to do for several years!

My own career is not one that can as readily be stopped and started
again. If I do manage to SAH I'll be effectively giving it up (not an
easy decision when I spent all of my 20s in grad school getting a
master's and PhD). However, I'm hoping by that stage I will have
sorted out some alternatives, as I'm adjunct faculty now, so that I
can be a part time lecturer. That way I can still stay active in the
field but limit work to no more than 10 hours per week.

I'm the opposite, I got my masters, but with things being a bit faster in
England, I had that before I was 22, I started a Ph.D and had a baby at the
end of the first year, I had intended to complete it part time, but decided
not to and have no regrets about that. It seemed stupid to spend all that
time on a Ph.D. knowing I'd likely stop work for several years and it would
be out of date! On the other hand, you seem to love what you do, I was good
at what I did, but I never loved it and that was another reason for
stopping, if I'd spent that time and money I'd have felt more compelled to
stay in the field, though, having said that, my sister is just about handing
in her thesis, on metallic glasses, she has a job to train as an accountant
starting in Septemeber, so she obviously didn't feel the need to stay in the
field.

Anne

A number of women I know in real life do this.
One, for instance, teaches two classes during the day
during the regular school year. She can fit her office
hours and classes in the time her children are at school
two days a week, and has plenty of time left over to do
a bunch of volunteering at her children's school. During
spring and summer semesters, she teaches night classes
so that she's home during the day with her kids and her
husband takes them at night. Often, she only does the
first summer session so that they can do family vacations
during the second summer session. All in all, it works out
pretty well for her (aside from adjunct faculty getting paid
peanuts). She's keeping an oar in the water professionally,
and should she get to a point where she needs or wants to
bite off more, she can.

Actually I do love to teach, but that's a problem in itself, I've taught
multiple subjects in multiple settings, but have no qualification, it would
drive me nuts to have to get that, which I'd have to do to get work long
term.

Anne

On Jun 5, 11:37?pm, cjra wrote:
Until recently I worked 7:45-4:30 (45 min lunch), about 12 mins from
home and DD's daycare was about 5 mins from work. She was there from
about 7:40-4:45

I've just started a new job, in a different part of town, 8-5, 25 mins
from home if no traffic, but there's always traffic. (I hate
commuting at all, but this job was a huge step up, and will allow me
to pay off my student loans sooner). But now instead of being last to
arrive and first to leave, she's first to arrive at 7:10am and last to
leave about 5:45. She's basically there an hour and a half longer than
she used to be in total. It's only been two days, but I'm finding
it soooo hard! The daycare is the opposite direction from my new job
(abt 30 mins out of the way in total), but we don't want to move her
because she's just gotten adjusted and is really happy there. I just
feel like I see her even less now. Even if we do move her so she's
closer to my work, the 'together' time would just be an extra 30-45
mins in the car, which she happens to hate, and maybe 20 mins at
home.

It's just seems so long to be at daycare. What's the norm? When DH
returns we're going to try to stagger our schedules so I can pick her
up earlier, but not sure yet if that will work.

It would seem long to mom. I found leaving my first at daycare such a
hard thing to deal with, but he loved it. lol. Anyway, there are many,
many people who have to travel quite a distance to and from work and
drop off and pickup the same as you do and a lot who have to drop off
children at 7 a.m. and can only get there by 6 p.m. for picking up. I
probably would feel more comfortable losing that time with her in the
car, especially if she hates the car, than moving her to another
daycare closer to me, depending on her age that is.

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
I'm starting to think that too, I've not been there yet, but in many ways
it actually seems easier to leave a young child, you can fix a schedule
that they stick to day in day out, with older kids that's much harder,
then you add in how much more they notice the parent is away and how much
they need

It gets really tricky when they start school. There are many 1/2 days, days
off, vacations, and then the whole summer thing it's really daunting to me,
but I know many many people have to work it out and it most of the time it
works, I just continue to think it's easier to work when they are little
when they have no commitments than once they are in school.

Problem is, I'm not sure I'm cut out to do that for a long period of time,
if I have no more kids, I'd still be under 45 when the youngest gets to
college age, which is an awful long time to have no career, even if one
can afford it, yet at that age, it's on the old side to start up anything,
so I'd rather get stuck in sooner, but even if I can figure it out visa
wise, I don't see how I can figure it out schoolwise, unless we manage to
get a nanny or something.

I have been lucky to work at home all these years while the girls are
growing up, but I have to say that I am really bored with what I do now and
I have been contemplating going back to school to finish my degree. I am 41
right now and when I finish, I will be 45. I would then look for a job out
of the house, but I am so torn because in my heart I know that my kids need
me to be around at the ages they are (15, 12, and 10) but I don't know if my
sanity can stay home any longer. I wish someone could look into a crystal
ball and tell me that my kids will be okay if I do this. |
--
Sue

On Jun 6, 8:43 pm, "Anne Rogers" wrote:
IMO, it's more important for mom being there when they are older and in
school than it is now when they are little and easily portable. If she is
in good care, that can only help her to be well adjusted. You want her to
be able to have good relationships with people.

I'm starting to think that too, I've not been there yet, but in many ways it
actually seems easier to leave a young child, you can fix a schedule that
they stick to day in day out, with older kids that's much harder, then you
add in how much more they notice the parent is away and how much they need
the parent right here right now. I see how much my son needs me in a window
of time after preschool and I think that probably gets more important as
they get older.

Problem is, I'm not sure I'm cut out to do that for a long period of time,
if I have no more kids, I'd still be under 45 when the youngest gets to
college age, which is an awful long time to have no career, even if one can
afford it, yet at that age, it's on the old side to start up anything, so
I'd rather get stuck in sooner, but even if I can figure it out visa wise, I
don't see how I can figure it out schoolwise, unless we manage to get a
nanny or something.


FWIW - my mom stayed home with all 8 of us until the youngest was in
grade school. She was about 45 by then and though she worked in her
early 20s, had never really had a career (and didn't want to). She
went to work for the school district which, while a secretary so maybe
not the career path you'd like, she had hours similar to ours and same
vacation. That said, she could no longer do the afterschool stuff (she
worked til 4pm) and even then I missed that.

My own career is not one that can as readily be stopped and started
again. If I do manage to SAH I'll be effectively giving it up (not an
easy decision when I spent all of my 20s in grad school getting a
master's and PhD). However, I'm hoping by that stage I will have
sorted out some alternatives, as I'm adjunct faculty now, so that I
can be a part time lecturer. That way I can still stay active in the
field but limit work to no more than 10 hours per week.

On Jun 6, 11:44 pm, Chris wrote:
On Jun 5, 11:37?pm, cjra wrote:





Until recently I worked 7:45-4:30 (45 min lunch), about 12 mins from
home and DD's daycare was about 5 mins from work. She was there from
about 7:40-4:45

I've just started a new job, in a different part of town, 8-5, 25 mins
from home if no traffic, but there's always traffic. (I hate
commuting at all, but this job was a huge step up, and will allow me
to pay off my student loans sooner). But now instead of being last to
arrive and first to leave, she's first to arrive at 7:10am and last to
leave about 5:45. She's basically there an hour and a half longer than
she used to be in total. It's only been two days, but I'm finding
it soooo hard! The daycare is the opposite direction from my new job
(abt 30 mins out of the way in total), but we don't want to move her
because she's just gotten adjusted and is really happy there. I just
feel like I see her even less now. Even if we do move her so she's
closer to my work, the 'together' time would just be an extra 30-45
mins in the car, which she happens to hate, and maybe 20 mins at
home.

It's just seems so long to be at daycare. What's the norm? When DH
returns we're going to try to stagger our schedules so I can pick her
up earlier, but not sure yet if that will work.

It would seem long to mom. I found leaving my first at daycare such a
hard thing to deal with, but he loved it. lol. Anyway, there are many,
many people who have to travel quite a distance to and from work and
drop off and pickup the same as you do and a lot who have to drop off
children at 7 a.m. and can only get there by 6 p.m. for picking up. I
probably would feel more comfortable losing that time with her in the
car, especially if she hates the car, than moving her to another
daycare closer to me, depending on her age that is.

She's 11 months old.

The first day she clearly noted I was not there 'on time'. I don't
know how to explain it, as she wasn't fussy, but both the babysitter
and I noticed a change in her demeanor. By yesterday though, the 3rd
day, she she adjusted to the new schedule, however 2 of the kids were
still there, which helps. She's very social ;-)

cjra wrote:

My own career is not one that can as readily be stopped and started
again. If I do manage to SAH I'll be effectively giving it up (not an
easy decision when I spent all of my 20s in grad school getting a
master's and PhD). However, I'm hoping by that stage I will have
sorted out some alternatives, as I'm adjunct faculty now, so that I
can be a part time lecturer. That way I can still stay active in the
field but limit work to no more than 10 hours per week.

A number of women I know in real life do this.
One, for instance, teaches two classes during the day
during the regular school year. She can fit her office
hours and classes in the time her children are at school
two days a week, and has plenty of time left over to do
a bunch of volunteering at her children's school. During
spring and summer semesters, she teaches night classes
so that she's home during the day with her kids and her
husband takes them at night. Often, she only does the
first summer session so that they can do family vacations
during the second summer session. All in all, it works out
pretty well for her (aside from adjunct faculty getting paid
peanuts). She's keeping an oar in the water professionally,
and should she get to a point where she needs or wants to
bite off more, she can.
Do I recall correctly that you're in a health care
related field? This may be even more challenging to find,
but one of my clients is a company that does health care
research--sort of a think tank kind of thing. They have
associates who work part time and/or have flexible work
arrangements. That sort of thing might be more common
around here, though.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article om, cjra says...

On Jun 6, 8:43 pm, "Anne Rogers" wrote:
IMO, it's more important for mom being there when they are older and in
school than it is now when they are little and easily portable. If she is
in good care, that can only help her to be well adjusted. You want her to
be able to have good relationships with people.

I'm starting to think that too, I've not been there yet, but in many ways it
actually seems easier to leave a young child, you can fix a schedule that
they stick to day in day out, with older kids that's much harder, then you
add in how much more they notice the parent is away and how much they need
the parent right here right now. I see how much my son needs me in a window
of time after preschool and I think that probably gets more important as
they get older.

Problem is, I'm not sure I'm cut out to do that for a long period of time,
if I have no more kids, I'd still be under 45 when the youngest gets to
college age, which is an awful long time to have no career, even if one can
afford it, yet at that age, it's on the old side to start up anything, so
I'd rather get stuck in sooner, but even if I can figure it out visa wise, I
don't see how I can figure it out schoolwise, unless we manage to get a
nanny or something.


FWIW - my mom stayed home with all 8 of us until the youngest was in
grade school. She was about 45 by then and though she worked in her
early 20s, had never really had a career (and didn't want to). She
went to work for the school district which, while a secretary so maybe
not the career path you'd like, she had hours similar to ours and same
vacation. That said, she could no longer do the afterschool stuff (she
worked til 4pm) and even then I missed that.

My own career is not one that can as readily be stopped and started
again. If I do manage to SAH I'll be effectively giving it up (not an
easy decision when I spent all of my 20s in grad school getting a
master's and PhD). However, I'm hoping by that stage I will have
sorted out some alternatives, as I'm adjunct faculty now, so that I
can be a part time lecturer. That way I can still stay active in the
field but limit work to no more than 10 hours per week.


Why are you thinking about it all??

Of course, your husband will be staying home with the kids...

Banty (frustrated at how this is still a woman's burden)

On Jun 7, 7:23 am, Banty wrote:
In article om, cjra says...





On Jun 6, 8:43 pm, "Anne Rogers" wrote:
IMO, it's more important for mom being there when they are older and in
school than it is now when they are little and easily portable. If she is
in good care, that can only help her to be well adjusted. You want her to
be able to have good relationships with people.

I'm starting to think that too, I've not been there yet, but in many ways it
actually seems easier to leave a young child, you can fix a schedule that
they stick to day in day out, with older kids that's much harder, then you
add in how much more they notice the parent is away and how much they need
the parent right here right now. I see how much my son needs me in a window
of time after preschool and I think that probably gets more important as
they get older.

Problem is, I'm not sure I'm cut out to do that for a long period of time,
if I have no more kids, I'd still be under 45 when the youngest gets to
college age, which is an awful long time to have no career, even if one can
afford it, yet at that age, it's on the old side to start up anything, so
I'd rather get stuck in sooner, but even if I can figure it out visa wise, I
don't see how I can figure it out schoolwise, unless we manage to get a
nanny or something.

FWIW - my mom stayed home with all 8 of us until the youngest was in
grade school. She was about 45 by then and though she worked in her
early 20s, had never really had a career (and didn't want to). She
went to work for the school district which, while a secretary so maybe
not the career path you'd like, she had hours similar to ours and same
vacation. That said, she could no longer do the afterschool stuff (she
worked til 4pm) and even then I missed that.

My own career is not one that can as readily be stopped and started
again. If I do manage to SAH I'll be effectively giving it up (not an
easy decision when I spent all of my 20s in grad school getting a
master's and PhD). However, I'm hoping by that stage I will have
sorted out some alternatives, as I'm adjunct faculty now, so that I
can be a part time lecturer. That way I can still stay active in the
field but limit work to no more than 10 hours per week.

Why are you thinking about it all??

Of course, your husband will be staying home with the kids...

Banty (frustrated at how this is still a woman's burden)


It's not a burden being forced upon me. It's one I'm willingly
choosing due to my own desire. Of course, I may change my mind in 3
years time, esp as I am in a much better position now. If you'd asked
me 10 yrs ago I'd have said I wasn't staying home. My life's aims are
different now, and though part of me is still career oriented, that's
become less important to me.

My DH likes what he does, and though he often says he'd like to stay
home, one of us has to work. If he gave up his career though, we
could move to Africa. We're only in the US now for his sake. Another
choice *I* made, because it was best for our family. A sacrifice in a
way, but an acceptable one for me.

On Jun 7, 7:04 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
cjra wrote:
My own career is not one that can as readily be stopped and started
again. If I do manage to SAH I'll be effectively giving it up (not an
easy decision when I spent all of my 20s in grad school getting a
master's and PhD). However, I'm hoping by that stage I will have
sorted out some alternatives, as I'm adjunct faculty now, so that I
can be a part time lecturer. That way I can still stay active in the
field but limit work to no more than 10 hours per week.

A number of women I know in real life do this.
One, for instance, teaches two classes during the day
during the regular school year. She can fit her office
hours and classes in the time her children are at school
two days a week, and has plenty of time left over to do
a bunch of volunteering at her children's school. During
spring and summer semesters, she teaches night classes
so that she's home during the day with her kids and her
husband takes them at night. Often, she only does the
first summer session so that they can do family vacations
during the second summer session. All in all, it works out
pretty well for her (aside from adjunct faculty getting paid
peanuts). She's keeping an oar in the water professionally,
and should she get to a point where she needs or wants to
bite off more, she can.
Do I recall correctly that you're in a health care
related field? This may be even more challenging to find,
but one of my clients is a company that does health care
research--sort of a think tank kind of thing. They have
associates who work part time and/or have flexible work
arrangements. That sort of thing might be more common
around here, though.

Yes, I am. This is a big medical area, but there's not a ton by way of
health care research companies. They do exist though, and that is
something I've been looking into - being a consultant.