Situation update

wrote in message
...
Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

Brian Clark this post isn't about you and your case. In fact, it's the
complete opposite situation from your case. Think about this for a moment.
What if your spouse (forgive me for forgetting her name) got pregnant by
Ronaldo AFTER you married her. Would you feel any different about her child
you want to adopt?


The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

Huh? Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because you
failed?


The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

If your wife had a child with another man would you react any differently?
You're not willing to raise another man's child without CS. What is there
in your make-up that would convince us you would raise another man's child
without any CS if you were the cuckhold of her affair?

And what happens if he succeeds in getting "the kid" out of the child's
life and then "the kid" comes back in 15 years? How does he explain
lieing to the child for 15 years? How does he explain 15 years of
denying the child a relationship with the real father? How does the
mother answer those same questions?

If you must lie to your kids...lie about Santa Claus and the Easter
Bunny, not about who their parents are.

Mel Gamble

gini52 wrote:

wrote in message ...
I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.
To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting
pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me,
hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with
made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from
being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.
We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be
much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If
he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His
motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break
up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is
the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's
family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is
going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together
throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite
likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support,
but
the damage done will be tremendous.
==
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father wants to
be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this entire
matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that your wife
had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?
==
==

And what happens if he succeeds in getting "the kid" out of the child's
life and then "the kid" comes back in 15 years? How does he explain
lieing to the child for 15 years? How does he explain 15 years of
denying the child a relationship with the real father? How does the
mother answer those same questions?

If you must lie to your kids...lie about Santa Claus and the Easter
Bunny, not about who their parents are.

Mel Gamble

gini52 wrote:

wrote in message ...
I posted a few weeks ago on my situation, and I've got my update to share.
To
catch up, my wife had an affair that presumably led to her getting
pregnant, but
she really thought the child was mine so she never said anything to me,
hoping
it would all go away(naturally). When the guy she had the affair with
made her
take a paternity test, it came back that he couldn't be excluded from
being the
father.

So now, he's brought her(us) to court to attempt to establish paternity.
We've
gotten the best lawyer money could buy, presumably, but there may not be
much we
can do about stopping this kid from doing this in the first place. If
he's
established the father, then he's going to want visitation, to which we'll
attempt to limit, and to petition for child support in return. His
motives for
doing this seem to be pure spite and revenge, and having failed to break
up our
marriage, now he seems intent on staying in her(and my) life for the next
umpteen years.

What's really terrible about this, if in fact the courts find that he is
the
father, is that it's going to absolutely kill my whole family. My wife's
family
it'll hurt also, but they're always going to be family, while my side is
going
to be heartbroken that this child is not of my blood. Not to mention the
contempt they may show her assuming we can manage to stay together
throughout
all of this. This guy has no consideration for what he's done, and quite
likely
is bound to just disappear later on, having proven whatever his point is,
leaving the mess behind. Yes, he'll always have to pay via child support,
but
the damage done will be tremendous.
==
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father wants to
be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this entire
matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that your wife
had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?
==
==

Or ...

wrote:

Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support.

about the rights of the child to know its parents and have a
relationship with them.

However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty.

Or the one who whines about not being paid to raise another man's child
and at the same time whining about the other man having contact with his
own child and trying to keep him away by bullying...

Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

Idiot. The "moral ramifications of the affair" were brought here for
comments by the husband of the person who had the affair.

I wish them luck.

Yeah...except for the child, for whom you wish the same emotional damage
you're doing to the child who will never be yours no matter how big an
ass you make of yourself.

Mel Gamble

(gini52) wrote:
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father
wants to be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this
entire matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that
your wife had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?

Or ...

wrote:

Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support.

about the rights of the child to know its parents and have a
relationship with them.

However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty.

Or the one who whines about not being paid to raise another man's child
and at the same time whining about the other man having contact with his
own child and trying to keep him away by bullying...

Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

Idiot. The "moral ramifications of the affair" were brought here for
comments by the husband of the person who had the affair.

I wish them luck.

Yeah...except for the child, for whom you wish the same emotional damage
you're doing to the child who will never be yours no matter how big an
ass you make of yourself.

Mel Gamble

(gini52) wrote:
OK, I'm confused. You want to raise this child, as your own, with no
involvement
from his bio dad but you want child support? I can't imagine a judge
agreeing to
child support without visitation/parenting rights since this father
wants to be involved
in his child's life. Methinks you want to have your cake and eat it too,
which is likely
what the judge will tell you. More questions--how can you lay this
entire matter solely at the feet of the other man? You do realize that
your wife had a significant
part in this mess, right? You do realize that she could have said "no,"
instead of
choosing to have an affair and thereby leaving at least 4 victims in her
wake?

Not likely, Bob...

Bob Whiteside wrote:

wrote in message
...
Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

Brian Clark this post isn't about you and your case. In fact, it's the
complete opposite situation from your case. Think about this for a moment.
What if your spouse (forgive me for forgetting her name) got pregnant by
Ronaldo AFTER you married her. Would you feel any different about her child
you want to adopt?

.... she'd still come second after his own ego.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

Huh? Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because you
failed?

No, Bob, he's saying this poster should go after the CS so the real
father will "run like renaldo" (paraphrasing) and stay out of the
child's life. He wants this poster to do the same as he's done - make
sure that another child grows up without their father.

Mel Gamble

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

If your wife had a child with another man would you react any differently?
You're not willing to raise another man's child without CS. What is there
in your make-up that would convince us you would raise another man's child
without any CS if you were the cuckhold of her affair?

Not likely, Bob...

Bob Whiteside wrote:

wrote in message
...
Gini, as with our case, I believe as long as the biological father (or,
in our case, deadbeat) stays gone, the original poster doesn't give a
hoot in hell about collecting child support. However, if he must be
bothered with The Kid, then it may as well be worth his while, to the
letter of the court order.

Brian Clark this post isn't about you and your case. In fact, it's the
complete opposite situation from your case. Think about this for a moment.
What if your spouse (forgive me for forgetting her name) got pregnant by
Ronaldo AFTER you married her. Would you feel any different about her child
you want to adopt?

.... she'd still come second after his own ego.

The person who truly tries to "have his cake and eat it too" is one who
insists on intruding on the child's family while bearing no other
responsibilty. Unacceptable (and stopped in our case, by enforcing the
child support order).

Huh? Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because you
failed?

No, Bob, he's saying this poster should go after the CS so the real
father will "run like renaldo" (paraphrasing) and stay out of the
child's life. He wants this poster to do the same as he's done - make
sure that another child grows up without their father.

Mel Gamble

The moral ramifications of the affair that led to said child should be
dealt with privately, and are none of our business.

If your wife had a child with another man would you react any differently?
You're not willing to raise another man's child without CS. What is there
in your make-up that would convince us you would raise another man's child
without any CS if you were the cuckhold of her affair?

(Bob=A0Whiteside) wrote:
"Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because
you failed?"

---We didn't fail. 'Naldo Deadbeat is gone. That is a success. We
don't want his money so long as he stays away.

(Bob=A0Whiteside) wrote:
"Didn't you try to enforce your spouse's order so you could "have your
cake and eat it too?" You got nothing through your failed efforts to get
CS, so why are you saying this poster shouldn't try to get CS? Because
you failed?"

---We didn't fail. 'Naldo Deadbeat is gone. That is a success. We
don't want his money so long as he stays away.

(Melvin=A0Gamble) wrote:
"No, Bob, [Brian is] saying this poster should go after the CS so the
real father will "run like renaldo" (paraphrasing) and stay out of the
child's life. He wants this poster to do the same as he's done - make
sure that another child grows up without their father."

---Nice job, Mel. You got it.