Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

The first couple of weeks, breastfeed in your bedroom
so that they don't see you naked from the waist up
for hours at a time while you learn how to breastfeed.
With DS#1, I didn't know how to BF with a bra on and
I was so exhausted that I didn't care, but there were
only DH and my mom around.

only if that's what you really need to do, I was fine with breastfeeding as
discreetly as I wanted to be from the word go and I think it's probably
easier to assume you can do it, than you can't. Maybe I'm excessively
relaxed, but I've got a picture from the evening of day 3, I'm sat in the
nursing chair, my boob is out, but baby isn't latched on, I've made the
decision to leave him skin to skin in the hope that it will get him going,
I'm celebrating his birth with a glass of champagne in the other hand. You
can't see a thing on the picture!

Anne

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. It's sometimes
uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother
breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling
your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not related. While I don't
think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea
to be as discrete about this as possible.

******** to that, ok, life rarely calls for me to breastfeeding in front of
teenage boys, but once I was (in a sling, stood outside a store) and I did
get some comments "eugh, that babies sucking on that women's titty", but
hey, silly them, they couldn't even see my breasts, if they want to lark
around with there mates then let them, they can ogle my breasts if they
want, I don't care, but the fact is there is almost never anything to see,
with your wife having had twins, this may well not have been the case, but
don't assume the same is going to be true for a singleton.

Cheers
Anne

In article . com,
says...

OK, so far there's been a lot of good advice. Thank you all! I didn't
realize I was starting such a "popular" thread.

With that said, Of course, I will TRY to be discrete NO MATTER where I
am BF'ing... that is just my nature and personality. Like some have
suggested, no matter how we approach the issue I'm sure there will at
least be a quick moment of awkwardness (even for myself) at first -
which, as everyone gets use to the idea will quickly subside.

Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys
are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel"
or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just
going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky,
that's my step mom" and not because of anything else.

Having a 13 year old myself, my bets are on the being squicked out more likely
than turned on, initially.


I guess I will probably talk more about it with my husband to help him
see where I am coming from in my desire to BF and why it IS so
important. As for the boys, we'll figure it out I guess... I'm
thinking that I will probably talk, kind of informally, to the 16 yo
first and get him "on board" first and then I will talk to his younger
brothers. I'm not really looking for their approval, just want to give
them a "heads-up" and keep them informed and give them a chance to
voice any questions they may have.. or at least let them know that they
can ask me if they have a legitimate question.


Talk over with your husband to get him on board, definately. I wouldn't bring
it up with the boys, though. They're the kids in the household, you and hubby
run the household, this *really* doesn't affect them, they'll deal. Doing any
"heads up" implies there's something to be "heads up" about. Don't bother with
that.

Banty

In article , Ericka Kammerer
says...

Frisbee® wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far
as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is
meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation.
Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself
clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most
BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be
as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the
situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should.
In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he
is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's
going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole
even deeper?

Hey, far be it from me to try to send anyone packing ;-)

Right - don't go packing Frisbee - you're definitely welcome here! :-)

Banty

In article , Anne Rogers says...

The first couple of weeks, breastfeed in your bedroom
so that they don't see you naked from the waist up
for hours at a time while you learn how to breastfeed.
With DS#1, I didn't know how to BF with a bra on and
I was so exhausted that I didn't care, but there were
only DH and my mom around.

only if that's what you really need to do, I was fine with breastfeeding as
discreetly as I wanted to be from the word go and I think it's probably
easier to assume you can do it, than you can't. Maybe I'm excessively
relaxed, but I've got a picture from the evening of day 3, I'm sat in the
nursing chair, my boob is out, but baby isn't latched on, I've made the
decision to leave him skin to skin in the hope that it will get him going,
I'm celebrating his birth with a glass of champagne in the other hand. You
can't see a thing on the picture!

I defintely always needed two hands to nurse. So none of that champagne-sipping
or paperback-reading for me!

Banty

bizby40 wrote:
"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home.
As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that.
My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home
situation.

Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express
myself clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think
most BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might
not try to be as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the
KIDS should treat the situations differently, but that perhaps the
mother (in this case) should. In public, the child might see some
"skin" of a total stranger, someone he is not likely to see again.
At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's going to be seeing a
lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my
hole even deeper?

I have to say that even when I was breast-feeding completely alone and
in private, there was generally very little to see. I would pull up
my t-shirt (never bothered with maternity shirts) just enough to allow
access, and because of the way I was holding the baby, it would have
been difficult to see any skin at all. I wasn't doing this on purpose
or for reasons of modesty, it's just what was easiest and most
convenient for me. More is likely exposed with buttoned shirts, but I
must not have been wearing many of those.....

I'm either an exhibitionist or incapable of doing this.....well, I *am*
capable since I manage to BF discretely in public out of necessity, but
at home, it's just so much easier to rip off my shirt. I find with a
shirt on, it gets all bunched up in the wrong places making it awkward
and uncomfortable for DD and for me - that's true for nursing tops as
well as t-shirts, tho worse for t-shirts. And when I wear a nursing
bra, the little clasps always seems to get in the way, so at home I
end up just taking off my shirt and holding a cloth diaper over the
other breast (because I always leak) unless I know someone else will be
around. It's just so much easier!

I did manage to stay at the ILs for 6 days and not have to rip my
shirt off every time I fed and instead just lifted the shirt/adjusted
the bra. However DD is at the stage of pulling off every few minutes
after latching to see what's happening, but when i toss a blanket over
her head she gets mad (she gets really hot and sweaty when she eats),
so I always end up with a bit of exposure. Fortunately the ILs think
breastfeeding is beautiful and are also totally comfortable with seeing
a woman's breast (it'sthat euro thing ;-)). On the plane, tho I tried
to be discrete, I know I managed to flash a pre-teen boy sitting near
me. I had on a nursing top, but DD was doing her latch on latch off
thing, and then went into hysterics. Not wanting to disturb the whole
plane I moved her quickly to comfort her, which left my boob showing a
bit and I didn't want to move her til she was totally calmed down. I
was conscious of it and did try to use my arm to cover a bit, but I'm
sure he got a peek of flesh there. I doubt he's scarred for life tho.

My 3 yr old (FF-fed) nephew was the cutest, once he decided he was
interested in his new cousin he followed her everywhere, and when I fed
her, after he picked up my breast pad to use as a napkin, put his head
down about 1/2 inch from my breast to see what she was up to.

It was nice to come home, though, and just rip my shirt off again

wrote in message
ups.com...
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

I have an 8 year-old step-son that lives with us full time and a 5 day old
newborn. I've never made an issue of breastfeeding. He learned about
breastfeeding about a year ago when his cousin was born. His aunt was
discreet about it but his 1st grade teacher took it upon herself to inform
him about breastfeeding. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I'm glad
he now knows where the baby gets his food.

I agree that it's different when it's not your own child. When he's at
school, I breastfeed/pump in the living room or wherever I want. When he's
at home, I go into the baby's room or my bedroom and close the door. He
knows I'm feeding the baby and he knows to knock if he needs me. He knows
how the baby is being fed and he thinks it's gross... he's 8. But I think
he also sees it as normal, which is good.

Frisbee® wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
..

:I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic.
I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones
:right now)

The act of nursing itself, yes. Probably is to a majority of teens, and
most men. T

Really? You think most men find the act of nursing gross? I have yet to
meet one who admits to that, fortunately. The vast majority of men I
know find it beautiful and wonderful. And yes, I have had discussions
breastfeeding with quite a number of men IRL. I'm sure there exists
men who think it's gross in an immature teen sort of way, but I guess
I'm lucky that 'most' men of my acquaintance aren't among them.
I'd also suggest it's a cultural thing, but I've had such discussions
wiht plenty of American men too, so it's not just that.

he exposure of nekkid boobs? No, that's not gross unless they
have an alternative sexual preference.

the exposure of naked boobs with a baby hanging off them is a little
different from a topless woman at the beach. Yeah, my DH finds it
beautiful to see a woman BF her kid, but he isn't aroused by seeing
other women do it. And he says when he sees me sitting there topless
with the baby hanging on my boob he gets an incredible overwhelming
feeling of love and joy, but it doesn't make him want to jump my bones
*at that moment*, and I assure you, he's definitely heterosexual.

wrote in message
oups.com...
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it

I'm not a step parent but I've nursed many times in front of my 13yo nephew.
He doesn't seem to notice, care, or pay any attention at all. I don't strip
down to nurse. I nurse at home the same way I nurse when out and about. I
just lift up my shirt a bit, latch the baby on, then let my shirt fall down.
It did take me a bit to be able to do that without using both hands and so
more showed those first two weeks.

Personally I wouldn't worry about the boys at all. They will deal and most
likely ignore you. I'd spend more time getting your dh on board.

Congrats and good luck for an easy delivery and smooth breastfeeding!!


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

Instead of taking the position that it's a tricky situation that needs
careful handling, consider assuming that what you're doing is correct,
which it is, study up, get confident, go to La Leche League meetings
(find one that feels right for you) so that you can get comfortable
around breastfeeding.....then *be* that comfortable breastfeeding
person when the baby comes...even if at first you have to fake it.

If you assume the position of confidence and ease, even when it's
tricky, frustrating, upsetting and sometimes painful in the beginning,
and you *know* that you will stick it out, then they will follow your
lead and generally be supportive, if at first a little uncomfortable.

They'll get over it and soon feel at ease with it the more they see it.
Once you're more comfortable getting the baby latched on, nurse in
front of them, their friends, everyone. you'll get good enough to be
comfortable and discreet and your comfort will carry over to them and
others. if they excuse themselves, say 'no stay....i was so enjoying
the discussion about 'x y or z', just a sec while i get her latched
on'...then carry on as if it's the most normal thing in the world
b/c...oh yeah! it is

best to you, your baby and your whole new expanding family.