Kindergarten - my child "going postal" every morning...

Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
ripped my shirt on one occasion.

I've tried everything. I've tried being very firm with him (very),
closing the classroom door, etc. I've tried "talking" to him - nothing
works. I've tried dropping him off at the curb (they have a car
system where a teacher will walk the k'gartners to their class) and
its even worse.

Physically he's a big and strong kid, which doesn't help.

I'm at my wits end and have no idea what to do. His dad and I have
tried talking to him about it at home, but bottom line: when he gets
to the door of the classroom, he freaks out.

Please help!!

Going crazy and feeling sad -
Kim.

x-no-archive:yes (Kimberly) wrote:

Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
ripped my shirt on one occasion.

I've tried everything. I've tried being very firm with him (very),
closing the classroom door, etc. I've tried "talking" to him - nothing
works. I've tried dropping him off at the curb (they have a car
system where a teacher will walk the k'gartners to their class) and
its even worse.

Physically he's a big and strong kid, which doesn't help.

I'm at my wits end and have no idea what to do. His dad and I have
tried talking to him about it at home, but bottom line: when he gets
to the door of the classroom, he freaks out.

Please help!!

I don't have much help for you, but my dd#2 did much the same thing.
What does the teacher say? Why does HE say he does it?

In my case, this was my second child and she was to walk to school (3
blocks with no cross traffic) with her older sister. I had a new
baby, and didn't want to walk with them every morning (I did go the
first day) as I considered it perfectly safe for the two of them to
walk down to the dead end of our street (which was only two blocks
long), turn left, walk another two blocks along the side of a salt
pond (which eliminated cross traffic) and cross the street at the
crosswalk with a crossing guard to the school.

My child didn't want to go. I would put her out the front door and
she'd kick and scream and beat on the door and cry. And her older
sister would be very worried and ask me what to do because she would
be late if she didn't leave. I told her to just go ahead and go, and
her sister would catch up to her. And then I'd go inside and lock the
door. DD#2 would continue to cry and pound on the door until her
sister would turn the corner, and then she would stop and run after
her and go on to school.

The teacher said later that for the first two weeks dd#2 sat in the
class and refused to participate in anything. She wouldn't play on
the playground. She wouldn't color. She just sat there stone faced.
Then she apparently decided she was going to have to go to school, and
she turned into a perfectly normal kindergarten child. So when I went
for the first parents night (about a month after school started),
everything was OK.

My older child had been in this same class with this same teacher so I
had no fears that the teacher was at fault, although I did have one
child that kept running away and playing hookey in 2nd grade and in
that case I blame the teacher as it never happened again. I did not
have much heartburn over her behavior. I was determined that she go
to school and did not admit to any other action being possible.


grandma Rosalie

Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP. If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.

What I have found in my travels as a frequent school volunteer is that
teachers are not perfect and fall prey to the same personality conflicts
we as adults have with other people. However, in the case of a teacher
having a poor personality fit with a student, the imbalance of power is
quite intense. Often times, active boys are particularly singled out as
problem students in kindergarten classrooms and school time can be pure
misery to them if they don't have a teacher who is able to handle their
hyperactivity well.

In addition to all that, I'd ask the teacher in a very non-threatening way
how things are going in the class. Don't always trust teachers when say
things are going well. Unless a child is ready to be sent to the
principal for incorrigible behaviour, some teachers will tell you
everything is going fine. Ask if the teacher has had to dole out any kind
of light punishment, such as time outs, for poor behaviour in the class.
Tell the teacher you want to work out any behaviour problems early on
before things get out of hand. Let the teacher know you're there to back
her up as a team in handling any problem behaviors your son might have in
the class but that you must be kept informed of your child's progress
each week.

I'd jump on this one right away. Now is the time to ask to change
teachers in the first week to find a better fit. Although unusual, there
are some teachers who are a poor fit in dealing with kindergarten
students.

And all this talk may be unnecessary if your child has always shown this
kind of separation anxiety. But if this kind of behavior was no evident
in preschool, you need to reevaluate the teacher and even maybe your son's
readiness for kindergarten if things don't resolve within the next few
weeks. Crying on the first day of kindergarten is normal. Crying for an
entire week and nearly tearing off the mom's shirt seems to speak of a
bigger problem than separation anxiety to me.

Noreen

In article , Noreen Cooper says...

Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP.


Or the child's other parent can volunteer to help out in the classroom for this
scouting mission ...

If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.

... even if he doesn't volunteer 'quite regularly', no?

Banty (yep - I'm ever aware of the common presumptions, and think it useful to
point them out ...PIA I know ;-)

Banty wrote in message ...
In article , Noreen Cooper says...

Kimberly wrote:

: Need any and all advice! My 5 year old boy just started
: kindergarten last Tuesday. My problem is every morning when I drop
: him off at his classroom, he goes into a horrible fit mode, he's even
: ripped my shirt on one occasion.

If your child has not shown this degree of separation anxiety before, I'd
make sure you volunteer to help out in the classroom ASAP.


Or the child's other parent can volunteer to help out in the classroom for this
scouting mission ...

If for some
reason you are unable to volunteer during kindergarten hours, seek out
another parent who volunteers quite regularly in the classroom and ask
what they perceive to be the problem.

.. even if he doesn't volunteer 'quite regularly', no?

Banty (yep - I'm ever aware of the common presumptions, and think it useful to
point them out ...PIA I know ;-)

I'm even more of a PIA. I would go one further and say that it is the
school's responsibility to help with this. I'd say that asking a
parent - any parent, really - to "volunteer regularly" is asking a
volunteer to do what paid professionals are supposed to do: evaluate
your child, educate them intellectually and socially, comfort them
when needed, etc.

Of course, my husband and I WOH, so that very likely skews my
perception of what it means to be asked to "volunteer regularly." It's
not that my child isn't worth my vacation and sick time. But that *is*
all some of us have - limited vacation and sick time. We *can't*
"volunteer regularly" or we'll get fired. So it's a choice between
volunteering and feeding our children, clothing them, paying the
mortgage.

Anyway...enough ranting. School is starting right after Labor Day for
me and my oldest has "issues." "Issues" that the counselor has
suggested could be helped if I "volunteered regularly." Thus my rant
proclivity.

- Bev

In article , Bev Brandt says...

Anyway...enough ranting. School is starting right after Labor Day for
me and my oldest has "issues." "Issues" that the counselor has
suggested could be helped if I "volunteered regularly." Thus my rant
proclivity.

- Bev


Ah, yes - the breezy, cheerily offered suggestions to "volunteer regularly", the
school secretary who called HOME with all questions or problems then complained
about my inaccessibility until I took to circling my WORK number twice in red
ink and pointing two red arrows to it on the information forms, the "we'd like
your son to show his science fair project at class this morning, but please come
by at 3:15 dismissal to pick it up" - I know the elementary educational
establishments utter denseness about working mothers well.

Banty

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , Bev Brandt
says...

Anyway...enough ranting. School is starting right after Labor Day for
me and my oldest has "issues." "Issues" that the counselor has
suggested could be helped if I "volunteered regularly." Thus my rant
proclivity.

- Bev


Ah, yes - the breezy, cheerily offered suggestions to "volunteer regularly",
the
school secretary who called HOME with all questions or problems then
complained
about my inaccessibility until I took to circling my WORK number twice in red
ink and pointing two red arrows to it on the information forms, the "we'd
like
your son to show his science fair project at class this morning, but please
come
by at 3:15 dismissal to pick it up" - I know the elementary educational
establishments utter denseness about working mothers well.

Banty


It gets worse in some ways: there have been several times when the
school needed to reach me, tried me at home and at a work number -- then
left my kid in the nurses office for the rest of the day when they
couldn't reach me, instead of calling their Dad! (I was told that they
hate to bother men at work; this was less than 10 years ago, and I was,
frankly, too stunned to even respond.)

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Banty" wrote in message
...
Ah, yes - the breezy, cheerily offered suggestions to "volunteer
regularly", the
school secretary who called HOME with all questions or problems then
complained
about my inaccessibility until I took to circling my WORK number twice in
red
ink and pointing two red arrows to it on the information forms, the "we'd
like
your son to show his science fair project at class this morning, but
please come
by at 3:15 dismissal to pick it up" - I know the elementary educational
establishments utter denseness about working mothers well.


My favorite is when you give them your current location phone number because
they say they are going to call you back shortly, but then they go and look
up your home phone number and can't understand why they only get the
answering machine. Doctors, schools, and others are all guilty.

-Aula

In article , Banty
writes:

I know the elementary educational
establishments utter denseness about working mothers well.

Try them on a stay at home father sometime.

School nurse: DD#2 must be picked up from school.

Me, at work 30 miles away: Did you call her Dad, at home?

Nurse: No, I think Moms are better at this.

This was for a kid with a cold sore.
-Marjorie

(Bev Brandt) wrote in message . com...
Of course, my husband and I WOH, so that very likely skews my
perception of what it means to be asked to "volunteer regularly." It's
not that my child isn't worth my vacation and sick time. But that *is*
all some of us have - limited vacation and sick time. We *can't*
"volunteer regularly" or we'll get fired.

I agree completely that many schools/teachers are insensitive to this.
I've found that fellow parents can be even more insensitive.

That said, when Henry started school I asked my sister, a teacher,
what I could do as a working parent who had limited vacation time,
etc. (I did have a good boss who was flexible with me, but I
preferred to use that good will for after-school needs.)

My sister had a great suggestion, and I've done it every year since:
volunteer to grade the spelling tests. It's time-consuming and
tedious for the teacher, and usually has to be done over a weekend.
Henry brings the tests home on Friday and I grade them over the
weekend -- takes about a half hour of my time. Henry has always
seemed very proud that I do this, and even willingly toted the
25-or-so *spiral notebooks* the last two years that contained the
spelling tests. I involve him in picking out stickers to put on each
test and teachers have told me the kids are great about saying, "your
mom got cool stickers this week, Henry!"

I started out doing this for the teacher, and all have been very
grateful, but I keep doing it for my kid. It connects me to the
school and he seems proud of it. I'm planning on asking his new
teacher if I can continue this year.

One caveat: by doing this you do have access to the academic progress
of the students, and when I have mentioned this casually some parents
have looked a little surprised and slightly bothered by the fact that
I see their child's test each week. Truthfully, beyond learning who
you can rely on to get all or most words right (this is helpful in
weeks when the words are confusing like "there/their/they're" and
you're unsure what order the teacher read them in), you really don't
pay attention to individual kids' scores. I never share the scores
with Henry, and also get teacher approval in advance to share Henry's
own score with him (all have allowed me to do so).

Henry struggles with spelling and having this connection to spelling
at school has also been helpful.

All of this is just to provide an idea -- not to suggest that anyone
out there frustrated about school expectations regarding volunteering
is somehow off-base.

-Dawn
Mom to Henry, 10