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Gag of the Week....



 
 
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  #11  
Old August 19th 06, 01:25 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Bev
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Posts: 196
Default Gag of the Week....


Mike wrote:
"'Kate" wrote in message
news
On Fri, 18 Aug 2006 23:46:26 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"'Kate" wrote in message
. ..


You know... I was thinking about going to my 30th high school reunion
then I figured, I didn't like'em then, why bother making the trip?

I *Know* I look better than they do. :-P


My 10 year reunion was last year. :-P


Mmm... young. Handsome too.



::blush::

Why, thank ye, miss tips hat

So you saw my kiddies? Ain't they cute?


LOL! yea Kate put yer tongue back in yer mouth and comment on them
handsome boys he's got ! ....very cute little guys indeed ! :-) It
isn't any wonder why their dad is handsome !smirk

  #12  
Old August 19th 06, 02:44 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Bev
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 196
Default Gag of the Week....


'Kate wrote:
On Sat, 19 Aug 2006 02:54:22 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"'Kate" wrote in message
news
On Fri, 18 Aug 2006 23:46:26 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"'Kate" wrote in message
...

You know... I was thinking about going to my 30th high school reunion
then I figured, I didn't like'em then, why bother making the trip?

I *Know* I look better than they do. :-P


My 10 year reunion was last year. :-P

Mmm... young. Handsome too.



::blush::

Why, thank ye, miss tips hat

So you saw my kiddies? Ain't they cute?


Are you kidding? I got stuck. I couldn't look at the pics without
logging on and when I did that, I couldn't get back.
It's me. I just don't understand the way to do it.


lol! First log on to your myspace then go back and click his link here
once you are logged into myspace you can open his pics, at least this
is how I did it.......werked for me!
Bev

  #13  
Old September 23rd 06, 04:18 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Zorro
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Gag of the Week....

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke
down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The Monks graciously accept
him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.


As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound not
like anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced
Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind.He doesn't sleep that
night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be
making such a seductive sound.


The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but they say,
"We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."

Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes
back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The Monks reply,
"We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."


The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that
beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please, make me a Monk." The
Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of
grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find
these answers, you will have become
a Monk." The man sets about his task.


After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks
on the door of the monastery. A Monk answers. He is taken before a
gathering of all the Monks. "In my quest to find what makes that
beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked
for:


By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows
what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is
honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."


The Monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We shall now
show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."


The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The
sound is beyond that door." The Monks give him the key, and he opens the
door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.


The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find
a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of
emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid
gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The Monks say, "This
is the last key to the last door."


The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!
With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly
pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to
discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......

(scroll down)





































































But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a Monk!



  #14  
Old September 29th 06, 04:44 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Zorro
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Gag of the Week.... (Bonus!)

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very
moment".

He, thinking it's his lucky day, stands her over the kitchen table and
they have sex.

Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"

She says "The egg timer's broken!"


  #15  
Old September 29th 06, 05:25 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Bev
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 196
Default Gag of the Week.... (Bonus!)


Zorro wrote:
She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very
moment".

He, thinking it's his lucky day, stands her over the kitchen table and
they have sex.

Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"

She says "The egg timer's broken!"


ROFLMAO!!!!!!

Was that a hard or soft boiled egg!?!?!?!?!?!?! grin

  #16  
Old October 18th 06, 03:32 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Zorro
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Gag of the Week.... (Slightly Off Colour)

A woman goes to her gynaecologist complaining that her labia is way to large
and wants to know if he can trim them up a bit for her.

He schedules her surgery.

The woman wakes up after the surgery to find 3 large bouquets of roses in
her room, when the nurse comes in she asks if she knows where the flowers
came from.

The nurse tells the woman that one boquet is from the doctor, who does that
for all his patients.

The second is from all the nurses on the floor because they really liked the
lady and knew she was alone and wanted to cheer her up.

What about the third boquet ???

The nurse tells her that they came from the guy down in the burns ward to
thank her for his new ears.


  #17  
Old October 18th 06, 03:54 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Bev
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 196
Default Gag of the Week.... (Slightly Off Colour)


Zorro wrote:
A woman goes to her gynaecologist complaining that her labia is way to large
and wants to know if he can trim them up a bit for her.

He schedules her surgery.

The woman wakes up after the surgery to find 3 large bouquets of roses in
her room, when the nurse comes in she asks if she knows where the flowers
came from.

The nurse tells the woman that one boquet is from the doctor, who does that
for all his patients.

The second is from all the nurses on the floor because they really liked the
lady and knew she was alone and wanted to cheer her up.

What about the third boquet ???

The nurse tells her that they came from the guy down in the burns ward to
thank her for his new ears.


ROFLOL!!!!

Heh why is it all I can picture in *MY* mind is Dumbo!

thanks for the mental picture and the laugh!
Bev

  #18  
Old October 30th 06, 05:37 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Zorro
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Gag of the Week....

A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his
favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde
woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he
rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She
paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she
thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and
softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido
reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely
manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping
the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able
to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
"You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I
Norwegian



  #19  
Old October 30th 06, 05:43 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Zorro
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 52
Default Gag of the Week....(Bonus cos this ones funnier...)

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the
veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in it's ears and cleaned
both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she
should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub in
the dogs ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At
the register the druggist tells her "If you're going to use this under
your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a
couple of days."

The lady says "I'm not using it on my legs either, and if
you must know I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says "Stay off your bicycle for a week."



  #20  
Old October 30th 06, 11:24 PM posted to alt.support.single-parents
Bev
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 196
Default Gag of the Week....



On Oct 30, 11:37*am, "Zorro" wrote:
A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his
favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde
woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he
rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She
paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she
thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and
softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido
reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely
manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping
the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able
to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
"You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I
Norwegian


LOL! now that's a classic! ;-)

 




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