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Ex left the state
"Gini" wrote in message
news:hcC5f.26082$p_.14351@trndny05... "Just Me" wrote in message ... (kellyGirl) said: "Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's relationship with it's father? The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things!" Obviously it's my sons relationship with his father that's more important. If it was the child support, I would have done something about that months ago. And the threat of jail...who even mentioned jail? My ex isn't facing any jail time, just money out of his paycheck each week..that's all that was going to be changed. He already pays money each week for a child that he had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much. ==== "Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more important! Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And you can't figure out why dad took off? Your son has a right to be upset! ==== Gini - I have to disagree with you on this one. They've been divorced for a year after a year of separation. This woman has a good relationship with her ex's father. I have a strong belief he left the state due to the stress of the divorce and not having a family to lean on during that time of need. This is a man who has an ex who seems to be closer to his father than he is. I really feel she was given the wrong advice from someone in the past on how to deal with this whole thing from the beginning. I also get this strong feeling his own family took sides when they split and it wasn't his. It is no different than when I seen my husband's ex's family do to her. They turned their back on her and she really distant herself from her children and family as a result. That was just not right. You can't believe the crappy advice my husband was given after his divorce from her family - go after her for child-support, blah blah blah... It was like they wanted to see her stabbed many times over for her wrong doing in the marriage. She may not have been a perfect wife, but my gosh - it was like a pack of wolves. To the original poster - my only advice I can give you is this... when you finally do talk to him have a heart-to-heart talk and finalize the divorce emotionally. Do that as calmly as possible without getting into any arguments. Aside from the must needed talk between you and your ex - cut the close ties you have with his family. It is good that you have a civil relationship with them, but your ex should be closer to his family then you are. Your ex *needs* his family more than you at this time. My next advice to you is to get the state out of your financial affairs and find a workable solution with your ex without their assistance. The impact on him may have been such a financial burden which added to the stress of the divorce. Perhaps down deep inside he didn't want the divorce and has bitter feelings towards you right now - especially if you are as close to his own father as you claim. Be reasonable to him and give him his space, his family, and dignity by working with him instead of against him. It is the only way you'll help your son have a decent relationship with his father for years to come. I wish you luck... Thanks, Tracy ~~~~ http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/ |
#2
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Ex left the state
"Tracy" wrote in message ... "Gini" wrote in message news:hcC5f.26082$p_.14351@trndny05... "Just Me" wrote in message ... (kellyGirl) said: "Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's relationship with it's father? The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things!" Obviously it's my sons relationship with his father that's more important. If it was the child support, I would have done something about that months ago. And the threat of jail...who even mentioned jail? My ex isn't facing any jail time, just money out of his paycheck each week..that's all that was going to be changed. He already pays money each week for a child that he had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much. ==== "Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more important! Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And you can't figure out why dad took off? Your son has a right to be upset! ==== Gini - I have to disagree with you on this one. They've been divorced for a year after a year of separation. This woman has a good relationship with her ex's father. I have a strong belief he left the state due to the stress of the divorce and not having a family to lean on during that time of need. This is a man who has an ex who seems to be closer to his father than he is. That father-in-law/ex-wife relationship sounded weird. There is probably a long history behind that alliance. Plus the mother disclosed he had a child with another woman since their divorce and was paying that woman too. Paying CS to two women after taxes can be an extreme financial burden. The concern expressed was strongly biased for the first child's welfare while the second child's welfare has been ignored. I would think the order of events has driven him to flee. Just speculating, if the second mother already had a CS withholding order (she would have been smart to have one since she already knew about the CS obligation to the first child), he could have been overwhelmed by getting a second withholding order for the first mother. If he was juggling his finances to take care of his CS obligations, he lost control of how to manage the situation when the second withholding order was served on his employer. My point is - this stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum. Several other things are probably going on that haven't been disclosed. |
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