Tandem advice?

I'm still nursing my 2-year-old before naps & at night. He nurses sometimes
if he hurts himself, but he mostly doesn't want to. He hasn't nursed a lot
more since the baby was born. He comes over to take a sip occasionally just
to see if he can. I'm totally fine with this.

My problem is bedtimes. We cosleep and I would always snuggle up to him and
let him nurse until he fell asleep, and then I would roll over and sleep
myself. He wakes up sometimes and wants to nurse. That's been fine.

Now I'm having difficulty because I need to latch the newborn on and
sometimes that's a little difficult. Alexander was getting upset last night
because he didn't like leaning over me to nurse while I nursed Jack. He got
overtired and cried a lot, and I felt really bad. :-/ My husband held him
and snuggled, but that wasn't what Alexander wanted.

I was thinking that tonight I'll try to nurse him to sleep while my husband
holds Jack and see if that works out better. I don't know what to do about
the middle-of-the-night feedings though. Any tips or advice on how to tandem
successfully are greatly appreciated. I don't want to wean him at this point
though.

--
Rebecca Jo
Mama to Alexander 6/6/05 & Jack 7/7/07

I've not done it myself (well, barely, DS had weaned, but tried to nurse
again and didn't like the taste), there is a book, "adventures in tandem
nursing" that others have recommended, you could also look at
kellymom.com, I think there are several tips there, also use google
groups for the archive of this group, I'm sure some people have posted
some detailed info on how they managed, or how their wife did. I seem to
recall that most solutions required extra pillows, so you might want a
stack by your bed!

Cheers
Anne

DD was 2 when DS was born and had been fully weaned for about 8
months, but then restarted when he was 3 months old. (The old "let
her try if she asks and she won't like it plan completely backfired on
me) and so I tandemed for about 6 months. So DS wasn't a newborn,
but 3 months. However, DD was quite happy after a little while to
bend over backwards (literally) in order to nurse. Or, I could lie on
my back, with a pillow to tip me towards the baby and DD would lie on
her stomach, lifting her head up to nurse. She could be a bit cranky
about sharing at times, but adjusted pretty rapidly. Things got
trickier when DS started to reach for her, she would grab his hand and
push it over to "his" side. But it was just the sweetest thing when
they would look into each others eyes and smile, and they still are
pretty close sibs.
jj

"Anne Rogers" wrote:

I've not done it myself (well, barely, DS had weaned, but tried to nurse
again and didn't like the taste), there is a book, "adventures in tandem
nursing" that others have recommended, you could also look at
kellymom.com, I think there are several tips there, also use google groups
for the archive of this group, I'm sure some people have posted some
detailed info on how they managed, or how their wife did. I seem to recall
that most solutions required extra pillows, so you might want a stack by
your bed!

Cheers
Anne

Thanks! I'll look that book up. I've already looked at kellymom. I'll google
the group when I have time. I appreciate the advice.

rj

"JJ" wrote:

DD was 2 when DS was born and had been fully weaned for about 8
months, but then restarted when he was 3 months old. (The old "let
her try if she asks and she won't like it plan completely backfired on
me) and so I tandemed for about 6 months. So DS wasn't a newborn,
but 3 months. However, DD was quite happy after a little while to
bend over backwards (literally) in order to nurse. Or, I could lie on
my back, with a pillow to tip me towards the baby and DD would lie on
her stomach, lifting her head up to nurse. She could be a bit cranky
about sharing at times, but adjusted pretty rapidly. Things got
trickier when DS started to reach for her, she would grab his hand and
push it over to "his" side. But it was just the sweetest thing when
they would look into each others eyes and smile, and they still are
pretty close sibs.
jj

aww that sounds darling. We're figuring it out, slowly but surely.

rj

My problem is bedtimes. We cosleep and I would always snuggle up to him and
let him nurse until he fell asleep, and then I would roll over and sleep
myself. He wakes up sometimes and wants to nurse. That's been fine.

Now I'm having difficulty because I need to latch the newborn on and
sometimes that's a little difficult. Alexander was getting upset last night
because he didn't like leaning over me to nurse while I nursed Jack. He got
overtired and cried a lot, and I felt really bad. :-/ My husband held him
and snuggled, but that wasn't what Alexander wanted.


I had this difficulty in the early days both times. I feel for you.

I was thinking that tonight I'll try to nurse him to sleep while my husband
holds Jack and see if that works out better.

This is a really good idea. With our youngest, I would nurse her
before bedtime, then pass her off to my husband and nurse my son to
sleep.

I don't know what to do about
the middle-of-the-night feedings though. Any tips or advice on how to tandem
successfully are greatly appreciated. I don't want to wean him at this point
though.

The middle of the night thing is very hard, especially in the early
days when you are so tired too. After a while your two year old will
probably be willing to choose between leaning over nursing or waiting
for lying down nursing.

One thing I did at bedtime when my husband was out of town was to sit
cross-legged in bed propping with pillows while nursing them to sleep
in a modified football hold. After they were asleep, I would
carefully latch them off one by one and slide them into the correct
position. You may or may not want to try this in the middle of the
night, since it could set a precedent. Another method I used when I
just really wanted to get them back to sleep quickly without the fuss
was to go on knees and elbows over them - no fun for me, but sometimes
easier than dealing with screaming children.

--Betsy

"betsy" wrote:

I had this difficulty in the early days both times. I feel for you.

Alexander is being more accepting of my husband's comforting, and my husband
has been finding it easier to get him to sleep the last couple nights. Yay.


This is a really good idea. With our youngest, I would nurse her
before bedtime, then pass her off to my husband and nurse my son to
sleep.

I tried this and it didn't really work out that well. Jack started screaming
to be nursed, and Alexander wasn't done and kept getting upset that the baby
was screaming. We'll keep trying.

The middle of the night thing is very hard, especially in the early
days when you are so tired too. After a while your two year old will
probably be willing to choose between leaning over nursing or waiting
for lying down nursing.

nods. The adjustment period is rough.

One thing I did at bedtime when my husband was out of town was to sit
cross-legged in bed propping with pillows while nursing them to sleep
in a modified football hold. After they were asleep, I would
carefully latch them off one by one and slide them into the correct
position. You may or may not want to try this in the middle of the
night, since it could set a precedent. Another method I used when I
just really wanted to get them back to sleep quickly without the fuss
was to go on knees and elbows over them - no fun for me, but sometimes
easier than dealing with screaming children.

--Betsy

The cross-legged thing sounds like it'd work really great for naps. I'll try
this, thanks!

Rebecca