If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#21
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
In article , beeswing wrote:
When is the age where you, as a parent, should start to give in and let the child make her own media choices, TV in particular, whether or not you agree with them (within reason)? I'm not suggesting letting The Kid watch "Debbie Does Dallas," but we got into a major row this weekend over "Pokemon: The Movie 2000." I still dislike and disapprove of Pokemon, but I have gotta question whether *that* was worth the energy, at her age (9). We have not been censoring our 8-year-old son's TV or computer viewing for content. Instead we limit total screen time each day (one hour a day, except on special occasions---we let him watch a 2-hour special on PBS kids on Memorial Day), and let him choose how he wants to spend it. He has generally gravitated toward choices that we don't object to (Arthur, Cyberchase, MathBlaster computer games, PDB Kids website). He has enjoyed watching the first year of "Rocky and Bullwinkle" on DVD on my laptop computer with me, which does have some cartoon violence. Occasionally he'll go on a short kick of some less desirable thing (currently the Nesquik website). At home in Santa Cruz, he gets no TV (we don't have a TV), so he has not developed a TV habit. We have not fully handed over the reins to him---we continue to ration the screen time, and remove screen privileges entirely when he doesn't do his homework or misbehaves. So let's move past the discussion of Pokemon specifically, if we can, and talk about at what age you hand over the TV reins. (The same issue applies to books read, movies attended, and bunches of other stuff.) When does the issue go from your first priority, as a parent, being supervising your kid's media input and move over to "choosing your battles" and keeping them to a minimum? And how far do you budge? How do you know where to put the new lines in the sand -- and how do you go about justifying those? For TV, we limit total time, and let him choose within that restriction. For books, we often check out books for him (usually giving him a stack of books to select from), because he usually wants to spend his time in the library reading dozens of picture books rather than selecting chapter books to take home. It is unlikely that he will choose a book that we disapprove of (there's not much in the public library that we would object to his reading, and he's unlikely to choose anything objectionable in the first place). It doesn't help that there was a kid in her class at school rattling off a list of movies and programs my kid has never seen. I don't want my kid to be a media pariah, but on the other hand "everybody else gets to watch it" isn't a very strong argument in my book. I don't mind my son being a media pariah, though the lack of TV viewing has not turned out to have any negative social consequences so far. He does get to see a fair number of movies (he and his Mom went to Shreck II last weekend, and we have tickets to see the new Harry Potter film in the IMAX theater at the Pacific Science Center). Right now, he does not go to movies by himself, so we have full control over his movie viewing. We don't take him to violent films, because we don't watch them ourselves. The furthest we've gone in that direction with him is "The Triplets of Belleville" which is great animation, though a bit violent. (It may also be the best bicycle film ever made.) Thanks for your thoughts, Kevin. Watch for us at the IMAX perfomance of Harry Potter...we well may be there. If your kid's TV choices were bad, though -- would you reconsider your approach? Or would you continue to use the "whatever you want" approach "given the time that's alotted" ? My kid picks out most of her own books, and that's a whole nuther kettle of fish. I had to pull a Tamora Pierce series that I thought was way too advanced for her...and I'm less than pleased with the Animorphs series and would love to forbid them. She has access to them at the school libraries, though. I can see I'll need to take a close look at what she can and what I'd rather not her read. This is actually harder than the TV situation. There's no stopping her from sucking in the Animorph stories, for example, at school...and just never bringing the books home. I need to be instilling moral values, not censoring books, per se. It's clear that we'll have to trust her soon enough, because we have very little choice as the circle of our control lessens. But I hope it's not quite YET. I hope I have just a few years more. I talked to her school teacher about it today. She told me that she lessened the reins on her kids at about age 13, given that her kids were able to make their own decisions at that point regarding PG-13 movies. That looks like a good decision from here. But then again, so does putting The Kid in stasis and making her stay 9 1/2 forever...............but I don't quite believe *that* is an option, wish as I may. beeswing beeswing |
#22
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
"beeswing" wrote in message ... H Schinske wrote: I've found that PG-13 is about the most useless rating I've run up against, at least in figuring out what I "should" let my particular kid watch. I agree. FWIW, I have found that www.screenit.com is an excellent resource in determining the appropriateness of a movie for my child. They have extremely detailed reviews and informatin about the content of the movies. They outline what profanity is used, what type of sexuality is in the movie, what type of defiant behavior is in there, how much smoking/drug use, etc is in the movie. |
#23
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
Iowacookiemom wrote:
Have you discovered screenit.com? It's a great resource -- my only complaint is it spoils the movie for you as the story descriptions give away plot twists. But there are specific descriptions of potentially objectionable elements of movies. Yup. I use primarily screenit.com and rottentomatoes.com in making my decisions. beeswing |
#24
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
dragonlady wrote:
In article , "animzmirot" wrote: "beeswing" wrote in message ... Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out there who isn't watching Pokemon! I've got two 11 year olds that wouldn't be caught dead watching Pokemon. My children were never allowed to watch it (I HATE anime), but they never wanted to. I allow my kids to watch a lot of stuff other parents would completely freak out over, because my kids are way more mature than most kids, because they've never been scared of anything (and I mean anything), and because they are so well versed on reality vs the media that it would be silly to limit them on fear alone. I let me kids watch stuff that has much more sexual content than some parents would, but much less violence than othe parents would allow. The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13 movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only. FWIW, my son's favorite show is smackdown, which he's not allowed to watch, with a couple of other things he's also not allowed to watch. How does he see them? Friends, m'dear. If you honestly think that middle school kids aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media access kids have these days. That was one of the things that made me let up on some stuff when the kids were smaller. I'd forbid something -- they'd watch it at a friends house. Then, since they knew they were't supposed to watch it, they couldn't discuss it with me . . . I don't think my kids ever watched TV at a friend's house. We just didn't do that much back in those days. If they were at a friend's house they were playing outside. Finally, I started saying that there were some things that they could only watch WITH me. That worked out better. It gave me a chance to TELL them why I didn't like it. A little older still, there were things they were only allowed to watch if I WASN'T home . . . I can't stand horror movies, and my kids (now all over 18) enjoy them. There have also been a handful of TV shows that I absolutely detested: Drew Carey comes to mind -- I hated the way the people in that show treated each other, and couldn't stand watching it -- but their Dad enjoyed it, so they'd watch it if I wasn't at home. This sounds a lot like me. I only watch documentaries and stuff like that and never go to the movies anymore nor do I watch them on TV. I have a hard time watching the movies that my grand children watch (even Toy Story or Home Alone) and I can't even watch LOTR in cartoon form. We don't have a DVD player because why ? We don't watch movies. Or I don't - dh has a TV downstairs so he can watch if he wants. And my mom was somewhat the same way - doesn't do well with movies and doesn't watch TV except for the news and public TV stuff. Reading this, I suddenly had a flashback to my own childhood where I was allowed to listen to some shows on the radio and not to others. I could listen to the Lone Ranger, Ozzie and Harriet, and Jack Benny, but not the Thin Man, and the Green Hornet only rarely because my mom felt that it would give me nightmares. I'm not sure whether it was me she was protecting or herself. Movies have ended up in the same category, once they were out on DVD or video: if I thought it was a problem, they could watch it with me. My standards are NOT to just accept what the ratings folk give it, and there were some R rated movies my kids watched VERY young, and some PG-13 that I wanted nothing to do with. Books are in a different category all together: if they could pick it up and read it, and seemed to be enjoying it, they were welcome to it. I never put any restrictions on their reading. That was my parent's approach, and it seemed to work well. Now, I have one who almost never reads, one who started reading horror stuff (Stephen King) when he was 10, and one who is currently working her way through one of MY favorites: The Mists of Avalon. My dd#3 says that she has read all the Harry Potter books to her son who is now 6 - that he loves them. I think dd#1 and dd#2 also have read them to their sons or they have read them, but they're 4 years older. grandma Rosalie |
#25
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
Dawn wrote:
A BUNCH OF GOOD STUFF, CULMINATING IN... So follow your heart, perhaps experiment a bit by watching some things with her, and keep the communication lines open. Wouldn't you rather she experienced this stuff with you than without? Thanks for your thoughtful comments. As far as your last question goes, I do watch certain things with The Kid and would rather do that than not, but it's usually stuff I don't overly mind watching or things I want her to see, but with supervision. For the "Pokemon" equivalents out there, I *would* rather she saw them without me...at a friend's house, whatever. Just not in my house. My objections have already been registered, The Kid knows them...and I certainly don't want to watch that dreck.... Thank goodness we have Dad, who doesn't mind too much watching along with "Teen Titans" and "Jimmy Neutron" (the latter show they both enjoy and watch together). But even he puts his foot down at "Pokemon"! beeswing |
#26
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
"beeswing" wrote in message ... When is the age where you, as a parent, should start to give in and let the child make her own media choices, TV in particular, whether or not you agree with them (within reason)? I'm not suggesting letting The Kid watch "Debbie Does Dallas," but we got into a major row this weekend over "Pokemon: The Movie 2000." I still dislike and disapprove of Pokemon, but I have gotta question I think you need to pick your battles. To me, letting them watch pokeman or digiman or even Power rangers was not a problem because they are cartoons - even my kids at a young age knew that this was all fantasy. They knew that people couldn't fly through the air like that and transform. And, from the shows I did watch with them, good always prevailed so I have no problems with that at all. In fact, I guess I could be considered a Bad Mom to some as I rarely banned tv shows. The last time I chose to have more than token control was when I was the one to set up the tv for the kids because they would be too young. I think "is this the hill I want to die on" question and there are so many other issues that I need to deal with, this is the least important of them. I will ask the kids what they are watching (they're 17, 15 and almost 13 now) and if it's a show that I think is stupid, I'll tell them. If it's objectionable to me, I'll tell them why. But, as long as they have no homework or family work outstanding and they haven't been watching for hours straight, I leave it to them to judge what is appropriate for them. However, for every show they watch that I think is garbage, they watch one or two that is very good, educaional or fun. They know how to balance their shows. When they were younger (BTW, it must be me, because I don't consider a 9 yr-old a tween, my understanding is that a tween is 11 or 12 and there's a big difference between most 9 yr olds and most 11 yr olds, but I digress), they didn't watch a lot of evening tv which was when most of the objectionable (to me) stuff was on - simply because I didn't put the tv on. My oldest has seen at a younger-than-perhaps-should-have- been age movies that I don't like (horror, violence) when at the theatre - unknown to me due to different sets of circumstances and we talked about it. I explained my issues and he would say to me that he was well aware of the separation between reality and the movie world. Today, he has his graduation prom and he's a gentle, kind soul with an explosive temper that surfaces from time to time.... but so do I have such a temper and I never watched those types of shows - ever. In fact, he's better at managing his temper than I. Having watched families around me, I've found that the ones wth the strictest tv controls are often the ones that the kids go to friends' houses and don't want to leave the tv once they're there - forbidden fruit and all that. Obviously, this is for me and my family. But, despite not having restricted tv time, my children are good students, well adjusted and participate heavily in non-tv activities. Marijke, in Montreal |
#27
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
Marijke wrote:
I think you need to pick your battles. To me, letting them watch pokeman or digiman or even Power rangers was not a problem because they are cartoons - even my kids at a young age knew that this was all fantasy. They knew that people couldn't fly through the air like that and transform. And, from the shows I did watch with them, good always prevailed so I have no problems with that at all. The Kid recognizes that it's fantasy. But I personally object to it and would prefer she not watch it. In fact, I guess I could be considered a Bad Mom to some as I rarely banned tv shows. The last time I chose to have more than token control was when I was the one to set up the tv for the kids because they would be too young. As we know, there's no Bad Mom about it. You do what works for you and for your family. That's why conversations such as these are so useful to me. I think "is this the hill I want to die on" question and there are so many other issues that I need to deal with, this is the least important of them. I will ask the kids what they are watching (they're 17, 15 and almost 13 now) and if it's a show that I think is stupid, I'll tell them. If it's objectionable to me, I'll tell them why. But, as long as they have no homework or family work outstanding and they haven't been watching for hours straight, I leave it to them to judge what is appropriate for them. However, for every show they watch that I think is garbage, they watch one or two that is very good, educaional or fun. They know how to balance their shows. When they were younger (BTW, it must be me, because I don't consider a 9 yr-old a tween, my understanding is that a tween is 11 or 12 and there's a big difference between most 9 yr olds and most 11 yr olds, but I digress), I think of The Kid as a tween (or at least an up-and-coming tween) because I'm up to my ears in tween issues. At 9 1/2, she's physically matured early. We aren't dealing with the whole kettle of fish at this point, but enough of it. This is the year of "might you want to wear an undershirt, at least?" and "you'll need to start washing your face twice a day, when you get up and when you go to bed." About half of the movies she is interested in are aimed at tweens. Some of the shows she wants to watch share the same audience. An only child, she's as used to dealing with adults as she is children...so she comes off sounding and acting mature for her age. She's the tallest kid in her class. If we get her in the private school we'd prefer, she'll be starting middle school in just one more year. One of my worries, actually, is that adults around her (including me) will take a look at her and how she acts and treat her older than she can live up to..or assume she has judgment skills she doesn't possess. they didn't watch a lot of evening tv which was when most of the objectionable (to me) stuff was on - simply because I didn't put the tv on. The Kid is sent to bed at 8 p.m., though she has an hour to read or do something quiet before lights out. This does spare us from dealing with the issues posed by "prime time TV." My oldest has seen at a younger-than-perhaps-should-have- been age movies that I don't like (horror, violence) when at the theatre - unknown to me due to different sets of circumstances and we talked about it. I explained my issues and he would say to me that he was well aware of the separation between reality and the movie world. The Kid and I have had the same discussion many, many times. She is very articulate and convincing. Her teacher at school has suggested many times that she'd make a good lawyer. That doesn't mean, however, she always "wins" her case. Today, he has his graduation prom and he's a gentle, kind soul with an explosive temper that surfaces from time to time.... but so do I have such a temper and I never watched those types of shows - ever. In fact, he's better at managing his temper than I. I don't equate a bad temper and watching violent TV. I do believe that TV violence can have an affect on the degree to which the littlest kids act out and how they go about it, though, but that's not an issue for here. Having watched families around me, I've found that the ones wth the strictest tv controls are often the ones that the kids go to friends' houses and don't want to leave the tv once they're there - forbidden fruit and all that. The Kid can take or leave TV, in general, with exception of a few shows she really likes to watch. If she visits her friend, they will gravitate toward "Pokemon," as you suggest. But I've approved that...basically told her (since I know the family) that the other family's rules on TV can prevail while she's at their house. It's hard for a particular TV show to become "forbidden fruit" if your mom has already approved of it. But I know exactly what you mean. Obviously, this is for me and my family. But, despite not having restricted tv time, my children are good students, well adjusted and participate heavily in non-tv activities. I can well imagine. You've raised your kids to be good at making their own choices. I don't restrict TV time per se, by the way: I talk about TV, its value versus other activities...I've given my opinion regarding a suggested amount of time that I think is reasonable, but I've left it up to The Kid to decide for herself...it's not a strict thing. I will boot her off the TV if she's watching just to watch and has been doing so for a long time. I think she's gained the judgment over all to make her own choices *as far as time spent.* Now I'm working up to having her make her own choices as far as the programs she watches...at least, within reason. But I don't think I'm totally there yet. Thanks so much for your comments and perspective! I appreciate you taking the time to write. beeswing |
#28
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
In article ,
beeswing wrote: I'm not ready to think about R rated movies yet. Period. And as said earlier, I personally will do a lot of research regarding what exactly about the movie featured earned them a "PG-13" label. For those not familiar with it, screenit.com is a great resource for parents trying to figure out what potentially objectionable content a movie contains. Be aware that the parental reviews are full of spoilers, but they do lay out in great detail what might be objectionable in a number of different categories. --Robyn |
#29
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
Robyn wrote:
In article , beeswing wrote: I'm not ready to think about R rated movies yet. Period. And as I said earlier, I personally will do a lot of research regarding what exactly about the movie featured earned it a "PG-13" label. For those not familiar with it, screenit.com is a great resource for parents trying to figure out what potentially objectionable content a movie contains. Be aware that the parental reviews are full of spoilers, but they do lay out in great detail what might be objectionable in a number of different categories. Yup, good point, Robyn. I use that, and www.rottentomatoes.com (for general reviews, not parent-centered ones), as my main resources. beeswing |
#30
|
|||
|
|||
TV choices and tweens
What age was your oldest girl when she took over making her own TV choices?
14-15 or so, I figured by the time she got into high school, she was old enough! It's funny, now she monitors things her younger siblings watch----occasionally telling me a show that i've already approved is not appropriate! Can relate to the only ones in the universe statement. We're the only ones in the world that dont have cable or satellite tv, nor a dvd in the car...etc etc etc. Oh well! And, it doesnt get any easier!!! Kathi |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Clothing for tweens | Beeswing | General (moderated) | 56 | February 28th 04 10:16 PM |