UPDATE to Oops . . .

Hi. I'm back again for my weekly date with my husband's office computer and I
thought I'd let y'all know what's going on.

My husband and I went out together on Tuesday night. I just couldn't stand him
not knowing. It had been a whole week af just me carrying around the secret.

So after he had a nice Italian dinner and a full stomach (he kept trying to get
me to drink wine--thought about telling him right then!) I handed him a
Hallmark baby congratulations cared with a handwritten message inside. He was
pretty dismayed for a minute or two: "We just can't keep doing this? Don't
you think we have enough children yet?" But then he rallied and started
talking about names, and suggesting that we need to have a sixth as well so
that we will have three big kids and three little kids (he likes symmetry).
And he said aof course it wasn't bad news.

He would feel a lot better if he could tell people. But I'm afraid it will get
back to my family somehow if he does that. And I just don't want them knowing
before the wedding. He did tell a group of guys from another parish when he
was attending an effective fathering seminar there this weekend. That was fun,
because in a room full of Catholic men you are going to be affirmed for being
the father of a large family!

As for me, I felt immediately better once I told him. Happy, even, because I
had someone to share the secret with. I do feel bad for not telling the kids,
though. I know they will be happy. What do y'all think? It's a whole month
they'd have to keep it a secret.

Would you believe I am visibly pregnant ALREADY? I am going to have to find
some kind of heavy-duty girdle to restrain all of this for the bridesmaid's
dress. Betsy is going to freak out when she comes home. She is going to think
I just quit caring about my diet at all. I AM trying, but as soon as I get
pregnant, I also get absolutely ravenous! Why is that, when the baby is
microscopic and can't possibly be needing any calories?

Thank you all for your support. It has meante so much to me. I could hardly
wait to come here tonight to see what all of you had to say.

And now I guess it's time to go re-introduce myself at mkp!

Leslie

Leslie wrote:
So after he had a nice Italian dinner and a full stomach (he kept
trying to get me to drink wine--thought about telling him right
then!) I handed him a Hallmark baby congratulations cared with a
handwritten message inside. He was pretty dismayed for a minute or
two: "We just can't keep doing this? Don't you think we have
enough children yet?" But then he rallied and started talking
about names, and suggesting that we need to have a sixth as well so
that we will have three big kids and three little kids (he likes
symmetry). And he said aof course it wasn't bad news.

Ah, I'm glad he came around. I'm sure it was a shock initially, since you
weren't planning on having any more kids (at least when I got pregnant
unexpectedly, it was a child we knew we were going to have sooner or
later--just wound up being a lot sooner than we planned!). I know many, many
families who have at least one child who was an "oops" and, without
exception, they all adore that child and are glad nature presented them with
the surprise.

He did tell a group of
guys from another parish when he was attending an effective
fathering seminar there this weekend. That was fun, because in a
room full of Catholic men you are going to be affirmed for being
the father of a large family!

LOL, I'll bet! (Mental note: consider converting to Catholicism despite
atheistic/deistic/Unitarian Universalist tendencies if we decide to have a
fourth child.)

As for me, I felt immediately better once I told him. Happy, even,
because I had someone to share the secret with.

Oh, I'm sure it was a load off your chest. I know I couldn't keep my
pregnancies secret from my husband for even a few hours once I knew about
them, even the "ahead of schedule" one.

I do feel bad for
not telling the kids, though. I know they will be happy. What do
y'all think? It's a whole month they'd have to keep it a secret.

Boy, that's a tough one. I guess it really gets down to how badly you feel
you NEED to keep the secret from your family. Personally, I guess I'd be
inclined not to worry about their reaction and let them know before the
wedding (at least then you won't have to try to explain away your weight
gain). I mean, they're going to react however they're going to react whether
you tell them now or more than a month from now, right? Why put off the
fireworks for a month when you can get them over with now?

Would you believe I am visibly pregnant ALREADY? I am going to
have to find some kind of heavy-duty girdle to restrain all of this
for the bridesmaid's dress. Betsy is going to freak out when she
comes home. She is going to think I just quit caring about my diet
at all. I AM trying, but as soon as I get pregnant, I also get
absolutely ravenous! Why is that, when the baby is microscopic
and can't possibly be needing any calories?

Well, even though the baby is tiny, your body is increasing its blood volume
and trying to build the placenta. That's a lot of work and requires
calories. And then there are the hormonal changes, which just play havoc
with your appetite/stomach anyway. Maybe while most women get varying
degrees of morning sickness, you get extra hungry in reaction to those
hormones. Makes sense to me, anyway!

Thank you all for your support. It has meante so much to me. I
could hardly wait to come here tonight to see what all of you had
to say.

Aw, glad we could help. I *am* excited for you and hope your pregnancy goes
smoothly (and that your family reacts better than you expect).
--
Be well, Barbara
(Julian [6], Aurora [4], and Vernon's [2] mom)

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

THat's great news Leslie, I'm glad your hubby is happy. What a relief! Congrats
again,


laurie
mommy to Jessica, almost 3 years and
Christopher, 10 months

(Leslie) wrote in message ...

He would feel a lot better if he could tell people. But I'm afraid it will get
back to my family somehow if he does that. And I just don't want them knowing
before the wedding. He did tell a group of guys from another parish when he
was attending an effective fathering seminar there this weekend. That was fun,
because in a room full of Catholic men you are going to be affirmed for being
the father of a large family!

As for me, I felt immediately better once I told him. Happy, even, because I
had someone to share the secret with. I do feel bad for not telling the kids,
though. I know they will be happy. What do y'all think? It's a whole month
they'd have to keep it a secret.

IIRC, your concern was partly stilling the thunder from your sister's
wedding right? Is your sister someone who _needs_ all the attention on
her and will throw a fit if it's not? Your concern is admirable, and
my brother and SIL were in the same boat when another sister married,
and felt the same way. However, if I were you, I would tell them NOW.
Unless you plan to wait for another month *after* the wedding. If your
sister is the sort who is afraid of someone stealing her thunder, your
announcement _just after_ her wedding is going to do that as well,
possibly even more so. And if you already look pregnant, speculation
will start, again drawing attention away from her. Telling them now
gives them time to get excited, then move on to being excited about
the wedding and focusing on that.

If it's about the concern they will have for your health, they're
going to have that anyway. And if your sister isn't one to care about
you stealing her thunder, then no problem . That said, I'd recommend
telling your sister first, alone, then take her lead on it.

FWIW I'm getting married in 2 months and my SIL just announced they're
pregnant with their 10th child. Well, _she_ didn't announce, one of
her other kids told my mom who told everyone. Not a problem, it's
happy news, except we're all surprised as we'd assumed they'd stopped.

(XOR) wrote in message . com...

IIRC, your concern was partly stilling the thunder from your sister's

make that *stealing* though I guess one could "still" someone's thunder as well

(Leslie) wrote in message ...
Hi. I'm back again for my weekly date with my husband's office computer and I
thought I'd let y'all know what's going on.

My husband and I went out together on Tuesday night. I just couldn't stand him
not knowing. It had been a whole week af just me carrying around the secret.

So after he had a nice Italian dinner and a full stomach (he kept trying to get
me to drink wine--thought about telling him right then!) I handed him a
Hallmark baby congratulations cared with a handwritten message inside. He was
pretty dismayed for a minute or two: "We just can't keep doing this? Don't
you think we have enough children yet?" But then he rallied and started
talking about names, and suggesting that we need to have a sixth as well so
that we will have three big kids and three little kids (he likes symmetry).
And he said aof course it wasn't bad news.

That's great that he took the news well and is looking forward to the
new baby. I know my husband would have a similar reaction if I told
him #7 was coming.

He would feel a lot better if he could tell people. But I'm afraid it will get
back to my family somehow if he does that. And I just don't want them knowing
before the wedding. He did tell a group of guys from another parish when he
was attending an effective fathering seminar there this weekend. That was fun,
because in a room full of Catholic men you are going to be affirmed for being
the father of a large family

Most definitely! It is nice that there is one place where we are not a
freak show as a large family. A matter of fact at our parish our
family (8) is average size.

Take care of you and the wombie and if need be let the dress out.

Karen

"Karen" wrote in message

Most definitely! It is nice that there is one place where we are not a
freak show as a large family. A matter of fact at our parish our
family (8) is average size.

Karen

I have 5 kids and people treat us like we are a freak show. People round
here like to have 2 or 3. We are trying for #6 now. I am not sure how many
we will have, but the hospital tried to frighten us saying 5 kids is a lot,
and my uterus wont contract as efficiently when in labour so I will be at
risk of a PPH.
Only time I had a PPH is when they induced me 2 weeks early and they
over-stimulated my uterus!

The only drawback for me is the aches and pains while carrying. It
definitely gets worse with each pregnancy.

Andrea mom of 5.

Barbara said:

Ah, I'm glad he came around. I'm sure it was a shock initially, since you
weren't planning on having any more kids (at least when I got pregnant
unexpectedly, it was a child we knew we were going to have sooner or
later--just wound up being a lot sooner than we planned!).

Actually, I had just gotten him talked into another baby--but not for at least
another year!

I know many, many
families who have at least one child who was an "oops" and, without
exception, they all adore that child and are glad nature presented them with
the surprise.

I seem to have quite the "oops" habit. :-) I am super, super fertile (which I
know is a gift). I have very little lactation amenorrhea, for example, and if
I take any chance at all, I get pregnant. It's pretty funny, actually, I had
clipped some stories on herbs to take to increase fertility because I was
sorried that now that I'm getting older I might have problems getting pregnant
again!


He did tell a group of
guys from another parish when he was attending an effective
fathering seminar there this weekend. That was fun, because in a
room full of Catholic men you are going to be affirmed for being
the father of a large family!

LOL, I'll bet! (Mental note: consider converting to Catholicism despite
atheistic/deistic/Unitarian Universalist tendencies if we decide to have a
fourth child.)

LOL! Most of the atheistic/deistic/UU types I know IRL are also
zero-population growth types! If that's true for you as well, it must feel a
little alone to have a larger family!

snip


I do feel bad for
not telling the kids, though. I know they will be happy. What do
y'all think? It's a whole month they'd have to keep it a secret.

Boy, that's a tough one. I guess it really gets down to how badly you feel
you NEED to keep the secret from your family. Personally, I guess I'd be
inclined not to worry about their reaction and let them know before the
wedding (at least then you won't have to try to explain away your weight
gain). I mean, they're going to react however they're going to react whether
you tell them now or more than a month from now, right? Why put off the
fireworks for a month when you can get them over with now?

My family just reacts all wrong to everything. And everyone is under so much
stress as it is. If they had known I was pregnant when they heard about my
accident (see post below) I cannot imagine how they would have carried on.

This is an example of the way they are. I called my little sister and told her
about the accident the next day. I asked her to tell everyon else because I
did not feel like having to explain it over and over and I frankly just didn't
want to THINK about it anymore. The first thing my mother said when she called
was, "I can't believe you didn't call me yesterday." Then she had to question
every single thing I told her about my care at the hospital and how I was
taking care of myself, and then she had to lecture me on my stupidity for
letting William start the car. Then my middle sister called (that's the one
getting married) and she wanted details, and when I told her I didn't feel like
talking about it and could she please call Anne and let her explain it all, she
began to lecture me on how it's bad to keep things inside and I need to know
that I repress things and that is one of my problems.

You see what I mean? When I tell them I'm pregnant they won't say
congratulations, they'll just start thinking about all the bad things. And I'm
like, What's the point in that? I mean, the baby is a fact. Why not just be
happy about it? My mother is extrememly anxious and neurotic. Honestly, I
don't know how she raised children without going utterly insane. And I don't
need her dumpoing her anxiety on me.


Would you believe I am visibly pregnant ALREADY? I am going to
have to find some kind of heavy-duty girdle to restrain all of this
for the bridesmaid's dress. Betsy is going to freak out when she
comes home. She is going to think I just quit caring about my diet
at all. I AM trying, but as soon as I get pregnant, I also get
absolutely ravenous! Why is that, when the baby is microscopic
and can't possibly be needing any calories?

Well, even though the baby is tiny, your body is increasing its blood volume
and trying to build the placenta. That's a lot of work and requires
calories. And then there are the hormonal changes, which just play havoc
with your appetite/stomach anyway. Maybe while most women get varying
degrees of morning sickness, you get extra hungry in reaction to those
hormones. Makes sense to me, anyway!


Just my luck, huh?! I'm doing a little better at the moment. Getting run over
tends to dull the appetite a bit, I find. And the Girl Scout Cookies are
almost gone too. :-)


Thank you all for your support. It has meante so much to me. I
could hardly wait to come here tonight to see what all of you had
to say.

Aw, glad we could help. I *am* excited for you and hope your pregnancy goes
smoothly (and that your family reacts better than you expect).

Thanks, Barbara. Me too.

Leslie

THat's great news Leslie, I'm glad your hubby is happy. What a relief!
Congrats
again,

Thanks, Laurie! I think we are going to go ahead and tell the kids tomorrow.

Leslie

XOR asked:

IIRC, your concern was partly stilling the thunder from your sister's
wedding right? Is your sister someone who _needs_ all the attention on
her and will throw a fit if it's not? Your concern is admirable, and
my brother and SIL were in the same boat when another sister married,
and felt the same way.

That's certainly part of it. It's not so much that she would throw a fit or
anything, I just feel like it's her day, we've spent a long time waiting and
planning for it, and I don't want people worrying over me amd spoiling it.
Also, she will freak out worrying herself about my fitting into the dress and
so on. And she would likely feel bad about all the stuff I am having to do as
her wedding coordinator if she knew that I am wishing I could just lie down and
sleep for the enxt month!

However, if I were you, I would tell them NOW.
Unless you plan to wait for another month *after* the wedding. If your
sister is the sort who is afraid of someone stealing her thunder, your
announcement _just after_ her wedding is going to do that as well,
possibly even more so.

Well, she and her husband don't live here. So they'll be gone when we spring
the news.

And if you already look pregnant, speculation
will start, again drawing attention away from her.

That IS a concern. I need to see what kind of girdle I can find! If it starts
to be obvious, I WILL tell.

Telling them now
gives them time to get excited, then move on to being excited about
the wedding and focusing on that.

Sadly, I don't really see them getting excited. I hope I'm wrong.


If it's about the concern they will have for your health, they're
going to have that anyway. And if your sister isn't one to care about
you stealing her thunder, then no problem . That said, I'd recommend
telling your sister first, alone, then take her lead on it.

FWIW I'm getting married in 2 months and my SIL just announced they're
pregnant with their 10th child. Well, _she_ didn't announce, one of
her other kids told my mom who told everyone. Not a problem, it's
happy news, except we're all surprised as we'd assumed they'd stopped.


That's nice that you all look on number ten as happy news. I appreciate your
thoughts--and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Leslie